His Reverie (31 page)

“Who says you can stop me?” She jerks out of my grip with a huff. “I can do whatever the hell I want. I’m sick of you trying to tell me what to do. What do you know about my life? What I do day in and day out? You used me. You fuck me whenever it suits you and then you kick me out of your bed. You won’t even kiss me when we do it! I really, really liked you Nick. Not that you cared.”

I doubt she liked me. She was using me just like I used her. I refuse to let her make me feel bad for what happened between us. She wronged me first. “You can’t tell them, Krista. I mean it. You’ll ruin Reverie’s life.” She’ll ruin my life too but this isn’t about me. This is about the girl I love. The girl I’m desperate to protect. “Leave them out of this. What did Reverie ever do to you anyway?”

“She stole my boyfriend, that’s what! You belonged to
me,
Nick. You and me. It’s always been you and me. We’re alike. And then this pretty, stuck up little girl has to come along and convince you that you’re better than me. Suddenly you don’t need me anymore now that you’ve got her to keep you happy. Well, you’re not any better than anyone else. Trust me. You’re just like us. Just because you fuck a rich girl doesn’t mean you’re automatically rich and perfect like her.”

Her words sting because they’re true. I’ve known this all along, that me and Krista are alike. That we’re probably better suited for each other than Reverie and I could ever be. Reverie and I together don’t really make sense.

But maybe that’s what makes us work.

“Listen to me. I’ll do anything to get you to keep my secret.” I grab hold of Krista’s shoulders and stare straight into her eyes. She blinks slowly in return, her expression full of shock. “Anything. I mean it. I’ll pay you. Whatever you want. Just don’t tell the Hales about Reverie and I. I could lose my job. Reverie could lose…” Everything.

Krista goes completely still as my words sink in. “I don’t want money,” she murmurs, her gaze intent on mine. “I just want you.”

Of course. We all want what we can’t have right? “I can’t give what you want.”

“Then I can’t give you what
you
want.”

I squeeze her shoulders tight, wishing I could shake her. Shake some sense into her crazy head. “What exactly do you want from me?” I ask hoarsely, releasing my hold on her.

“You. One more night with you, Nicky, just the two of us. Please?” She reaches out and scratches her fingernails down the length of my chest, her sharp nails catching on my T-shirt. “I could make it so good for you. You know I can. I know what you like. We’re perfect together. You’ll see.”

“You said the same thing about you and David, that the two of you were perfect together. He told me,” I remind her, trying to push down the surge of pain that comes over me every time I think of the two of them together. For all I know she’s still fucking around with him. I haven’t seen him since that one time he came by my place and that feels like an eternity ago.

I’m over what she did to me. I’ve moved on. I have Reverie and what I feel for her is a thousand times more than what Krista and I ever had. But it still hurts, the loss of David’s friendship.

“David did us both wrong. You know it. He only cares about himself.” She takes a step closer to me, her lips curving into a knowing smile. “I’ll leave right now if you promise to meet me later tonight at my place. Say yes and I’ll walk away from this house and never come back. You won’t have to worry about me telling them anything. But you have to promise me that you’re mine tonight. All. Mine.”

My skin crawls at her words, at the look on her face, at the way she touches me. I don’t want this girl. I can hardly stand having her hands on me. I blow out a harsh breath, hoping Reverie can forgive me for what I’m about to do. “What time?” I ask warily.

The smile turns triumphant. “Midnight. I’ll come by your place at the witching hour. I’ll cast my spell on you and you’ll never want to leave me again. You won’t need to. I’ll keep you perfectly satisfied.” She stands up on tiptoe and brushes her mouth against mine but I don’t hardly move. I’m tempted to spit in her face, but of course that would ruin everything.

“Fine,” I say through gritted teeth, my lips barely moving. I’m disgusted by what I’m doing but I have to protect Reverie. My life is already shit. I don’t need to take her down with me.

“Perfect,” she practically purrs. “Take me home?”

“How did you get out here?” I practically shove her away from me.

“I drove my dad’s car.” She shrugs, not even bothered that I pushed her away.

“Then drive it back. I’ll see you tonight,” I say dismissively.

She pouts. “You promise? Trust me, you don’t show up and there will be hell to pay. I’ll make up lies about your perfect little girlfriend and let her parents know. Tell them we had a threesome together. That you smacked her around some. Whatever I have to say, I’ll say it. I have no shame.”

Fuck. Why did I ever get involved with this girl? When did she turn into such a horrible creature? “I said I’ll be there.”

“Walk me to my dad’s car?” She bats her eyelashes.

“You push me too far, Krista,” I practically growl, which only makes her laugh.

But at least she leaves. I watch her walk away, my gaze narrowing as her retreating back gets smaller. And smaller. Dread makes me nauseous and I shove my hands in my pockets and hang my head, wondering what I can say to Reverie to make this better. To make her still believe in me.

To gain her forgiveness for what I’m about to do.

“I saw everything, you know.”

I turn to find her standing not ten feet away from me, her arms still crossed in front of her chest. “Were you standing there the whole time?” Hell. Then she heard me agree to meet Krista and saw her kiss me.

