Hold Me Tight (6 page)

Chapter Nine
Ivy

I’m pregnant. I’m hungry. And damn it, I’m going to eat.

I rub the sleep out of my eyes, determined not to let last night’s spat with Tim keep me out of his kitchen. I’m still in my pajamas even though it’s almost noon. I’m not going to avoid him any longer. Enough is enough. I’m the one eating for two, not him.

“Done sulking?” he asks, not even looking up from the pile of bills stacked in front of him as I traipse in.

“Not quite,” I respond, opening the refrigerator door. “Not until you stop lying to me, anyway.”

“I’m
not
lying to you,” he says angrily, slamming his fist.

I jump at the noise, losing my grip on the carton of orange juice as it spills all over the floor, soaking the bottom of my robe.

“Shit! See what you made me do?” I glare at him, sopping wet.

“I didn’t do anything. You are the one who dropped it.” Tim pushes himself away from the table, striding over to the counter to grab a roll of paper towels.

My feet feel all sticky as I move out of the way when he bends down to mop up the mess. Without even thinking, I remove my robe and fling it over the back of one of the chairs, getting down on my hands and knees to help him. Stubbornly, he ignores me. So I work around him, picking up the saturated clumps he leaves behind. Awkwardly, I tiptoe over to the sink, wringing out the soggy remains before tossing them in the trash.

“You know I just got done cleaning in here, right?” he grumbles, getting to his feet. “You don’t have to be so—” But he freezes when he turns around, his eyes darting straight to my chest.

Goose bumps tingle on my bare arms. I forgot I only wore a cami to bed. It’s one of the few remaining items I have left from my old life. When I showed up on Tim’s doorstep, it was nestled against my skin beneath several layers of clothing. It’s the one I was wearing the day I met Eric. And after all that went down yesterday, I just wanted to feel close to him again. Like if I closed my eyes, I could pretend I was curled up next to him under our skylight. Not sleeping under the same roof as his sworn enemy.

But my pregnant body has clearly outgrown it as I feel my nipples straining against the fabric. It’s nothing but thin, white cotton, and I’m obviously giving Tim quite a show.

“Don’t look at me like that.” I scowl, trying to cover myself with my arms, hastily reaching for my robe.

“I’m not. I mean…not anymore.” He coughs, tilting back his head to stare at the ceiling. “But you can’t put that robe back on. It’s all wet, and you’re freezing.” He slides off one sleeve of his flannel shirt then the other. “Here. Take this. I insist.” He hands it to me, keeping his eyes averted.

Now it’s my turn to get flustered as he strips down to his wifebeater, inadvertently showing off his ripped physique to its best advantage.

“Um…thanks,” I mumble, taking it from him.

It feels nice and warm from his body, but I try not to think about that as I slip it on over my shoulders. My fingers fumble with the buttons, but I make sure to button every single one.

“Don’t mention it.” He gives me a shy smile, scratching the back of his neck. “It looks way better on you than it did on me anyway.”

I like that he’s being sweet again, but I don’t want him flirting with me. It’s blurring too many lines—lines that shouldn’t be crossed when he still has a lot of explaining to do. He can’t pretend to smooth things over like last night never happened. I resent that he thinks I’m just going to drop it. Yeah right. I’m not letting him off the hook that easily.

He whistles as he heads over to the supply closet, yanking out a steam cleaner and plugging it in. He runs it back and forth in front of the fridge as I take a seat at the table, examining the mountains of paperwork.

“So Lauren’s taking care of all of these, huh?” I inquire, recognizing the familiar logos of several of the local utility companies.

“Is that really how you want to start the day?” he asks dryly. “Talking about Lauren?”

I lean forward, trying to glimpse his checkbook balance. It’s at least five figures. Damn, he’s doing pretty well for being unemployed.

“Why are you helping her, Tim?” I question as he finishes up, wiping his hands on his jeans.

He grunts before retrieving a frying pan from the bottom cabinet. “I could ask you the same exact thing.”

“Lauren was never a fan of Cassidy. If you loved her like you said you did, why would you get mixed up with the one person who’s determined to ruin her reputation? I would think you’d want to protect her, not expose her secrets.” I cross my ankles, lifting my bare feet off the cold floor, waiting for him to answer me.

