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    “Yeah.”

    He
turns off the burners on the stove and guides me gently with his hand on my
back over to the couch.  Warmth radiates from where his hand settles on my
back and travels through the rest of my body. I’m trying to hold in all the
emotions that are building inside of me.  There’s so much pressure in my
head, I feel like I’m going to explode.

    I
sit on the couch with my hands in my lap. Dillon sits next to me and turns his body
so he’s facing me, his knee bent on the couch and almost touching my thigh.
 He places his arm on the back of the couch behind my head and I can feel
the heat of his body.  He’s not even touching me, but my heart is racing.

    “Amy,
talk to me.  Please.  I just need to understand so I can help you.
 I’m not going to judge you.  I’m not going to pressure you to do
anything you don’t want to do.  I just want you to talk to me.  Tell
me what happened in that house, please?”

    I
fiddle with my hands, thinking of how to start.   Tears flood my eyes
and I see his hand move slowly towards me through my blurred vision.  He
doesn’t grab my hand, but he offers me his.  I look up into his eyes and
he gives me a soft smile.  I place my hand in his and he gives it a gentle
squeeze.

    “I
just remember my mother being really sad all the time and sleeping a lot when I
was little.  She did read to me and play with me on her good days.
 The older man would bring boxes once a month with food and supplies.  Sometimes
clothes, some toys, or books for school.  I would spend my days reading
textbooks, cleaning, and cooking meals while my mother slept.  I wasn’t
allowed outside.  As I got older, I think she stopped taking her
medication when she wasn’t supposed to.  She was sleeping less, but she
would become angry and sometimes I think she would hallucinate.  She…..she
thought I was dirty.  She would force me in hot showers that burned my
skin. She would make me scrub the house for hours.  She would have these
episodes and then afterwards, cry and beg me to forgive her.  She put a
lock on my door so that I could escape her.  She was afraid she would hurt
me.  She continued to get worse.  When I turned thirteen, that skinny
man came to our house for the first time.  She hid me in the pantry.
 I heard her screaming and I heard him grunting.”

    I
can’t stop the tears anymore, they just keep coming, so I let them fall.
 I hear Dillon release a breath and then squeeze my hand trying to comfort
me.

    “She
dug a hole through the pantry floor after he left.  The next time he came,
she hid me in it.  There were bugs crawling all over me and it was hot.
 She left me there for at least two days.  I was really sick for a
few days after that.  Probably dehydrated.  She started calling me a
whore and accused me of doing things.  She started hitting me.”  I
reach up and touch the fading bruise on my cheek, remembering the force of my
journal hitting my face and the wild look in her eyes.  “I locked myself
in my room a lot.  The last time the skinny man came, I didn’t have time
to get out of her bedroom to hide in the pantry, so I hid in her bedroom
closet.  I watched him rape her and hit her.  He called out for me
afterwards, said he’d be back.  That’s when she tried to…..I have
nightmares about him finding me and my mother not being here to hide me
anymore.”

    I
cover my face with both of my hands and just sob.  He knows.  He
knows how damaged I am now.  I feel him pull on my shoulder.  He
pulls me towards him and I collapse into his arms.  His body is warm and
is the perfect combination of hard and soft.  His arms wrap tightly around
my back.  They’re strong, but I know they won’t hurt me.  They’ll
protect me.  I haven’t felt this kind of intimate contact since I was a
little girl.  I can’t even describe the overwhelming emotion.  I grip
his t-shirt in my fist and weep into his chest, soaking his shirt with my
tears.

    “Amy,
you’re safe.  I won’t let anyone hurt you.  I promise,” he whispers
into my hair.

    He
holds me while I continue to cry.  I eventually become so exhausted that I
close my eyes and relax into his arms.  My breaths hiccup as I try to calm
down.   Dillon strokes my back gently, whispering to me that
everything is going to be okay.  His heartbeat lulls me to sleep.  I
shift and wake several times, unsure of where I am.  The next time I wake,
he’s asleep on one side of the couch, sitting up with his head resting against
the back cushion.  I’m curled up in a ball in the corner on the other
side. Knowing that he’s still here with me, comforts me.  I close my eyes
again, giving in to my exhaustion.

