His Love (6 page)

“The water is too shallow for sharks.”

“I’m little the waves will carry me to the sharks.”

“All right, tell me, what are you afraid of?”

“I can’t swim,” she shrugged, her tiny shoulders coming up to her ears then dropping and sagging. She looked defeated.

“That’s fine. I’ll teach you when we get home.” Rayne promised. “For now, I just want you to step into the water. I’ll hold onto you.”

“You promise?”

Rayne nodded and with that Alessandria walked toward the water, both her hands holding onto Rayne. Although she was in shorts Rayne was sure she would be soaked by the time they got back home. She held onto Alessandria as they jumped in the waves. Listening to her squeal when each one crashed into them, Rayne laughed.

Rayne wrapped Alessandria up as the sun began to set. They settled in the back seat of the car and began the short drive home.

“Maybe…” Alessandra started, then fell silent.

“Go on, you can tell me.”

“I sit at his bedroom door sometimes, and outside his office. Sometimes I hear him talking to Aunt Jacqueline and Grandma and Grandpa.” She paused once more. “Maybe it would have been better if the waves carried me away. Maybe it would have taken me to my Mommy.”

Rayne looked up, unable to stare at the heart broken expression on Alessandria’s face for another second. In the corner of her eye, from the rear view mirror, she thought she saw the expression of the bodyguard in the passenger seat. He looked defeated. Even the muscles knew that what Antonio was doing to this little girl was wrong.

“Take us to the ice cream parlor,” Rayne instructed. She ignored her phone when it buzzed. It was the house number and she was sure it would be Antonio barking at her to get back home. She ignored it and turned it off, even going as far as taking out the battery, but then the bodyguard’s phone rang.

“We have been ordered to take you back home,” he said apologetically. “Sorry there is nothing we can do.”

“It’s okay, Rayne. There is ice cream in the house.”

Rayne smiled at Alessandria and held her close so she could warm up. She didn’t like to admit it, but once the gates closed behind them Rayne got nervous. She was about to join all the other nannies under the perfect carpet grass. When they got into the house and there was no sign of Antonio she got a little curious. Sofia and Jacqueline met them in the foyer with a bowl of ice cream and cake, a lone burning candle sticking out of it.

“Happy birthday, squirt.” Jacqueline tickled her.

“Where is he?” Rayne asked Sofia in the midst of Alessandria’s laughter.

“Kane is with him in his room, trying to talk him off the ledge, but he never does any good.” Sofia blinked a tear away. “Antonio wasn’t always like this. He was a loving, sweet, kind, and passionate man.”

“Somehow I believe that,” Rayne said. “Hey, maybe Grandma can give you a bath, would you like that?”

“Yeah!” Alessandria pulled out of the towel and ran down the hall in her bikini. She blew past her grandfather who watched her with a look of awe.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so—” the old man began.

“Happy,” Sofia finished.

“I’m going to go up and talk to Antonio for a second.” Rayne took a step in the direction of his room.

“Do you really think that’s wise?” Sofia asked, worried.

Kane’s expression was doubtful. “He’s not in the friendliest of moods.”

“That makes two of us.” Rayne banged on Antonio’s door for what seemed like eternity before he finally opened it.

She looked him over and couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. His shoulders were hunched over and he just looked broken. He was weeping over a different woman and there Rayne was. Antonio stepped back as she entered the room, their gazes locked even when she closed the door.

“How are you doing?” She cupped his face.

A current shot through her when Antonio held her hand in place and pressed a kiss into her palm. She heard something drop and saw the bottle of gin that was now being absorbed by the carpet. Rayne wanted to reach down and pick it up, but he wouldn’t let her. He pulled her against him and buried his face in her neck. She could hear him crying, could feel the shudders that wracked him deep into her soul and yet his desire pressing on her stomach called out to her. She had promised not to put herself in this position again, but she couldn’t push him away. She winced in pain when his hug tightened. He nuzzled her, breathing her in. His kisses traveled up her neck, along her jaw, and rested on her lips.

