Holiday Magick (42 page)

“Son,” their father said, and Maggie felt her knees give out. Charlie's and their father's eyes stayed locked on one another. The chills deepened and Maggie could tell Brandon had arrived. Maggie closed her eyes, trying to focus. It felt like the world was spinning backward and she was going to be sick. She had hoped her father wouldn't see him. Now she had to fear him telling Charlie before he could discover the truth on his own.

Their father still hadn't noticed Maggie, but she caught sight of Brandon looking at her. When he ducked his head and walked to hide among the trees, she knew that he remembered the year before. He was giving Charlie a chance to be with his father. He was opting out of the repetitive cycle of their fate, because now he knew what it could cause. She wanted to go to him, to tell him something, anything to make this better, to make him not hold the guilt of his son's murderous actions, but before she could move to walk away from Charlie, Brandon disappeared. He was going to pass on this All Souls' Day. No matter what happened, at least Brandon's soul had found peace and a way to move past the terrible struggle that had taken both his life and her father's.

“Maggie?” She heard her father's voice and stood again, hoping her legs would decide to hold her up instead of buckling. She couldn't drop again, or Charlie might try to catch her.

Her brother started to ramble, “Dad, this is All Souls' Day. I know this will be hard for you and that I am breaking every rule by telling you this, but we have come to visit you each year since your death and…by some miracle you can finally see us. We need you to know that we love you. We will always love you even if you move on. We are a family and all of us are connected, but we can't keep coming to this field. I am sorry I didn't tell you earlier, Maggie, but I am going to college next year. I sent in an application to a college overseas and they accepted me. Dad, this is our last year and I don't want Maggie to be alone. I want to take her with me.”

“Son–”

“No, please listen. I need you to know. I need you to understand like you made Mom understand.”

“I do.”

“You do?”

“Yes, I do. I understand but…I will wait for the sun. I only have that long.” Their father spoke with such emotion, but Charlie didn't understand the full implications of what his father was saying. He was telling Maggie that they would have to work together to save Charlie.

“Dad…” Maggie said softly, but he shook his head.

“Margaret, he was always stubborn and bold. Not like your mother. Tell him. Tell him or I will. It is the only way.” Her father's eyes reflected in the moonlight, filled with tears that would never fall.

“Tell me what?” Charlie said, but Maggie didn't need to say anything. He was smart. He saw the look in their father's eyes and was already putting the pieces together as he stared down at his hands. For a few minutes there was just silence as he looked himself over, then looked back and forth between Maggie and their father as though begging them to make him whole, to make him live again.

“Maggie…is this…
my
All Souls' Day?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“Brandon's son. He came to the field to see if what had haunted him for so long was true, or if he was really insane like they told him he was. He found us. All of us. Brandon, Dad, me, and…you. Brandon saw him and when he did, Dad saw us. Then Brandon's son, Andy…he—he…had a gun. It went off when he saw his father…and…”

Maggie couldn't keep her composure any longer. Hearing the words come out of her mouth was making the night play out in her mind again, watching the shotgun go off, and Charlie get blown back by the force. Watching her father's face as he realized what had happened and why his son had been there. Seeing the guilt in his eyes mix with the grief that had overcome her when she had gone to him and Andy ran from the field.

Andy had ended up back in a psych ward after that night, by his own choice, and she had not visited him, though she had received letters addressed to her. His psychiatrist had had him write to her about how he felt. Reading his words, she didn't understand what she was supposed to feel in exchange. This was the boy who had killed her brother, but he was also someone surprised to find out his father was in the field, and someone who had let his arms go slack just for a moment.

It was all too much. She couldn't look up to see Charlie's face. She couldn't do anything but let her knees give way. She sat, grabbing her arms as though to hold herself, knowing no one else there could. She felt like her lungs were so tight that it was painful, but she knew it was just her heart still beating, even though it lay broken in her chest.

“Maggie.” She heard his voice and kept her eyes closed, “I will move on. I know it is a choice and I don't have to be okay with what happened to me. I just have to know and make that choice. I have made it, Maggie, but…what about you? I can't leave you here.”

“You can't make me come back here either, Charlie. I love you. I promised myself I wouldn't come back to this field, but if I knew you would be sitting here waiting for me each year I would have to. I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I would see you in my mind each moment of that night until I would finally be driven here. I want you to be happy. I want you to get to be with Mom, and for Dad and Mom to be together again. I want you to accept the gift you'll be given when you go up there, so that I know where you are and that you are okay.”

