Hold Me Tight (4 page)

Chapter Seven
Ivy

I don’t know what to think.

Tim claims he told Lauren about today’s appointment with Dr. Patel, but Eric never showed up. It’s been a week since our fight, and I can’t believe he wouldn’t jump at the chance to see me. For the first time since he left me sitting in his truck outside the Valu-Mart, he knew where I was going to be and when. I thought for sure he’d be there, waiting to envelop me a hug and whisper in my ear that he was sorry.

But there was no sign of him.

I slump against the back of the swivel chair, letting my fingers drift absently over the laptop keys. Dr. P. was a little perturbed at not seeing Eric with me. He didn’t pry. He just shook his head and said that whatever’s going on between us was none of his business, even though he wasn’t happy that Eric had bailed on the appointment. After examining me, Dr. P. smiled. So far, everything’s fine. The tear in the placenta has not detached any further. Of course it was great news, but it hurt that Eric wasn’t there to hear it. It’s like he doesn’t even care. What if things took a turn for the worse? I mean, he hasn’t talked to me in over a week. Anything could have happened between now and then. Is he really that mad at me for walking out on him?

My brain feels muddled. I should be working on the damn screenplay, but I couldn’t care less. I don’t even know what I’m doing since I’ve never written one by myself before, not without Will’s help. Fiction isn’t my thing. I like facts. Patterns I can piece together and investigate. And not having all of the details about what went on between Tim and Cassidy isn’t making my job any easier. My eyes gaze restlessly out the window over the acres of land that make up Tim’s property. The barren trees look even more desolate under an overcast sky. The gloomy weather matches my mood. I’m sure not going to get anything accomplished in this state of mind.

“Dr. P. seems like a pretty cool guy.”

Yikes. I forgot that Tim was in here reading the
Gazette
. He’s been so quiet, letting me mull things over in silence. It was dumb to use the living room as a workspace. I should’ve stayed upstairs, kept to myself. But after suffering such a crushing blow, I didn’t want to be alone. I was too upset over Eric’s no-show.

“Yeah, Dr. P.’s the best. I don’t know what I’d do without him,” I remark without much enthusiasm as I spin the chair around to face Tim.

I took my time getting ready this morning because I wanted to look nice for Eric. I didn’t straighten my hair because I remembered how he’d said that he liked it natural the night he took care of me after he’d brought me home from the hospital.

But when Tim and I got back to the farmhouse, I crashed. I took off all my makeup, braided my hair, and tossed on the generic pair of grey sweats Lauren had some random staffer at the
Gazette
pick out for me as part of my ‘care package.’ It sucks that I can’t even wear my own clothes anymore. It’s like everything’s been taken away from me. My freedom. My identity. Eric.

I scrunch my eyes closed, fighting the urge to cry again.

“Ah, Ivy. What is it?” Tim asks, lowering his newspaper and crinkling the fold.

“I just thought he’d be there. You know?” I whimper, ashamed of the tears that begin to fall.

Tim gets up and kneels before me, running his hand soothingly up and down my back. “That’s why I was going to stay in the car. In case he was staking out the place and didn’t want to run into me. I’m probably the reason he stayed away, not you.”

“Don’t be silly. Eric’s a big boy. I’m sure you didn’t scare him off.” I force a smile, wanting Tim to know that I don’t blame him.

“If he entered the waiting room, I was going to tell him where you were. I swear.” Tim sits back on his heels, holding up his hands. “The exam room is his domain, not mine. All that stuff in there freaks me out—big time.”

“What do you mean? You’re not a fan of—” I start, but he places his hand lightly over my mouth.

“Don’t even go there. I know a woman’s body is a beautiful thing, but I’d rather not see it like that.” Tim shakes his head vigorously, trying to rid himself of the thought.

“So I take it I’ll never find you in a delivery room?” I tease, a giggle escaping my lips.

“No way. When Cassidy used to talk about it, I’d…” He pauses, catching himself.

“Go on. You’d…?” I give him a small smile, hoping he’ll continue. We’ve been on the verge of this conversation for over a week now. If only he’d meet me halfway.

Tim clears his throat, surprising me when he doesn’t stop. “I’d tell her”—he pauses again, lowering his voice—“that I’d probably be no good to her when she needed me the most.” He hangs his head, easing onto the floor with a defeated sigh.

