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    I
know better than to keep arguing with her.  I immediately walk to the
bathroom and step into the hot shower.  My tears mix with the water
dripping off of my face.  When I finish in the shower and open the door, I
immediately smell it.  The smell of burning paper.  She’s burning my
journal!  My security blanket.  All of my thoughts and dreams.
 I hurry to my bedroom and lock the door behind me.

    I
lay in bed that night tossing and turning.  I can’t stop thinking about
him.  His name is Dillon and he talked to me.  He smiled at me.
 I don’t sleep at all.  I wait anxiously for the sun to rise so I can
go back to the elm.  When morning finally arrives, I slip out the door
while my mother still sleeps.  I practically run at full speed down the
path until I get to the elm.  I can feel my heart beating through my
chest.  My hair is damp and sticking to my neck.  I stop abruptly at
the end of the trail and put my hands on my knees until I catch my breath, and
then walk cautiously to the box on the ground beneath the elm.

    It’s
a big pink box with a little piece of paper attached to the top.  I sit on
the ground and pull the box into my lap.  My cheeks hurt, my smile is so
big.  I pull the little piece of paper off of the box and unfold it.
 It says, y
ou didn’t choose.
 I open the flaps on the top of
the box and look inside to find it filled with colorful wrapped pieces of candy
and dozens of colorful flower petals that are as soft as silk.  I don’t
even realize I’m crying until I see the tears dropping from my cheeks and
splashing onto the flower petals inside the box.

    I
look through the broken fence but he isn’t there.  I fish through the box
and open a piece of candy twisted in green cellophane.  I pop it into my
mouth and practically roll my eyes as I let my tongue roll it around in my
mouth.  It tastes so good.  I turn the small piece of paper over to
the blank side and dig my pen out of my pocket.  I tap the pen on my lip.
 What should I write?  Immediately, I know what I want to ask him.
 

I write
thank you
and
then
sing or dance?

CHAPTER 3

Amy

    I
run down the path towards the elm with the goofiest smile on my face.
 It’s muddy from yesterday’s rain, but I continue to splash through the mud,
unable to contain my excitement.  As soon as I come to the end of the
path, I see his note sticking out in between two of the wooden boards in the
fence.  I can’t even hold back the giggle that escapes from my mouth.
 I take a quick peek through the fence, but I don’t see anyone so I sit
down with my knees bent to my chest, leaning against the tree, holding the tiny
piece of paper in my hand. I open it slowly, my heart beating faster and
faster.  It says
dance.  
I stare at the little piece of paper,
and if it’s possible, I think the smile on my face gets bigger.  I was
hoping he would say dance.

    I
settle against the tree and fidget while I sit with my book, trying to
concentrate on the words I’m reading, but I can’t stop thinking about Dillon.
 I eventually get pulled back into the story of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy.

    I
read for several hours and decide I have to take a break.  I fold the
corner of the page over and close the book.  I close my eyes and lean my
head against the tree, letting the breeze tickle my face.  I think about
the books I’ve read versus the things my mother has told me.  I know my
mother is sick and bad things have happened to her.  I know she is telling
me the truth about there being evil in the world, but I also believe in love.
 I believe there is a Mr. Darcy out there in this world.  I imagine a
boy loving me with so much passion, his touch would electrify me. He would be
so in love with me that we would become one.  We wouldn’t be able to
breathe without each other.  It wouldn’t be dirty. It would be absolutely
thrilling and wonderful.  I imagine Dillon loving me like that.

    Noises
interrupt my daydreaming.  I quickly open my eyes and squint through the
fence.  I finally see him and my heart starts to pound loudly again, but
then I see her and it stops.  She’s beautiful.  She looks….normal.
 Her denim is tight to her legs and the pockets have shiny jewels on them.
 Her white shirt is thin and flowy underneath a denim jacket.  She
wears a cowboy hat like his, only hers is feminine and pretty.  Her long
wavy blonde hair bounces from underneath her hat as her horse gallops towards
the trees.  Dillon hops up on his tan horse and gives him a gentle kick
and they both ride off.  It’s romantic.  I try to picture myself
being that girl, but I can’t. I’ll never be like her.

