Hidden (9 page)

    “Come
on.  I’ll try some on too.  It’ll be fun.”

    The
stiff older lady with her hair pulled into a tight bun parades us to the
dressing rooms.   Laney throws a bunch of clothes into my room and
takes a few into hers.

    “I
want to see how they look,” she sings through the curtains of the side by side
dressing rooms.

    I
put on a pair of jeans.  They look like the ones I saw Candice wearing.
 They have little jewels on the pockets.  They hug my body and feel
so soft against my skin.  I pair it with a cute pink button down shirt
that’s form-fitting, unlike the misshapen t-shirts I’m used to wearing.  I
stand in front of the mirror, twisting from side to side.  I take in all
of me.  My hair, my nails and the clothes.  I just can’t believe it’s
me.  I suck in a deep breath and fan my face in an attempt to dry the
approaching tears before they fall, and then I walk out of the dressing room.

    “Oh
my God!”  Laney comes out of the dressing room with her hands on her
cheeks and her mouth in a big O.  “You are hot.  Holy hell.
 Your tits are awesome!”

    I
immediately turn ten shades of red.

    “Seriously
Amy.  Your body is to die for.  Do you like it?”

    “I
love it,” I admit quietly.

    She
persuades me to try on about twenty more outfits.  With each one, I feel
more and more confident.  I come out twirling and bowing and we giggle as
if we do this all the time, like she’s my best friend.  I feel like this
is a dream and I’m going to wake up at any moment.

    She
collects all of the clothes that I just tried on and hands them to the sales
lady.  The lady finally breaks a smile.  Just as we’re about to head
towards the counter, something catches my eye.   A bra.  Laney
comes to stand next to me as I’m touching the soft silky pink fabric.
 It’s such a simple thing.  A bra.  Laney grabs it from me with
a big smile.

    “It’s
really pretty.  You should have it.”

    “I’ve
never had one.”

    She
looks down at my well-endowed chest.  I layered a shelf bra tank and a
t-shirt from Laney’s closet this morning.

    She
takes the pretty bra to the sales lady and adds it to the pile of clothes I
tried on.

    “Laney,
I can’t buy all of this stuff.”  I saw the tag on the jeans and they alone
were over one-hundred dollars.

    “Don’t
be silly.  It’s fine.  You can’t keep wearing my over-sized clothes
and hide that figure of yours.  Besides, Dillon will love what you
bought.”  She winks.

    “I don’t
know how I’ll ever pay him back.”

    “He
won’t expect you to.  Dillon is the most generous guy I know and he
doesn’t spend any money ever, so believe me, this won’t break the bank.”

    The lady
removes the tags off of the bra, a pale pink skirt, and a light white button
down shirt for me to wear out of the store. We walk out of the boutique with
about five bags between the two of us.

    “This
is just like
Pretty Woman
,” Laney says excitedly.

    “What
do you mean?”

    “Oh,
I forgot.  It’s a movie.  It’s about a guy that falls in love with a
prostitute.  He’s rich and takes her shopping and…….”  

    She
probably notices the horrified look on my face.  I hear my mother’s words
ringing in my ears.  
You’re a whore, Amy
.  

    “I’m
sorry.”

    “No,
it’s okay.  I’m fine.”

    “I’m
sorry, I wasn’t thinking.  I really didn’t mean anything by it.  I
keep sticking my foot in my mouth.”

   “Laney,
I’m fine really.  Sorry, I feel stupid.”

   “Don’t feel
stupid.  I don’t know everything that happened, but I’m sure this is all a
lot to take in.  I’m sorry if I’m pushing you too fast.”

    “No.
 I really had a good day.  It was a lot of fun.  Thank you for
everything.”  She wraps me in a hug.  A hug.  I sink into her
and let her hold me, squeezing her back.  Tears cloud my vision. I try to
wipe them away before she sees them, but I’m too late.

    “Oh
no, don’t cry.”  I see her eyes gloss over and she wipes her eyes too.
 Then we both start giggling.  “Hey, can I put just a little make-up
on you?” she asks.

    “Sure.”
 I shrug.  I’ve never had makeup on before.

    We
sit in the car and she grabs her makeup bag, telling me she’s just going to add
a little color.  She adds a little blush, a little mascara and some lip
gloss and then fluffs my hair with her hands.

    “You
look beautiful Amy.  Dillon is going to be speechless.”

    “You
think so?”

    “Yeah.
 You like my brother, don’t you?  He’s hard not to fall in love
with.”

    “He
has Candice.”

    “Phh….Candice
is a brat.  He knows it.  She’s not good for him.  They’re not
really serious.  It’s just sex.”