    It’s
dark.  It’s hot.  I can’t stretch my legs and I can’t move my arms to
get the bugs out of my hair.  My tears are mixed with dirt and dried to my
face.  I hear my mother screaming and I hear his steel-toed boots tapping
on the tiles above my head.  Her screams get louder and his footsteps get
closer.  All of a sudden, a burst of light fills the hole as he slides the
wooden board over.  It blinds me for a minute until I feel his rough hands
on me.  I force my eyes open as he tugs forcefully on me trying to drag me
from the hole.  He has no face.  I scream.

    I
startle myself awake.  I’m sweating and gasping for breath.  I look
around in a panic and see Dillon still asleep next to me.  He sleeps so
peacefully.  I watch him until I calm my breathing and then crawl across
the couch to curl up into his side.  I feel his arm wrap around me
protectively as I settle into him.  I blink my eyes over and over, trying
to keep them open.  I don’t want to go back to sleep.

CHAPTER 8

Dillon

    Amy’s
not sleeping and neither am I.  I’m not getting any work done.  I’m
exhausted and I know she is too; mentally and physically.  I woke up on the
couch this morning with her in my arms.  I didn’t want to let go.
 When she awakened, she seemed a little uncomfortable, but she took a leap
last night opening up about her mother and talking about what she went through.
 She let me hold her.  It’s a step forward and I know she trusts me
now.  I still wish she would agree to see a doctor, but I’m not going to
push.  I think if she has Laney to talk to, it will help her.  Amy
never really had her mother to talk to about things, and I can imagine there are
things an eighteen year old girl needs to talk about.  I know Laney won’t
judge and will make her feel comfortable.  As soon as Amy gets up to get
into the shower, I sneak downstairs to call her.

    “Laney.”

    “Hey
little brother.  I was going to call you today.  It’s super early, is
everything okay?”

    “Not
really.”

    “Is
dad okay?”

    “Yeah,
it’s not dad.  Listen, I really need your help with something.  Do
you remember me telling you about that girl that lives in the fenced property?”

    “Yeah.”

    “She’s
here.  Friday night at the bonfire, she showed up all freaked out.
 She hiked through the woods in the dark.  Her mother tried to commit
suicide and take her with her.  Laney, she was kept by her mother in that
house.  She was hidden there.  They never left.  She talks about
a man that would come to the house and hurt her mother and that he was coming
back for her, so her mother thought killing the both of them was the only way
out.  She doesn’t want to see a doctor because she doesn’t want to take
medication like her mother.  She finally opened up to me last night but
I’m really worried about her.  She doesn’t sleep…..”

    “Dillon.
 Slow down.  Where is she right now?”

    “She’s
in the shower.  I can’t talk long.”

    “Was
she abused?”

    “Not
sexually.  She said no.  Her mother was physical though and she saw
things. She saw this guy do things to her mother. She’s messed up Laney.
 I’ve been sick to my stomach thinking about it.  The night she got
here, she had a nightmare, more like a night terror.  I’ve never seen
anything like it.  It scared the shit out of me.  Then again last
night.  She fell asleep on the couch and I heard her whimpering.  She
let me hold her, but I don’t think she slept.  I’m barely getting sleep myself
and I’m not able to focus on the ranch. I don’t know what I’m doing.
  I don’t know how to help her.”

    “Dillon,
do you remember when Mom left for New York and I was completely distraught?
 I was ten and you were only six.  Do you remember how you held me
when I cried?  You were the only one that could calm me down.”

    “That’s
so different Laney.”

    “Do
you remember when Eddie Fremore broke up with me?  You wiped my tears and
told me how beautiful I was and how he didn’t deserve me. That I was better off
without him and that someday my prince would come and sweep me off of my feet
and that I should accept no less because I’m a princess and deserve a prince.
 You gave me so much confidence that I was able to go back to school the
next day without shedding a tear, even though he made out with Sharon Westing
right in front of me.”

    “Some
guy didn’t break up with her Laney.”

    “I’m
just saying that if there is one person in this world that can comfort a broken
girl and help her heal, it’s you.  Just be yourself Dillon.  Just be
there for her, that’s all you can do.”

    “I
was hoping maybe you could take her out. Do girl shit.  Take her mind off
things.  Get her off of this ranch for a little while.  She needs
clothes and stuff.”

    “I
can do that.  I’d love to. I can come out next weekend.  I can take
her shopping.  Caiden can take some time off to be with Daisy.  He’s
due for some daddy/daughter time.  In the meantime, just take it slow with
her. Just listen and be there.  You’re a good guy Dillon.”