    I’m
crushed.  My heart aches.  I desperately long for his companionship,
but why would he want to talk to me when he has her?  She’s normal and
beautiful.  I try to continue to read my book, but tears are pooling in my
eyes.  I must stare at the same page for an hour, because when I hear
noises on the other side of the fence again, I realize they’re back.  I
slowly hide myself behind the large trunk of the elm and watch them as Dillon
lifts her by the hips off of the horse and into his arms.  She swings her
arms and legs around him like a child and then she places her lips on his, for
a very long time.  When they break away from each other, I swear he
glances over towards the elm tree.  I quickly duck back behind the tree
and try to calm my frantically beating heart.  He will definitely think
I’m a loon if he catches me watching his private moment with a
girl.        

    Just
as I’m about to sneak down the path to go back to the house, I hear footsteps.
 I stop dead in my tracks and turn my head towards the fence.  I see
Dillon walking quickly in my direction.  He’s alone now.  I remain
hidden on the other side of the tree with my back against it, trying to control
my heavy breaths.

    “Amy!”
he calls, just on the other side of the fence.

    He
stands there waiting.

    I
stay perfectly still, holding my breath, hidden behind the tree.

    “Amy.
 I……I’d really like to see you.  To talk again.”

    He
knows I’m here; hiding. I open my mouth and my foot moves just the slightest
bit, but I can’t bring myself to do it.

    Then,
he’s gone. Suddenly, I feel this deep ache in my chest, like a part of me was
just ripped away.  What is wrong with me?

    I
let out the long breath I had been holding and stand against the tree until my
body stops shivering, then I head towards the house trying to hold back my
tears. During the entire walk back to the house, I debate with myself about
turning around and going back. I wish I would have talked to him.  I kick
the stones on the ground in frustration.  I feel so foolish.  I
almost turn around to go back when I hear a car rolling to a stop on the gravel
in front of the house.  The door opens and closes and I hear one set of
footsteps walking up to the front of the house.  I stand stiffly with my
back against the side of the house, hidden.  I hear pounding on the door.

    “Allison!
Open up, sweetheart!”

    It’s
the skinny man in the suit.  I recognize his voice.

    “Please
leave us alone!”  I hear my mother cry from inside the house.

    “Come
on Allison.  You know the deal.  Open up.  I’m coming in either
way.”

There is a long moment of
silence as I hear his steel boot tap on the wooden porch, and then I hear the
door open and close.  There’s a shuffle and I hear my mother scream.
 She told me to never, under any circumstances, make myself seen when he
comes.  I haven’t ever seen his face, but I will never forget his voice.
 I drop to my knees and hold my hands over my ears and squeeze my eyes
closed for so long, the pebbles under my knees start lodging themselves into my
skin. I can’t stand to hear the noises; my mother’s cries, the slaps, his
grunts.  I stay completely still on my knees until I hear his car spit the
gravel from his tires as he drives away.

    I
run as fast as my legs will take me inside the house. My mother is leaning
against the counter, popping a pill into her mouth.  Her body is shaking
and tears are flowing down her red cheeks.  A purple color is starting to
spread across her cheek bone.

   “Mother?”

    “Amy!
 Where the hell were you?!”  She screams as she wipes the tears from
her face.  “Were you fucking that boy?  You were, weren’t you?”

    “No
mother!” I cry.

    “You’re
a whore!  You think I don’t know what you do out in those woods?”
 She pulls my hair into her fist and drags me to the bathroom and turns
the hot water on.  Steam fills the bathroom.  “Wash him off of you
Amy!  You’re dirty!” she screams at me.

    “Mother!
 Stop!  Why do you do this to me?  He didn’t touch me.  I
didn’t do anything wrong!”