Rayne struggled with two things at that moment, each demanding to be quenched, a lust and desire for Antonio and the taste of alcohol on his lips and tongue. Rayne tried to push him away, but his hold on her was too tight. She thought she was fighting a losing battle, but when Antonio cupped her between her legs desire won.

There was no rushed need to tear each other’s clothes off and act out in desire. His kisses were like a gentle feather, smooth along her skin, but the pull toward him was greater than her thirst for alcohol. She didn’t protest when he pulled her wet clothes off and held her against his bare chest. He kissed her as they rocked side to side as if they were dancing. At that moment Rayne knew that he was probably imagining Maria in his arms. She didn’t pull away, but that didn’t stop her heart from breaking.

He lowered her on the bed his eyes as gentle as his touch. He didn’t rush her to orgasm as he did before. Instead he moved over her, supporting his weight on his arms and made love to her. Rayne felt the earth shutter as they reached their climax, along with it—her heart. Antonio laid his head on her chest and she stroked her fingers through his hair. She knew that was it, with the emotion behind him, she was sure this would be the last time they would lay in each other’s arms like this.

Rayne thought she had experienced all the pain from Antonio that there was...until he said, “I love you.”

Her body stiffened. “What did you say?”

“I love you,” he repeated in one breath.

Rayne pushed him off and quickly got dressed. She ignored his stunned expression. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“I tell you that I love you and you run.” Antonio pulled on his jeans. “I don’t understand.”

“Neither do I!” she screamed. Rayne took in a deep breath and felt it shudder out through her lips. “I don’t get it, because you have only known me a week and you already love me. But that little girl, you were the first one to hold her in your arms, the only parent she has left, but you can’t show her an ounce of kindness.”

“I try,” he moaned. He combed his fingers through his hair in frustration. “It’s not easy.”

“Neither is loving you.” Rayne swallowed the lump of emotions that formed in her throat. “I love you just as much as I love that little girl and it breaks my heart that you won’t let go of the guilt.”

“What are you talking about?” Rayne saw his defenses go up, when a dark mask of indifference covered his usually handsome face.

“I know about the choice you made. You don’t have to punish yourself or her for it. Maria wouldn’t want you to.”

“You never knew Maria.” Rayne retreated as he took three angry steps toward her. “Don’t talk about her. She was my world.”

“I know. I know that all too well.” She gave up trying to wipe her tears away. “I am fighting an eternal battle with a ghost. You love me?” she snickered sadly. “You love her. When you made love to me just then I knew you were thinking of her.” She threw the words at him, her tongue as sharp as the knife of betrayal sinking into her heart inch by inch with each passing moment.

“I was thinking of you.”

“The other nights when we were together, I believe you were thinking of me, but not tonight. You seemed to be searching for something I knew I would never be able to give you. You were looking for Maria, but I’m not her.” Rayne pushed her hair back. “You need to take a good look at me because I will never be her.”

“What do you want me to do to prove that I love you,” Antonio pleaded, clear desperation in his eyes.

“You need to love your daughter. You need to show me that you are capable of loving the life you created.”

“You don’t understand,” he growled.

“And I wish I could because my heart is breaking, for you, for that little girl, and for myself. You know what Alessandria asked me today? Why does Daddy not like me? Is it because I killed mommy?” She saw his heart break through his eyes, as a piece of his broken soul rolled down his cheeks. “And for the life of me I couldn’t give her an answer because my daddy loved me, he did everything he could for me. So, I looked into that little girl’s eyes and I lied to her.” She marched to him and poked her finger in his chest, wishing she could beat the ice off his heart. “I said, your daddy loves you with all his heart. He is just grumpy because he works too much. She wanted the waves to carry her to her mommy today because she knew the sight of her hurt you.”

“I just...” Antonio stammered and fell silent.

“She hears everything that you say, every snide remark, every insult and it breaks her heart. It’s a big house and she gets around at times, she sits right here at your door or down stairs in your office while you work so that she can be close to her daddy. You need to love her and you need to show her that you love her. You need to do something or you will rob that child of her laughter, her innocence, and love. If you don’t want her, give her to someone who will.” Rayne controlled her breathing and tried to steady her voice. “Give her to me. I won’t be able to give her all this material wealth, but I will love her.”

