His Ever After (Love Square) (22 page)

I glance over at Lily, and she gives me a secret, little smile. I turn my attention back to Sam and smile at her. My heart is thudding in my chest, and my palms feel sweaty. I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous.

“Jacob. What are you doing here?” Sam asks. I come to a stop in front of her and my smile drops at the tone of her voice.

“I just happened to be on my way to your house, when I spotted you sitting here.” I notice Lily’s body visibly relax out of the corner of my eye. Poor thing thought I would sell her out. No way in hell would I do that, not when I owe her the world for telling me where I could find Sam.

“Why were you on your way to my house?” Sam cocks her head to the side in confusion.

“I needed to talk to you after everything that’s happened. Can I just have a few minutes?” I plead with her. I don’t care if it makes me look pathetic. It’s do or die at this moment.

Sam looks unsure and nervous for a few seconds. I release the breath I didn’t realize I was holding when she nods her assent and hands the baby to Lily.

“I’ll only be a minute, Lily. Can you just watch Tessa for me?”

“Take your time.” Lily stands, holding Tessa and murmurs low to the baby, walking over to the swings.

I sit next to Sam on the bench and angle my body towards her. I catch her scent on a light breeze, and it brings back so many memories.

Sam stares at me silently, waiting for me to speak. She seems wary of my presence. We never used to be this way around one another. I guess it’s all the cheap shots and low blows we’ve dealt out over the last year, making her react to me this way.

“Did you hear about Brooke and Aiden?” I ask right off the bat. No sense in beating around the bush. Besides, I don’t want to let on that Lily overheard them fighting and spilled the beans to me about it.

“I did,” she says quietly and gives me a sad, half smile. “I’m really sorry about what happened. Aiden told me the hell Brooke put you through. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like for you to discover the depth of her deception.”

Sam’s hands start to fidget with the baby blanket resting partially on her leg. I reach over and cover them with my own, squeezing them gently.

“Thank you. But I should be apologizing to you for allowing her to come between us.”

She glances down at our hands and looks up with tear filled eyes and shakes her head. “Don’t you see that if I had never allowed myself to be so selfish and start an affair with you, then Aiden never would have done that? This is as much my fault as anyone else’s.”

“No, it’s not. Don’t ever believe for one second that I think this is your fault.” When she doesn’t say anything to that, I decide to continue with my plan.

“I still love you, Sam.” At my words, her eyes close, her face looks as if she’s in tremendous pain. “Do you… do you think we could try? I’ve gone over it a million times. If Brooke and Aiden hadn’t conspired to keep us apart, when you left Aiden and came to me, we could have been together. We could still be together.”

“I –” she starts and then stops. She looks down again and stares at our hands for so long, I’m afraid she isn’t going to answer. Why isn’t she answering? Please God, let her answer!

“Jake. I’ll always love you.” Her words make my heart soar.

“Then say you’ll be with me. Say you’ll let me love you forever. Say you’ll make me whole again,” I beg her, while inching my way closer to her on the bench.

I raise my arm and rest my hand on the side of her neck, tilting her head up towards me. My thumb sweeps across her jaw while I search her eyes for consent. When her face turns up slightly and her lips part just a touch, I decide to take that as my green light. I lean forward and brush my lips gently against hers. I instantly feel the sensation that I always feel when I’m with her. The one that has my stomach dropping and my dick stirring.

Lost in the moment, my lips find hers again. This time I put more pressure on her mouth. My tongue slowly glides along her bottom lip, remembering the taste of her. Her lips part and my tongue slides in alongside hers. My other hand leaves her hands and cradles the opposite side of her face, so that both my hands are now holding onto her for dear life. I tilt her head and deepen the kiss. My tongue explores every inch of her mouth, seeking, tasting, re-memorizing the feel of it.

The rest of the world melts away. It’s just her and me. The sounds of kids playing and birds chirping fade. All I can hear is the light rasps of our breathing, and the small little moan that she’s making. Finding the willpower, I pull away from her delicious mouth and rest my forehead against hers. My hands tense on her face while I try to find my composure. That kiss has just turned me inside out.

