Her Forbidden Rockstar: A Forbidden Rockers Novel (12 page)

Caroline felt her breath become ragged and knew she needed to make a decision. Slowly, she pushed him away from her and the two broke their kiss. They were just quiet for a moment, looking at one another and trying to get control of their breathing.

Finally, Caroline moved out from between him and the wall and hit the
door open
button. He turned back around to look at her as she stepped toward the doors. When they opened, Caroline stepped across the threshold into the hallway. Logan reached out and grabbed her arm.

“Caroline,” Logan said, as she turned her head back to look at him.

“I love you, Caroline.” He squeezed her arm gently and then let go. She turned around and softly touched the side of his face with her hand, smiling at him.

“I know you do, Logan, but not enough” She leaned in and gently kissed him on the lips then left the elevator, walking back down the hallway. She forced herself to take each step and not look back, even though it was taking all her willpower to not run back to him and tell him how much she loved him, too.

Logan watched her walk away and the elevator doors closed between them.

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“What happened?” Jackie asked, both girls leaned forward to hear the details as Caroline walked back into her living room slowly.

“He has a girlfriend and has no plans of breaking up with her. So, obviously, nothing can happen with him. Oh, plus he is leaving for six months to go on tour,” Caroline said, trying to act nonchalant, like she was just spitting out boring facts.

Aralia hit the pause button on the remote control for the movie, so that she could hear Caroline better. Caroline plopped down in a big padded chair across from the couch that the girls were sitting on.

“Caroline, are you going to be okay?” Aralia questioned, gently.

“Oh yeah, guys, don’t worry about me. It’s not a big deal. Let’s just watch the movie.” Caroline waved her hand to gesture that she was okay.

She leaned back in her chair and took a deep breath. She was trying to hold it together, but a wave of emotion suddenly caught her off guard and she burst into tears. Aralia and Jackie got up off the couch and went over to her, putting their hands on her shoulders, hoping to comfort her.

“It’s his loss. You don’t need him. You can do so much better than him, and he is stuck with that Gina Vile, who is so beneath you. I mean, seriously, who has a name like Gina Vile? Even her name describes what a bitch she is,” Jackie said, rubbing her shoulder.

“Plus, from the looks of your mussed up hair and your crooked shirt, it looks like you gave him a taste of the goods, then yanked it away. That will really make him suffer!” Aralia joked.

Caroline smiled a little, chuckling. She knew her girls were just trying to make her feel better, and she was okay with that. She was so glad to have them, especially tonight. She felt stupid for falling so hard in just a little over one week for a rock star. A rock star, for goodness sakes. Who did she think she was that she was going to fall in love with a rock star? Better yet, a rock star with a girlfriend.

Caroline knew she had to forget him and move on, this was a silly fling and that was all. At least ,that is what she would keep telling herself.  

“Girls, let's just watch the movie. Forget about him.” Caroline got up and walked over to the couch, sitting down in the middle.

Aralia joined her on the couch and hit the play button. Jackie walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge, opened it, and brought it into the living room to refill everyone’s glasses. She filled Caroline’s with extra, almost to the brim.

“Whoa, whoa. I think that is enough, Jackie.” Caroline laughed and grabbed her glass, sipping the wine, before it spilled over the edge.

“Come on, take a few gulps. This is a perfectly justifiable occasion to have a little extra wine.” Jackie smiled and placed the bottle on the coffee table, before joining her friends on the couch.

The three girls finished the movie together and then parted ways. Aralia and Jackie headed home and Caroline threw on some sweat pants and a t-shirt to get ready for bed. She brushed her teeth and tidied up the apartment, then grabbed a book to read for a few minutes. She knew that she needed something to distract her while she fell asleep, or her mind could wander back to places that she didn’t want it to go.