    My
mother pulls me into the scalding water with her, yelling at me, repeating over
and over that I’m a whore and that I’m dirty like her and we need to clean
ourselves.  I scream as the hot water hits my face and try to push my way
out of the shower.  I finally shove past her and run to my room, locking
the door behind me.  I curl up on my bed, pull the covers over my head,
and cry myself to sleep as I always do.  He’s coming more often and she’s
getting worse.  I’m so alone and so scared.

CHAPTER 4

Dillon

    I
can’t stop thinking about her.  Her deep blue eyes haunt me. They were
full of expression.  I saw fear, desperation, sadness, pain, loneliness and
possibly a plea for help. She looked like a ghost right out of a horror flick.
Her face was pale, her hair stringy and unkempt. Her clothes were too small.
 She had cowered from me at first, but yet she returns to the fence every
day. I came up with the game in hopes she would start to trust me and talk to
me.  I think it was working until Candice showed up.

     I
walk into the kitchen with my steaming cup of coffee and sit at the table with
my dad. He’s typing away on his laptop.  He’s a full-time rancher and a
part-time writer.  He likes to write about ranching.  Go figure.
 It’s his passion and mine as well.  My mother left when I was
little; ranching wasn’t the life for her.  She now resides in a high rise
in New York with her new husband.  My sister Laney is married and lives in
Denver with her husband and their daughter, Daisy.  We’re close and always
have each other’s backs.  She comes to the ranch often.  She likes
the best of both worlds and Daisy loves the horses.

    I
earned my degree in ranching from a Christian college in Texas.  The plan
is for me to take over the ranch since my dad isn’t getting any younger and
prefers to spend his time writing now.   I have a lot of respect for
him.  He ran this ranch while raising two kids on his own and has been
very successful.  I’m honored to take over and follow in his footsteps.

    We
own over five thousand acres of land, which has been in the family for three
generations.  Our classic two-story farmhouse with a wrap-around porch has
been recently remodeled, and sits nearest to the entrance of the property with
one of those big wooden arches that has our family name strewn across the top,
ANDREWS RANCH.  There is a guest house that we currently use for storage.
 There are three barns, a large lake and tons of trails on the property.
 Right now, we mostly breed, buy, and sell horses.  We also board and
allow our clients to ride the trails on the property.  I have plans to
expand the business in the future.  I’d like to offer riding lessons and
guided tours to the public.  My dad started training me on the contract
and financial side of the business when I returned from school a few months
ago.  That’s when I found out the fenced property used to be ours eighteen
years ago.  My dad had sold it.

     “Dad?
Can I ask you something?”

    “Sure.
 Anything son.  What’s up?” my dad asks as he stops typing on his
laptop and gives me his full attention.

    “Who
did you sell that one-hundred acre piece of property to?”

    He
leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his recently expanded
waistband.  “A good friend of mine.  He’s a big time lawyer.
 Geez, that was about eighteen years ago. Why?  I haven’t heard a
peep, is there trouble?”

    “No,
I don’t know.  There’s a girl…”

    “Ah!
 Girls are always trouble,” he says while chuckling.

    “It’s
not like that.  She’s….strange?  She’s skittish. I see her at the
fence almost every day.  She looks scared.”

    “Hmmm.
 Well, Alex is a good man.  I’ve known him since high school.  He’s
a damn good lawyer too.  He’s the one that helped me with the contracts
and legal stuff when I inherited the ranch.  He asked me to keep the
transaction private.  Whoever lives there is his business, not ours.
 For all I know, they could be in a witness protection program.
 Either way, don’t get involved Dillon.  I would leave her alone.”

    “Don’t
you think it’s strange that they fenced off the property like that?”

    “Some
people just like their privacy.  Leave it alone.”

    “Yeah,
okay.”  Only, I don’t think I can leave her alone.  He must see my
hesitancy.

    “He’s
a good friend of mine Dillon, don’t go prying where you’re not welcome.”

