Her Forbidden Rockstar: A Forbidden Rockers Novel (11 page)

When he had pulled his arm out from under her, she had sighed gently and curled up into her pillow. He had leaned down and kissed her forehead, luxuriating in the scent of her hair and the softness of her skin. He hadn’t spoken to her since that night, although he thought of her every moment. Now he had practically just made out with Gina on national television. He could only hope that Caroline had not been watching. He didn’t know why he hadn’t tried to contact her, only that he knew she deserved better than what he was currently offering her.

He was leaving tomorrow morning for his six month tour, he dreaded going all that time without seeing Caroline. He knew he wanted to try to see her before he left, but would she even want to see him? And how would he find a moment away from Gina? She had been glued to his side lately in preparation for the. Logan continued to think this over as he pulled into his parking space below the building where his penthouse was.

The couple got out of the car and rode the elevator up in silence and then went to opposite ends of the apartment, as was their usual routine. Logan was in the bedroom, finishing packing up his bags for the tour. When he was done, he placed his bags by the elevator doors and grabbed his paint brush to finish up painting. He wanted to complete this before his tour, hoping maybe it would convince Caroline to see him tonight.

He was almost done with everything except the girl in the window, which was the only unpainted part. He started there with gentle strokes, creating her figure. There was still a rip in the side of the painting, but he had taped the back of the canvas together with strong masking tape which made it less noticeable. With a little paint over the area, it wasn’t too hard to blend it in so it looked like part of the painting.  As time slipped past, Logan was so absorbed in what he was doing that he hadn’t realized that Gina was in the room watching him. 

“Who is she?” Gina said, standing behind him. Logan wasn’t paying attention and just kept painting. Gina took a few steps forward and to his side, turning to look him in the eyes. He finally noticed her.

“What?”

“Who is she?” Gina spoke again, her hands folded over her chest.

“Haven’t we gone through this before, Gina?” Logan sighed and went back to painting.

“She isn’t just an inspiration to you. I can see it on your face while you paint her,” Gina said, sadness in her voice.

“Gina, it’s just a painting.” He was still concentrating on his strokes.

She continued to stand there, but then slowly nodded her head and walked away, leaving the room. Logan let out a sigh. He was glad she hadn’t blown up or gotten angry, but he felt even more guilty knowing he was hurting her. She had looked really sad, which he hadn’t seen on her in a while. He stopped painting and put the brush down. He hadn’t seen her showing any type of real emotion in a long time, it reminded him of the Gina he had first dated.

He looked at his painting of Caroline, almost entirely complete. He felt his heart warm just at the thought of her, but then he looked toward the doorway that Gina had walked through and he felt overwhelmed. He headed over to find her.

“Gina?” Logan called out, walking into the kitchen. She was standing at the island counter, typing on a laptop computer. Logan walked up behind her and circled his arms around her, pulling her close to him. She breathed out a sigh of relief and leaned back into him.

“This is a nice surprise,” she said, softly.

He didn’t say anything, but just held her and kissed her neck. They rocked slightly back and forth together and quietly spent a few moments just relishing the feeling of being themselves again. It was like they were the old Logan and Gina again, feeling that warmth together of being a couple, instead of business partners.

“What happened to us, Gina?” Logan whispered softly into her ear.

She didn’t respond. She just closed her eyes and continued to stay wrapped in his arms. She didn’t have an answer for him, she didn’t know what had happened either. She knew that business had become more important than romance. They weren’t themselves anymore.

She wasn’t sure why he couldn’t just be okay with the way things were now, because they were pulling in eight, nine, sometimes ten figures a year with the combination of his talent and her business sense.  She felt a heaviness in her heart at the feeling of his arms around her, like even though he was there with her, he was still somewhere else.

“She isn’t just a painting to me,” Logan admitted.

Gina nodded, pulling away from him. The moment was gone.

“I know,” she said simply, then went back to typing on her computer, completely disconnecting herself from him. He stood behind her for a few moments, then dropped his head and walked out of the room.