    I’m
immediately uncomfortable and she can tell.  I really don’t want to
picture Dillon having sex with that pretty girl.

    “I’m
sorry.  I shouldn’t talk about them like that.  I know he cares for
her, but she’s not the one for him.  They have nothing in common.
 She’s a city girl and he’s a farm boy.  He’s had the same group of
friends all through college and she just happens to be part of that group.
 She doesn’t even come around much since they finished school.  I
don’t think she likes the ranch.

    “She’s
really pretty.”

    “So
are you Amy.  You really are.  Look.”  She turns her compact
mirror towards me so I can see what she did.  “Your blue eyes are so
pretty.  The mascara makes them pop.  You have milky skin and those
lips, for crying out loud.  Women pay for those lips.”

    “Thanks
Laney.”  I smile shyly.

    “Just
know that Dillon is a good guy, Amy.  I can tell he really cares for you.  If
you ever need to talk about girl stuff, call me. I mean it.  You can talk
to me about anything.  That’s what girlfriends are for.  In the
meantime, read that book!”  She taps on the book bag and laughs.

    We
arrive back at the ranch and Laney helps me unload all of the bags from her
car.

    “Amy,
think about what I said.  About the doctor.  I’ll take you and then
we can have another girl day.”

    “Okay,
thanks again, Laney.”  I give her a wave as she backs down the driveway.

    I’m exhausted
but a good exhausted.  I’m not used to so much activity.  I shuffle
up the stairs with my bags when a noise makes me freeze.  A whimper.
 I set my bags down and slowly walk toward the sound.  It’s coming
from Dillon’s room.  The door is wide open.

    I
stand frozen in the doorway.  Candice is completely nude sitting on top of
Dillon, grinding her body against his.  He’s on his back, his hands
gripping her hips as she moves on top of him.  Their naked bodies are connected.
 His chest is glistening with sweat.  His eyes are closed.  She
has her head thrown back, her long hair cascading down her back.  Her arms
are stretched behind her and resting on his thighs.  Her body is arched
and her breasts thrust toward the ceiling with her movements.  Her moans
get louder as her movements quicken.  Dillon groans and as I stand there
watching, a gush of fluid soaks my panties.  My lips part with a sigh and
that tingling that I felt in the shower spreads through my body.  My legs
suddenly feel weak. I close my eyes as the feeling starts to become intense.
   

    “What
the hell!”  

    My
eyes fly open as Candice screams at me, pulling the covers over the two of
them.  Oh God.

    “Dillon!
 She was standing there watching.  She’s a freak!”

    My
eyes dart to Dillon’s as his eyes land on mine.  I’m completely mortified
as I run to Laney’s room and slam the door, leaning against it as my chest
heaves.  I am a freak.  Dillon’s going to want me to leave.
 Where am I going to go?  What is wrong with me?  Why did I stand
there and watch?

    I
hear them scream back and forth at each other for quite a while, and then I
hear footsteps descend the stairs. It’s quiet for a few minutes before I hear a
light knock on the other side of the door.

    “Amy,
can I come in?”

    I
back away from the door and sit on the edge of the bed.  “Yeah,” I say
quietly.

I try to prepare myself for
what he’s going to say.  He opens the door hesitantly and walks in wearing
a pair of sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt that he clearly threw on in a
rush.  He looks disheveled.  He runs his hand through his hair and
each time he goes to speak, he stops himself. He’s probably so frustrated with
me.  I stare up at him as my heart races and my eyes start to water.
 My face flushes as I sit there and fidget with my hands.  Does he
think I’m a freak?  Am I freak?

    “I’m
not mad at you,” he finally says.  “The door should have been closed.
 It’s my fault.  You didn’t do anything wrong, Amy.”

   “I’m
sorry.  I didn’t mean to invade your privacy.  I heard noises.
 I didn’t know.  I never….I’m so embarrassed.”  I bury my face
in my hands and a nervous sob breaks free.  I have absolutely no control.
My shoulders begin to shake and ugly noises fill the room.  He kneels
between my legs and forces my hands away from my face.  I flinch and he
immediately lets go.

    “I’m
sorry.  I just want you to look at me.”  I look him in the eyes and
something between us ignites.  His warm brown eyes lock on mine.
 They aren’t angry.  They are filled with something else that I can’t
discern.  He seems to shake it off and then I see a bit of sparkle in his
eyes and an amused smirk slowly stretches across his face.  “So, you miss
me, huh?”  He smiles.

    I
have to laugh through my tears.  I know he’s trying to make me feel better
and distract me like he always does.  “Laney sent that.”  I sniffle.

