Hidden Gem Short Story Collection (9781301405985) (26 page)

“You guys weren’t a thing after that?
Everyone was saying you two were runnin’ round behind Tyler Chase’s
back.”

“No,” Damian replied. “I’d never do that to
someone. I already feel bad about having feelings for her at all
while they were still together.”

“Why?” Azura laughed. “That’s pathetic.”
Damian furrowed his brows, feeling for a moment like he was talking
to Aubrey. She probably would have said the same thing had he ever
told her what he was feeling.

“I guess.”

“Well. Did you make a move when they broke
up?”

“Yeah. I waited a little. As long as I
could. Then I flew back to our hometown where she was staying and I
thought about what I’d say the whole way back. Then I got there.
And we were alone. And I know her, so I knew when I looked in her
eye that day that she didn’t want anything more than what we had
already.”

“You knew for sure?”

He nodded. “Without a doubt. She had been
through a lot. Was starting a new career. She needed to be on her
own.”

“How about now?”

“I don’t know.” There was a heavy silence.
He stared at the floor, kicking his feet against the patterned
carpet. The alcohol was completely gone and he was once again aware
of the soreness in his body. He reached a hand around to rub his
shoulder. Azura took his hand, lowering it to his lap before
putting her on hands on his back.

“I’m not tryin’ anything, I swear,” she
laughed as she rubbed his shoulders for him. “I’m just good at
massages – like, real ones. Not the kind that’s meant to be all
sexy and shit, though I’m good at those too. And I want you to
focus on this whole Gemma thing now that you’re talkin’. So. Talk
to me.” He allowed her to continue, believing her for some reason.
There was a shift in the air between them. Azura had a new goal,
and it wasn’t getting Damian in bed.

“There’s not much to say.”

“Are you in love with her again?” Azura
asked. Damian stalled, closing his eyes and ducking his head as she
worked the knot out of his back.
What did she mean again?
He
felt himself begin to loosen up right as he was struck by a swift
slap to the arm. “Answer me!” He straightened up, turning to look
at Azura. She was somehow able to sit back on her feet despite the
tight leather pants and was looking at him, waiting for an answer.
Am I in love with Gemma again?
Damian studied Azura,
wondering how he’d answer. Did she phrase it that way because Nicki
had happened in between? Or did she assume that it’d be natural to
have fallen out of love at some point since the six years he’s
known her? Or perhaps Azura had thought it too torturous, or maybe
boring, that Damian had steadily
truly
loved just one person
this whole time?

“Before I answer anything else, I need to
ask
you
some questions,” Damian said. “I know your songs.
It’s hard
not
to know your songs. And despite the fact that
ninety-five percent of your music is about how much you hate all
the men who dumped you, the NBA seems to love it. So I hear
a
lot
of it and I know your stuff well.”

“Why, thank you,” Azura bowed her head in
exaggerated appreciation.

“It wasn’t by choice,” Damian laughed. “But
it’s all grown on me, I admit. And you know, when you get to
hearing so much of it, you start to learn and maybe even memorize
some of those lyrics.”

“Oh yeah?” Azura smiled.

“What I want to know is how you’ve loved so
hard, so many times. How are you a year younger than I am and
somehow survived ten times as many breakups? And how can you still
want to do it all over again when according to your songs, each and
every relationship completely tears you apart and incapacitates you
to the degree that it does?” Azura cocked her head, staring at him
as if she was still processing everything he had asked. Then, she
burst out laughing.

“I don’t understand,” Azura said. “Are you
asking me why I keep trying? To
find love.
And be
happy?”

“Were you trying to find love with me?”
Damian asked. “Because semi-stalking a guy is not the best way to
start.”

“You’re not a stalker if you’re beautiful,”
Azura replied, gazing over her shoulder at a nearby reflection.

“That,” Damian laughed. “Is not exactly
true.”

“Maybe I made a bit of a fool of myself with
you,” Azura said. “I’ll admit it, I do that sometimes. I’m a bit
dramatic. But I like to know that I tried and failed rather than
wonder what might’ve been. Call it whatever you want to call it –
desperate, needy, crazy, whatever. Maybe that’s true, but that’s
how I work. And until I find a better solution, that’s what I’m
gonna keep doing. And if I fuck up, I’ll write a song about
it.”

