Hidden in Lies (18 page)

“It’s okay, but I’m here if you ever need to talk.” I leave it at that and turn my attention back toward the television, not wanting to upset him by digging deeper. His mood goes back to the way it was, and soon we’re talking like I never brought it up.

Even though we’ve moved on to other topics of conversation, I can’t get that look out of my head. He looked so lost, pained, sad.

Broken.

I guess we’re both broken in our own way. His seems to stem from something more traumatic, but maybe that’s what’s drawing us in. We recognize the brokenness in each other. Maybe we can find all of our pieces and help to make each other whole.

A RATTLING NOISE
wakes me, causing my eyes to fly open. Alex stands up quickly and moves in front of me in a protective stance, watching the door carefully to see who is entering. I hear his voice before he enters, and Alex and I both relax when we realize it’s Cal fumbling with the doorknob. Looking at the clock I see that it’s already six o’clock, which means I’ve been asleep for roughly two hours or so. Alex spins around to sit in one of the opposing chairs, his bloodshot eyes telling me he was probably snoozing too.

“Were you sleeping on the job, Mr. Matthews?” I whisper to him.

One eyebrow quirks up before he says, “Well, if someone wasn’t boring the shit out of me with their crappy TV, then maybe I wouldn’t have passed out.” I’m about to sass him back when Cal enters the room.

“Did you do anything useful today, Elizabeth?” I’m about to recite the same list of things I do daily when the day’s events flash through my head on repeat. Me kissing Alex. Taking his jacket off. Holy shit, him ripping my shirt in half! I’m getting hot flashes now just thinking about it. “Are you sick? You look a little flush.” Cal’s head tilts to the side a little. I reflexively bring my hands up to my cheeks to feel that they are warm, but it’s not from being sick. I feel Alex drilling holes into the side of my face with his stare, but I can’t bring myself to look at him.

I clear my throat. “I’ve been feeling a little off today, but it’s nothing I’m sure.” Being the super-attentive husband that he is, he doesn’t ask any more questions about me and jumps right into himself.

“These bills are taking a little longer to vote on than I thought. We can’t get the other side to agree on anything and I have to be here for it. So we’re not going back out on the campaign until a week and half from now.” I nod knowing that he doesn’t want my input, he’s simply telling me where I’ll need to be and when. “I’m going to get in the shower before dinner.” With that, he stands and goes upstairs.

“Been a little off, huh? Seems to me like you were very much on, and I wouldn’t call what we did nothing.” When I look at Alex, his eyes are raking up and down my body. My thighs clench at the memory of him being nestled between them. I roll my eyes, trying to hide my arousal and the acknowledgment that he’s right. I’m about to go to the kitchen to start dinner and cool off a little when a vibrating noise gets my attention. Looking down at the coffee table, I see Cal’s phone lying there. It’s very rare for him to leave it anywhere since it’s usually attached to his hip. Curiosity gets the best of me and I look at the caller ID.

Mona.

The one name I didn’t want to see. Each time I push my suspicions to the back of my mind, something else happens to make them rear their ugly head. First his intimate conversation with her this morning, and now she’s calling again? Voicemail picks it up, but a few seconds later there’s another ping alerting to a text message. With shaking hands, I grab the phone even though I know I shouldn’t.

Hey, love. Sorry you had to cut out early. I miss you. See you tomorrow. XO, M.

I drop the phone back onto the table as if it’s burned me. “What’s wrong?” Alex asks me. I had forgotten he was in the room.

Shaking my head I say, “Nothing.” I turn to walk away, but am stopped by a hand at my elbow.

“I thought we’ve already discussed your shitty ability to lie to me,” he says into my ear. The hairs at the back of my neck stand on end.

“I think Cal’s cheating on me.” It comes out as a whisper as if voicing it aloud makes it any more true. If I’m being honest, I’m not upset by the act of infidelity regarding Cal. It’s not like I love my husband, and I’m not under any illusions that suggest he really loves me either. I’m upset with the humiliation that comes with it. The fact that Mona knows he’s married and is sneaking behind my back. She must think I’m pathetic, weak, worthless.

A fool.

The house of cards I have carefully built is slowly crumbling down. He disrespects me in every other way, why not cheat on me too? The part that makes my stomach turn is thinking about him fucking her and coming home trying to fuck me or shove his dick in my mouth. That makes me feel nauseous.

“How do you know?” Alex asks from behind me.

“Call it woman’s intuition,” I deadpan. My body turns to face him so I can speak quietly. I don’t want Cal to overhear me. “I had a hunch about it when I walked in on a ‘meeting’ he was having with her. They looked a little too cozy, too casual to have a professional relationship.” Alex raises his eyebrow at me and it’s not lost on me that we’re in the exact situation. I sigh. “Yes, I see the irony in all of this. Anyway, I heard him on the phone with her this morning saying how he looked forward to seeing her. It was the way he said it. With affection and warmth. He never talks to me in such a kind tone. Plus, it’s a little odd that she’s calling his personal phone. Then there’s the text message he just got.” My head tilts down toward the phone. He picks it up and reads the message.

“This doesn’t exactly prove he’s cheating. We’ve done more than send each other a few messages, sweetheart.” At that moment, the phone vibrates in his hand.

“What does it say?” I try to peak over at it, standing on my toes to get a better angle, but he holds it to his chest blocking my view.

“Nothing important. Look, if you feel like he’s cheating, then why don’t you just leave him?” He places the phone back down on the coffee table and guides me into the kitchen. I get a feeling that whatever flashed across the screen isn’t good and he’s trying to keep me from seeing it.

