Hold Your Breath (15 page)

Two almost sleepless nights had taken their toll on Tara. When three-thirty finally came, she went into the girls’ toilets and slapped on more make-up than she would normally wear in an
attempt to hide her pallor. But the mascara and kohl only seemed to accentuate the puffiness of her eyes. Dabbing bronzer onto her cheeks with a soft brush, she decided she looked like a clown that
was coming off heroin. She tried to rub off the bronzer and her delicate skin reacted angrily, a rash spreading quickly across her cheeks. Tara sighed and regarded the reflection of her sorry self.
Chloe walked in then and smirked at her in the mirror. Tara gave her an evil look and pushed past her to leave.

When she finally got to the park she sat on a bench and ran over what she was going to say to Leo. Every time she thought she was sure of her script, she was seized with
certainty that it sounded quite mad.

Finally, knowing she could put it off no longer, she dragged herself, miserably, towards the entrance of the lido.

Cassie was taking tickets today, looking pink-cheeked and shiny, blond hair pasted to her neck. She smiled vaguely at Tara as she took her ticket. The shouting and splashing coming from the pool
were the loudest Tara had ever heard there. It felt all wrong.

‘Sounds busy,’ she muttered and Cassie grimaced.

‘You’re telling me,’ she said. ‘There are
millions
of kids today. Dave’s almost combusting. Had to call in his grandson as a temporary lifeguard.
He’s not used to more than three people swimming. I told him he might have to get his trunks on and actually do some lifeguarding. You should have seen his face.’

Tara gave a weak laugh.

‘Leo in?’ she said, trying to sound light.

Cassie met her eye and nodded, a slight smile on her lips. Whatever Cassie was thinking, Tara wished she could stay here with her longer, chatting. She didn’t really want to see him, not
today. Heart leaden with the responsibility of what she had to do, she pushed through the barrier into the pool area.

And that was when she realised the situation was much, much worse than she’d anticipated. It wasn’t only little kids and mums here today.

On the nearest patch of grass to the water, laid out on towels and facing the sun like sacrifices, were Jada, Chloe and a girl she didn’t recognise with curly dark hair.

They all wore tiny bikinis, each girl lying as though waiting for a photo-shoot. For a split second Tara considered turning the other way. She hovered, undecided, when she heard someone say,
‘Oh, hi,’ cautiously. It was Karis, carrying a swimming bag, her hair in a long ponytail.

Tara sighed internally. Too late to back out now.

Karis regarded her curiously. ‘Going for a swim then?’ she said, flicking a curious glance over Tara. It was obvious she didn’t have any swimming gear with her.

‘Uh, no,’ said Tara. Karis’s eyebrows lifted and Tara stared back at her, expressionless. She didn’t mind Karis really – she was certainly better than the rest of
her bitchy crowd – but Tara simply couldn’t think what to say. All her mental energy was taken up with the conversation she must have with Leo.

Karis’s face closed off and she said, ‘Right, well . . .’ in a tight, unfriendly voice before moving away.

Tara felt a stab of regret but forced the feeling away.

Squinting against the bright glare radiating off the water, she looked for Leo. He was at the other end of the pool, squatting on his haunches and talking to some boys who must have been mucking
about in the deep end, a stern expression on his face. Her legs and stomach instantly went all warm and liquidy, despite the weird circumstances.

But then she glanced back at Jada’s crowd and saw that Chloe had her head up like a meerkat, clearly noticing her for the first time. She said something to the others. Jada sat up, grazed
Tara with her look and then flopped back onto her towel. She heard the low, mean hiss of their laughter. Chloe actually drummed her heels against the ground as she laughed.

A lanky boy with spots and a shaved head was on the lifeguard’s chair at the other end of the pool, studying his phone. Tara presumed he was Dobby’s grandson.

Sunlight glanced off the water in an acid-bright glare. The relentless heat pressed down on her face. And Tara could still feel the eyes of the girls from school on her, although she
didn’t look at them. She’d never have believed it was possible to feel self-conscious about being fully dressed. There was bare skin everywhere she looked, while she was being mummified
by the suffocating heat of her school uniform.

Leo still hadn’t seen her as he began walking back along the pool. Then he glanced over and Tara could see the small grin that wrapped itself around his lips.