    “Oh,
so you don’t miss me?”  He pouts.

    My
gaze falls to his full pouty lips and then I shake my head in embarrassment. He’s
on his knees in front of me with his hands on my bare thighs. My legs are
slightly spread and I can’t stop them from trembling.  I want him to reach
out for me again.  I won’t flinch this time, I promise myself.
  I was just caught off guard.

    As if
he hears my thoughts, his hands reach out and cradle my face as he swipes at my
tears with his thumbs. I have to tell myself to hold still.  My body
stiffens as he continues to touch my face. “You have black shit smeared all
over your face.”

    “Laney
put makeup on me.”

    “You
look pretty, even without this stuff.”  He reaches up and twirls a strand
of hair around his finger and I think for just a second that he might be
pulling on it.  Pulling me towards him.  “I like your hair.  It
looks really nice.  Did you have fun?”

    “I
did.”  My voice cracks.  Something is happening between us. I can
feel this intense magnetic pull.  My eyes fall to his lips as his tongue
darts out and wets them.  I prepare for it.  I ready myself.  But
then he lets go of my hair and backs away.

CHAPTER 12

Amy

    Candice
is back.  It’s been a week since she caught me staring at her and Dillon
having sex.  I know they had a big fight and I’ve seen him respond to texts
all week while we cared for the horses together.  Yesterday, he took her
call and left the barn to talk to her in private.  He never said a word
about it to me.

    He
never mentioned the incident again, but he’s been different.  He’s been
keeping his distance.  We work all day together and we eat dinner together
and then at night I go to Laney’s room and he goes to his.  I miss him
next to me.  I’ve been craving his touch ever since he held me after I
opened up to him about my past, since he held me after my nightmare on the
couch, since I watched him having sex and since he almost kissed me.  I’m
feeling things I’ve never felt before. He clears the terrifying images in my
mind and quiets the noises.  He makes me feel safe and protected.  He
makes me feel desired and wanted.  I need him.  It’s an indescribable
need.  I wish I knew what he was thinking.

    I’m
helping to clean out the guest house because eventually Dillon wants to use it
as an office when he expands the business to include customers.  It’s just
a small one bedroom cabin.  He wants to use the bedroom for storage and
turn the space up front into a sort of lobby and office for guests to check-in
and do paperwork.  I needed something to keep me busy while he does things
on the ranch that I can’t really help with.  I fiddle with some boxes as I
watch them through the window.  Dillon walks Candice to her car.
 She’s carrying a bunch of stuff in her arms.  She throws it all into
her car and then stands with her arms crossed like she’s still mad at him.
 I watch Dillon hug her, it’s a friendly hug but she doesn’t return it.
 They exchange a few more words and then she drives away.

    I
watch him stand there with his head hung as he watches her leave and wonder
what happened.  Did she leave him because of me?  Did I ruin his
relationship with her?  Is he mad at me and that’s why he’s been so
distant?

    He
walks back into the house and a few hours pass before I see him heading to the
guest house.  I quickly grab a broom and pretend to be sweeping before he
comes in.

   “Want to
get out of there?” he asks as he swings the screen door open.  He is
biting his lip nervously.

    “Where
do you want to go?”

    “I
have something I want to show you.”

    “Okay.”

    Dillon
takes my hand and we walk to the first barn where they store all the farm and
tractor equipment.  They also have these riding machines that I’ve seen
him drive.  I’ve been asking him about them because they look like so much
fun.

    “This
is an ATV.  We use it to get around the property.  You can drive one
yourself or you can ride with me, whichever you’re comfortable with.”

    “I’ve
never driven anything.”  They look intimidating.

    “How
about I take you this time, and then when you’re comfortable, you can try
riding one on your own another time?”

    “Okay.”

    “Come
here.”  He waves me over as he swings his leg over the seat.  “It’s
easier if you sit behind me so I can see where I’m going.  You have to
wrap your arms around me and hold on tight.”

    I
walk over to him and stand there like a child as he fits a helmet over my head
and then he pats the seat behind him. I look down at my skirt and his eyes
follow mine.

    “Can
I help?” he asks, looking up at me.  He reaches out for the hem of my
skirt and I let him, even though my knees are knocking together.

    “Just
kind of tuck it between your legs if that would be more comfortable.”  I
watch him fumble trying to show me what he means without actually putting his
hands between my legs.

    “I
can do it.”  I pull my skirt around me and tuck it between my legs and
hold it there as I throw my leg over the seat.  He grabs my arms and wraps
them around him and holds them to his chest.

    “Hold
on!” he yells as he starts the engine.