Sam’s hands come up to rest above mine at either side of her head before pulling them away. As she slowly backs away from me, I focus on her lips that are puffy and swollen from our kiss. And as I do, I watch in horror as she denies what just happened between us.

“That was a mistake. It can never happen again,” she says breathlessly, turning her face away from mine.

No, no, no. This can’t be happening to me. She can’t be choosing him over me.

“What do you mean? You can’t deny the connection that we have, Sam. You can’t deny how great that fucking kiss was,” I speak gruffly. My heart is twisting painfully in my chest.

“What we have is chemistry, Jake. That’s all it ever was. I don’t want to lead you on anymore. I’m married and have a child. I’m not that unhappy, lost woman that you found last year,” she says sadly, turning to face me again.

“We have more than chemistry. Sam, you are my soul mate. My
one
. Don’t you get that? We were meant to be together. The only reason we aren’t is because of what your husband did.” I’m starting to feel desperate. Her expression is non-changing. My words aren’t affecting her at all.

“I need to know something. That night I came to your house and you told me about your relationship with Brooke, why did you stop what we were doing and send me away? Why did you tell me you wanted to see where things went with her? If we were meant to be together,
why
did you do that?” The emotion behind her words is a lifeline I’m choosing to cling to. I can tell her question is important. I’m afraid my answer isn’t going to be enough for her though. And I fear that if that is the case, I won’t be able to convince her to be with me.

“I had just found out Brooke was pregnant.” I stop myself with a disgusted, humorless laugh. “Well, she said she was pregnant anyway… And at the time, she didn’t know if she was going to keep it or not. She was afraid I wouldn’t support her or take care of the baby, because of our relationship. I needed time to figure out what I was going to do.”

She shakes her head and looks disappointed.
Shit!
This cannot be happening. I just barely stop myself from freaking out. The last thing I need is for her to end this conversation because I acted like a big freak.

“If we were really meant to be together, you wouldn’t have hid that from me. We would have figured it out together. Instead you pushed me away and made me feel inconsequential. You didn’t trust me with something so important, like you possibly being a father.”

“I didn’t want you to hate me for Brooke being pregnant. I didn’t want you to think I was despicable.” I couldn’t bear for her to think that way about me. I can hardly bear the look on her face right now.

“It’s not just that. I was in a really bad place last year. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. The only reason I even had the affair is because it was
you
. Not that that makes what we did right. But we never really had closure and I allowed you to stay in the back of mind all those years. I have history with Aiden. Real history, though. And we have a daughter. I figured out who I am, Jake. I like who I am. And who I am is Samantha Parker, wife of Aiden Parker, and mother of Tessa Parker. I don’t want to change that. Maybe if it was another time and another place. But right now and for the not so distant future, this is the life I’m going to live. I will always care about you, Jacob. You were my first real love. That will never change. What will change is that I can’t have you in my life anymore. We aren’t good for each other and I belong with Aiden.”

“So, wait. You’re just going to take him back with open arms after what he did? You’re going to stay with him after he proved what a cold and black hearted man he is?” I shake my head in confusion. This can’t be happening. I never would have imagined that she would forgive him. I don’t think I could have forgiven someone for completely screwing a person that I care about, as badly as Aiden did me.

“I forgave him because I love him. And that’s what you do when you love someone. You work through your problems and help each other to be better people. I’m choosing to do that with Aiden.” As she speaks, I realize that she really isn’t the same girl I sat across from in that pub last year. She seems more grounded and sure of herself.

Her small hand reaches up and brushes the hair away from my forehead, down the side of my face and cups my cheek. It’s a maternal touch, filled with compassion. “Please find some happiness, Jake.
Please.
I can’t stand the thought of you being sad and alone. There is a girl out there for you, who will love you the way you deserve. And she’ll love
only
you. Find her and when you do, don’t ever let her go. Promise me that. Promise me that you’ll hold onto her as tightly as you can. Don’t hide things from her. Let her be your partner. Let her be your equal.”