But he doesn’t. Instead, he reaches up and pulls a box of pancake batter out of the cupboard. I should shut up. I’m starving, and the guy is cooking me breakfast, but he needs to start talking. And I intend to pick things up right where we left off. He might’ve clammed up after dropping that bomb about Eric not being the father of Cassidy’s baby, but we’re going to have to resume the conversation eventually. And now’s as good a time as any.

“Lauren called earlier. She’s not happy with where you’re at with the screenplay. I wasn’t going to tell you about it, but if you want to talk about Lauren, let’s talk,” Tim says moodily, mixing the ingredients in a giant steel bowl.

“Why are you protecting her when you know she’s up to no good? Do really need the money that bad? Tim, you could move somewhere else. Get another job. Anything is better than this.” I watch as his back stiffens and the spoonful of batter he’s holding above the pan hovers in midair.

“It’s not just about the money. It’s more complicated than that. There are other people involved. Even if I cut and run, she’d hurt them, and I can’t let that happen.” He resumes his motion, and the batter sizzles as it hits the pan.

“But you’re willing to stand back and let her destroy Cassidy?” I ask hotly.

“I have to focus on those who are alive now. I think Cassidy would understand that.” He roots through a drawer for a spatula, and I can only see his profile, his jaw clenched tight.

“But who can Lauren possibly be after? Eric’s the one she wants. Everyone else is just collateral damage.” I rack my brain trying to think of every conceivable possibility.

“I really don’t want you to know all this stuff. It’ll only put you at risk. The less you know, the safer you’ll be, and in your condition, I think you’d be wise to take my advice.” He starts flipping the pancakes, diverting his attention to the task at hand.

But I need him to look at me.

I get up and walk over to the stove, reaching over his shoulder to grab two plates off the top shelf. He holds his breath when he feels me leaning over him, my baby bump nudging against his back. I shouldn’t be playing games with him, but I have to. I need to find out what’s really going on.

“Let me choose for myself,” I implore, holding out a plate to him as he slides two pancakes onto it, briefly meeting my eyes.

“You might not like what I have to say,” he warns as he fills his own plate before turning off the burner.

“I’m a big girl. I can take it.” I retake my seat at the table as he follows me over, carrying a bottle of syrup and some silverware.

“It has to do with Ben and Ryan,” he says gruffly, stuffing his mouth to keep from talking.

“You don’t mean…?” I ask, a light bulb going off in my head.

He nods, taking another bite. I wait for him to finish chewing before he responds. “They got involved with each other and Ryan’s dad caught them together. Ryan went ballistic, started doing all this crazy shit.”

“Like spying on half-naked girls.” I respond, filling in the blanks.

“Exactly,” Tim concurs, his head turning in my direction. “How do you know about that?”

“From one of Ben’s lectures,” I respond glumly, suddenly feeling nauseated.

“Lectures?” Tim questions, crinkling his brow.

“Yeah. Ryan and I had a similar encounter once. Then another time, we were alone and he lost control. I should’ve reported him, but I didn’t. That’s when Ben told me about what happened to you. How you lost your job over it.” I put my fork down and bite the inside corner of my lip.

“Ivy, what did Ryan do to you?” Tim pushes his chair closer to mine, placing his hands gently on my shoulders, urging me to face him.

I don’t resist as I swing my feet around until they bump into his. I don’t know why I’m shaking. It’s all in the past, shoved to the farthest corner of my mind. I never even told Eric exactly what Ryan did to me—not all of it, anyway. I was afraid he’d kill him if he knew.

I just buried it deep inside after it happened. I was ashamed of myself for letting it get that far. There must have been signs I missed. I’ve known Ryan nearly all my life. For him to just attack me like that, it couldn’t have come out of nowhere. I should have been more careful. I should have checked the closet that day in his room when I thought I heard something fall. I shouldn’t have let him drive me to the gala after my tire was slashed. I was stupid, forgetting how jealous he could be. Then having Will back in town and Lauren catching me with Eric… It all added up to one colossal mistake.