She saw Logan’s t-shirt in her closet and couldn’t help herself, she grabbed it and stuffed it underneath her pillow. She got into bed and pulled the covers up tightly to her chest and flipped open the book to begin reading until she finally drifted off to sleep on her own.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Logan laid down in bed that night and stared at the ceiling. He was overwhelmed, thinking about Caroline. Her last words kept repeating in his head. He had just told her that he was in love with her, and she said it wasn’t enough.

No, that’s not what she said, she said he didn’t love her enough. He felt the sting of her words over and over again, but a part of him couldn’t stop wondering if she was right.  After all, he was leaving for six months on a trip with another woman. Even if Gina wasn’t in the picture, he was still leaving on tour. What did he think was going to happen? She wasn’t going to go with him on tour, he could never expect that. Logan sighed and shook his head, closing his eyes to try to get some sleep and push all of his conflicting thoughts and feelings away.

An hour or so later, Gina came home and crawled into bed next to him. She laid down, not touching him, and yawned. Logan woke up slightly, due to her disturbing the bed and glanced at her.

“When I get back from tour, I’m moving out,” Logan told her.

“Not if you want to keep your career. I’m not having this conversation again, Logan. You know you can’t afford to lose me,” Gina said quietly, rubbing moisturizer into her palms and placing a sleeping mask over her eyes.

“Gina, you knew this was coming. If you still want to work as my manager, that’s fine. You are great at that. But I think everything else between us needs to be severed,” Logan said, laying his arm behind his head to rest on.

“That’s not really up to you, not if you want to be the famous rock star Logan Clay. You’re a brand that I created and I can just as easily end,” Gina threatened him in a deceptively sweet tone.

“Gina,” he started.

“You know what I gave up for you, for your family. I gave up a part of myself for you, to help your mother, your family. Everything I’ve ever done was for you,” she began the guilt trip he had already steeled himself for. This was always her last resort, and he knew she’d take it there.

“Goodnight, Gina.” He ignored her threats.

She didn’t say anything, but rolled away from him and pulled the covers up over her shoulders. The two had their backs facing each other. The inches between them might as well have been an icy chasm.

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“Aralia, I really don’t see how this could end up being a good idea,” Caroline said, smoothing her hair as she and Aralia and Jackie walked into the restaurant.

It had been a few weeks since Logan had left on tour and Caroline had barely been leaving the house except for work. She caught herself reading about him on celebrity gossip websites way too often and had cried herself to sleep more than once holding his t-shirt.

She knew it seemed pathetic and that it had been her choice, but she had really loved him. Even she couldn’t believe it when she came to that realization, she had fallen head over heels uncontrollably in love with Logan Clay.

Now he was halfway around the world, touring in Europe with Gina. She knew that whatever opportunity had once been there, was dead and gone. She couldn’t help but miss the fantasy of what could have been, of what they could have had, if circumstances were different.

Timing just wasn’t on their side and Logan didn’t know what he really wanted, or maybe he just didn’t know how to fight for what he really wanted.

She went back and forth between tearful and angry when thinking about Logan, because she missed him desperately. Despite that, she was so angry that he hadn’t just left Gina. to be with her.

In the back of her head, she knew that he was being practical in terms of his career, but she was a romantic at heart. She wanted the whole overly dramatic, run through an airport screaming her name kind of love. She wanted to know that he would fight for and give up everything for her. She knew these were immature thoughts, but her heart ached every time his smile crossed her mind.

“Oh, calm down. What’s the phrase about breakups? In order to get over one guy-“ Aralia started, interrupting Caroline’s wandering thoughts of self-pity.

“-you need to get under another one!” Jackie laughed, finishing her sentence. Caroline smiled at her friends and followed them further into the bar.

There was a big sign over a table to one side where her friends were already filling out paperwork. Somehow, they had talked her into speed dating and so now all three girls were dressed to the nines and ready to impress.

Caroline followed them and began putting her information on a card that one of the workers at the table handed her. She completed it and returned it, then followed her friends over to the roped off area of the restaurant that was going to be used for the event.

