Hold On to Me (29 page)

Every minute of the afternoon, Stella went over and over everything she'd put at risk by being so reckless with Luca. As the hours passed, her regrets grew deeper and more humiliating. What was she doing, playing around like she was? She wasn't a teenager with nothing to lose. And if word got out that it was Stella Ryan, successful businesswoman and owner of Style by Stella, who'd fucked a guy in a truck by the side of the road? How could she look people in the eye again?

She had too much to lose.

Stella had been holding on tight to her secrets her whole life. About who she really was. About where she'd come from. When she'd moved to Middle Point, her Auntie Karen had let her tell everyone that her parents were dead, and there was immediate sympathy for the poor orphan girl. And she'd hidden everything that had happened in Sydney with Sully too—she'd been humiliated by the fact that she'd let down her guard and let Sully into her business. His addiction, the fraud, her near-bankruptcy, the real reasons she'd come home: all of it was mortifying.

Everything she had now was because she'd hidden the truth about who she really was and what had really happened to her. And now, that carefully constructed façade was at risk of collapse. She was terrified that if one secret got out, if her privacy was breached, a trickle would become a flood and she would drown in the shame.

Her reputation was hard fought for … and had been built on a foundation of lies. She couldn't risk it by being reckless. She couldn't risk everything she'd built because of an infatuation with a younger man. Against her will, Luca had worked his way inside her defences, bit by bit, day by day, kiss by kiss. Not with the force of his own stubborn streak, but by being wonderful and sexy and a great kisser and an even better lover. She'd not only opened up her mouth and her legs to him; she'd given him her trust. She'd not only let him into her business; she'd let him into her house. She'd only let a man inside that part of her life once before and had been hurt so terribly she'd vowed never to do it again. She'd grown up without a permanent place to call her own, so she'd coveted and craved one and now that she finally had a place of permanence and peace, she wanted to protect it with everything she had.

Once again, she'd put all that at risk.

Which made being with Luca all the more dangerous, because it wasn't just about sex any more.

Which meant it had to stop. And as she locked the front door to her shop at the end of another busy day, she knew she would have to end it tonight.

When Stella got home, she found Luca sitting on the sofa staring into the distance. Mouse, the traitor, was curled up in his lap while Luca softly stroked her ears. The cat was in heaven. Stella dropped her bag on the kitchen bench, kicked off her shoes and sat down next to Luca with a sigh. He didn't look at her. When she noticed the two glasses of wine on the coffee table, her heart clenched. Stella reached over to pat Mouse. The cat's volcanic purrs were the only sound in the room for a long while.

Finally, Stella spoke. ‘Thanks for the wine.'

Luca's expression was so grim she felt like she'd been slapped. His eyes were dark and narrowed and she hesitated. How the hell was she going to say goodbye to this man?

‘It's your wine. I just poured it.'

‘What I meant was, thanks for thinking of me … Oh, hell.' She shook her head. ‘There's no use pretending otherwise. We need to talk.'

‘“We need to talk.” Four worst words in the English language,' Luca said seriously.

‘This … this thing between us?'

‘I thought it was more than that, Stella.'

Stella felt for the ring on her left ring finger, twisted the glass bauble around and around. ‘The thing is … when we met, I wasn't looking for anything. Especially not a thing.'

Luca looked at her, his expression cold.

‘Especially not with someone like you, Morelli Constructions.' She said it to lighten the mood, to make him smile maybe. There was no smile.

‘If you're going to go on about the age thing again—'

She rested a hand on his thigh to stop him. ‘No, please let me finish. I don't mean someone younger. I mean someone important. But … even though I wasn't looking for it, it was there. From the first day I met you, well …'

Luca turned slightly towards her and reached an arm out behind her on the back of the sofa. Mouse meowed but didn't move.

‘The first day?' he asked, surprise in his husky voice. ‘You've never told me that before.'

‘Well, I was embarrassed about it. And determined to lust after you from afar. Like a secret fantasy I would never do anything about or reveal to anyone.'

