His Absolute Proposal: An Illicit Billionaire Love Story (Elise, #3) (8 page)

Also, Lucent was very handsome and I liked to look at him when he was holding serious conversations.  It was interesting to watch him like that.  This was a little outside the bounds of a regular serious conversation, but I still liked it.  Maybe that made me seem a bit daft, but oh well.

"The hallway door was unlocked," Dean said.  "For all anyone knows, you went in there for some hanky-panky with your lady, forgot to lock the door when you left, and someone took advantage of it after the fact."

I wrinkled my nose, finally deciding to speak.  "We didn't do that in there," I said.

Dean laughed.  "It doesn't matter if you did or not.  It's possible it could have happened.  No one's listening to reason, though.  If someone brings up an alternate scenario, their case is instantly shot down.  Innocent until proven guilty, but that's not how it's going right now.  They're basically saying Lucent is guilty all the way through.  The Chief is using the fact that no one can get in touch with you as even more supposed evidence that you're guilty."

Asher cleared his throat.  "What should we do then?"

"I apologize for being candid, Mr. Landseer," Lucent said, though I knew he wasn't sorry in the least, "but
we
shouldn't do anything.  I will leave, as previously stated, and you may return to your everyday life.  I believe this is what we agreed upon last night."

This piqued my interest.  They'd agreed upon something?  I mean, I knew a little bit, because Lucent and I talked somewhat, but that was about me and him.  I wondered what was going on with him and Asher?

"We're all in this together," Jessika said.  "I don't care what you say, Lucent, but whatever happens we're all in this together."

"I agree with Jessika," I said, nodding.

More talking.  Lucent apologized.  Dean said something.  I was getting tired of it, tired of the talking and tired of sitting here, waiting, tired of being anxious and nervous.  Maybe I didn't seem it, and maybe Lucent didn't, either, but I didn't know how he could be so calm.  We were... we were in trouble.  This was not a good predicament.  None of it.

We had a stay of execution, a brief respite, but we were stuck with the blade of a guillotine hovering above us.

But then finally, a conclusion.  An answer.  A way.

"We'll leave immediately," Lucent said.

"What about breakfast?" Jessika asked.  "Can't you at least stay for a little while?  Ten or fifteen minutes won't hurt, will it?"

"I don't mean to be the one to tell you this, ma'am, but I've really got to step back outside soon before my partner comes looking for me," Dean said.  "If I don't, he'll radio something in, and they'll have more people here within five minutes.  As soon as I step outside and call it in myself, it'll be about five minutes, too.  That's really all the time you have."

Five minutes.  A final decision.  A potentially life-altering moment in time.

This was what I'd been contemplating before, wasn't it?  This was one of those moments, where you looked back in hindsight after living through it, and you wondered if a small change might make your life better.  Perhaps not better, but different.  A hopeful future, a slight alteration.

I didn't think I could change my mind, though.  I would follow Lucent anywhere.  I wanted to be with him.  I couldn't stop myself; I couldn't help it.  I just... I needed... I needed
something
, even if I wasn't exactly sure what that was.  I didn't think Lucent knew, either.

We owned a piece of each other, a tiny fraction of our souls shared between us, and without it we became lost.  I was his lock and he was my key.  I knew we could exist separate of one another, but what was the point?  A lock without a key was a cold, lonely, and isolated thing, forever trapped.  A key without a lock served no purpose, held no meaning.

I didn't want to be trapped.  I didn't want Lucent to be lost and without purpose.

We only had five minutes to make a decision, but there was only one choice I could possibly make.  I just hoped it was the correct one.  It didn't make sense, and it held no logic, but it seemed right.

B
efore Dean left, he gave Lucent something to help him on his way.  It was a slim wallet with a couple of credit cards and some false identification.  I shouldn't have been surprised, but I kind of was.

Now, I was Josephine Dunst, potential future wife of Max Hollowell.  These were the same fake names that Jessika and Asher used to hide from the press when they'd eloped almost a year ago.  Their marriage seemed happy and beautiful, so I took that as a sign of good things to come.