“Ladies and gentleman, if I could get your attention for a few minutes! Ladies, please pick a seat at any of the two-seat tables throughout the section, any table you want, but only one lady to a table. Gentleman, please come up here and pick a ticket from the bowl.

Whatever number is on your ticket is the table that you will start at. Once everyone is seated, the timer will begin and everyone will have three minutes with their speed date. You all have cards on the tables in front of you and everyone has nametags on, so if you want to make a second connection with someone, make sure to note their name on your card! At the end of the night, you will get the contact information for anyone you wrote down who also picked you.

Contact information will only be given to those who both picked each other, so if someone isn’t on there that you had wanted to see, that means they didn’t pick you. But with this large group and all these gorgeous ladies and gentleman, I bet you are all going to have a great time and make some matches to last! So, everyone grab a drink and get seated, we will be starting soon!” The host announced on a small stage to one side of the room, raising a glass in the air to toast the start of the night.

Aralia looked at Jackie and Caroline, smiling eagerly and clasping her hands together in excitement. They quickly headed over to the bar and ordered some drinks. Caroline ordered a double vodka cranberry. If she was about to go on a dozen blind dates, she was going to need an extra bit of liquid courage. She took a quick few gulps to quell her nerves, then followed her friends over to the tables.

The three girls picked three tables next to each other, so they were only a few feet apart.  No more than thirty seconds later, the host announced that the event was starting and a bell sounded. Caroline took a few more sips of her drink, then quickly put it down as a tall man approached her table and pulled out the chair opposite her. She smiled at him.

“Hi there. I’m Greg.” The tall man reached out to shake her hand.

He was at least six and a half feet, but probably no more than one hundred and fifty pounds. His clothes almost hung off of him, like he was no more than a hanger in her closet. He was sporting a gray comb over in an attempt to hide his balding head. He grinned at her widely, showing off bright white teeth that seemed almost fake. Caroline wondered if he was wearing dentures or some type of false teeth, he did look like he was maybe her parent’s age.

“I’m Caroline, it’s nice to meet you. So, tell me about yourself, what do you do?” she started, after shaking his hand.

“I’m a train conductor,” Greg said. “Working for the Northeast Corridor line. Drive the trains up and down the coast, get to visit all the big cities along the way. I get discounted stays at any Super 45 Motel in the country.”

Greg winked at her and Caroline felt her stomach turn, completely grossed out at his inappropriate come on. She tried to hide her grimace with a tight lipped smile and nod. The Super 45 Motels were probably one of the grossest places you could ever stay. They were infamous for prostitute transactions, drug deals, and other low life individuals.

“How lovely. What a wonderful perk of the job. What made you want to be a train conductor?” Caroline said, trying to steer conversation back to less awkward topics, attempting to sound sincere.

“I’ve always had a talent for driving long machines into tunnels. In and out of every tunnel up and down the east coast.” Greg winked at her again and Caroline knew she was definitely going to throw up this time.

She picked up her drink and quickly finished it, gulping down the last half. She lifted her hand in the air and waved to the bartender across the room, hoping to catch his attention. After a moment, she did and he nodded at her as she smiled and pointed to her drink. Luckily, the bell rang at the same time and Caroline sighed in relief.

“Well, it's been lovely to meet you, Greg,” Caroline said.

“You too, beautiful! You are definitely going on my card.” He winked again.

He reached his hand out to shake hers, but she awkwardly waved to him instead, so he got up and continued over to the next table. Caroline turned to Jackie, who was about to deal with Greg and gave her a warning glance.

Jackie caught her signal and took a swig of her drink in preparation. Caroline laughed discreetly.

“What’s so funny?”

Caroline turned to realize that she hadn’t noticed her next date sit down in front of her. He was about her height with dark brown curly hair springing out all over his head. He had thick eyebrows atop dark brown eyes, and a pointed nose. His smile was shy, but sweet and he looked a little younger than she guessed he was. He was wearing a very nice, and clearly expensive, suit that indicated a good career.