ღ ~ ღ ~ ღ

“What are you looking for?” Caroline asked, walking into the kitchen hearing all the clattering. Aralia was rummaging around Caroline’s kitchen, tossing through each drawer.

“A corkscrew, of course. Where is it? Mine is kept hanging right next to the fridge, so it’s always in sight. I don’t know why anyone would hide theirs away. No respect for the wine!” Aralia said, only partially joking. Caroline rolled her eyes and pulled open a drawer that Aralia hadn’t gotten to yet, revealing a corkscrew.

“Here you go, diva.” Caroline laughed and walked back to the living room.

She was still in her skirt and blouse from work, minus the high heels. She plopped down on the couch and grabbed one of the magazines that Aralia had brought with her. The two girls were spending the night just relaxing. They both agreed that last weekend had been more partying than it should have been, so they decided this weekend was going to be the opposite. However, that didn’t mean wine was off limits.

You always had to have wine. It just goes without saying.

Aralia waltzed into the room a few moments later and handed Caroline a cold wine glass, filled with pinot grigio. She took a sip and closed her eyes, enjoying the pleasurable taste after such a long week. Aralia walked over to the television and slipped a DVD in, getting the movie started.

It was a recent romantic comedy that they hadn’t seen yet, so they decided it would be perfect for a girl’s night. Aralia plopped down on the couch next to her and took a big gulp of her own wine. Just as the movie credits were beginning to start, Caroline’s doorbell rang. She hopped up to go answer it.

“Jackie finally made it!” Caroline said to Aralia, as she went to open the door. When she pulled open the door, she was surprised to see that Jackie wasn’t alone. Logan was standing there next to her, holding a brown, rectangular package.

“I found him downstairs looking like a kicked puppy, so don’t blame me!” Jackie said, waltzing right past Caroline. She tossed her hands up in surrender, hoping Caroline wouldn’t be mad at her. Caroline stared at Logan, barely hearing what Jackie had said. Jackie and Aralia were murmuring in the other room, Caroline could only imagine the gossip that was probably going on right now.

Logan looked down at the ground. “I’m sorry to interrupt your evening.”

“Somehow, I doubt that,” she responded, crossing her arms and clenching her jaw in an attempt to show confidence and indifference.

“I just had to see you, Caroline. I’m leaving for tour tomorrow.” He took a step into the doorway, coming closer to her.

“You look so beautiful,” he said slowly, taking in every inch and curve of her face.

She blushed at his comments and leaned on the door frame.

“I heard. I happened to catch your show this morning,” Caroline said, slightly tensing her eyes and clenching her teeth.

Logan breathed out loudly, groaning. He dipped his head backward, frustrated.

“I was hoping you hadn’t seen that. Caroline, that was just television. Gina and I, we aren’t like that. We just, well, I don’t know what we are, honestly, but it’s not like that. I didn’t even know she was going to say any of that and I certainly never told her anything like that. My feelings are still the same, they haven’t changed.” He took a step closer to her, closing the gap between them.

“Here, this is for you. I don’t know if you will even like it, so you can throw it out if you want. I just wanted you to have it.” He handed her the wrapped up painting.

She took it silently and pulled off the brown wrapping paper, tossing it into the kitchen behind her. As she tossed it, she saw Aralia and Jackie poking their heads around the corner. She gave them a sharp look and they grinned, ducking away. 

She lifted the painting up, so that she could look at it and instantly smiled. She knew it was her, she had seen herself in his paintings before. Her heart felt like it was swelling in her chest she loved it and felt like he understood her in the way that he captured her.

They spoke the same silent language, sharing something neither one of them could describe. She leaned it up against the wall and turned back to look at him, still standing in her doorway.

“Caroline.” He leaned toward her and put his hands on her hips. He began to pull her to him, but she put her arms up between them and leaned away, stopping him.

“What happened Tuesday morning? Why didn’t you say goodbye?” she asked firmly, holding her jaw tight again.

“I didn’t know what to say. I’ve never been good at sharing so much of myself with someone like I did with you.” His head was tilted down and to the side slightly, looking at her.