“Tim,” I implore, keeping my voice soft. “What really happened between you and Cassidy?”

“Ivy, are you sure you want to get into this?” he asks, gazing up at me, studying my face.

“I’m sure,” I insist, feeling a sudden twinge of trepidation.

“All right, fine. If it’ll make you feel better, I’m willing to bare my soul.” He stretches out on the floor, crossing his arms behind his head and extending his legs. After getting comfortable, he shuts his eyes and groans like he’s been colluded into telling a long and involved bedtime story to a precocious toddler up past her bedtime.

For some reason, I want to be as close to him as I can. So I get off the chair and sit on the floor with him, dragging a pillow off the couch for my back. He’s been resisting me at every turn, but I think he took pity on me when he saw how much Eric let me down today. It seems like he’s been disappointed in love, too. I think it’s that sense of brokenness we recognize in each other. All those pesky ‘might have beens’ that never go away.

Tim listens to the crackle and pop of the fireplace as I settle in next to him and tug the oversized sweatshirt over my knees. I watch the outlines of the flames dance across his face. He really is handsome. His chiseled features are more classically defined than Eric’s rugged good looks. Where Eric is all man, Tim is more regal, like Eric’s the strapping warrior sent off to battle and Tim’s the crowned prince issuing decrees from the throne.

But I can see why they must’ve been friends. Eric’s a man of action. He likes to get things done. He’s passionate and intense, his whims dictated by his mood. Whereas Tim is more of a thinker. He likes to sit back and examine a problem. He’s not the type to barge in, guns blazing. He’d rather deliberate and figure out a strategy best suited to everyone involved.

Tim must have reined Eric in a lot. The idea of taking a moment to pause and reflect isn’t one of Eric’s strong suits. I’m sure having a friend like Tim kept Eric out of plenty of scrapes when they were growing up.

It makes me wonder if Tim knew in the back of his mind that Eric wouldn’t show up today. That he’d let his anger get in the way of his feelings for me. Is that why Tim was so determined to tag along and sit in the waiting room?

“Okay, where do I begin?” Tim asks blandly.

“How about right around when Cassidy figured out you were in love with her?” I take a stab in the dark, lowering my chin onto my knees as I stare intently at his profile.

My response catches Tim off guard and his eyes snap open. But he doesn’t sit up. He contemplates my words, rolling them over in his mind.

“You’re a very perceptive person, Ivy Thompson,” he says with grudging respect. “But to put your mind at ease, she didn’t love me back. At least, not in the way I wanted her to. Her heart always belonged to Eric.”

I have so many questions I want to ask, but I hold my tongue. This has to be a painful topic for him to discuss. I think back on those brief hours at the gala when I thought Eric was into Lauren. I remember how much it hurt to find out that I wasn’t the one he wanted. That he was attracted to a woman I couldn’t stand. So I can’t even imagine what it must have been like for Tim to be best friends with the guy who swept Cassidy off her feet, a guy he admired. It must have been torture.

“All three of us hung out together as kids. We’d meet up to go fishing. We’d ride our bikes into town. We’d camp out under the stars. We were like the three amigos, practically inseparable. I considered myself lucky to have two best friends.” A smile tugs at the corners of Tim’s mouth as he thinks back on the good times they shared.

“But?” I prompt as I bite my fingernail, not sure if I want to hear where this is going.

“Well, we entered high school, and things changed. Turns out, it’s not that easy for a guy and a girl to remain friends,” Tim grunts, the smile vanishing from his face.

“Yeah. Tell me about it,” I respond sarcastically as some unbidden memories of Ryan pop into my head—ones I’d rather forget.

“Cassidy and Eric started pulling away from me, little by little. They’d do stuff without me. Then, when they did invite me to tag along, I’d feel like a third wheel. They weren’t doing it intentionally, but there was just an awkwardness that wasn’t there before.” Tim swallows hard. “I confronted Eric about it at the beginning of our sophomore year. I asked him if they were dating and he said no but he was planning on asking her out. He wanted to know if I was all right with that. And of course I lied and said that I was.”

“Why’d you do that?” I blurt out unintentionally.

“C’mon, Ivy. I wasn’t blind. I could see the way she looked at Eric with stars in her eyes. Trust me. She never looked at me like that.” He clenches his jaw, running a hand across his forehead. “I think Eric suspected that I had feelings for her too, but I wasn’t going to cause a war over it. She was already his. She was always his.”

