Home with My Sisters (35 page)

“That's Mr. Jingles,” Hope said to her mother. “Sorry.”

“He's a horse,” Carla said. Once again she was looking at the cabin door. “He doesn't want to see me,” she said softly. “My heart is breaking.”

Faith looped arms with her mother, and so did Joy. Hope completed the semicircle by standing in front of her.

“It's not about you,” Hope said. “I think he's embarrassed for you to see him like this. I actually think it means he understands a lot more than we gave him credit for.”

“Or he is just shy around strangers,” Faith said.

Hope gave her a look, but Faith shrugged it off.

“I've waited twenty-four years for this,” Carla said. “And he's just going to shut me out.”

“Let's find some pinecones to leave by his door,” Hope said. “A little gift of love from all of us.”

Carla arched a severely tweezed eyebrow. “Pinecones?”

“Trust me,” Hope said. “He'll love it.”

Faith stepped up and clasped her mittens under her chin. “Then let's go inside, pop some corn, and drink hot chocolate.”

“Yay!” Brittany said.

“Pinecones?” Carla repeated.

“Dad left one for me on the porch as soon as I arrived,” Hope said. “Before I knew it was Dad.”

“I want to leave one from me too,” Josh said.

“Me too,” Brittany said. They all whirled around.

“Sweetheart,” Faith said. Brittany had hopped all the way on one foot.

“It's okay,” Brittany said. “I'm getting good at balancing.”

Austin stepped forward. “Harrison and I will go in and start the popcorn. Why don't you guys take care of the pinecones as a family?”

“I'll join you two,” Stephen said.

“You're family too,” Faith said.

“Thank you,” Stephen said. “But I think you guys can handle this one. I'm going to humble myself for a game of Scrabble with Yvette.”

“I'll get the sled,” Josh said to Brittany. “Stay here.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh my God,” Faith whispered to Hope. “Are my children actually being nice to each other or am I hallucinating?”

“ 'Tis the season,” Hope said.

“A miracle indeed.”

* * *

They left a total of six pinecones in front of Roger's door, all bunched up like a miniature family waiting for him to come outside. It was dark in the cabin and the curtains were shut, but Hope felt that somehow he was watching, somehow he knew they were there.

“Shouldn't we put glitter on them, or a bow or something?” Carla said.

“Glitter!” Brittany said. “And a bow!”

“I think they look good au naturel,” Faith said. Her eyes flicked over Carla. “Unlike some spectacles.”

Brittany indeed found a red bow and set it gently on top of their family of pinecones.

“Now what?” Carla said.

“Now we leave him in peace for a while,” Hope said. Once again they took Carla by each arm and gently led her back to the house.

“Do you think he'll know they're from us?”

“Have a little
me,
” Faith said.

Hope and Joy laughed. She used to say that joke all the time.

“
Me
to the world,” Joy said. She elbowed Hope.

“I
me
it snows on Christmas Eve.”

Carla groaned. “Not that old joke again.” The girls dissolved into giggles.

“It never gets old,” Faith cackled.

Carla shook her head. “And they think I'm the crazy one.”

“I don't get it,” Josh said.

“Have a little faith, Joy to the world, and I hope it snows on Christmas Eve,” Brittany chimed in.

“Oh,” Josh said. Then he started laughing. And Brittany started laughing. It was like music to Hope's ears, so she could only imagine how good Faith felt in the moment. Her children, finally sounding happy. Hope wondered how much it had to do with the fact that their father was here. No matter what, kids always wanted the family together. Just like they still longed for their father. She understood how her mother felt. She, too, wanted to bust open the door. She glanced back at the pinecones, huddled by the entrance, waiting for him to greet them. For now, it would have to be enough.