   “Yes sir,”
I reply and nod once at my dad and then I leave him to finish his work.

    If
we’re not riding the horses around the property, we use ATVs to get around. I
head towards the storage barn to grab one.  I just need to go somewhere to
think.  I rev one up and make my way to the other barn, glancing towards
the elm as I always do.  I don’t see her.  I find a quiet spot in the
barn to relax.  As I’m struggling with my thoughts and my dad’s warnings
about staying away from Amy, Candice struts in the barn and casually straddles
my lap on the hay stack.

    “Where
did you go?” she asks in her pouty voice.

    “I
just had to talk to my dad.”

    “Everything
okay?”

    “Yeah.”

    “You’ve
been so distant lately, Dillon.  Talk to me.”

    I
really don’t want to tell her about Amy.  Candice is not a very
understanding kind of girl. She will immediately feel threatened and coil up
like a rattle snake, preparing to attack.  I met Candice over three years
ago at my first college party.  I was a horny college kid away from home
for the first time.  After a few mystery drinks in those red solo cups, my
farm boy manners disappeared.  Candice is hot.  Like Megan Fox hot.
 She was on her knees sucking like a hoover before I knew what was
happening.  Well, not really.  I knew. God, I knew.  She’s the
most aggressive girl I’ve ever met, in and out of the bedroom.  She always
gets what she wants.  So, that is why I woke up with her the next morning
and then the morning after that.  She doesn’t take no for an answer.
 I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but she’s like gum on my shoe.
 Even though I met her in Texas at school, coincidentally she lives in
Denver, a very short three hour drive from here, so she spends every weekend…at
the ranch….with me.  She’s really not my type.  She likes to shop,
party and keep up with the Kardashians.  She has no interest in getting
dirty on the ranch or just sitting by the lake watching the sun set.
 She’d rather be doing her nails or dancing at a club. I’m not even sure
why she’s with me.  Must be my body.  She’s like the energizer bunny
when it comes to sex, so I can’t complain.  There have been no ‘I love
you’s’ exchanged or intense emotional conversations about our feelings.
 We’re just friends with benefits as far as I’m concerned.

    “I
just have a lot on my mind, you know?  Taking over the ranch is a lot of
work and I still have so much to figure out.  It’s just stressful.”

    “Well!”
she says enthusiastically.  “I know exactly what you need.”  Her red
stained lips smile mischievously at me.  “Lay back.”  She pushes on
my chest until I’m flat on my back on a stack of hay.  She lifts my shirt,
raking her fake red nails across my chest, pinching my nipples and then slowly
descending towards my belt buckle.  She’s quick and has my pants and
underwear pulled down to my ankles and her lips wrapped around my cock before I
have a chance to think.  She’s good like that.  Once her hand grips
the base of my cock and starts pumping while her tongue swirls around the tip,
I just don’t even bother to think.  I give in.  I close my eyes and
grip her hair in my fist. She makes these wet sucking sounds that has me
exploding like a teenage boy within minutes.  She swallows it all.
 Always.  With a wicked Joker grin, because her red lipstick is now
smeared all over her face, she crawls up my body.  I don’t have the heart
to tell her.

    “Feel
better?” she asks knowingly.

    “So
much.  Thank you.”  I tell her as I try to wipe the lipstick off her
face with my thumb.

    “Is
the bonfire still on for Friday night?”

    “Yeah,
Dad’s going into Denver for a week or so to promote his book.”

    “Ben
and Katelyn are driving from Colorado Springs and wanted to make sure there was
room to stay and Danny and Tess are coming with them.”

    “We’ll
have plenty of room.”

    “Good!
Can’t wait.  I have to get back home.  I’ll see you Friday!”
  She smacks my lips with hers and skips off to her brand new shiny
Audi that her daddy bought her.

I lay there for a few
minutes, my mind wandering back to Amy, until I realize my pants are still
hanging around my ankles.