“I just can’t.” I sigh in exasperation not wanting to talk about this.

“Why? Don’t want to give up this lavish lifestyle?” He chuckles a little trying to play it off like he’s joking, but I can sense the truth behind his words, and it stings. Is that what he thinks of me? That I’m in it for the money? I thought he knew me better than that and could see the real me behind the mask I put on for everyone else.

I guess not.

I don’t answer and walk away, choosing to start dinner as a distraction. When I walk in, my eyes immediately go to the island and I swear I can feel his hands all over my body right now. Walking toward it, I step on something small akin to the size of a pebble. I look down and see a button. In my frazzled state, I forgot to sweep up the buttons that scattered all over the place. Even though my feelings are slightly hurt by Alex’s comments, my body still responds to the thought of his body on mine. I would wear a buttoned down shirt every day if he promised to rip it open. I’ve never been with a guy that made me feel so wanted and desired where he couldn’t wait another second to properly take off my clothes. His need and hunger pushing him over the edge so that he has to have me right then. I’ve never felt sexier in my life and it’s addictive. Even though I know it’s wrong, my body craves to feel like that again. Maybe feel more.

I’ve got to clean this up before Cal comes downstairs. There’s no way I’ll be able to come up with a convincing lie as to why there are little buttons all over the place. Grabbing the broom and dustpan from the closet, I make quick work of making sure they’re all up. As I’m dumping them into the trash, Alex walks into the kitchen.

“I hope you know that I was just kidding. I don’t know why you stay since it’s obvious that you’re unhappy, but I know that’s not the reason.”

It helps that he has apologized, but the words still ring in my ear. It’s my weakness, the one thing that bothers me for people to assume. “I know, it’s okay,” I reply, trying to disguise the hurt, but I know he still sees it. He’s said it himself; I’m not good at lying to him.

“It’s not okay that I’ve upset you or hurt your feelings. Will you look at me, please,” he says in the most tender voice. Bringing my eyes up to his I see the remorse all over his face. “I’m not judging you. I know you’re hiding something from me, and for now, that’s fine. I just hate seeing you like this. It’s so rare that you let the real Elizabeth out, and you seem to only do it around me. You have no idea how that makes me feel. It makes me feel like the luckiest bastard alive knowing that you trust me on some level to shed this shell and let me see
you.
All it does is make me want to see it more, to show the world. That’s why I questioned you back there. You deserve to be happy. And that asshole up there?” he says, pointing toward the stairs. “He doesn’t make you happy.”

“Dinner should be ready by now,” Cal says as he dashes into the kitchen, effectively ending my moment with Alex. How does he do that? He makes me completely defenseless with words alone. They form a shield deflecting all of the lies, stories, and phoniness I put out to the world.

Stuttering, I respond, “Um, I’m just about to heat it up.” I don’t cook. The housekeeper prepares all of our meals each week and I “cook” them by heating them up. It’s another thing Cal won’t let me do. I actually really enjoy cooking and baking. I’m not the greatest, but I told Cal that I would get better the more I practiced. After my first cooked meal, he told me not to worry about it anymore.

“What have you been doing in here while I was showering?” I’m a deer in headlights, especially given his suspicious tone. What do I say? Mona called, I suspect you’re cheating, and Alex just told me how wonderful I am and you’re a prick for not noticing. Yeah, right.

“She was in the bathroom for a bit, sir. She’s not feeling all that great.” Looking at Alex, I try to express my thanks for bailing me out again.

“Well, if you’re sick, maybe you should sleep in one of the spare bedrooms. I can’t afford to get sick.” It’s kind of sad that I’m thrilled with the idea. The less time I have to spend around him, the better.

“I think that’s probably a good idea. By the way, your phone was ringing.” My eyes are focused on the task at hand, afraid to meet his eyes.

“Did you see who it was?”

“No, I just heard it vibrating before I went to the bathroom.”

“Okay, I’ll go check.” Cal leaves the kitchen to retrieve his phone.

“Whatever is keeping you here,” Alex whispers, “I can help you with.”

No, he can’t.

THE RICH SMELL
of coffee wafts through my nose, rousing me from my sleep. Blinking my eyes open, I’m met with the best morning wake up I’ve had in a very long time. Alex is perched on the edge of the bed, coffee in hand with a brilliant smile on his face.

“Wake up, sweetheart. We’ve got plans today.” There’s a little gleam in his eye that looks so much like a little boy on Christmas. It warms my heart. Stretching my arms above my head, I arch my back as I shake off the sleep. When I look back up at Alex, his darkened gaze is focused on my chest that’s thrust up in the air, my hard nipples poking through the thin fabric of my nighty. Clearing his throat, he says, “So, how’d you sleep?”

“Great, actually. I haven’t slept that well in ages.” I slept in one of the guest rooms per Cal’s request since I’m “sick,” but I didn’t mind. I hate having to pretend that I enjoy being cuddled up at his side at night. I don’t sleep well since I’m constantly fighting the urge to recoil from him. Last night I slept like the dead and I feel refreshed, like a whole new woman. Sitting up against the headboard, I reach for the coffee Alex has in his hand.

“Good. Cal left about thirty minutes ago. He told me to tell you that he’d call you later and let you know if he’d have a late night or not.”
Yeah, late night with Mona
is the first thing that runs through my mind. “But we have plans. So get up and get ready so we can have some fun.”

Fun.

I smile at the idea since that’s something that I haven’t had in a long time. Fun isn’t exactly in Cal’s repertoire. “What are we doing?” I ask as I bring the coffee up to my lips and look at him over the rim of the mug.