Hold Me Tight (5 page)

“I told you not to look through it,” Tim reprimands me, trying to pull the yearbook out of my hands.

“No… Don’t. I want to see more.”

He relents when he sees my brow furrow. He’s not going to fight me on this, even though he knows I’m probably not going to like what I see. But it’s like ripping off a Band-Aid. Rifling through these pages is going to hurt, but I’d rather experience the pain all at once and get it over with. I can’t pretend like Eric was never in love with Cassidy because it’s clear that he was. I’ve been deluding myself, pretending it was just some childhood crush. That what I have with him is deeper, more intimate. But I’m beginning to think I was wrong.

I stumble across photo after photo of them, and they’re always together. In the library with their heads bent over a book, in the cafeteria with Cassidy sitting on his lap, at a football game with Cassidy perched on his shoulders, at the prom with him holding her close on the dance floor.

My eyes start to burn as I fixate on Eric in that prom picture. My throat constricts. For some crazy reason, I thought the first time I’d see Eric in a tux would be at our wedding. But that’s not going to happen. Not after I turned him down.

I slam the yearbook shut.

“I get it now,” I mutter, handing it back to him.

“What are you talking about?” he asks, seemingly perplexed, but I know better.

“You want me to ache the way you ache.” I gaze deep into Tim’s eyes, daring him to contradict me. “I’m the only one who can understand what it’s like, getting thrown in the middle of their epic love story. Always being compared, never quite measuring up.”

I let my slippered feet touch the floor as I pull myself up, wanting nothing more than to get away from him.

“Yeah, Tim. You’re right. Is that what you want to hear? You proved your point. I get it. I’ll never be Cassidy. I’ll never see Eric look at me without that hint of pain in his eyes. But you know what? It’s okay because I know he loves me,
truly
loves me. He’s been scarred by grief and loss and disappointment. He’s not the person he was with her. But I wouldn’t want him any other way. I love him for the man he is now. What he’s gone through and survived only makes him more precious in my eyes.”

Tim flings an arm over the back of the couch, agitated.

“What? You don’t believe me?” I question him, but he turns his head away. “You think you and I are the same, but we’re not. You loved Cassidy, but she never loved you back. When she had to choose, she chose Eric, not you. Yeah, I may have to compete with a ghost, but Eric made the choice to be with me. He didn’t want to open himself up to love again, but he did. This baby growing inside of me is proof of that. So while you’re out here all alone hatching plans with Lauren to tear us apart, I want you to know that you just did me a favor by showing me how happy Cassidy made him, because now I’m even more determined to bring that light back to his eyes. And I know my love is strong enough to do it.”

“Bravo, Ivy.” Tim starts clapping his hands, mocking me like I just put on a masterful performance when I meant every word I said from the bottom of my heart. “I wish you luck with that. I really do. Because you’re wrong, I don’t think you and I are the same at all. I’m not looking for someone to wallow in my pain and understand me. I just wanted to set you straight. Get you to see the truth.”

“Oh yeah?” I know he’s baiting me, but I can’t resist falling into his trap.

“You think that I’m suffering from a terminal case of unrequited love?” He laughs heartily, throwing back his head. “That I’ve been stewing in some romantic limbo, my fate never to be resolved?”

In a flash, he’s off the couch, standing over me, making me take a few steps back. For the first time since I arrived, I feel threatened by him. Like whatever he’s about to say I don’t want to hear because it’s bound to hurt.

“I know who the father of Cassidy’s baby was…”

He pauses dramatically, twisting the knife in deeper. His blue eyes don’t look so gentle anymore. They’re hard, calculating, cruel.

“And it wasn’t Eric.”

Chapter Eight
Eric

I skim my hand down the length of her back, groaning in ecstasy.

Her green eyes dance beneath the moonlight as she shifts onto her side, showing me just how beautiful she is in all her naked glory. Her long, slender neck, the sexy dip in her waist, those full, supple breasts—God, I can’t get enough of her. My body is craving her touch like it needs air to breathe.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” I murmur, letting my eyes trail along her body.

Lacing her fingers through mine, she whispers, “Love me, Eric. Just love me.”

I have to be gentle with her. Take it slow. Savor each moment. When we work our way there, drawing it out, the end result is usually pretty spectacular. I remember the feel of her clenching around me, multiple times, as I strove within her¸ sliding all the way in then all the way out, staying hard as long as I could before releasing myself inside of her. The delayed gratification was mind-blowing, seeing how far we were able to take it without giving in to each other. Such sweet torment I didn’t think possible until I met her.

I guide my palms over her protruding stomach, urging her to lie back. She complies, eagerly anticipating my next move. I straddle her hips, letting my length rub against her opening. She moans, rising up to meet me, but I hold her down. We need to try something different this time.

“I want to feel you right here,” I moan as I take my shaft and place it between her heaving breasts.