Jada sat up bolt upright now and stared at Tara with her lips slightly open. She beckoned to Leo as he passed, swinging her legs round to make room and patting the sun lounger. Tara
couldn’t hear the conversation against the background din but she could tell Leo was resisting sitting down. But Jada was insistent. Tara saw the white flash of her teeth as she beamed at
Leo, reaching up to give a playful tug on his hand. In a second Tara understood that they had a history and felt a spasm of pure hatred for Jada.

Leo sat down. After a moment they both looked round at Tara. Dread crept through her. What were they talking about?

Tara desperately wanted to run away and not come back. Then she remembered the knife and the blood. And Siobhan Evans saying, ‘You were
right
, Tara.’

Leo walked towards her now. His expression was unreadable. He wasn’t smiling. Tara’s stomach flip-flopped again but this time it wasn’t with desire but nerves.

‘Hey,’ said Tara.

‘Hey,’ he said quietly.

‘Have you got a minute?’ Tara continued nervously. ‘I need to talk to you about something.’ It felt like she was talking to a total stranger.

Leo gestured at the pool. ‘You can see what it’s like today.’

‘Please,’ said Tara miserably. ‘It’s important.’

It was already over, whatever they’d had. She could tell. His whole manner was different, as though there was a glass barrier between them. It seemed impossible that they’d ever
shared kisses. That she’d ever been close up to the face that now looked hard and cold.

Leo looked at his watch. ‘Okay, five minutes or Dobby will have my balls on a plate.’

He led her into the cramped office back towards reception. It was stiflingly hot, and smelt of stale bodies and dampness. Leo cleared a chair for Tara and then leant back against the desk, arms
folded. The distance between them seemed huge, even though it couldn’t have been more than a metre.

‘Why are you being so weird?’ Tara hadn’t really meant to start with this. The words came before she could stop them.

Leo scratched the back of his neck, frowning deeply. ‘I don’t know, Tara,’ he said. ‘You tell me.’

Tara’s skin chilled, despite the heat in the room. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I’m not sure you’ve been all that straight with me, is all.’ He paused. ‘Why did you pretend to be friends with Mel?’

Flushing, Tara looked at the wall beyond Leo’s head. ‘I, uh, I . . .’ she faltered.

‘That’s what I’m wondering,’ continued Leo in a louder voice. ‘I asked Jada if she’d got the message about Mel, yeah? And she was a bit surprised,
wasn’t she? Said you were never friends. In fact, she said you were a bit obsessed with her. Bit creepy, is how she put it.’

Tara sucked in her breath, truly shocked that Jada could say something so evil.
She wants Leo for herself,
was her next thought.

‘Was it the famous dad thing?’ Leo wasn’t giving her room to speak, even if she had been able to find words. ‘Did you think a bit of the old celeb lifestyle would rub
off? Because you wouldn’t be the first.’

‘God, no!’ said Tara, a response bursting from her at last. ‘You’ve got it so wrong!’ She ran her hands helplessly over her head and blew air out through her lips
in frustration. ‘Okay,’ she continued, voice shaking, ‘I
did
lie about knowing her. But there was a reason and it’s nothing like what
you’re
thinking!’

Leo frowned. ‘What then? Go on, explain.’

Tara’s breath caught in her throat. Where could she possibly begin? All the words she’d practised piled up inside, choking her.

Leo shifted and looked at his watch in a pointed way. It was rude. He was being horrible. But he was angry. He didn’t understand any of it.

‘Look, I’ve only got a minute,’ he said wearily. ‘I can’t really —’

‘
She . . . she’s in danger!
’

Tara had finally let out the horrible thing in her head. The world could end now.

Leo stared as though she had spoken gibberish and then gave a short, weird laugh.

‘What are you on about?’ he said.

Tara wanted to turn away from the harshness of his expression, but she forced herself to levelly meet his eyes.

‘Melodie. She’s in serious trouble.’

‘How do you know?’ said Leo, a bit sneerily. Tara briefly wondered how he could ever have wanted to kiss her. He looked as if he didn’t even like her now. She wasn’t even
sure she liked him that much either.

