Heroes Live Forever (Knights in Time) (20 page)

She stared at the empty space. “Damn it, I won't be a pawn, not even for you, Basil.”

The heat of her anger spent, it ebbed away as she finished her drink. She listened for Basil’s return. After awhile, when he didn’t come she went to the kitchen door. She opened it, and standing in the doorway, called out, “Basil, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. Please come back.”

She waited and then called out again. She continued waiting and watching for a sign of him. When it finally dawned on her, he’d gone off with Guy for the remainder of the night, she closed the door. She closed it slowly, still looking for him as she did.

“Tomorrow, I'll tell him I'm sorry for the hurtful things I said. Tomorrow, we'll put this behind us.”

Sleep eluded her that night, even after two more stiff drinks and two aspirin. The pain in Basil's eyes before he left haunted her. She'd gotten up several times during the night and stared out at the castle. What did she expect to see? A glitter of armor, the silhouette of Saladin and his rider crossing the bailey,
anything,
she told herself.

At first light Elinor ran downstairs, made coffee and waited for the morning paper. The paper always brought Guy. If Guy was around, so was Basil.

Midday--the paper had arrived hours earlier, she'd drunk the entire pot of coffee and still the knights hadn't come. She saddled Guardian and headed for the castle.

Elinor rode every inch of Ashenwyck, calling out every few minutes. No one answered. The longer she called the more her stomach knotted and twisted in alarm. A shadow of dread she didn't want to acknowledge grew inside her.
He can't be gone.

Desperate, she dismounted, tied Guardian up and climbed the broken steps to the parapet where Basil first kissed her. Over and over, Elinor cried his name with no response. Exhausted, she sat down in the rubble and slumped against the same wall where Basil had stood and told her about the castle, his life, his world. The vivid memory flooded her thoughts, the image of how he looked, talked, gestured. The reality of him as a man and not the handsome spirit who haunted her took hold that day.

She closed her eyes. "Where are you?"

She stayed until sunset, believing if he saw her he wouldn’t have the heart to turn away.

The moment she stepped inside, Elinor knew the house was empty. A ray of hope seized her, maybe they'd come while she was gone, hurrying to the stereo she checked Guy's tapes. He did something with the tapes every day, play them, or record more, something. Nothing had been moved. Hope flickered out.

"When we feel happiness ebbing away and we don't know what to do, we do silly things," so her grandmother used to say. Elinor grabbed a flashlight and started back towards the castle in the dark.

Wet field grass clung to the riding boots she hadn't bothered to remove. Several times, she tripped on small animal holes and gouges made by Guardian's hooves. At the edge of the old moat she stopped.

“Basil,” she called again, determined to see him. Her voice echoed off the stone.

No one came.

The early fall days were growing shorter, but the nights remained warm. A good sweat covered her by the time she gave up and trudged home. Again, she tossed and turned and found no respite in sleep.

The next morning, Elinor wandered from room to room in what had become a ritual of loneliness. How could a house so familiar seem so desolate and alien to her now? Would she ever again love it like she used to?

With no particular destination in mind, her wanderings took her to the library. It had taken a lot of time and patience to furnish the room the way she wanted, but the effort paid off. The room reeked of old world style and grace, leather and suede chairs on richly colored carpets were perfect companions to the antique desk.

A huge stone fireplace dominated one wall. The artistry of the stonemason was reflected in the detailed work of the surround and mantel. Carved dragons in high relief graced the sides of the surround. Their tails started at the hearth stones, their scaly bodies ran upward, as the heads spewed flames across the mantel. Basil loved the fireplace. Elinor gravitated to it.

A porcelain swan, a favorite piece of her grandmother's, sat on the mantel. Picking it up, she held it to her chest.

"Please Grandma, I need your help. Please, please, please help me find him. Please help me to talk to him."

Basil leaned on the doorframe, a safe distance away so Elinor wouldn't sense his presence, and listened as she implored her grandmother's aid.

The next night a full moon bathed everything in silver and grey light as Elinor walked to the castle. Again, she called and called.

"Elinor."

She froze, staring at Basil. Afraid he was a creation of her imagination. And looking at him, she knew. In a matter of seconds, her mind saw the truth. A terrible decision had been made. The finality of it written on her lover's face, the determination and resolve in his sad eyes.

“No, please no,” Elinor whispered, blinking back tears and hysteria, her mind set off on a race it couldn't win.
I'll tell him how sorry I am, that I
didn't mean what I said. I'll convince him everything is all right.
It's
just a hideous misunderstanding.

Her words tumbled out in a mad scramble of apologies and explanations and love. She spoke fast not even sure if she was coherent. Afraid to move, afraid to stop and take a breath, her fear spilled out.

"Shh, Elinor...no more, please." Basil cupped her face in his hands. "Do not do this. I would hear no words of regret tonight."

Only his nearness made her stop speaking.

"Come walk with me."

Trance-like, she moved forward. How she managed to get one foot in front of the other she couldn't say.
I have lost him.
With that painful admittance, a strange numbness took over where the hurt left off.

