His Absolute Proposal: An Illicit Billionaire Love Story (Elise, #3) (9 page)

I didn't know where that came from.  Somewhere.  Who knew?  I just... I couldn't think.  I almost wanted to laugh now.  Or apologize profusely.  Hope she hadn't heard me?  I wasn't myself right now, except actually that was probably something I would have said when I was myself, so maybe I had this all wrong?

Oddly, saying it made me feel a little better.  Safer.

She looked at me funny, hiding a laugh.  "Um?"

"You and Asher," I added, just in case that needed clarification.  "Your sex tape.  I bet it's really nice."

Yes, good going, Elise.  Just keep on saying strange things.  Except the more I said, the better I felt, and um... we were friends, right?  Jessika and I talked about stranger things than this.  We'd talked about stranger things earlier this morning.  So...

"I mean, there's some celebrity sex tapes that are kind of boring, you know?" I continued.  "Not that I make a point of watching them, but they just don't look exciting, so—"

Lucent interrupted me, partially scowling and also smiling.  I liked how Lucent could look a little upset, and then a little happy at the same time, a smile on his face but a furrow to his brow, and a slightly wrinkled, bothered and amused nose.  It made me smile.

I knew he was trying not to laugh when he said, "I think that's enough, Miss Tanner.  We should let Mrs. Landseer have some peace now."

Peace, yes, except were any of us actually going to have that?  It was fun to laugh sometimes, even in the face of adversity.  This wasn't a funny moment, and in all likelihood it was an extremely unfunny, potentially distressing moment, but it was our moment.  We were in control of it.  We could do with it what we liked.  Right?

"I didn't mean it in a bad way," I said.  I didn't need to say more, nor did I want to say more.  I squeezed Jessika tight again and she hugged me back hard.

"It's alright," she said.  "I think it was a good sex tape, too.  I don't think I've seen any others, but Asher's good at filming and camera work."

I nodded.  "Yes.  Right, exactly."

We laughed together.  I didn't know if this was the last time we'd ever laugh together, so I wanted to remember it.  I wanted to remember us, exactly like this.  Lucent, too.  I wished Asher was here so I could remember him, as well.  I still would, but just in a different way.  Just in a...

Was this the end?  I shook that thought out of my mind, refusing to accept it as anything other than needless worrying.

"I think you're right, too.  Everything's going to be fine," Jessika said.  "With me and Asher, but with you and Lucent, too.  Asher and I are going to talk to the police soon and give them our report of what we remember the night of the fire, so once that's settled, I bet everything will go back to normal."

Normal...

I'd forgotten about it up until now.  Or, I'd almost forgotten about it.  Maybe this was that feeling deep inside of me, the shaking in my heart, the trembling of my soul.  I remembered it now, though.  The night of the fire when we saw that man, the one Lucent fought off.  And it wasn't just then, either.  I didn't know if it had anything to do with that, but I'd seen a man the next day, too.  When I was running away from Lucent, after I was angry with him for bringing me to Elle's apartment, there was a man then, as well.  Had he followed me?  Through the Landseer Enterprises parking garage, and onto the streets, and...

But Lucent had shown up and then the man vanished.  Or was I imagining the entire thing?  Was it just some random person on the sidewalk who happened to be walking nearby?  I didn't know.  I didn't understand.  Maybe it was nothing?  Someone else?  Not related to any of this, or...

Or maybe not.  Maybe it was.  Maybe there was something very bad happening and Lucent and I were trapped in the thick of it.

I didn't want to tell Jessika.  I didn't want her to worry.  I didn't want to sound fearful or frightened or scared or... or any of that.  I just didn't want to.  I pushed those thoughts aside and forced myself to act normal again, to smile.

Lucent saved me from having to speak right away while I tried to calm down.  "We'll attempt to keep in touch as best we can, Mrs. Landseer," he said.

"I'll keep writing, too," I said.  I said this as much for myself as I did Jessika.  I didn't want to stop writing.  I didn't want to lose that part of me, because it felt so important and integral to who I was.  I loved books.  I... "Don't worry about that," I continued, reminding myself to remain calm and focused, even if it was hard.  "Even if I just think up story ideas in my head and do some mental writing, I'll have something new and ready to start working on when this is all cleared up.