My lip trembles as it all starts pouring out of me. “I was in his Jeep when he pulled over all of a sudden. I didn’t know what was going on. He acted so fast. One second he was driving and the next he was on top of me. When I realized what he was doing, it was too late. He was too strong. I was vulnerable, and he overpowered me. I made it clear I didn’t want him to touch me. I tried to get him to stop, but he got violent.”

“Oh God, Ivy,” Tim murmurs, stroking my hair.

That gesture of kindness on Tim’s part breaks me. My composure weakens and I give in to the emotions I didn’t even realize I was holding back. “He was going to force himself on me…whether I wanted him to or not.” It’s the first time I really, truly admitted that to myself. Not allowing myself to make excuses. Not glossing anything over. Just comprehending the cold, hard truth. Digesting it. Taking it in.

“But he didn’t, right?” Tim asks, frantically smoothing my hair behind my ears before tipping my chin to meet his troubled gaze.

I shake my head, tears cascading down my cheeks as I see relief wash over him. “But it doesn’t matter,” I whisper forlornly. “It still felt like he did.”

Tim’s hands slide up and down my arms, reassuring me. “That piece of shit is dead, do you hear me? Dead.”

“Don’t,” I mutter, taking a deep breath.

“Does Eric know about this?” Tim asks defiantly.

“Yeah, he knows,” I respond like it’s no big deal.

“And he hasn’t castrated him by now?” Tim presses. “That’s not the Eric I remember.”

“Well they beat the crap out of each other, if that makes you feel any better,” I say, dabbing my eyes with the cuff of his shirt. “And that’s as far as it goes. You know what the Prices are capable of. Ryan is virtually untouchable. His father has every judge in the county on speed dial. Any charges I bring against him wouldn’t stick. And if I did pursue it and Ryan kept provoking Eric, we both know what would happen. Eric would be behind bars and Ryan would be walking around scot-free. Don’t delude yourself like your brother and believe in some fairytale type of justice. You know the Prices get away with everything.”

“But it doesn’t make it right. If we all stood up to them, maybe we could take them down. If you came forward, so would Ben. You wouldn’t have to face the firing squad alone,” Tim urges, his voice animated.

“What do you mean so would Ben?” Instinctually, I inch closer to Tim, placing my hand on his chest.

“Ivy, you’re not the only one Ryan’s done this to. My brother is so screwed up because of him. The only reason I keep holding my tongue is that Lauren threatens to out Ben if I speak up. She’ll take away everything he’s worked so damn hard for—his place on the team, his scholarship opportunities, his self-worth. She’s even okay with destroying Ryan if she has to. That’s how sick and twisted she is. She doesn’t care what she does to her own family.” Tim keeps going and going, his heart thudding against my fingertips.

We’re both unburdening our secrets, telling each other things we’ve never shared with anyone. It has to be a release for him. It was for me. He probably hasn’t told anyone the real reason he’s hiding out here, forgotten and off the grid. He gave up everything to save his brother. That has to count for something.

“Tim, it’s going to be okay. I promise.” I reach up and cradle his face with my hand. “After I have this baby, I give you my word. We’ll see what we can do. I’ll stand with Ben when he’s ready. First, let him get his full ride at some Division I school. Then we’ll go after them. Once they can’t hurt him anymore.”

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Tim whispers, his hands finding my waist as he rests his forehead against mine.

It feels so good to be held by a man, even if it’s not the right man. I close my eyes and get lost in the moment. If I pretend hard enough, maybe I can convince myself I’m in Eric’s arms right now and not Tim’s. I’m sick of crying and bemoaning my fate. I need this right now. I crave the comfort that Tim is so willingly to give me. It’s just a hug. I can allow myself one hug.

But Tim doesn’t stop there. Instead, he cups my chin, tilting his head. I feel his warm breath tentatively hovering over my lips.
What is he—?

My eyes flutter open just as his mouth meets mine.

I don’t have time to think as the back door is kicked off its hinges and Eric comes storming in, grabbing Tim by the back of the neck before slugging him right in the face.

Chapter Ten
Eric

“How dare you think you can touch her, you piece of shit!”

