Holding On (15 page)

Fliss swallowed her tears and smiled down at the two small persons who were now standing on a level with her in the aisle. Excited by the occasion, delighted by their part in it, they beamed up at her proudly. Bess's dress of blue velvet matched Jamie's shorts, and her small posy of pink and white rosebuds had been brought with the others from London by Kit. Jamie's fair hair stood up in spikes, witness to earlier anxious twiddling, but Bess's still retained its blue velvet hair ribbon, tied demurely on one side of the bright little face.

Fliss thought: How odd it is that my twinnies are older than Susanna was when we arrived back from Kenya. Where have all the years gone?

Now she understood in part the terror her grandmother must have felt, being confronted with three children who were utterly dependent on her. It was this reliance – their helplessness and utter trust – which was so frightening. Supposing she should fail them? She knew that Miles, who had been helping Hal with the seating of the guests, was sitting somewhere behind her, leaving space for Mole to slip in beside her when he'd given Susanna away. She remembered their own wedding, a very quiet affair, in this church six years before and wondered if he were thinking of it, too. Cautiously she turned to locate him, reminding him of their bond, but he was studying his service sheet and didn't see her.

The familiar words were spoken, the opening bars of the hymn, ‘
Love Divine, all loves excelling
', were played, the sun broke through the clouds and filled the church with warm, golden light. Theo went out to the lectern to read the lesson: I Corinthians Chapter 13. ‘
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal . . .
'

 

The Keep was
en fête
. According to Susanna's wishes everything had been done simply but effectively. She had rejected Fliss's suggestion that a marquee should be erected on the lawn, protesting that she wanted the house itself to be host. Caroline and Fliss, consulting together, agreed that with the number of guests – fewer than sixty – it should be possible to arrange it as she wished by using most of the ground floor and having the speeches in the hall, some of the guests standing on the stairs if necessary. The day before the wedding the hall was cleared of its furniture and Caroline and Fliss decorated it with sprays of eucalyptus leaves, tall red roses and trailing ivy, and the red and yellow berries of the cotoneaster. The huge fireplace was swept and the fire laid tidily with the biggest logs; chairs were placed discreetly for the infirm and elderly. Early on the morning of the wedding, the caterers arrived and took possession of the kitchen. Now, all was ready.

 

‘It's too bad,' said Kit sadly, drinking champagne with Sin. ‘These mere children getting married. I think I feel old.'

‘You've had your chance,' said Sin unsympathetically. ‘Don't come to me when you realise what a mistake you've made. I see that Jake is chatting up Gus's pretty sister.'

‘You can't love people to order,' protested Kit, watching him. ‘Or
not
love them. As
you
should know.'

Sin grimaced. ‘I shouldn't have come,' she admitted. ‘Weddings are too utterly depressing. Yet I can't resist. It's like worrying at a painful tooth.'

‘We're masochists,' said Kit gloomily. ‘Oh hell, Ma's coming over. I know just what she's going to say. “You'll be next,” she'll say, and she'll attempt to comfort me. Go and deflect her. Talk to her about my nephews. It always works.'

‘She'll say it to
me
, too,' protested the departing Sin, ‘and I might break down and tell her that I have loved not wisely but too well.'

‘Don't you dare,' said Kit. ‘And don't be long. I'll go and find some more champagne.'

 

‘Quite charming,' Maria was agreeing to a remark made by one of Gus's friends regarding the floral decorations, ‘but I prefer something a little more formal myself. Of course, these county families are so old-fashioned.'

She hitched the small Jolyon higher on to her hip and glanced about for Hal, hoping that he would notice her flirting lightly with this rather good-looking young man. He'd already made several flattering remarks about her being too young to have two children. Maria was far too insecure ever to take such polite social comments at their true value. She always treasured them up to tell Hal later on, hoping that they would unsettle him.

‘It's a lovely house,' Gus's friend was saying. ‘Wonderful position.'