“No. I was inside the stables. I watched through the window though.” She strides toward me, her face determined, her hair flying out behind her. “I can’t believe you kissed her!” She shoves me in the shoulder with a firm push of her hand and I go stumbling backwards, almost losing my footing.

“It was nothing,” I yell back at her, throwing up my hands in defensive mode. “I swear. It meant absolutely nothing.”

“You two certainly looked cozy. How am I supposed to believe you?” The hurt in her voice is unmistakable. I hate that I’ve done this to her. But I need her on my side, not working against me.

“Maybe you should believe me because you love me and supposedly trust me? But if that’s not the case…” I let my voice trail off as I rub at my shoulder. The girl can pack a punch when she wants to. And my chest aches too. This is all falling apart and I don’t know how to make it right.

“How can I trust you when you let that stupid slut hang all over you?” Reverie shoves me again but at least I was prepared for it this time and didn’t almost fall on my ass. “Why do you let her control you? Who cares if she goes and talks to my parents? If we tell them now then she has nothing to use against us. We can beat her at her own game.”

Either way I lose. I don’t think Reverie realizes that yet. Or if she ever will. She may have secrets but I have more.

“Your parents won’t approve of us, no matter how badly you want to believe they will,” I say.

“I can’t believe you have such little faith in me or my family.” She shakes her head. “But I guess if you’re willing to give up that easily, I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m leaving in a week anyway. So go ahead. Go be with your slut and make stupid little babies who won’t amount to anything. See if I care.”

Low fucking blow. She’s saying that to hurt me, and it works. “Better than being with a judgmental princess who thinks she’s above me,” I toss at her as she starts to walk away.

She whirls around to face me once again, her expression indignant, her body rigid. “I never, ever judged you, Nicholas. I fell in
love
with you. And now you’re crapping all over it so you can go back to your stupid ex and screw around with her instead, supposedly to protect me? I won’t let you use me too.”

She’s right. I can’t argue with her. There’s no point. “I fell in love with you too, you know,” I admit, my voice so soft I can barely hear it. “Too late now though, huh?”

Again we stare at each other, the both of us seeming at a loss at what to say. I’m trying to come up with something, anything to keep her here with me a little bit longer but my mind is a blank. All I can worry about is her finding out about my jail time. About my best friend the liar. She already knows about my ex the slut. My shitty apartment. My shitty life. My dead mom. She doesn’t need to deal with someone like me. She deserves more. Better.

She definitely deserves better than me.

“If you lack that much faith in me, in us, that we can stay together no matter if my parents find out or if the entire world finds out, then forget it. Forget this. Forget us,” she finally says, her voice firm yet full of defeat. “I can’t believe in this enough for the both of us. It’s a team effort but you’re not willing to play.”

“You’ll leave me no matter what,” I say, my voice cracking, my heart breaking. “Whether now or later. This can’t last. You know it.”

She nods once, completely expressionless. I can’t read her at all and usually she’s an open book. “So you’re giving up.”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Oh, Nicholas.” She sounds so wistful she makes me yearn. Yearn to take her in my arms and never, ever let her go. So we can face the consequences together. “You always have a choice. What’s so sad is that you don’t even see it.” She walks up to me and kisses my cheek, her lips lingering as if she doesn’t want to stop.

I close my eyes, savoring her scent, her mouth on my skin, her close proximity to me. I reach out and grip her elbow, holding her close for one last desperate moment, but she gently pulls out of my touch. Until she’s over there and I’m over here and it’s like she took a piece of me away with her and I’m left broken and alone.

Reverie may be standing in front of me still but I am completely and totally alone.

“I thought you were stronger than that,” she whispers before she turns and walks away.

I thought I was stronger too. I guess I wasn’t. But she is.

And as she leaves me, she never once looks back.

Dear Diary,

(August 5
th
, 4:22 p.m.)
My heart is breaking. Nicholas left me for his stupid slut girlfriend. I don’t understand why. What did I do wrong? How could he go back to her? He’s so afraid of my parents finding out we’re together. I constantly reassure him that they’ll approve of us as a couple. That what we’re doing isn’t wrong when it feels so right. But he won’t listen. He doesn’t believe me.

He doesn’t believe in us.

I walked away from him before he could walk away from me. I knew I would fall completely apart if I let him walk first so I had to do it. Instead, I made it into my room before I crumpled. I’ve cried for a solid hour. I’m still crying. My vision is blurry from the tears. My chest hurts from all the sobbing. I have a headache that no medicine can fix. My heart hurts from Nick’s rejection.

Is it wrong that I still want to go to him and ask him to change his mind? Is it wrong that I want to sneak out of here and go to his apartment? I don’t think so. When the heart knows what it wants, it won’t stop until it gets it. And what I want most of all is Nicholas Fairfield.

Despite his rejection. Despite how easily he gave up on us, I still love him. I still want him. He said he loved me too. That was the first time he ever told me. As our world is falling apart around us, as he lets his ex put her hands all over him and then lets her kiss him, within minutes after that, he’s telling me he loved me.