Her eyes come alive as she realizes what I intend to do. She rests her tiny hands on top of my large ones, squeezing her ample cleavage together as I start rocking back and forth above her, rubbing myself between her sensitive breasts.

I allow my thumbs to stray as they begin to circle her nipples. She bends her legs, her heels sliding helplessly against the satin sheets. She’s trying to lift herself to meet my actions and gain some pleasure for herself. But it’s not happening as I lift her arms above her head with one hand and hold them there. I take advantage of her prone state and move my knees underneath her outstretched arms, gripping the sides of her breasts with my thighs to increase the amount of pressure on my dick.

The delicate skin of her chest is flushed as I work myself over her. She struggles against me, acting like she wants to hurl me off. This is a game we like to play where she pretends to fight off my advances. It only serves to increase the level of arousal for the both of us. She knows what a thrill it gives me to feel like I’m dominating her, even though she’s the one in control. She likes to start off all submissive and coy before turning aggressive and squirming beneath me.

I nearly lose it when she lowers her chin and, with a flick of her tongue, assaults the tip of my cock. I groan incoherently as I continue riding her. I let go of her wrists and slam my hands onto the wall behind the bed, my thrusts taking on a frantic rhythm. The feel of her warm flesh is driving me insane as I strain against her.

I’ve been waiting for this. I’ve needed this. Why did I ever let her walk away from me?

I’m almost there. Just a few more thrusts and…

***

Tap, tap, tap.

My eyes fly open.
What the fuck?

Will is standing outside my truck with an ax over his shoulder, his gloved hand resting against the rearview mirror.

Shit. I must’ve fallen asleep. It all felt so real that I’m as hard as rock, shoved against the confines of my jeans. I haven’t been sleeping well, and when I do, I dream of Ivy and the things we used to do together. I can’t find any peace either night or day. She haunts me wherever I go.

I rub my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. I turn off the heat that’s pummeling me in the face and hit the button to lower the window.

“You all right in there?” Will asks, giving me that pitying look I’ve come to hate.

“Yeah, just dozed off,” I respond brusquely.

I don’t feel the need to explain myself to him. We’re practically living together now after I let him crash on the couch. It seemed inhumane to make him freeze his ass off in that drafty woodshed now that winter’s wrath is upon us.

“Well, are you gonna help us clear these dead trees out of here or is this little coffee break of yours gonna last all day?” Will bristles, retreating back among the trees.

He can be such a wiseass, and he knows it. But right now, it’s exactly what I need. If not for him, I’d be holed up in the cabin, letting everything fall apart. It’s the only way I know how to handle life when things go wrong. I run and hide. But not this time—Will’s making sure of that.

It’s a Saturday morning and we’re at the northern border of the Riverside Gardens’ property, about two miles from the storefront, on land I set aside to grow Christmas trees. We’ll have to start cutting them soon. I wanted to come out here today and tag the ones I think will fetch top dollar when people start opening their wallets to celebrate the season. Most families purchase their trees in the two-week span after Thanksgiving, and I intend to be ready. Even if my heart isn’t in it, I still have bills to pay. I can’t crumble now. I have to follow through with my commitments. Stay strong.

Will and I start trudging over the frozen ground as I inspect the limbs of my prime Douglas firs, stopping every few feet. If I grunt, Will pulls a florescent orange ribbon from around his arm and secures it to one of the branches. This way, we’ll be able to make short work of the process next week when we come back to finish the job.

We don’t speak for nearly a quarter of an hour, our breath visible on the morning air. Up ahead, there’s a rustle of dead trees being dragged over the frozen ground, but I ignore it and keep going. Will exhales in annoyance, making me well aware that he’s having none of it.

“What?” I snap, losing my temper.

“You’re going to have to talk to Ben eventually. It’s not his fault, you know,” Will mutters, looking cold and miserable as he tugs on the strings of his hood, drawing it closer around his face.

“I don’t have to do a darn thing. He should be thanking his lucky stars that he still has a job and I didn’t go and fire his ass.”

I was tempted to let Ben go after what he told me, but when he showed up for work the next day, I couldn’t do it. One look at his face and I knew he was telling the truth. He didn’t know Ivy was with his brother. I don’t think he even knows Tim and I used to be friends. Back in the summer when I hired him, I even considered it a gesture of goodwill since what went on between Tim and me seemed like ancient history. Yeah, we had a falling out over Cassidy, but that was water under the bridge. He had a silly crush on her. So what? He moved on and so did I… Or so I’d thought. Until Lauren made her big announcement in my driveway, naming him as Cassidy’s lover.

Do I believe Cassidy cheated on me with Tim? I don’t know. Things got weird between us at the end. She wasn’t acting like herself, but understandably so. She was fighting a battle on two fronts—for her own life and that of our child. She was drained a lot of the time. Too tired to talk. Too fatigued to want to see me. Even though she pushed me away, I didn’t go far. If she didn’t want me in her bedroom, then I kept vigil outside her door. If she didn’t want me feeding her, then I helped her mom prepare her tray in the kitchen. If she didn’t want me holding her, then I made sure to cover her with an extra blanket whenever she fell asleep. I remained at her side, no matter how much she tried to distance herself from me.