“Don’t you dare try and take her from me.” Antonio grabbed her arm.

“You are hurting me!”

When her toffee colored skin turn red, he dropped her arm. “I’m sorry.”

“I need you to do me a favor. Don’t touch me, don’t kiss me, and don’t say you love me. You are just doing more harm than good.”

Rayne turned toward the door when she heard a light tap. She was dressed, but Antonio was still half naked. She didn’t really care what anyone would say. She wiped the tears off her face and pulled the door open. Alessandria was standing there in her pajamas a worried look on her face.

“Are you going to tuck me in?” She held out her arms and Rayne picked her up.

“Of course I am.” She placed a kiss on her cheek. “Do you want to give your daddy a goodnight kiss? Since it’s your birthday maybe he’ll give you one.”

Rayne glared at Antonio. She knew there was the possibility that he would turn away and retreat, but somehow she had to take that chance. There was no way Alessandria would be caused any graver damage.

Antonio shot her a loaded look, but he still took Alessandria in his arms. “Goodnight and I love you. Even when I look angry, I still love you.”

“I love you too, Daddy.” She reached up and wiped a tear. “Even when you are angry at me I still love you.”

“Time for bed.” Alessandria climbed into Rayne’s arms with excitement. Rayne prayed that Antonio wouldn’t take that victory away from her come morning when he was sober. She heard the door close behind them as they headed down the hallway. “You want to read a story tonight? How about Snow White?”

Chapter Six

“I can read whole sentences now. Do you want me to show you?” Alessandria beamed as she sat in the midst of Antonio’s papers.

“Please don’t touch those, little girl.”

“New guy!” Antonio said sternly—he really needed to learn his name. “She can touch whatever she wants. Just print new ones. Read for me sweetheart, I want to see what Rayne has been teaching you all this while.”

“His name is Martin, Daddy.” Alessandria giggled.

I have got to remember that.
Antonio pulled her off the table and into his arms as Martin put the papers back in order. He felt calmer having her here with him. If he hadn’t been so pig headed those past years he would have been taking her to the office all this while and his blood pressure wouldn’t be so high.

It had been almost two months since Rayne drilled the truth into his heart. He was hurting himself and Alessandria by staying away from her, but that night—her birthday—he had given her pictures of Maria to keep, and told her about their love story. He had made sure to point out that it wasn’t her fault that her mother died. It had taken a while, but Alessandria learned to trust him and soon they were spending time together without Rayne there as her source of security.

“Excuse me, sir, but those documents have very sensitive information.” Martin tried to take the paper Alessandria was reading away, but the warning in Antonio’s eyes stopped him.

“She’s four years old, a little too young to be committing espionage,” Antonio said.

“Espy—what was that word?”

“Espionage, sweetheart. Time for lunch.” Rayne walked into the office.

Antonio wished that he could be close to her too, but Rayne had made herself clear, and since then he hadn’t made any advances toward her. He loved her though, he was sure of that. There was no one and nothing that could replace Maria in his heart, but there was a small void left and only Rayne’s love could fill it. He knew she was in love with him, but it was obvious that she was scared. He couldn’t blame her. Antonio stood up with Alessandria still in his arms as she stumbled over words on the paper she was reading. He kissed the back of her neck and was surprised how warm she felt.

“She feels a bit warm to me.” Antonio handed her over to Rayne.

“Really?” Rayne felt her forehead and a worried frown claimed her lips. “Honey, have you been playing in the sun today?”

“No, what’s this word?” Alessandra asked.

Rayne glanced at it. “Liquidation.”

“She spent the whole day here with me.” Antonio was still concerned, but nothing on Alessandria’s appearance gave him the indication that she was sick.

“I’m sure it’s nothing. I’ll watch her more closely today.” She began to walk away but paused, “I’m glad to see that you are spending a lot more time with her. Do you want your papers back?”

“No,” Antonio said.

“Actually yes, it’s an important piece.” Martin turned his back on Antonio’s glare.

Rayne chuckled in disdain when she realized that Antonio used fear in his everyday life to command respect, or at least make people do what he wanted. She gave Martin a sympathetic look and gave him the papers before turning on his attacker.