    I
clasp my hands together in front of him and as the machine takes off, I lean my
body toward him and rest my cheek on his back.  I inhale his scent.
 He smells like a mixture of sweat and clean laundry.  He smells so
good.  His back muscles are hard and they flex every time he turns the
steering wheel.  I squeeze my thighs against his, trying not to fall off.
 My bare legs wrapped around him spark this deep ache in my body.  A
desire that I can’t seem to control.

    He
drives down a trail, splashing in puddles and careening over tree stumps and
loose branches.  My body slams into his with each bump and I can’t help
but to hold onto him a little tighter.  We pull up to a huge elm tree near
a large lake.  There are snow-capped mountains surrounding us.  The
beams of sunshine make the snow on the mountain tops sparkle and the water in
the lake glisten.  The deep green rolling hills are picturesque and go on
for miles.  It’s amazing and so serene.

    He
jumps off of the machine and reaches his hand out for mine.  I place my
small hand in his large one and my body breaks out in goose bumps.  He
helps me to my feet and I immediately smooth my skirt and then stand still,
letting him unstrap my helmet. Our faces are really close.  I look up to
his chocolate brown eyes and realize he’s staring at my lips.  His eyes
lift from under his long eyelashes and drawn brow, and I immediately bow my
head and bite my lip while staring at my shoes.  The new shoes that he
bought me.  They’re called chucks.  I picked pink.  I click my
heels together and continue to entertain myself.

    There
is an awkward moment of silence until he grabs my hand.  “Come on.”
 He leads me to the tree and then I see the steps.  Wooden boards
nailed to the trunk that lead to a wooden fort in the tree.  He gestures
for me to go first and then he follows me up.  I lift myself through a
square hole in the wood floor and crawl into the fort.  It’s completely
enclosed with two openings carved out for windows. One large opening faces the
mountains and the other faces the trail we just used.  There is a blanket
and a few throw pillows in the fort.  Faded drawings and words written
with crayon long ago cover the walls.

   “What do
you think?” he asks as he climbs through the opening in the floor.

  “This is great!
I feel like a little kid.  Look at the view!” I exclaim, pointing through
the opening.

   “I know
right?  I used to come here all the time as a kid.  Laney and I hung
out here for hours and hours.”

    “I would
have too,” I say while glancing around, imagining him and Laney laughing and
giggling, playing pretend.  I was probably hiding in the pantry or getting
non-existent dirt scrubbed off of me in the hot shower.

    He
slumps down against the wall with his legs spread, one knee up with one arm
dangling over it.  He rubs the scruff on his chin as if he’s thinking
about something.  “Can I ask you a question?” he asks with a frown.

    “Hmmm?”
 I sit on the floor on the opposite wall facing him with my knees pulled
to my chest and my skirt pulled down over them.

    “Does
it bother you when I touch you?” he asks quietly.

    His
words cause my body to heat up and I feel a blush spread across my face.

    “At
first,” I answer honestly.  “My mother always told me that touching is
dirty.  That boys will hurt me.  I know she’s sick and I know bad
things happened to her.  I just haven’t had any contact with anyone other
than her and it was a little alarming at first.  But not now.  It’s comforting.
 You make me feel safe.”

    “Will
you let me touch you now?”

    I’m
not sure what he means.  I stare at him blankly. Does he want to have sex?

    “Come
here.  Sit with me.”  He pats the space in between his legs and
reaches for me with the other hand.  I crawl over to him and sit between
his legs stiffly with my back to his chest.

    “Relax,”
his breath whispers over my ear and causes my body to shiver. He wraps his arms
around me and pulls me tight to his chest.  It feels good to be cocooned
in his arms.  I rest my head on his shoulder and breathe deeply to try to
calm down and stop shaking.  For crying out loud, I’m eighteen years old
and the guy just wants me to sit with him.  I’m not nervous because I’m
scared.  I’m nervous because I don’t know what he wants to do to me.
 The anticipation makes my heart pound and my skin tingle.  I blow
out a huge breath and let myself soften into his arms.  “There, not so
bad, huh?” he asks softly.

    “Not
so bad.”  My voice is rattled with nerves.

    He
runs his fingertips lightly up and down the inside of my arms, over my wrists
and through my fingers.

    “Is
this okay?  I just want you to relax and trust me.  I want to make
you feel good and I want you to know that I won’t hurt you.  Okay?”