"Elinor, interfering with your mortal life was the worst thing I could have done. It was unfair to you and wrong of me." Basil held a finger to her lips as she started to protest. "Please, let me speak." Reluctantly, she remained silent.

They walked together in a slow, measured pace, Basil guiding her away from spots where she might stumble.

"I lived my whole life doing what was expected of me. I was brave and I hope honorable. I gave of my time to my family. I gave of my knowledge to the villeins who depended on me, and ultimately I gave my life for my king. But, I never gave my heart. I never loved, not until you, Elinor." He stopped and turned to her. The light from the night sky cast his face into shadow, his expression hidden.

"I believe now that to live a life never having loved is not to live at all. I don't know why I'm the way I am. Maybe this is what I needed to find out for myself. The lesson I needed to learn.” Basil wrapped his arms around her, as close as possible.

Elinor felt the power of his embrace. Whether through wishful thinking or some other unknown source, she didn’t care.

"I believe I also needed to learn that to truly love someone you must put what's best for them ahead of your own desires."

She lifted her face to meet his sad gaze. He closed his eyes for a moment before looking away. Her breaking heart knew he was gathering strength for what he had to say next.

"You have your whole life ahead of you. I can offer you nothing. You deserve to be loved by someone who can give you joy and children and happy memories for your old age. I'd give everything I owned in this world to be that man." Basil's hand moved to stroke her hair. "I've never been a victim of jealousy. Now, for the first time, I envy someone."

"There's no guarantee I'll have all that if you leave me."

"No, there are no guarantees in life. I should know. But, there are possibilities and I know you, my love. You will never look for or see the possibilities around you if I stay."

"You said you'd never willingly release me, you promised." She lost the battle. Tears fell.

Sorrow etched his handsome face. "I don't willingly do this, Elinor. It's what is best for you.” A long moment passed before he spoke again. “Your tears stab my heart. They make no armor to protect against such wounds.”

Basil took a small step back. "Let us talk of something else. Tell me milady of something you always wanted to do."

Elinor stopped crying. She wiped her cheeks with a shaky hand and tried to focus on his question. The struggle to concentrate and think of an answer took a minute.

"Istanbul, I've always wanted to go to Istanbul."

"I don't know where Istanbul is."

"You know it as Constantinople."

"Ah, I always wanted to go there too. I think you should go, for the both of us," he said, his smile sadly encouraging.

"I will. I'll go at Christmas break...for the both of us." Elinor's voice broke. She swallowed hard. She refused to cry. She wouldn’t ruin these last moments.

Basil extended his hand, "I must leave soon. Will you give me the pleasure of one last dance?"

Elinor hadn't paid attention to how he was dressed until now. He wore the black breeches and white silk shirt he'd worn the first time he came to her in the vision as she slept.

“How dashing you are.”

His smile changed to a shy grin.

She moved into his arms, his presence tickling her bare arms and throat.
As Time Goes By
began. Elinor didn't question how he managed for the music to play. The how of it didn't really matter.

"Guy picked this song for me. He said it’s a pretty one a lady would like."

In spite of the circumstances, Elinor had to laugh a little. Basil, by his own admittance, was unmusical. Lyric obsessed Guy his sole guide and mentor in all things related to the subject.

"Basil, how did Guy find this song? I don't believe I have a recording of it."

"Hmmm, to be honest, we heard it in a foolish movie we watched." A small furrow formed between his eyes, "We were misled by the BBC into watching a war movie which wasn’t a war movie at all. No battles, but it had this song."

As the song ended Basil continued to hold her close for a few minutes before touching his lips to hers. Elinor thought she might be willing to sell her soul to feel their warmth again.

"I will always love you, Elinor. Always. Never doubt that." He cleared his throat unnecessarily. "You must go now. I'll watch from here and see you safe to your door."

With those words he moved away to stand at the entrance of the bailey. The breeches and soft shirt were gone, he wore his mail and surcoat again, the medieval knight once more.

"Goodbye my love. My only love," Basil whispered as she passed where the outer gates to his home had stood.

Elinor crossed the field. She forced herself not to look back, not to fall to her knees on the soft ground and weep. It wasn't until she reached her door that she gave in and turned to face the ruin. Passing clouds threw the castle into shadow. She couldn't see any sign of Basil. A bleak feeling that he hadn’t watched filled her. The clouds continued on, then, in the moonlight, she saw the glint from his armor.

December

"Why can't you wait and go to Istanbul, when I can go too?"

Lucy sat on the bed while Elinor extracted different outfits from the closet. Various pieces she eliminated right away. The rest, she separated into either the “take for certain” stack or the “maybe” pile.

"I told you. This is something I have to do now, not later. And, please don't be offended, but it's something I need to do by myself."

Elinor's shoulders sagged and she raised her eyes heavenward at Lucy's crestfallen expression. For the last five years they'd vacationed together and a hurt Lucy didn't understand the sudden change. Because Elinor couldn't explain, her dear friend would have to stay hurt for awhile.