“Are you gonna write a song about me?”

“Why? Nothing even happened.”

“Okay, just checking,” Damian smiled.

“So,” Azura said, propping her chin up. “Do
we know each other a little better now?”

“Just a little.”

“I think I know you enough now to know that
you were right about not being the guy I thought you were from what
I’ve read and all those rumors I’ve heard.”

“That’s good to know.”

“How about me? Am I like what everyone
says?”

“Sort of,” Damian laughed. “But it’s not a
bad thing, really. I like your passion.”

“I think you could use some of it,” Azura
said. Damian raised his eyebrows. She paused a moment before she
rolled her eyes. “Ugh, I feel like I’m going to have to be saying
this a lot around you, but I’m not coming onto you, I swear. I just
meant that you could stand to be a little more passionate. Instead
of being some sort of emotionless superhero for everybody. Your
teammates are big boys, they’ll deal when you leave their asses
behind. And they’re good people from what I saw. If you need to air
your feelings out and be a little emotional or something, one of
them is bound to give up a hunky shoulder to cry on. You don’t have
to be all quiet and broody and live inside your own head if you’ve
got something on your mind that you’re afraid to talk about. Open
up. People are there for you like you’ve been there for them.
You’ve got that Josh kid, and Aubrey, and maybe even me if you
still feel like talking to me after tonight.” She took in a deep
breath, cocking her head at Damian.

“Why do I have a feeling you’re not
done?”

“Because I’m not,” she exhaled. “This
passion thing. You gotta show Gemma some of that.”

“I have,” Damian said quickly, taken
aback.

“Just cause you
feel
passionate about
her doesn’t mean she’s seeing it.”

“She’s gotta know. I care about her more
than anything in the world.”

“Look, I know you’re a baller and you can’t
just go out there and write a song about her but me and Tyler Chase
are on the same record label and I’ve heard some of the songs on
his upcoming album and I mean,
that’s
passion.”

“
Please
don’t compare me to him.
Everyone’s compared us at this point, I think the world has
exhausted that topic and I thought everyone had forgotten about it
by now.”

“Just let loose a little. Everything you
feel about her?
Show
her. Don’t force it. Just let loose and
give it a go. See what happens.”

“I’m not sure I can.”

“
Fucking
try,” Azura said, smacking
him again on the arm. “Jeez, man. You let me talk that long and
you’re all like, ‘ooh, I’m not sure I can.’ Please. I know you
don’t like those rumors going around about you being a womanizer
and all, but I’m not sure this strong silent type is workin’ out so
good for you. So maybe it’s time to find something in between.
Womanizers are
passionate.
And like I said. You need to
embrace that a little. I’m not saying to be something you aren’t.
You know me now, you see that I sure as hell don’t care to be
something I’m not. I’m not for that phony shit at all. I’m saying
be yourself, just be
more
yourself. Like let it out.”

“Alright,” Damian laughed. “Seriously. I get
it. I’m just going to need some time to wrap my mind around it all.
But I’ll work on it. This whole passion thing you insist I don’t
have enough of.” He leaned back on the bed, looking at her. She was
dead serious, rambling on like a cross between a cheerleader and a
life coach. It was probably this side of her that Aubrey had seen
and appreciated. She
wasn’t
that different from how the
media portrayed her, but there was a lot more depth to the
caricature they had created.

“I’ll be there for you. Me and Aubrey.”

“Thanks,” Damian sighed, a quick laugh
escaping his throat. “This is crazy. But I think I feel
better.”

“About Gemma? About your big decision? About
life in general?”

“Just
better
for now. Let’s take it
one step at a time.”

“Oh man,” Azura pouted. “I’ve never been
good at that. That whole one step at a time thing.”

“Well. We went from strangers to, I’d say,
pretty close friends today. I just told you all these things I
haven’t told anyone. So we did kind of skip a bunch of steps there.
And if I wake up tomorrow and still feel the way I do right now,
like maybe acting on all this advice you’re giving me, I’m pretty
sure I’m going to continue
needing
your advice.”