    I
nod and try to swallow the lump in my throat.  He lightly massages my
shoulders and down my arms, trying to get me to relax more.  It feels so
good.  I close my eyes and allow my body to completely melt into him and
trust him.  His fingers move to the top button on my shirt. His knuckles
graze my chest as he starts to unbutton my shirt slowly.  He gives me
plenty of time to stop him, but I don’t.  I ignore the terrifying images
trying to clutter my mind and I let my body win this battle.  I want
Dillon to make me feel good.  I long to feel the tenderness of his touch.
 He gets to the last button and pulls my shirt open, letting it hang at my
sides, exposing my new pink bra.  I inhale a sharp breath when the cool
air hits my heated skin.

    “Okay?”

    I
still can’t form words, so I nod again.  He gently grabs both of my wrists
and raises them above my head, placing them around the back of his neck.
 I clasp my fingers together.  The position causes my back to arch
slightly and pushes my breasts out.

“You’re beautiful, Amy.”
  He dances his fingers over my collarbone, my chest, the swells of
my breasts and down to my belly, skimming them just above the waistband of my
skirt.  My stomach contracts as he touches me.  I can’t control my
breathing anymore.  It’s loud but so is his.  His hot breath is
blowing strands of my hair off of my neck.  I can feel his chest heaving
against my back.  He continues his exploration, moving his hands slowly
down to my thighs.  His spread hands move down towards my knees and then
back up, lifting my skirt with them.  I squeeze my eyes closed, repeating
a mantra in my head…he won’t hurt me…..he won’t hurt me.  He massages the
outside of my thighs and then moves inward.  I tighten the clasp of my
fingers behind his neck, my body starting to tense.  My mind is quiet now
while my body starts to scream.  I can hear his heavy breathing and even a
faint moan in my ear.  My mouth falls open with an exhale and I squirm a
bit, opening my legs slightly.  I feel a pull in my belly and I feel
wetness in my underwear.

    “I
broke things off with Candice,” he whispers into my hair.

    I
tilt my head up toward him and my lips graze his cheek.  “Why?”  I’m
not even sure he hears me, my voice is so faint.

    “I
couldn’t stop thinking about you.”  As he talks, his hands are squeezing
at my inner thighs, as if he desperately needs to touch me, but is fighting to
gain control.  “Last week, before you got home from shopping, I didn’t
even know she was here.  I was actually sleeping when she came into my
room and climbed on me.  She’s like that. She takes what she wants without
any consideration for what other people want or feel.  I didn’t stop her
though.  If I’m being completely honest, I was imagining it was you.
 I know I’m a complete asshole.  I should’ve stopped her. I apologized
to her.  I want to apologize to you too.  I’ve thought about this.
 I’ve thought about touching you like this for so long.  Tell me you
want this too.”

    My
heart starts beating faster as I turn my head a bit more to look up into his
eyes. They’re burning with desire.  I close my eyes and try to form words,
but all that comes out is a whimper.  His hands leave my thighs.  One
wraps around my belly and he places his other hand on my jaw to keep me in
place while his lips slowly descend on mine.  They are so soft and wet.
 He licks the opening of my mouth, forcing me to open, so he can slide his
tongue in.  He tastes like coffee and mint.  He moves his tongue in
my mouth slowly, exploring.  I hesitantly move my tongue to his rhythm
like a dance, letting him lead me and teach me.  A soft noise bubbles up
from my throat and his kiss becomes more intense.  His tongue delves
deeper into my mouth.  His fingers on my belly start to dig into my skin.
 We moan into each other’s mouths, his grip on my jaw becoming tighter.

    We
can’t get close enough in this position, so he quickly encourages me to turn my
body toward him, guiding my hips with his hands.  I follow his command and
straddle his lap, while our mouths stay fused. It’s a desperate kiss now.
 I’m no longer thinking about how to kiss, it just happens.  Passion
takes over and drives me.  I wrap my arms around his neck and press myself
into him.  He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and then licks it before
he moves his open mouth down my neck.  That ache I felt in the hallway
while watching him have sex returns at full force.  It radiates through my
entire body.  I feel like I’m on fire.  He holds me to him while he
dips his head to my chest.  I hold onto his biceps, leaning my body back
into his arms as he sucks on the skin that is spilling out of my bra.  My
nipples pucker underneath the silk fabric.  I think about how I pleasured
myself in the shower and know now that the sensations I’m feeling, the way
Dillon is touching me, is nothing I could have ever prepared myself for.
 There is no comparison.  My hips start moving on their own, my body
craving something more.  He encourages my movements by moving his hands
over my ass and pressing me down onto his erection.  My skirt is practically
pushed up to my waist.  I grab at the hem of his t-shirt trying to get it
off of him, but my hands are shaking and I fumble around until he whips it off
with one hand.