I knock Tim off the chair, and we tumble to the floor. I can vaguely hear Ivy yelling above us, begging me to stop. But I can’t. He’s taken too much from me. He has to pay.

I get in another punch to Tim’s ribs before he comes alive, hurling me off of him. He staggers to his feet, getting a firm grip on the front of my coat before slamming me against the wall. The impact is jarring, and for a moment, I’m rendered senseless. He presses his advantage as his hands find my neck, cutting off my air supply.

“Are you gonna knock it off now?” he bellows, his right eye already starting to swell from the sucker-punch I landed.

“Tim, let him go! Please! He can’t breathe!” Ivy screams, pounding on Tim’s back.

My eyes are locked on Tim’s as we engage in a silent battle. Somehow he always manages to kick my ass whenever we fight. I’m bigger, but he’s a lot more agile, figuring out my next move before I even make it. I hate how he knows my every weakness.

“C’mon, bro. Enough,” Ben pleads, stepping forward, urging his brother to relent. “You’re scaring Ivy.”

At the sound of her name, Tim releases his hold on me. I feel lightheaded as I double over, gasping to fill my burning lungs.

“You’re an animal. You know that? You don’t deserve someone like her. You never will,” Tim snarls in my direction.

“All right, you made your point,” Ben remarks, talking Tim down while tugging on his sleeve. “Now let’s get something on that eye of yours before you’re not able to see out of it.”

“I’m not leaving her alone with him,” Tim insists, trying to stall.

“Tim, please!” Ivy responds softly.

He’s well aware that he’s on the losing end of this battle. There’s no way she’s going to choose him over me. Whatever move he was trying to make on her, he can just forget it. That’s as far as he’s ever gonna get with her. From now on, I’m not letting her out of my sight.

Tim keeps muttering to himself as Ben drags him out of the room. I hear Ivy take a deep breath when their heavy footsteps creak above our heads as they trudge up the stairs.

I keep my head turned. I can’t bring myself to look at her. She waits a minute before coming over to me, and I try not to read too much into her hesitation. She exhales again before running her fingers through my hair. Her touch is soothing, familiar. I just want to melt into her as she wraps her arms around my head. And that’s when I finally relax as she shushes me to be quiet, telling me that everything’s going to be okay, reminding me to breathe.

I collapse against her. The simple pleasure of hearing her voice is all I want. She clings to me, not letting me fall.
God, I’ve missed her so much.
My hands feel numb from punching Tim. So I grope for her blindly, grabbing on to her floppy pajama bottoms before spreading my palms over her hips.

But there’s something I have to do before this goes any further.

Slowly, I draw my head away from her embrace, finding the courage to finally meet her eyes. Her hair hasn’t been combed and her face is all tear-stained, but she has never looked more beautiful.

She stands, bracing herself against me. Her breath hitches when I gently start unbuttoning her shirt, but her eyes never leave my face. I stop partway up, raising the bottom half of her cami up and over her baby bump. Dropping down, I run my hands across her stomach, feeling her shiver against my fingertips. Looking up at her, I place my lips on her bellybutton, kissing the child that’s growing within her, the miracle we created.

“I will never ask you to choose again,” I say solemnly, my voice nothing but a whisper.

Ivy starts to cry in earnest, placing her hands atop mine.

“You are my heart now. Whatever happens to you happens to me.” I kiss each one of her knuckles as she sighs deeply, like she’s been longing with all her soul to hear me say these words. “I know I’m not as brave as you are, but I promise to try harder.”

“Eric, stop. You’re the bravest man I know,” she proclaims with a tender fierceness, tears shining in her eyes.

“I’m just so afraid of losing you,” I mutter, breaking down.

“Oh, Eric,” she whimpers, sobbing right along with me. “I know, baby… I know.”

I lean back against the wall, guiding her onto my lap. We don’t say anything more. We just sit there and hold each other, savoring the moment.