"Sure," she said, smiling.  "That sounds good."

Jessika and I separated, and I started walking back to Lucent, but he gave me a strange, forlorn look.  I didn't like that look.

"Perhaps it would be best if you stay here," he said to me.  "There's no reason for the both of us to leave like this.  You can stay with Mr. and Mrs. Landseer and tell the police that there was some confusion on your part and you weren't involved in the situation.  I'm sure they won't press the matter any further than that."

Time stopped, and I froze.  It was just for a fraction of a second, but so many thoughts burrowed into my mind that they forced me to recognize and realize them faster than I'd ever done before.

What if I stayed?  What if I told the police there was some confusion and I wasn't involved?

No.  I couldn't.  It didn't work like that.  Why?  It didn't work like that because if I did that, if I followed Lucent's line of thinking, that was it, we were done.  Through.  Over.  He refused to admit it, but I understood.  Maybe he hoped I wouldn't.  Maybe he thought he was saving me from something, except I didn't need to be saved right now.  I just needed... I needed to think.  I needed comfort.  I wanted to cozy up with a book, wrapped in a warm winter blanket, sit in front of a fireplace, and read.

Except I didn't just want that.  I wanted Lucent to be with me, I wanted him under the same blanket as I was, I wanted him to have his own book, to read with me, to cuddle.  When we were done, we could set the books aside and kiss and cuddle more, hold each other.  Maybe more?  Maybe we could make love, but we didn't have to.  It was the intimacy and closeness; I craved it, desired it so much.

I ran towards him, refusing his idea.  Reaching for his hand, I pulled it into mine, holding him tight.  He looked down at me, a little sad and lost, but happy, as well.  I understood him.

Lucent was a loner.  He liked to do his own thing.  Yes, he worked at Landseer Enterprises, technically under Asher's command, but it wasn't really like that.  Asher and Lucent were commanding and dominant in their own right.  There was no boss in that equation, there was comradeship.  Separation of command.  They were friends, allies, and leaders, but...

Lucent was a loner.  I understood him because I was kind of a loner, too.  There were other words to use, I supposed.  Aloof?  Shy?  Quiet and contemplative.  Mysterious.  It didn't really matter what someone called it, it just mattered what it was.

He wasn't like that with me, though.  Or, he was, but we could be alone and together at the same time.  Companionable silence.  People didn't understand it, and I sort of understood why they didn't, but I was perfectly happy just being around Lucent.  He always seemed happy when I was around, too.  Not doing anything, no talking, nothing important.  I mean, of course we talked.  And we kissed.  We played.  We made love and we cuddled and we watched movies together and we discussed our books.  Sometimes we read silly books but we talked about them like they were the most serious and important books in the world.  Or, we did that until one of us laughed and that ruined the whole game.

It was fun, though.  We didn't bother one another, we complemented each other.  I was never a distraction to him, and he wasn't one to me.  If I ever said it aloud, I knew it would sound strange, but we could give each other space even if that ended up meaning we cuddled under a blanket together, each of us reading a different book, huddled as close to each other as possible.

Yes, perhaps it was a little strange, but that was us.  I didn't want to lose that.  I didn't want to lose him.

I squeezed his hand tight in mine and looked up into his eyes.  My heart shook, trembling, but my body stayed strong.  I knew that I was scared, but I wasn't scared of this, not of Lucent.

"Maybe what you're saying is actually the best thing for all of us," I said, "but it's not what I want."

Time passed.  A little.  A lot.  Lucent smiled back at me, though only a small smile.  Faint and nigh imperceptible, but it was there.  I knew it was there because I was looking at it, at him.  Even if his lips hadn't moved, I could see the happiness shining in his eyes and his soul.

We could do this.  I didn't know how, but we could.  I trusted Lucent.  Not only that, I trusted myself.

"You two be safe," Jessika said.  "I'm sure I'll see you soon."

I wanted that.  I did.  I desperately wanted it.

"Goodbye, Mrs. Landseer," Lucent said.

I turned around and smiled and waved.  "Bye, Jessika.  This isn't a big deal.  Don't worry."

She smiled back and offered us a small wave.  "Bye to you both."

We left, and so did she.  I hoped that what I said was true.  I hoped this wasn't that big of a deal.  I hoped that no one needed to worry.