Dean left, and then it was just us.  Sort of.  Something happened.  A sharp crack, then a crash, the sound of someone falling to the ground outside the living room window of Jessika's apartment.  Asher sprang into action, cursing under his breath.  Lucent moved towards me, protective, placing his hand on my thigh.  I gasped and inched closer to him, touching the side of my arm to his.

"Paparazzi," Asher said.

Well, this was it.  We didn't even have five minutes anymore.  Perhaps five seconds, but maybe even less.

My heart raced, frantic, but it wasn't fright so much as exhilaration.  I didn't want to be excited about something that I should be nervous and anxious about, but how could I not?  Adrenaline soared through me and I felt oddly alive and powerful.  I felt like I could run—like Lucent and I could flee on foot—and that nothing could catch us.  We were unstoppable, inseparable.  We were...

We were leaving.  We were going somewhere else.  I wouldn't be able to see my friends or my family.  I wouldn't wake up and go to work at Landseer Tower, knowing that I'd see Jessika there.  I wouldn't be able to talk to her about writing or about books or about anything.  I couldn't talk to her at all.  I couldn't call her.  This wasn't a vacation for the fun of it, this was running away out of necessity.

It was supposed to be scary, but I'd inadvertently become excited at the prospect.  I was scared, too, though.  Scared and hurt, my heart pounding in my chest.  I didn't know how to feel.

Asher and Lucent and Jessika were talking, but I couldn't hear it.  I saw their lips move, and I knew they were saying something, but their words refused to take shape in my mind.  I couldn't make sense of it.  I heard the constant throbbing of my heart, my pulse, and then my breathing.  That was it.

Asher left.  Jessika left, too.  She went into her bedroom.  What was she doing?  I stared after her, confused.

Lucent's voice reached me, his lips pressed close to my ear, whispering.  "I'm sorry, Elise," he said.

"No, I..."

Jessika returned.  Her lips were moving again but I couldn't understand her.  I stared at her, unsure.

"You know the address for both, don't you?"

Both?  I scrunched up my brow.  Both of what?  Addresses?  Oh!  Oh, yes.  Yes.  Their mansion and Landseer Tower.  She'd said that, asked me about it.  Why?

"I know Landseer Tower," I said.  I turned to Lucent, hoping he could help me, hoping he could save me.  "Lucent, do you know the address to Jessika and Asher's house?"

He nodded.  His hand moved towards my side, holding my hip.  Slow and careful, almost imperceptibly, he pulled me closer to his side.  I went, gladly.

"Yes," he said.  "That shouldn't be an issue."

I had my purse.  When did I get it?  Jessika brought some things to me.  We put them in my purse together: some batteries, a small notepad, an envelope, a pen, and two stamps.

Jessika went to get her shoes so we could leave.  She wasn't coming with us, but she was showing us the way out.  I stared down at my purse, looking inside it.  The black box, the hard drive with Lucent's secret information, almost seemed to stare back at me.  I scowled at it, suddenly angry, as if it had a mind of its own and it was the one thing causing us all these problems.

What if I destroyed it?  I didn't want to destroy it, though.  I wanted to see what was on it?  Right?

Was that safe?

Ancient mythology spoke of Pandora, the woman who opened a box containing death and decay, disease and famine, which she accidentally unleashed onto the world.  If she'd only had the ability to contain her curiosity, she could have stopped these horrible, tragic things from ever happening.

She hadn't, though.  She'd opened the box and now we must all suffer for eternity.  Not all of us all at once, but some of us some of the time.  A few of us more than others.

What I wanted to know was how someone could expect to keep all of life's tragedy in a box forever?  I didn't think Pandora was wrong for opening the box.  Everything inside of it would have leaked out eventually.  It would have happened.  It would have hurt.

She knew, though.  Maybe she didn't know at first, but once she opened the box, she knew.  She understood it, she knew what she was facing, and she knew what to expect.

Was it better to be oblivious and innocent, or should we accept and understand our fears so we could confront them?

I
wanted to face my fears, but it wasn't always that easy.  We couldn't always have what we wanted in life, even if it sounded simple.  Nothing was simple; everything was confusing.

As soon as we walked out of Jessika's old apartment, as soon as we stepped across the doorstep, the threshold keeping us hidden inside and now revealing us to the outside world, it all started.