Every time I hear it, it stings a little to hear how Eric was so enraptured by Cassidy. I wonder if anyone would say he looks at me the way he used to look at her. I guess only Tim would know the answer to that.

“Time went by. I stayed busy training for swim meets and keeping my grades up, anything to keep my mind off Cassidy. I’d see Eric around, but we weren’t as close as we used to be. Then Cassidy began showing up at the pool to watch me practice. She told me they had a blowout fight. Eric had wanted them to start dating, but she said she wasn’t ready. Her parents were pretty strict and they were probably nervous about her hanging out so much alone with Eric, no doubt afraid he was going to get her pregnant. Kind of ironic, don’t you think?” Tim chuckles bitterly.

“Yeah, but if we were able to predict the future, we’d never get out of bed,” I respond, pondering Cassidy’s fate.

“But here’s the thing,” Tim says excitedly, sitting up. “They weren’t even sleeping together.”

“And Cassidy told you all this?” I ask, scooting closer to him.

“Yeah. She turned me into her confidante, coming to me for advice on how to handle Eric,” Tim responds, flooring me. “Talk about being put in a sticky situation.”

“I’d say,” I whisper, my mind abuzz.

“And that’s not all. I was just starting to hope that something might be happening between us when she came to me, begging me to start hanging out with her and Eric again so her parents would get off her case. Here I thought she was coming to the pool to check me out in my Speedo, but instead she just wanted me to help her sneak around with Eric behind her parents’ backs. Man, it gutted me,” he admits, his shoulders sagging.

“Well, you were a fool to go along with it,” I respond, smacking his arm.

“It’s just that they were so off and on. Eric would do something stupid and get her mad and then she’d turn to me for comfort until he apologized. Then the whole vicious cycle would start up again,” Tim says with a moan.

“I didn’t think things between Eric and Cassidy were so rocky. I thought they were the perfect couple.” I tilt my head to the side, pondering the ramifications of what Tim’s telling me.

“There was no denying the chemistry they had together, that spark. Anyone within a hundred-mile radius could feel it. But that didn’t mean it was always smooth sailing. They really had to work at it. And that’s what killed me because things could have been nice and easy between Cassidy and me. I wouldn’t have stressed her out. I wouldn’t have made her cry. God, I wanted her so much. I would have cherished every moment with her. I
did
cherish every moment with her.”

He lowers his head, and I give him a minute to collect himself. This can’t be easy for him, especially since he’s only delving into his past because I asked him to, not because he wanted to.

I’m alarmed when he stands up and strides across the room. No, he can’t stop now. We’re right in the middle of this.

I swing my legs underneath me as I follow him with my eyes. “Where are you going?”

“Hold on. I want to show you something,” he responds, stooping over the bookcase, running his finger down the spines. “Ah, here it is.”

He slides out a thin volume, showing me the cover like I should know what it is, like I had to have seen it before.

But I shrug, not getting the point he’s trying to make. “What is it?”

“You don’t know?” he asks, coming over to join me as I curl up on the couch. “Eric never showed you our yearbook? Really?”

He starts flipping through the pages like he didn’t mean anything by it, but I’m sick of him making assumptions about my relationship with Eric. Like we’re not super close because he never took me for an illustrated trip down memory lane.

“Sorry to disappoint you, but reminiscing over his days at Glendale High is not the kind of thing that Eric and I like to do in our spare time. If you catch my drift.” I let the full meaning sink in as Tim shifts uncomfortably next to me.

“So that’s how that happened, huh?” He reaches out to pat my baby bump, but I slap his hand away. “Hey!” he winces.

“You have a hell of lot of nerve.” I snatch the yearbook off his lap. He’s taking too many liberties with me, getting too familiar.

“Hey, give it back,” he whines, trying to pry it out of my hands.

“No way. I want to see you in your Speedo.” I open the cover, searching for an index.

“Ivy, c’mon. Cut it out.” He tries to grab it again, but I’m too quick for him, dodging his outstretched hands.

But I feel the air leave my lungs when I see the giant heart that’s taking up an entire page. In the center, Eric is smiling like I’ve never seen him smile, fully and happily, beaming with joy. Why? Because Cassidy is cuddled up in his embrace, the caption ‘class couple’ making their love official and, for the first time, painfully real.