“I will, Maggie. Don't doubt that. I will, I promise. But Maggie, we only have so much time before the sun rises. Let's have this night, the way Mom and Dad once had this night. Let's have it be about freedom instead of cages, because I am going into this with open eyes even before the sun rises. I won't keep you here because I don't have to. When I move on, I will always be a part of you. You don't have to come here to see me. You only have to look into a mirror or at the sky. Like with Mom. Every time I look at the sky, I see her face.” Charlie was sitting down next to her and she turned to look at him. Once again he was being the better person, the big brother protecting her. She could see in his face how devastated he was, how much he wanted to lose control and stay here forever holding onto the last pieces of what he had, but once again, he was putting her first.

“Most people don't get this chance,” Maggie said softly. Their father had come to sit with them, creating a triangle, each of them able to keep eyes on the other two. “Will you both stay with me until sunrise?” she asked, knowing it might be a greedy request but wanting to be with them a few moments longer, wanting them to leave the way her mother had, with peace in their hearts as the sun touched their gossamer skin.

“I wouldn't have it any other way,” Charlie said, letting the situation fade away, each of them realizing they only had a few more minutes left together. Maggie had lost track of time, but no matter how much time was left, each and every moment of it was precious.

“Thank you.”

“You don't have to thank me, Maggie. I'm your big brother and tonight you did something I wouldn't have had the courage to do. You kept it together for me. You took care of me and stayed. You helped me, and now I can make the choice. You didn't let the pain stop you. If you hadn't come, if you had let the pain…I would be here each year, tormented. Maggie, you saved me.”

“You have always saved me,” she said softly.

“But I didn't take care of you because I had to. I took care of you because I love you and because there are things I see in you that are like Mom, good to the core. Don't let this ruin that, okay? You won't be alone if you let other people in. When you leave this field, run away. Start from scratch and be whoever it is you want to be, but don't let this…don't let what happened to me ruin you. It can hurt, just…turn it into something good, okay? We can turn anything into something good together. I will be right there with you—you just won't be able to see me anymore.”

“Son,” their father said, looking at Charlie, “I am proud of you. And Maggie, you have grown up so much. You are so beautiful and Charlie is right—you look like your mother. You are what is left of us. You have to live out each moment to its fullest in memory of us.”

“Okay.”

“You did it, Maggie….you did it. I am so proud of you. Please know that I am so proud of you. I remember walking out and seeing your mother, and how hard it was to face her death, to stare her straight in the eyes as though my world wasn't crumbling without her. I…I can't believe I have to leave. I can't believe what you have done for me, for us. It is always harder for the ones left behind and…the thought of you bearing that burden…of…Maggie, I love you. I didn't say it enough before, but I love you. I should have told you every minute of every day. There are so many things I should have done and now I can't. Now that chance to hold you is gone, that chance to see you be happy, but…I have gotten to see you be so brave.”

“Dad, if you hadn't gone to meet Mom, then I wouldn't be here now. You had the courage, and that is how I knew I would have the courage. Because love is stronger than death.”

“But what if I hadn't died? Would Charlie still be here right now, in this field, unable to touch your skin? Would he have died?” her father said, and she finally understood what had been holding him back. It wasn't that he was afraid of what might come next. He was afraid of leaving them alone.

“He would be. Because if you hadn't saved Mom and he found out, it only would have been a matter of time. We still would have sat out in this field each year, only we would have been watching our mother feel lost, and neither of us would have understood how to be brave for her.”

Maggie put her hands in the grass in front of her. She knew that they wouldn't be able to touch her but she did it anyway, and the three of them set their hands in the same spot, holding onto their last moments together. Maggie looked up and realized the first telltale signs of sunrise were showing as the sky lit with purples, pinks, and odd shades of orange, colors that she had never thought of as being so vibrant before.

She felt her body go cold, like her blood couldn't flow freely inside of her knowing Charlie would be leaving her side. The last year had been spent looking forward to seeing him this night, not spent mourning him. She couldn't close her eyes or think clearly; she could only watch him, wishing she could stop the world from spinning as the morning's soft glow started to lift from behind the trees and light the fluorescent sky. She had never appreciated him the way she did now, seeing him turn away from the sun and watch her, knowing what he knew. Knowing he would leave her was killing her, but as much as she hated to admit it, saving him was healing her too. This field would no longer be a reminder of everything the world had taken from her. She would never have to walk past the ditch that killed her mother, or have to watch her father battle a man who was only trying to understand what had happened to his son. She wouldn't have to watch her brother, the kindest person she had ever known, as he was accidentally shot through the heart.

She had done it. She had saved her brother, and her father and Brandon were free.

“I will miss you, Maggie, but I will be with you. You may not see me, but I will always be there. Just like Mom is and Dad will be. We are always with you,” Charlie said, walking toward her and smiling as he pressed his hand through her chest to where her heart would be. She watched as her father disappeared and knew the sun was about to reach Charlie.

“I love you.” He looked into her eyes and took a step until he was standing as a part of her. Then he was gone, but somehow her heart didn't feel empty at his absence as it had in the last year. Her heart was overflowing.