My heart shook.  That was the only way I could think to explain the feeling inside me.  My body remained steady and my mind remained muted and forcefully blank, but my heart shook.  It was like that feeling when you're scared and your hand or your whole body is trembling, except it wasn't my body or my hand, it was something deep inside my chest.  Not a quickening, not just a speeding pulse or a jumping heartbeat, but a terrifying shaking sensation that I couldn't actually feel but I knew that somehow it was real, that it existed.

I felt like my heart was going to shatter at the intensity of this strange sensation, like my body couldn't control it, or perhaps my body was actively fighting against it, and...

We walked.  Lucent held my hand.  I must seem calm to him, I thought.  I didn't feel outwardly nervous, but there was harsh anxiety pounding through my heart, to my veins, seeping and spreading throughout me.  My entire existence was... it hurt.  It ached, like a feverish chill, almost reminiscent of the flu.  I wasn't sick or sniffling, no coughing or congestion, but I felt like I might suddenly become cold and faint at any moment.

We walked through the halls of Jessika's apartment building.  Everything seemed dull and lifeless to me.  There were colors and sounds, but they seemed far away and lost.  I was lost, I thought.  Where were we going?

I knew.  Outside, of course.  That was the general direction.  That wasn't the answer I wanted, though.  I wanted more.

When you leave highschool to attend college or university or whatever you plan on doing, it's exciting, but then, at least for me, a part of me wondered what I was doing?  Where am I going?  To college, yes.  I was entering into a degree program, to study books, to learn about writing.  I thought that sounded nice at the time, and I still thought it sounded nice now.  I loved books, I loved writing, I loved reading and stories and characters.  When I managed to get a job at the library near my college, I briefly considered working there forever.  It seemed safe, somewhat reassuring.

I wanted to write, though.  I didn't realize it at first, and I didn't quite know when I'd come upon the idea as something I definitely wanted to do, but once I did, it stuck with me.

Where was I going?  I was going to become a writer.  Attending college, working in the library, doing everything I ever did... it all led up to that.

And now I was in a similar situation, except the uncertainty came back.  Worst of all, I didn't know how I could keep going in this direction.

Where was I going now?  Where were Lucent and I heading?  What was Jessika doing?  She was showing us the way, leading us outside to a safe place where we could leave, where we could find out where we were going, except that wasn't entirely it.

I didn't want to go anywhere.  I wanted to write.  How was I going to write?  Except I wanted to love, too.  How could I love and write and go and leave and... how?

How?  I just... I wanted to cry.  I wanted to run.  I wanted to drop Lucent's hand, dash off, flee, huddle in a corner somewhere safe, crawl away, cry, hide.  I...

"We should hurry," Lucent said.  Not to me, but to Jessika.

I glanced over at her, startled and confused.  She looked so much stronger than anything I could ever be.  I didn't know how she could be so strong and self-assured.  She was, though.  She nodded firmly, standing tall and steady.

"I know," she said.  "I'm sorry everything ended up like this.  I thought maybe it would be different.  I know it's foolish, but I thought maybe you and Elise could stay there.  With me, too.  And Asher could go to work, and come back at night, and it could just be the four of us.  I..."

I let go of Lucent's hand and went to Jessika, wrapping my arms around her.  Lucent was strong in his own way, and he made me feel safe and comfortable most of the time, but I needed more right now.  I needed something else.  I... I didn't know exactly what I needed, but I wanted to hug Jessika, because I didn't want her to think I was scared, even if I was.

"I'm sorry this happened to you, Jessika.  I wish we could stay," I said.  "I don't want to leave like this.  I'm sure everything will be back to normal soon."

Soon.  When was soon?  Where was soon?  Tomorrow?  The day after?  An hour from now?  A minute?  Seconds?  When?

She smiled and laughed.  "Yes.  Maybe."

I couldn't think, or I wasn't thinking.  I just wanted to be normal and regular again, and I wanted her to think I was the same person I always was, even if I didn't feel like it right now.  My heart shook again; I felt like I was shaking.  I squeezed her tight to hide my trembling.

"You know what?" I said, grasping at words, trying to think of something normal to say.  "I bet it's a really nice sex tape, too."