    “Thanks.
 Thanks for taking the time.  I think that will be good for her.
She’s been in your room, using some of your stuff.  I didn’t think you’d
mind.  Oh, and shit Laney, she’s reading that crap you have stashed all
over the place.  What the hell kind of books are those?”

    She
laughs.  “Ah Dillon, it’s all good. I have to go.  Daisy’s up from
her nap.  I’ll see you Friday.”

    “See
you.”

    After
hanging up with Laney, I feel a little better.  I end up working all day
long out on the ranch.  I get a lot done, but I can’t stop thinking about
Amy.  I miss her and I wish I could spend more time with her, but I keep
getting behind on all of my work.  By the time I head back to the house,
the sun is already setting and I’m exhausted.  I grab some cold water and
sink into the couch.  I must sit there for an hour just thinking about Amy
and how she must be feeling and what else I might be able to do to help her.
 Then it hits me from out of nowhere.  I slap my forehead.  Why
the hell didn’t I think about this sooner?

     I
read about equine therapy when I was researching ways to expand the business.
 I’m no therapist, but I did read a lot about it.  Studies have shown
that troubled youth can benefit from working with horses. Endorphins are
released, reducing stress causing chemicals.  They say that since the size
of horses can be intimidating, working with them also helps develop trust.
 My mind is spinning.  Not only will she benefit from helping me with
the horses, but I will too.  I’ll get to spend more time with her.

CHAPTER 9

Amy

    I
can’t sleep even though I’m mentally and physically exhausted.  I sit down
on Laney’s bed with my legs crossed under me and scatter a bunch of books all
around me.  I read the summary on each one and choose the one with a
shirtless man on the cover.  He is all muscle, like Dillon.  The
character’s personality in the book even reminds me of Dillon.  He’s
rugged and outdoorsy, but sweet and caring.  The girl’s character is
confident and aggressive.  She takes charge and he likes it.  It
makes me wonder if Dillon likes that.  I’m not sure I can be that
confident.  By the time I finish reading the last page, the sun is already
rising.  I’m so tired but I’m also hot and irritated now.  Just as I
start to pick up another book, Dillon knocks and pokes his head in.

    “Can
I come in?”

    “Sure.”
 I glance around at the seven books surrounding me.  They all have
topless people intertwined together.  I suddenly feel embarrassed.  I
can feel my face heat up.

    As
Dillon walks towards me, I take a good look at him.  He’s tall, definitely
over six feet. He’s fit and tan from working on the ranch.  His t-shirt
stretches across his broad shoulders and muscular arms and his worn jeans hang
low on his hips.  His dark hair is a little unruly, sticking up every
which way. His big brown eyes are kind and warm. Sometimes he looks into mine
like he can see deep down into my soul.  Like he can see everything I’ve
been through and he wants to take it all away.

    He
sits on the edge of the bed and I immediately feel that flutter in my tummy.
 He smells so good.  I want to bury my face in his chest and inhale.
 He smells like fresh laundry and coffee.  He glances at all the
books scattered on the bed.  One in particular catches his attention.
 There are two men and a girl dressed in leather on the cover in
provocative poses.  He looks back up at me under his thick eyelashes and
the corner of his mouth lifts.  He’s trying not to laugh at me. He must
see the embarrassment on my face and quickly distracts me.

    “Were
you okay last night?”

    “Yeah.”

    “I
worked really late and then fell asleep on the couch.”

    “It’s
okay.  I kept busy.”

    He
looks at all the books again and nods.  “So, I was thinking.  I could
really use some help with the horses.  How’d you like me to teach you how
to run a horse ranch?”  He claps and rubs his hands together.

    “Really?
 I would love that.”  I toss the books aside and smile widely at
him..

    “Good.
 Laney has some jeans and boots in her closet you can wear.  Grab
something to eat and some coffee.  You’re gonna need it.  I’ll meet
you downstairs.”

    I’m
actually really excited.  I was hoping to help out and make myself useful
around here. I quickly dress in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from Laney’s
closet and find some boots as well.  Her clothes are a bit big on me, but
they work for now.  I braid my hair to get it out of my face and head
downstairs.  Dillon is leaning against the kitchen counter with his legs
crossed at his ankles and his arms crossed over his chest.  As soon he
sees me, he whistles and tips his cowboy hat.