Sam kisses my lips gently before standing up and gathering her belongings. She places them in the back of the stroller, while I sit dumbfounded and heartbroken. That was her goodbye kiss. I know it deep down, but my brain can’t quite seem to process it right now.

“Promise me,” she calls out one last time as she starts to turn and walk away, towards Lily and Tessa. Towards her future without me.

My throat is closed up and my mouth won’t work, so I nod and watch Sam walk away from me for the last time.

Chapter Fifteen

One month later…

Parking the cruiser, I step out onto the sidewalk and head into the station. It feels so good to be back to work. I call out a hello to Cindy in reception and walk back to my desk.

Once I was cleared to return to work, the Captain begged me to become a detective again. Well, I say begged, but he’ll tell you it was just asking. With Brooke gone, he was in need of a strong person to fill that role. It didn’t take much to convince me. I felt like I had something to prove after flaking off for so long. I missed being a detective, regardless of the reasons why I stepped down.

Sorting through my emails, I glance up when my partner, Mack, sits down in his chair at the desk across from mine. Mack’s a great guy and a new transfer from a different precinct. He’s older than me by about ten years. His brown hair is liberally laced with gray, and he is a bachelor to the core.

“Hey, fucker!” He snickers lightly before biting into a donut.

“Hey, yourself,” I say back and smile as powder sprinkles down the front of his blue shirt. I shake my head at what a mess he is. “You might want to actually get some in your mouth.”

He looks down at his shirt, swipes at the powder with his hands, smearing it across his chest. “Whatever,” he mutters before taking another bite.

“So what’s on the agenda today?” I ask, turning back to my computer.

“Homicide file just hit our desks this morning. Female, twenty-eight. She was raped, beaten and then strangled. Found in an alley off Huntington.” Mack pushes a folder towards my desk.

I pick up the folder and open it. I thumb through the pictures, studying the girl. She has red hair, and her face is hard to make out with the beating she took.

“This girl had red hair. Remember the case we got two weeks ago, same thing. Redhead who was beaten, raped, and strangled.”

“Yep. That’s why the Captain put us on it. Figure we could go interview her neighbors this morning,” he replies, grabbing his gun holster from the back of his chair and pinning his badge on his belt.

“Let’s do this.” I push away from my chair and head out to the street with purpose. God, it’s good to be back to work.

***

Six months later…

I’m sitting at the bar inside Murphy’s when a hand clamps down on my shoulder. I turn my head to see Brad standing there with a shit eating grin on his face.

“You’re here,” he says, stating the obvious. I haven’t been to Murphy’s at all in the last few months. I’ve been too busy trying to solve the murders of numerous women across D.C. The count is now up to four victims, and I’m getting impatient trying to find this bastard.

When I finally went back to work, I went balls to the wall. It allowed me not to think about Sam. As a matter of fact, I hardly ever think about her anymore. I no longer get a pinching sensation in my heart whenever I do either. I decided a while ago, that she was right. We weren’t meant to be together. I allowed a childhood fantasy to alter my perception of how things really were. I wanted to find the kind of love Emma and John had so badly, that I transferred those feelings to Sam. She was the only woman I ever considered a real future with. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always care about Sam. It’s hard to forget a first love, and I won’t be surprised if I randomly look back with regret for how we handled things both times we were together.

It wasn’t easy to admit all this to myself. Thankfully, I was able to work through it with the help of the therapist who the station made me start seeing. At first, I thought it made me a pansy to talk about my feelings with someone. But once I learned to trust the shrink, I found it was therapeutic.

I still haven’t told anyone that I’ve been seeing a therapist. I figure it’s no one’s business anyhow. As long as I’m getting the help I need, that’s all that matters. Fuck what everyone else might think.

“I am. Where’s Sophie?” I ask, looking around for Brad’s girlfriend.