‘It is nice, isn't it?' said Maria casually. ‘Of course, it will be Hal's one day. Quite soon, I suspect. Mrs Chadwick is getting very frail.'

She sipped at her champagne and jiggled her small son a little, knowing that they made a charming picture. Jolyon's face crumpled and he began to whimper.

‘Oh dear,' said her companion. ‘Getting tired, is he?'

‘Shush, darling, shush.' Maria looked about her again, hoping that Hal was near at hand; he was so good with the children when they were fractious. ‘Be a good boy, now.'

Jolyon's cries grew louder and, smiling a farewell at the young man, Maria began to move away through the guests. Jolyon needed his afternoon sleep but she felt faintly irritated at being the one who had to leave the jollity. Trust Hal to be busy elsewhere when the children played up. The baby had been fed on their return from the church and tucked up in the cot which had been erected in their bedroom.

Hal, now a Lieutenant Commander, was First Lieutenant of HMS
Diomede
, based in Portsmouth, and he and his family were staying at The Keep for a week. As she climbed the stairs, looking back over the crowd below, Maria was thinking how much she would enjoy a quiet stay with only the older members of the family present. She was rather tired of the wedding scene. There had been nothing else talked about for months. Of course, it had been a problem getting all the men together. This was the earliest date that could be managed; Miles was on Cincfleet's staff at Northwood, Hal was just beginning two weeks' leave and Mole, having finished his nuclear training, was about to join HMS
Warspite
as its navigational officer. Everyone kept their fingers crossed that no international incident should spoil the day and prayed that nothing should rock the boat. ‘An apt phrase,' Hal had remarked at the time.

Maria gently opened the bedroom door and slipped quietly inside. She wanted to talk to Hal very seriously but had decided to let it wait until after the wedding. As she removed Jolyon's shoes, murmuring to him, lulling him into sleep, she was planning what she should say to him.

 

Fox had been at the church but he was sitting unobtrusively in a corner of the breakfast room when Kit arrived in search of liquid support. One glance at his disconsolate form showed what he was thinking. Caroline shot her a speaking glance as she passed her in the doorway and Kit paused beside him, slipping an arm about his shoulder, resting her cheek against his grizzled head. He leaned into her, recognising and accepting her affection and sympathy.

‘If she could have just seen the two little tackers,' he said, by way of explanation. ‘She knew all along, that's what gets me. She was that unhappy about it. 'Tis a downright pity, maid, that's what.'

‘Oh, Fox,' said Kit sadly. ‘It is. It's beastly rotten luck. Don't sit here alone, though. Ellen wouldn't want that. Come and talk to people. You must protect me from tactless friends who keep asking me why I'm not married or I shall have to escape into the garden to eat worms.'

He chuckled a little, despite his grief. ‘At least you won't be getting in the old dog basket,' he said with an attempt at cheerfulness. ‘Not in that smart get-up.'

‘Too true, I fear,' agreed Kit, thinking with longing of the basket and Perks's recumbent form, peacefully asleep, exuding comfort. ‘Though I can't tell you how tempting it is. I do hope that frighteningly efficient girl from the caterers is being kind to our Perks. Come along. We can't skulk here. Up you come. But you mustn't leave me. I'm counting on you, remember.'

 

Mole was watching Sin talking to Gus's father.

‘I simply cannot resist men of the cloth,' she'd told him, during one of their brief uninterrupted moments. ‘Oh, Mole, you both looked so beautiful coming up the aisle together. I cried buckets.'

There was an unspoken agreement between them which forbade any serious discussions regarding marriage. Perhaps, if it had been the other way round, the eight year gap would not have mattered so much but Sin clearly shrank from the thought of being the wife of a so much younger man; not that Mole had ever proposed to her. From the beginning she had kept the relationship on a very light footing. Mole knew how lucky he was. Once or twice he'd attempted to explain his feelings but she'd shut him up at once with jokes about her unrequited love for Uncle Theo and her unbridled passion for gorgeous young men. Mole was relieved to have the subject deflected. He did not quite know exactly what it was he felt for Sin but he suspected that it would be immature and gauche to profess undying love or to insist that their relationship should be made respectable and official. She was so sophisticated that he was afraid of committing some awful gaffe, or appearing raw and inexperienced.