I don’t let my mind drift to whatever it was I interrupted between her and Tim. I don’t dwell on the fact that she’s wearing his shirt and they were having a cozy breakfast together. All I know is I’m taking her far away from here and she’s never going to see him again. Not if I can help it.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been in Tim’s family homestead. I remember spending every Memorial Day here at his uncle’s annual barbecue back when he still owned the place. Christ, it looks exactly the same—the faded rooster design on the wallpaper, the brass pots hanging by the stove. Tim hasn’t changed a darn thing. It’s like he found a way to make time stand still. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Tim’s always been nostalgic like that, refusing to let go of the past.

Ivy stirs in my arms, blinking up at me. Her fingers trace a path down the side of my face, along my jawline, and over my chin.

“I’m only gone a week and you think you can start growing a beard?” she teases, her eyes red from crying.

“Well, hunting season’s coming up—” I protest lightly.

“Don’t even think about it,” she chides.

“What do you say we get out of here?” I nuzzle my face against hers, tickling her with my stubble. “Let me take you home… Then you can do whatever you want to me.”

She laughs and it’s like music to my ears. “As tempting as that sounds, I should probably thank Tim first and not just sneak out the back door.” She sees my eyes darken at the mention of Tim. “Especially since, thanks to you, there’s not much of a door to sneak out of.”

I lower my head, guilty as charged. I let my temper get the best of me again. My father will be furious when he finds out. For the most part since Ivy left, I’ve been holding it together…until I saw what Tim was up to. No way in hell was I going to let him kiss her.

“Ivy”—I pause, unsure of whether or not I want to ask her this—“has he kissed you before or was that…?” I swallow, unable to say the words. The pointed barb of jealousy lashes my heart as I contemplate what the two of them might have been doing together all week.

“Eric, stop,” Ivy commands, the firmness of her tone bolstering my confidence to meet her penetrating gaze. “Listen to me. Nothing happened.”

I shuffle uncomfortably beneath her.

“You have to believe me,” she pleads, determined to put my mind at ease. “He might have wanted it, but I didn’t. The only one I want, the only one I’ll ever want, is you.”

I sigh, wanting to believe her. Tentatively, I brush her lips with mine, and she responds readily. I bury my hands in her hair, moaning against her mouth as she opens herself up to me. She wiggles on my lap, straddling me with her legs, wedging her stomach against my chest. I close my eyes, tasting her, claiming her, devouring her.

We part, coming up for air. This isn’t the time or place, but we’re going to continue this later. Even if we can’t go all the way, I’ll take whatever I can get. She’s just so damn irresistible. I don’t care how creative we have to get—I intend to leave her utterly spent and satisfied.

There’s a low murmuring coming from up above. Tim and Ben are trying to keep it down, but it’s clear that they’re arguing with each other. I can’t make out what they’re saying, but it sounds pretty heated.

Ivy glances up at their muffled voices. She seems ill at ease, listening to their anger erupt through the ceiling. She shouldn’t be exposed to all of this volatility. Dr. P. said that she needs to remain calm, and what do I do? I burst in here like a raging bull, setting brother against brother. Lately, it seems wherever I go, trouble is sure to follow.

I start to sit up, but Ivy places her hand on my arm, gazing at me warily.

“Eric, I know we have a lot we need to discuss, but there’s something I have to know before we leave here.” She looks so serious that my pulse starts to pound. Whatever this is, it can’t be good.

“Anything,” I assure her, waiting anxiously to hear what she intends to get off her chest.

“Why didn’t you show up for my doctor’s appointment?” she asks, disappointment reflecting out of the deep green pools of her eyes.

“Because I didn’t know about it. You never texted me.” I remain stoic, even though this news is tearing me up inside.

“I couldn’t—” she stammers. “Tim said Lauren was supposed to tell you.”

“Well, she didn’t,” I grumble. “Ivy, you know I’d never miss one of your appointments.”

“But you said you didn’t want me to have this baby and I thought you were taking it out on me when you didn’t come and—” She takes a shaky breath, trying to gather her thoughts. “Eric, I should’ve known. I never should’ve doubted you. I was just so confused and—”

“You had every right to doubt me. I was acting like a complete dick.” She laughs again, and relief washes over me. “I wasn’t thinking straight the day you left. I didn’t handle what Dr. P. said very well. When I went home and I was alone in the cabin, the silence was deafening. I missed you every second you were gone. I realized just how much I was giving up by thinking I could make this decision for the both of us.”