Still... something inside me refused to accept that.  It's just nerves, I told myself.  Anxiety.  Just...

Just something.

Lucent squeezed my hand in his as we walked away from the apartment building complex and headed down a narrow, quiet path through a row of trees that would hopefully lead us to sanctuary.

I didn't know where we were going exactly, but Lucent did.  I knew that he would show me, and that we could go together.  I trusted him, and I was his.  He loved me and he was mine.

I
t was easy to forget about almost everything as we walked down this quiet dirt path.  No one was around to bother us, to see us, to look at us, or to say hello.  It was just Lucent and I, walking quietly, hand in hand.  The trees on either side of us formed a tunnel of sorts, with us in the center of it.  We could easily walk past them to escape into the grass on the other side, but it felt nice to be confined sometimes.  It felt easier than the alternatives.

The path wasn't long, though.  We would reach the end of it in a matter of minutes.  Perhaps a few city blocks in length, if that.  Looking straight ahead to the other side, away from Jessika's apartment building complex, I saw the streets and cars driving by.  It didn't seem too busy there, not at this time of day, but it was so much different from where we currently stood that it almost seemed like an entirely different world.

Lucent stopped, and I took another step before realizing it, but then I stopped, too.  I turned to look at him and he smiled at me.

"Hello, Miss Tanner," he said.

"Hi, Lucent," I said, smiling.  "How are you?"

"Well.  And yourself?"

"I'm nervous," I admitted.  "I didn't want to say it earlier in front of Jessika, but I am.  I'm worried."

"About?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes at him.  "Do you really have to ask that?"

"I suppose not, though I hope you won't be nervous forever.  I promise this will work out for the best."

"What if it doesn't, though?" I asked.  "What happens then?"

He shook his head, no, refusing to accept that as an option.  "Come with me," he said instead.  "I want to show you something."

"What is it?" I asked.

"Are you defying me?" he asked with a sly smirk.

"If I am, will you have to spank me?" I countered.

"Yes," he said.  "Right here and now."

"Do it," I said, feeling feisty and fierce all of a sudden.  "I dare you."

"You
dare
me, do you?"  He had a mischievous twinkle in his eye, despite the stern expression on his face; I loved it.

I nodded twice in answer to his question.

Lucent squeezed my hand tight and led me to the nearest tree.  "Lean forward, Miss Tanner.  Keep your hands placed firmly on this tree.  Do not move.  I shall be spanking you five times for your current insubordination.  Do you understand?"

I let loose his hand and bent forward, shaking my butt at him as I did.  I placed my hands on the tree and looked over my shoulder, grinning at him.  "
Insubordination
, really?"

"Your constant spark of defiance both intoxicates me and infuriates me, Miss Tanner.  I find myself wanting to be quite rough with you."

"I like it rough," I said, hushed.

"And I adore being rough with you, so I suppose that makes this an equal exchange of sorts."

I thought that was it.  I thought he would spank me as I was, five times, and be done with it, but... um...

While he spoke, he slipped forward.  His hands moved towards my hips, then forward more, following the curves of my body to the front of my borrowed pants.  He unbuttoned them, then unzipped them, and before I realized what he was doing he had them halfway down my legs.  I blinked, shocked, and then I gasped and moved to pull up my pants and zip and button them, but Lucent grabbed me around the waist with one hand and held me tight to his body.

"No," he said.  "What did I say before, Miss Tanner?  Keep your hands placed firmly on the tree and lean forward.  Accept your punishment."

"Lucent," I whispered.  "We're out in the open, though.  Someone will see us."

"No one is here," he reassured me.  "We're far enough away from Mrs. Landseer's apartment building and the opposite end of this path that it is extremely unlikely anyone will see us."

"They could, though," I said in protest.  "I don't think this is appropriate."

"Of course it's not appropriate," he said with a grin before kissing my neck.  "That's exactly why I'm doing it."

Oh.  Well... oh.  What should I say to that?  I really didn't know.  It was kind of exciting, actually.  We were being inappropriate?  I... I did like that.  I mean, I generally enjoyed it more when we were inappropriately being inappropriate in the confines of Lucent's apartment—or sometimes mine—but he made a good point, I supposed.  It was doubtful anyone would see us, so...