Mole thought: She's given me so much. Perhaps it's as well that I'm at sea most of the time. It keeps it all very casual. Anyway, I expect she has other lovers.

Part of him felt guilty that he took what she offered so readily but he suspected that there was nothing he could do about that except stop seeing her. It was she who made the moves, suggesting when he should come, staying in touch, yet resisting any serious approach, and he was content to allow the relationship to continue along its easy, satisfying path.

‘Looking forward to going nuclear?' Hal materialised beside him.

‘It'll certainly be good to get the smell of diesel out of my clothes,' Mole answered. ‘Although I can't quite get used to the idea of having showers on board. These hunter killers are quite different from the conventional boats. Positively luxurious. Of course, you skimmers are used to soft living and pampering yourselves. A clean shirt every day and changing for dinner.'

‘That'll do,' said Hal, too full of food and champagne to feel able to hold his own during the usual banter. ‘No cheek from you, young Mole.'

‘Enjoying being back at sea?'

Hal glanced about instinctively to see if Maria were at hand. ‘It was good to be at Dartmouth,' he said. ‘Specially with the sprogs arriving and so on. Just the right timing. But it's good news being Jimmy. We're off to Gibraltar in a couple of weeks. That was a very good speech you made, by the way.'

‘Oh, it was nothing much,' Mole shrugged off his cousin's praise, and glanced upwards as Susanna appeared on the stairs, changed into her casual going-away clothes, ready for the trip to Cornwall.

There was an appreciative cheer as Janie caught her little posy and then they all followed the newly married couple out of the door and across the courtyard, hugging, kissing, shouting farewells. She and Gus climbed into his battered Citroën Dyane and they drove out of the gate and down the drive, an arm waving wildly from each of the two front windows, until they disappeared from view.

 

It was much later that they found the envelope, propped on the piano in the drawing room. Freddy opened it whilst Theo, Mole and Fliss crowded closer, trying to see over her shoulder. Susanna and Gus had made the card together. The Keep was drawn in section: Fox and Ellen could be seen in the kitchen with all three dogs; Caroline was upstairs in the nursery; Freddy was playing the piano in the drawing room; Theo was at his desk in his study. Inside the card was a drawing of the hall. Before the fire stood three children: Fliss was holding Susanna's hand, her arm round Mole, and all three were smiling happily. Underneath, Susanna had written:

Presently, Mole bent to pick up the folded sheet of paper which had fluttered to the floor.

‘What does it say?' Fliss broke the long emotional silence, suppressing her desire to weep unrestrainedly.

He looked round at them, blinking back his own tears, smiling a little.

‘It's a thank you letter from Gus,' he said. ‘He's added a postscript. It says, “How on earth do I follow twenty-one years of perfection?” '

The car stood waiting just inside the gates. Caroline had already backed it out of the garage and was now placing the hamper in the back with a rug, two folding chairs and various waterproofs, whilst Perks watched wistfully, knowing that she was too old for such jaunts. Theo smiled to himself as he glanced from his first-floor window. He knew that Caroline did not trust him when it came to negotiating the new Escort estate out of the converted store room built into the thickness of the gatehouse wall. He had a marked tendency to graze the shiny new paint on the front wing or to churn up the grass. He'd never managed the trick of turning it on the flagstones as the other members of his family did. He accepted his shortcomings as a driver placidly now. In earlier years, Freddy's efficient driving skills had made him feel inadequate but it was rather too late in the day to worry about such things. As he watched Caroline – who now appeared to be checking the petrol gauge – Fox came hobbling into the courtyard from the garden room, leaning heavily on his stick. Theo hastened to gather up his belongings; he knew from experience that Fox would stand patiently beside the car, deeming it to be too forward to climb in first.