    “Wow!
 You look like a real cowgirl. One thing you’re missing.”  He turns
and lifts a hat off of the counter.  It looks similar to the one I saw his
girlfriend wear.  He walks over to me and places the hat on my head.
 I can feel his breath on my face, he’s so close. “Perfect.  You’ll
need it to protect you from the sun.  It’s intense.”  Then he taps my
nose.

    “Thanks.”
 Just the thought of him wanting to protect me from the sun makes me
smile.

We walk past the first barn
that holds all of the farm and tractor equipment and he takes me to a huge barn
that has about twelve horse stalls.

    “We
have seven horses right now.  Ben, Chester, Sierra, Levi, Buster, Ben and
Daisy.  They’re big, but don’t let their size scare you.  They won’t
hurt you.”

    “Which
one is this?” I ask as I stand in front of a beautiful black and white horse.
 He seems so tame.

    “That’s
Buster.  He’s an old guy.  When you ride, I’ll put you on him.
 He’s slow and gentle.  You’ll like him.  Once we’re all
finished here, we’ll go for a ride.”

    “Really?”
 I feel like a little girl.  I’m so excited, I want to jump up and
down.  Since that first day I saw the horses, I dreamed of being able to
ride.  “So what do we have to do?”

    “First
we have to hay, feed and water the horses.  Then each horse has to be
groomed.  Then we have to muck the stalls and then dump and spread the
manure out in the fields with the tractor. We also have to record all the
feedings, water changes and grooming.”

    I
stare at him blankly.  I didn’t sleep last night.  At all.  Just
listening to all that work makes me yawn.  I cover my mouth as I try to
suck in as much oxygen as I can.

    “Don’t
worry, it’s not that bad and with both of us working, we’ll get done fast and
then we can relax.  So, if you can start filling their buckets with water,
I’ll start cleaning out the stalls and then we can fill them with hay.”

    “I
can do that.”

    We
work side by side.  Dillon shows me where all of the supplies are.
 It takes a few hours to finish the stalls.  We take a quick water
break and get back to work.

    “Now
we have to make them all pretty.”  He brings out a bunch of different
shaped brushes and a bucket of water and washcloths.  “They like to be
groomed so don’t be scared of them.  You can start with Buster.
 First we use this brush in a circular motion to remove the dirt and loose
hair, then this brush we use in straight short motions, and then the soft brush
we use last and on the more sensitive areas. This comb is for their mane and
tail. Then we use a sponge for their faces and docking areas.”

    “Docking
areas?”

    “Their
asses.”

    “Oh.”
 He chuckles at me and then grabs the brush.

    “Here
let me show you.”

    He
stands super close to me and puts the brush in my hand.  Putting his hand
over mine, he shows me how much pressure to use and how to brush the circles on
the horse. His hand is strong and yet gentle.  I can feel my hand shaking
under his.         

    “See,
he likes it.  He’d much rather have a pretty girl brushing him than me.”
 He winks at me.  “Grooming the horses also helps them build trust
with you.  They’ll get used to you and trust you to take care of them.
 Here.”  He takes the brush from my hand and sets it down.  He
reaches for my hand again and places it on the horse’s nose.  “You don’t
have to be scared to touch him.  He likes it.”

    I
can’t help but to think he may be talking about more than just the horse.
 We split up the horses and groom them all.  By the third one, I’m a
pro.  I even let one eat some hay out of my hand.  I’ve never smiled
so much in my life.  I’m so tired from all the work but I also feel an
intense sense of gratification.  For the first time in a long time, I have
hope for the future.

    Dillon
lets me off the hook with poop duty.  He can tell I’m about to fall over.
 He sends me off to take a shower while he disposes of the manure and
tells me to dress in something comfortable, and that he’ll meet me back at the
barn in an hour.

    I
turn the water on and step into the shower.  As I close my eyes and let
the spray of warm water massage my sore muscles and wash the dirt and grime off
of my body, I replay the day’s events in my head with a smile tugging on my
lips.  I soap up my hands and rub the suds across my chest and breasts.
 My nipples stiffen and suddenly feel very sensitive. It’s not something
I’ve ever felt before. I skim my fingertips back over my hardened nipples as
pleasure radiates through my entire body.  My legs start to feel weak.
 My lips part as my breathing increases.  I’ve never touched myself.
 I’ve never even thought about it.  I’ve never had the need.  Something
in me is changing.  I place my foot on the side of the tub, spreading my
legs, and explore myself with my finger.  I think about Dillon and imagine
him touching me there.  I close my eyes and my finger moves faster in a
circular motion over my sensitive bundle of nerves, and within just a few
minutes, an overwhelming sensation causes my body to jolt, and I have to reach
out and steady myself against the shower wall.  I remove my finger and
take a couple of deep breaths.  I feel shaky.  I stand there for a
few minutes feeling a little embarrassed, thinking that Dillon has definitely
awakened parts of my body that I never knew existed.