Luca covered her hand with his. ‘I like the idea of being someone's secret fantasy.'

‘I think it all started when you called me “Boss” that first time.'

Luca finally let something like a smile appear on his lips.

Stella sighed. ‘I don't see any point in denying it. I see it every time you look at me. And I feel it every time I look at you. And it's definitely there every time we … make love.'

And she was feeling it right now. The lovely Luca, who'd been waiting for her, who'd poured her a glass of wine, who cared about her. She felt at war with herself; about what she wanted to do and what she felt she had to do. The likelihood of her ending things with him dipped to ninety per cent.

‘I can't hide it.' Luca shrugged. ‘It's who I am.' Mouse startled and jumped off his lap, settling under the coffee table to watch them. ‘And the other thing is, Stella, I've never wanted to hide it.'

‘It's different for you. You're a man and you're not from here. You can always get back in your truck and go home. But this is where I live. This is where I've made my life. I can't afford to risk everything I've built. I'd lose it all if the story got out that it was me in that truck with you.' Stella waited a moment to see if taking a deep breath would calm the hammering in her chest. ‘Whose stupid idea was that anyway?'

‘Yours.' Luca grinned.

‘See what I mean?'

‘No one is going to find out, Stella. And if they did, as if it'd stop them coming to your shop.'

‘While I appreciate your attempt at reassurance, you don't know small towns like I do.'

‘Aren't most of your customers tourists anyway? At least at this time of year? Why would they care? And you clearly don't trust your friends. You said yourself Courtney won't talk and I made it pretty damn clear to Joe this afternoon that if word gets out, well, cement shoes, bottom of Victor Harbor, all that.'

Stella froze. ‘You told Joe it was us?'

‘I drove around to Victor Harbor to put the hard word on him to keep it quiet.'

Stella squeezed her eyes closed in shock. ‘Are you completely crazy? He's the editor of the
Gazette
. And not-married to your sister.' She flopped forward and buried her head in her hands.

Luca tried to rub reassuring circles on her back but his caress only made her more tense.

‘I was defending your honour, bella. Kudos to me, right?'

She was still trying to process the knowledge that Luca had stood up for her. The likelihood was dropping now, possibly down to fifty per cent. But still. ‘You may as well have placed an ad.'

Luca's hand slowly stopped rubbing circles and drifted up to her hairline. He tickled the back of her neck, and she melted. His fingers trailed a line down her backbone and, when they met bare skin, where her halter-neck top parted ways with her pencil skirt, he splayed a hand there.

‘What if I promise no more fucking in the truck?' His hand edged higher as his voice got lower. ‘Only here, safe, in your bedroom, with all the blinds closed and with the lights off.'

He undid the bow of her top with a gentle tug.

‘In the dark?'

‘If that's what you want. And,' he kissed her shoulder, ‘strictly missionary position.'

The memory of Luca on top of her, his weight and strength pinning her to the bed, her legs spread to cradle him, set her on fire.

His hand drifted around her side and then found her breast, and he cupped the sensitive weight, the brush of his palm tightening her nipple. ‘That sensible enough for you?'

Stella moaned. ‘Sensible. I can do sensible.'

When she turned to him and crushed her lips against his, gripping his shoulders with her fingers and crushing her breasts against him, she put a lie to her own words. This man had awakened something in her that she'd thought she'd never have and she felt wild, alive and completely reckless in his arms. She pushed him back onto the sofa and climbed on top of him, dragging her lips across his jaw and down the tanned skin of his neck. When she came up for air, panting and breathless, he stared at her like she was a goddess.

‘I plan to sensible you all night long, Luca Morelli.'

When she slid onto the floor on her knees and tugged at his boardshorts, freeing his cock, his eyes flashed but he didn't say a word. And when she teasingly ran her tongue up and down his hard length and then took him in her mouth, he moaned her name.

The chance of breaking up with him had plummeted to two per cent.