“And if after I give you all that advice
anyway, and you still fail, I’ll give you a free copy of my latest
album. Because you’ll need it.”

“Thanks,” Damian replied, sheepishly.

“Okay, I got one more thing though,” Azura
said, holding a hand up like she was about to begin another one of
her long, semi-inspirational rambles. Damian braced himself. “I
gotta ask. What’s your deal with this chick, exactly? I mean, is
she like crazy good in bed?” Damian laughed harder than he
expected. He pulled up his t-shirt to cover his face, feeling his
cheeks get hot.

“Yeah, no,” he continued laughing. “That’s
not it. Because she and I, we never...” Azura sat still, suddenly
so quiet that Damian had to lift his head to check if she was still
there. Her eyes were wide, genuinely stunned.

“
Whaaat
…” she finally uttered. “Oh my
God. This just got so good. Keep talking, keep talking.”

~

Azura spent the night, reassuring him again
that she promised to “be good.” Not that he was worried. She had
probably lost interest in him pretty quickly, once the reality set
in that he wasn’t the bad boy Lothario she thought he was. They
talked in bed until she drifted off to sleep. Damian watched her as
she lay there peacefully, looking almost innocent, wondering how
many men would kill to be in his shoes. He thought about all the
women that Pop Dinner had said he dated. About half the list was
true to some degree, he had taken some of the women on dates and
managed some short-lived pseudo-relationships with the others. And
a good majority of them
were
in fact on the Maxim 100. But
he didn’t categorize them in his head in the form of lists. They
weren’t just conquests to check off as everyone seemed to think
they were for him. They were undoubtedly beautiful, but he
appreciated each girl as the individuals they were, remembering
them for their favorite hobbies, their little quirks, their
talents, interests, skills. There was no denying that he had indeed
dated and ultimately, for lack of better words, dumped some of the
most eligible single women in the world. But it wasn’t because he
was spoiled by his fame and growing into some cold, hard-to-please
person. If anything, he hadn’t changed enough at all.

Had he had it his way, Gemma would have
moved with him to Los Angeles when they were still in high school
and they would have never been apart. He couldn’t bring himself to
tell her this. He didn’t want her to think he was crazy. He didn’t
want her to know that he thought
this
much about her. He
didn’t want to ruin the amazing friendship they had by confessing
to her that he had never,
not for a moment,
fallen out of
love with her. But most of all, he didn’t want her to feel like he
was trying to claim her for himself in any way. There were too many
things in her life that had tried to do that, and it never turned
out well.

He wondered how many players in the past had
avoided a city, just because of who might have lived there. Maybe
he was crazy for thinking it would even be an issue at all. New
York was a big place and he’d be traveling so much for his away
games that it hardly mattered where he lived – right? He closed his
eyes, finally ready for the question, ready for that trick his
mother had taught him.

Don’t think. First thing that comes to mind.
Where do you want to be next season?

But instead of the name of a city, he saw a
flash of a familiar face. He saw her emerald green eyes. He saw her
beautiful, rosy lips smile the smile that made his strong legs
weak. He heard the warm laugh that came with every hug she gave
him. He could smell the vanilla and lavender – her favorite color,
her favorite scent. It was as if she was actually there, in his
arms, sharing a bed together like they did that night in the shore
house.

He opened his eyes, taking in a deep breath.
The vivid image of Gemma was gone. The warmth he felt, the sound of
her voice, faded back into the low breeze and hum of the air
conditioner. Damian blinked into the darkness, remembering what it
was like to love Gemma with nothing in the way. Without Madison’s
head games, without Lucas, without Los Angeles and UCLA and Nicki
and Queen Bee and Tyler and everything that came between them. As
long as he had known Gemma, the moments in which they had truly had
just to themselves were fleeting. It was a tiny percentage of their
relationship that was easy to dismiss. That was why he had trouble
recalling their time together as anything romantic, even if he knew
it was there. Even if he had felt it so deeply in his own heart.
And Azura was right. He had held back all those years. But because
he
had
to. And the first moment he had a chance to say
something, he no longer knew how.