    I
dry off and change into a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt from Laney’s closet.
 I pull my hair up into a ponytail and head back out to the barn.
 Dillon isn’t here yet, so I visit with the horses, letting them eat hay
out of my hand again.  I talk to them and pat their noses. It’s probably a
simple thing to most, but for me, it just means so much.  To be able to
trust and be so comfortable around them already.

    “Hey!
 Have you been waiting long?”  Dillon struts in wearing his worn
boots, denim and a plain white tee.

    “I
just got here.”  I can feel my cheeks warm when I look at him, as if he
knows what I just did in the shower while thinking about him.

    “Good.
 Ready to ride?”

    “Yes!
 I’m so excited.”

    Dillon
guides Buster and his horse Ben out of the stalls.  After he ties their
leads to a post, he holds his hand out to me.  I let him take my hand and
guide me to where he wants me to stand.

    “Okay,
so I want you to hold on to this horn with your left hand. Then put your left
foot here in the stirrups.  Then swing your right leg up and over the
saddle.  I’m going to help lift you up okay?”

    “Okay.”

    I do
as he says and try to lift myself over the horse and as I struggle to get
myself up, I feel his strong hands grip my ass and push me over.  A grunt
of some sort belts out of my throat and I hear him laugh.  When I finally
get settled on the horse, he comes to stand next to me.

    “You
feel comfortable?”

    “I
guess.”  No.  I’m freaked out.

    “Don’t
worry about controlling Buster.  He’ll follow Ben when we get to the
trail.  Just hold onto these reins.  You can pull them to the right
or left to tell him to turn.  If you need him to stop, pull back on them.
 If he’s moving downhill, lean back a bit, if he’s going uphill, you’ll
want to lean forward a bit.  He’s easy.  He’ll follow me.  If he
stops, just give him a swift kick in the ass.  Good?”

    “I
don’t really have to kick him, do I?”

    “Yeah.
 You won’t hurt him.  I promise.  If you can’t, let me know.
 I’ll get him moving for you.”

    I
watch Dillon mount his horse with ease and take control.  I feel flush and
have to fan my face. As Buster follows him through the trails, my eyes have a
hard time leaving his backside as he rides that horse.  I can’t help but
watch all the muscles in his body flexing.

    As
the horses pick up their pace and start a slow gallop, I feel the breeze lif
strands of my hair into the air.  I look up to the blue skies and the
sunshine and then all around me at the never ending acres of trees and meadows.
 Birds are flying and butterflies are fluttering around us.  I feel
free. I smile to myself.  I never thought I’d feel like this.  It’s
exhilarating.

    We
come upon a clearing and Buster stops behind Ben.  Dillon jumps down and
fastens their leads to a tree.  He jogs over and reaches his arms out to
me. I remember watching him catch his girlfriend in his arms.  I suddenly
get incredibly nervous.

    “Lean
down and put your hands on my shoulders.  I’ll pull you down.  It’s
okay.”

    I
lean down and put my hands on his shoulders as he reaches up to grab my hips
and he lifts me into the air.  I swing my leg over the horse and keep my
legs straight as boards so they go straight down to the ground instead of
around his body.  My feet hit the ground and I bounce on my feet and let
go of his shoulders. “Thanks.”

    “So,
I brought us a picnic lunch so we can sit and relax.”  He spreads out a
thin blanket on the grass and hands me a bottle of water.  “I brought some
crackers and cheese and some grapes.  Not much, but I’m a guy and that’s
all I could come up with.”

    “Sounds
good.”  I sit on the blanket with my legs crossed and Dillon sits right
next to me with his legs stretched out in front of him while he leans back on
his arms.  I pop a grape in my mouth and the explosion of juice causes a
small moan to escape my mouth. “Wow.  These are so good.”

    “Like
grapes?”  He asks with a raised eyebrow. My excitement over a grape must
confuse him.

    “Never
really had them.  We didn’t really get fresh fruit, mostly canned fruit.
 We ate a lot of canned vegetables, soups, bread…..anyway.”  I shake
my head.