She nodded her head, but didn’t say anything. She didn’t like his answer, but she liked him. She liked the feeling of his arms around her and the beautiful gift that was his heart painted out for her.

He leaned closer to her and kissed her gently on the tip of her nose.

“I messed up, Caroline. Can you forgive me? I don’t want to go on this tour and be so far apart thinking you are mad at me.” He paused for a moment, looking at her, then reached out and pushed a piece of hair off her face, tucking it behind her ear.

“You looked so beautiful and peaceful when you were sleeping,” he recalled, a huskiness to his voice.

“I’m not mad, just hurt. Plus, what about Gina?” She blushed at his compliment, letting the defensiveness slip out of her body, as she allowed him to pull her closer to him.

“Gina knows that we are romantically over. We talked about it tonight, kind of. It’s just a business relationship. There hasn’t been anything real there in a long time,” Logan repeated, dipping down and kissing Caroline softly on her neck.

She felt his arms tighten around her back. She let the door close behind them, so that they were out in the hallway and away from her friend’s prying eyes.

Her knees weaken at the sensation of his beard’s stubble scratching her skin. He slipped a little lower and kissed her collar bone, while her hands grabbed onto his sides, trying to secure herself so she wouldn’t fall. His arms supported her, lifting her slightly, since her knees were wobbling as his lips brushed against her skin.

Caroline knew her mind was becoming cloudy, but she couldn’t let go of what he had said. Gina was still in his life. She was still his girlfriend. Logan didn’t say he was leaving her.

She finally pushed him away and balanced herself against the closed door. She kept her hand flat against his chest, keeping him away from her, while she caught her breath and straightened up. Logan looked at her quizzically, unsure of why she was barricading herself suddenly.

“Logan, no. You are in a relationship. I am not that girl. I can't do this,” Caroline said, opening the door behind her.

“Caroline, don’t go. You don’t understand, I can’t break up with her officially. She manages my entire career and she has given up so much for me and my family. But there is no romance there, I swear to you. I told her about you, she knows that she and I are over,” Logan said taking a step toward the door, but she hopped behind it, starting to close it.

“Logan, I said no. We can’t do this.” Caroline slammed the door shut and quickly locked it.

She leaned her back against the door and let out a deep breath, closing her eyes. Her head was swimming and she felt like she was walking on a fluffy cloud that had suddenly turned into a thunderstorm. She had to have the door between them or she wouldn’t have been able to control herself. His defined jaw, firm chest, bulging biceps... it was too much to hold back from.

She didn’t want to leave things this way. He would be gone officially for six months. That was plenty of time to separate and end whatever was going on between them. Why did she have to give up tonight, too? Caroline quickly turned around and swung the front door open, but there was no sign of Logan. She poked her head out and saw the elevator doors at the end of the hall closing.

Crap!
Caroline thought as she realized, she might have just missed him. She quickly rushed down the hall and pressed the elevator button, hoping to get the doors to open again. Luckily, the elevator had not started moving yet so the doors slowly reopened. Logan was leaning against the back wall of the elevator with his hands in his pockets and his ankles crossed. He was looking down, a dejected and sad look on his face. When the doors opened, he glanced up to see Caroline standing there.

“Caroline?” he wondered what was going on.

“Don’t talk. This isn’t happening,” she said, taking a few steps toward him.

She straddled his legs and pressed up against his body, her hips firmly against his. Her hands landed on his chest as she looked deep into his eyes. He didn’t say anything, but grabbed her hips. She leaned forward and their lips met, intertwining into a deep kiss.

Her arms slipped up and wrapped around his neck, while his arms wrapped tighter around her waist. He stood up straight to pull her closer to him. She let him hold her, as she relaxed in his embrace. Their kiss became deeper, Caroline felt like she getting lost and she was surprisingly okay with that.

She cared for Logan so much and she knew it couldn’t work out, but she just needed it to for right now. She needed him and she needed them. His hand slipped up into her hair and he turned the both of them around, pressing her up against the wall of the elevator. He leaned into her, pinning her against the wall and kissing her deeper.