Later, they were in bed. The night had blown in a southerly and chilled Port Elliot. They'd tugged the cotton blanket up under their chins, although why she needed it was a mystery because Stella would never get cold with Luca in her bed. She was nestled in the crook of his arm, playing with the hair on his chest, marvelling at being able to touch his beautiful body whenever she wanted. They were entwined together like ropes in a plait. Stella couldn't shake the new feeling that being with him, in her bed, in her home, was safe. At that moment, she felt closer to him than she'd let herself get to any other man. And it wasn't frightening. It felt … Well, it didn't make her feel scared. And that was about as good as she thought it was going to get.

Stella lifted her head slightly to see the time on her bedside clock. It was just past midnight. ‘It's late.'

‘You tired?'

She laid her head against his chest again, relishing the softness of his hair against her cheek. ‘Yes.'

‘Sleep then.'

‘No, I don't want to sleep. Not with you here.'

Luca groaned. ‘I don't think I'm up for—'

‘No, I don't mean sex, you idiot,' and that made her laugh too. ‘I just like this. Being with you like this.' It was so much more than she could find the words for. It was not just the quiet in her house or her bedroom. It was the quiet in her head that she treasured when she was around him. The peace in her head and in her heart. It felt like she'd found … home. Her safe place. Her happy place. She thought she'd created that for herself there in her house. But being with Luca gave her just the smallest hint that she could let someone else in and not be burnt by it.

His arm tightened around her and pulled her in as close as she could get. She could feel his heart beating in his chest under her arm and swore that it got faster.

‘I like it too.' His voice was husky and deep and so soft she barely heard the words.

‘It's like we're in a cocoon here in my bed, don't you think? Right here, right now, we can hang on to this.'

‘You mean the “thing”?' he teased.

Stella smiled and kissed his chest, smoothed her palm up and over his pecs to his neck and his hair, pushing her fingers into the unruly curls. ‘
The Thing
. It sounds like that horror movie.'

‘Never heard of it. Is it one of those boring black and white ones you're obsessed with?'

‘They're classics, Luca. You've missed out on so much.'

‘I know. I've got a lot of catching up to do.'

And she could hear in his voice that he wasn't talking about old movies. The idea made her heart sing.

Stella knew she could let her eyes drift shut, listen to his heart beating and easily drift off to sleep, but she held back. Because if she went to sleep, it would be tomorrow and this time with Luca would be over. She had the distinct feeling, the hope, that these magical few days, spanning the end of one year and the beginning of the next, might well be the end of one way of life and the beginning of another.

‘Let's just stay here. In bed,' she yawned. ‘Naked.'

‘You think I'm gunna object to anything that involves you being naked?' He chuckled. ‘But … I have to go back to Adelaide tomorrow.' He sighed, then kissed the top of her head.

It was such a simple gesture but it brought tears to her eyes. Or maybe it was his words. Tomorrow she would be without Luca. Her house and her bed would feel empty without him. This idyll they'd created was about to end.

They hadn't talked about what happened next. Her attempt the night before to have that discussion had turned out to be a happy failure.

‘Back to work, huh?'

‘I've got jobs lined up, end to end, for months. Anna and Joe want me to do their place at Middle Point. And my place—I've really got to get started. I was supposed to have spent December working on it but I kinda got distracted.'

She knew that he'd delayed work on his own house. He'd done it for her. He was a rare man: she knew it. ‘Don't act like I didn't pay you.'

He squeezed her tight. ‘Half cash, half sex. I might write that into all my contracts. Only for the clients with great tits, obviously, and only if they're under … how old are you again?'

‘Thirty-five.' She could own that. She had a younger man in her bed who wasn't going anywhere. She would damn well own it.

‘Only if they're thirty-five or under.'

‘So. Morelli Constructions. You were saying something about my great tits?' Stella moved against him, on top of him, and pressed the breasts in question against his chest. She nudged aside one of his legs and settled in between his thighs.