I shake my head, fully aware of what an idiot I was for believing I could strong-arm her into terminating the pregnancy. She had every right to walk away from me. I should kiss the ground she walks on, knowing that she’s even considering giving me another chance after what I put her through.

“Ivy, my life is empty without you in it. I’d rather have weeks, days, hours with you happy and content than a lifetime filled with regret. It was driving me crazy not knowing where you were and if you were all right. I hated myself for driving you away, wasting time we could have spent together.” Just by being in her presence again, I know just how foolish I was to gamble with fate.

“Eric, it’s behind us now,” Ivy implores. “Stop beating yourself up over it. Let’s just look forward to all the good things in our future, like the arrival of our child, okay?”

“There’s nothing I’d like more.” I hold her tight against me. “I was so afraid you’d hate me for what I did to you, that you’d never be able to forgive me.”

“You silly man, don’t you get it by now?” She entwines her arms around my neck, staring into my very soul. “I
love
you, Eric.”

I take a shuddering breath. “The good, the bad, and the ugly, huh?”

“That’s what love is,” she responds, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, making me well aware of just how special she is. When she loves, she loves with her whole heart, giving herself completely, holding nothing back.

“Ivy, you showed me what it means to love. I never knew the full meaning of the word until I met you.” I lean in for a soft, delicate kiss. “I love you, Ivy. I always will.”

“But you loved Cassidy too?” she questions, drawing back ever so slightly.

“Not like this,” I affirm. “Never like this.”

“Did your feelings for her change when you found out about her and Tim?” Ivy prods.

“I wouldn’t say that,” I admit honestly, struggling to express what I mean. “All I know is that you and I have been through so much together, and with everything that threatens to come between us, my love for you only grows stronger. I’ve never experienced anything like it. I don’t feel complete without you. I was missing a part of myself until you entered my life. And while I thought what I had with Cassidy was real, you’re the one who makes me feel whole.”

“Thank you…thank you…thank you,” she says, giving me a series of playful pecks on the cheek. “You don’t know how much I needed to hear you say that.”

“It’s the truth,” I state, my voice deepening as I slide her hand into mine. “What we have…is all ours.”

In the doorway, Ben clears his throat to announce his presence. “Sorry to interrupt. I figured you needed some privacy. But, Eric, I just wanted to tell you your father just pulled up outside.”

“Oh shit,” I mutter.

“Yeah, Will must’ve tipped him off, told him where we went. I’m sorry, man.” Ben shuffles uncomfortably, unsure of what to do.

“Where’s Tim? I want to say goodbye to him before we go.” Ivy slides off me, lowering her cami back into place.

I already miss the warmth of her body against me. It’s going to be torture being around her until I can get her back in our bed. My dad is the last obstacle I want to face right now. I thought we’d make a mad dash out of here, but it appears that’s not going to happen.

“Tim went for a walk to clear his head.” Ben shrugs, offering no further explanation about his brother’s whereabouts.

“Oh no. I wanted to thank him before I just up and left,” Ivy groans.

I take great pains to ignore her discomfort. She just declared her love for me. I shouldn’t be envious of her wanting to express her gratitude to Tim, but I am. I hate it every time his name falls from her lips—lips I want uttering my name, not his.

“Yeah, well. I’ll be sure to tell him you were asking about him,” Ben responds distractedly.

I can tell Ivy’s upset that Tim’s upset, and that bothers me. There’s some attachment there between them whether I want to acknowledge it or not. He was her knight in shining armor. He took her in out of the cold, welcomed her into his home when it seemed like the whole world had turned against her. Of course she’d want to thank him. Why wouldn’t she?

But they never would have met if I hadn’t been so pigheadedly stubborn. My selfishness is what threw them together, making Ivy feel like she’d had to flee. If I should be mad at anyone, I should be mad at myself. I opened the door a crack, and he snuck through it and into her heart. When Ivy cares about someone, that’s it. She cares about them for life. And now he’s weaseled his way in, establishing some sort of friendship with her. And I’m going to have a heck of a time getting him out of the picture now, especially with Ben working at the garden center.