‘I just . . . know,’ she said, forcing herself to continue. ‘I think you should get in touch. Whatever you think about me, and you’re wrong by the way, whatever Jada told
you . . . is so wrong . . . but you should find out what’s happening with Melodie. It’s really important. She needs you, Leo.’ She bit her lip, hating the prickle of tears in her
eyes.

Leo stared at her for an interminable amount of time.

‘You’re quite a strange girl, d’you know that?’ he said.

‘Yeah,’ said Tara glumly. ‘Believe me, I know.’

Freak . . .

She turned to go but Leo moved quickly and stood in front of her, barring her exit.

‘Wait,’ he said. ‘You think we’re
done
? You come here with some weird story about Mel being in danger and I get no explanation at all?’

‘Please, Leo . . .’

‘No,’ he said tightly, his eyes hard and angry. ‘You don’t get to do that. Tell me what you know. It’s about Will, isn’t it? You looked weird when you brought
him up that time. Like there was something you weren’t telling me. Have you been seeing him behind Mel’s back? Before he had that accident?’

‘What? No!’ Tara was unable to completely quash the small thrill that Leo cared. Maybe that was why he was being so horrible. Or maybe it was only because she was, as he put it, a
strange girl. A girl who’d just told him his sister was in danger.

‘It’s nothing like that! And you won’t believe me if I tell you anyway.’

‘Try me,’ said Leo. A shadow passed over the open window behind him.

‘I get these . . . pictures,’ said Tara, almost whispering. ‘When things get . . . lost. Keys, wallets, whatever. Ever since I was small. I kind of see where they are. I, um,
know where to find them.’

‘
See where they are?
’ repeated Leo. He looked like he was struggling to understand something very complicated. ‘See them how?’

‘In my head. In my mind,’ said Tara. Her cheeks throbbed with hot blood. ‘But it’s not only objects. I get pictures when people are missing too . . . sometimes.’
She took a deep breath and then forced herself to unpick words from the tight knot inside. ‘I found something belonging to Melodie at school. And when I touched it, I got these pictures in my
head of her being somewhere dark. She’s scared. There’s someone there who wants to hurt her. Making threats . . .’ She couldn’t make herself say the words, ‘cutting
her’.

She looked directly into Leo’s face. Hating what she saw there, she pushed back her shoulders. She tried to think about self-respect and people who’d tried to take that away from
her. People like Jay and the girls in her old school, when they found out about
Tara the Freak
. People like Jada and Chloe. She wouldn’t let Leo do that. She’d never asked to
be like this. It wasn’t her fault. It was a curse. No one understood what it was like to be her. No one in the world.

‘I’ve told you everything I know,’ she said, suddenly tired of being here. ‘You can go and snog your darling Jada now and then you can all have a good laugh at me. But
right now I want you to get out of the way because I’m going home.’

‘No, you’re wro—’

‘GET OUT OF MY WAY, LEO!’

Leo stood to one side. Tara wrenched open the door of the office and almost knocked someone over who had been standing right outside. Jada. She had clearly been listening to every word of the
conversation.

Her bottom lip hung open idiotically. And then her expression changed. A slow smile spread over her face.

Tara gasped at the malice glittering in Jada’s eyes.

And ran.

T
he clock radio buzzed and Tara turned her groggy gaze to it. She hadn’t expected to sleep at all but somehow it was seven-fifteen.

Friday morning.

YOU HAVE TILL FRIDAY THEN WE’LL CUT HER SOME MORE.

Tara tried to shake the thought from her head, groaning at the bright light coming through the curtains. She’d done her bit. And what a price she’d paid.

The last thing she remembered was lying in bed staring up at the ceiling, replaying the horrible look on Leo’s face over and over again in her mind. It wasn’t a look she was going to
be able to forget in a hurry. The new, wonderful thing between them had been stamped on. It was gone.

And what about Jada? Tara’s insides clenched as she remembered the expression on the other girl’s face. Would losing Leo be the only price she’d have to pay?

She sorely wished she could hide in her bedroom all day but it wasn’t an option. Mum was about, getting ready for her trip away and Tara knew that she would cancel it if she said she was
ill. They were both looking forward to it so much.

She got up and forced herself to smile and nod in all the right places. Mum fussed about locking up and feeding Sammie and generally worried about Tara getting slaughtered in her bed or burning
down the house.