At the time, I thought it was because she didn’t want me to see her like that. Pale. Haggard. Lethargic. But now, I realize there was more to it than that. She was pining for Tim, wishing he were the one sitting beside her, not me.

“Will you keep up with me, goddammit?” I snarl as Will lags behind, gazing forlornly back at Ben.

“Ben went over there, you know. He told me he saw Ivy,” Will states. His words have the desired effect as I grind to a halt.

“Yeah, so?” I remark, trying to come off all tough, as my voice cracks.

“Are you freakin’ kidding me?” Will comes up behind me, grabbing my shoulders and giving me a good shake. “You know where Ivy is. You might not have a whole lot of time left to spend with her, and you’re just going to piss it away because of your stupid pride? Give me a break. Even I’m not that much of a drama queen.”

“You don’t get it. There’s a lot more going on here than you realize,” I growl at Will, yanking him off me.

“What? That Tim might have—and I emphasize,
might have
—slept with Cassidy? God rest her soul, but who cares? She’s gone, Eric. That shit doesn’t matter anymore. Ivy’s the one you need to be worried about. She’s not over there spreading her legs for Ben’s brother to get back at you. We both know she’d never do that,” Will huffs, steam coming out of his mouth.

“Only because she can’t,” I say bitterly, knowing that it’s a cheap shot the moment the words leave my mouth.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Will asks, throwing up his hands.

“She’s on pelvic rest,” I chuckle mirthlessly at his confused expression. “What? Don’t know what that is? It means she can’t have sex. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to.”

“You really think that’s how Ivy operates? That she’d screw some guy she just met just to piss you off?” Will walks around me, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Tim can be very persuasive,” I argue, watching him trying to make sense of what I’m telling him.

“Eric, I think you need some sleep because seriously, dude, you’re off your rocker.” Will comes to a stop, looking at me beseechingly. “Go to her. Bring her back. This isn’t right and you know it. You two belong together. And I don’t even believe in true love and all that bullshit. Don’t let Lauren screw this up for you. Listen to Ben. Hear what he has to say.”

“You mean he actually talked to Ivy?” I inquire hesitantly, my curiosity aroused.

“He was so mad at his brother that he went over there last night and peered through the windows. He said he saw Ivy sitting with Tim, their heads bent over some book. But then she got mad about something and started telling him off. Ben was afraid she’d see him standing on the porch, so he took off,” Will recounts in a rush.

“Wait a minute. She was screaming at Tim?” I question, panicked.

“Yeah, man. That’s what I’m trying to get through to you. She’s not happy there. She doesn’t want to be there. But where the hell is she supposed to go? She thinks you’ll make her give up the baby if she comes back here.” Will looks at me disapprovingly, and I know he’s right. I deserve every bit of his condemnation for driving her away.

“I’m not going to make her do that,” I say vehemently. “I was wrong to make her choose.”

“Well, hallelujah. You’ve finally seen the light,” Will mocks me, rolling his eyes.

“But I never thought Tim would be making her this upset. She’s not supposed to be getting all worked up like that. I thought arguing with me would make her worse. That’s why somewhere in the back of my mind I figured she’d be better off with Tim. He’s usually so easygoing. He gets along with everybody. I’m the one who’s always bumping heads with everyone around me.”

I remove my hat and crumple it in my hands. I feel so lost. Every decision I make seems to blow up in my face. I only want what’s best for Ivy, but all I keep doing is putting her in harm’s way. I was willing to stay away from her if that’s what she wanted, if that’s what was best for her. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe she needs me after all.

“Tell Ben to drag his ass over here. Now!” I yell, turning my back.

Will immediately takes off through the trees. The incessant dragging noise stops before I hear the shuffling of pine needles as Will tugs Ben forward by the sleeve of his coat, a hopeful expression on both of their faces.

“You needed me, man?” Ben asks, out of breath.

“Yeah. Would you give me a lift over to your brother’s place?” I stare blankly at the horizon and the mountains fencing us in.

“Sure. I’d be glad to,” Ben responds as Will pounds him on the back, eager to get the rescue mission started.

“Because I don’t think I’m going to be in any condition to drive after I do what I have to do.” I raise an eyebrow at Ben, and Will squints at me in confusion. “Are you gonna be okay with that?”

“Whatever it takes,” Ben replies stoically, holding out his hand.

“Jesus Christ,” Will mutters under his breath.

“Whatever it takes,” I second, firmly grasping Ben’s hand as he looks me in the eye, giving a quick nod of consent.

You mess with Ivy. You mess with me.

Tim’s going to wish he never laid eyes on her by the time I get done with him.

It’s on, old friend. It is so on.