CHAPTER 37

After taking Yvette's advice and each drawing a name, the motley crew was in town doing their Christmas shopping. Although Hope understood the spirit of it, she still wanted to buy Christmas gifts for everyone. Especially since she had drawn Stephen's name. She couldn't imagine not getting a gift for her niece and nephew, not to mention her sisters, or her grandmother, for goodness' sake, and then of course there was her mother, and father, and she'd already bought the sweater for Austin. Rules be darned, she was going to buy a little something for everyone. It was one of her favorite parts of Christmas. Buying gifts she thought others would like, wrapping them, addressing them, placing them under the tree. She wouldn't go overboard, or anything, but she had to follow her heart. She hadn't waited all these years to be together to not celebrate to the max. Horse and carriages were out in great numbers, and the shops were filled. Christmas was in the air. Their celebration was going to start a day after the Christmas lighting ceremony in town. They didn't want folks to have to choose. It was to take place this evening and excitement was in the air. Every time she stepped into a shop and heard a bell jingle and felt the rush of warmth and sound of laughter within, Hope felt a surge of the Christmas spirit. This was what it was all about. Roger still hadn't emerged, but when they woke up in the morning the pinecones were gone. Hope thought it was a fabulous sign, although Carla was still obsessed. They had an appointment with his doctor the next afternoon. It felt funny to be meeting without Roger, but Yvette had Power of Attorney, and would soon have to pass that on to one of them.

Yvette had surprised Hope by coming out with them on the shopping trip. After they'd all finished they were going to have lunch together.

Hope bought coffee mugs for Joy and Harrison with the town of Leavenworth on them, she bought new ice skates for Brittany for when she could skate again, she bought a new yoga mat for Faith, but then drew a complete blank on Stephen, Yvette, her mother, and her father. She met up with Faith in the cooking store and Faith told her that Stephen was going to take up painting, so Hope bought him some paints and brushes and a few small canvases.

“We'd better get all those bags into my trunk,” Faith said. “Before the others see you're cheating.”

Hope laughed and they hurried out to Faith's car. When she popped the trunk Hope saw a pile of shopping bags. “I see I'm not the only one,” Hope laughed.

“Draw names,” Faith said. “Ridiculous!”

“I'm going to say mine are from Santa so I don't get in trouble,” Hope said.

“Always the peacemaker,” Faith said. She shut the trunk, then looked left and right before speaking again. “I have an idea for Joy and Harrison,” she said. “But I need you to go in on it with me.”

“I already got them coffee mugs,” Hope said.

Faith laughed. “Busting the bank, I see.” Hope didn't have a lot of money. Not the kind of money Faith had. What did she expect. Faith gently punched her. “I'm just kidding. And I'm not asking you to spend anything you currently have.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means we're going to need Yvette's permission for this one—some future inheritance.”

“You've piqued my interest,” Hope said.

“Get in,” Faith said.

“What about lunch?”

“They can start without us,” Faith said. “Christmas is about surprises.”

* * *

On the ride to the surprise, Faith gathered her thoughts. It was time to tell Hope the truth. Why she really left her. The truth of that summer. Faith had had crushes on girls, only girls, ever since she could remember, but she never acted on her feelings. Never dared to think about what would happen if she did. That just wasn't who she was, who she imagined herself to be. Then, a few days after Faith turned seventeen, it happened. She met a girl on the beach. A beautiful, funny girl. A summer girl with chestnut hair and green eyes, and an infectious laugh. Whenever summer girl looked at her, Faith got butterflies in her stomach.

“Why don't you want Joy and me to go to the beach with you anymore?” Hope asked her one day.

Faith remembered how a wave of shame enveloped her, how she couldn't imagine telling her sisters how she really felt. That wasn't how they saw her. It wasn't how she saw herself. “No one's stopping you from going to the beach,” Faith said. “And Joy complains too much about her sunburns.”

“Fine. Just me then. You never want me to go with you. Why?”

“Because I go there to meet boys, silly.” Lie, lie, lie. She was going there to meet summer girl.

One day when they were in the ocean, underneath the bluest of blue skies, summer girl kissed her. And Faith had kissed her back. Boy did she kiss her back. Maybe that would have been the end of it. Or maybe it would have happened a few more times. Faith probably would have kept it as a memory, a delicious secret. If not for Melanie Hayes.

Melanie Hayes was the most popular girl in school. And she'd always been jealous of Faith. And she saw her. She sat on her towel on the beach, watching Faith and the summer girl kiss. And it didn't take long before she confronted her.
Lesbian. Dyke.
And worse. Lots worse.
Wait until everyone hears this,
Melanie threatened. The thought of everyone at school talking about her behind her back paralyzed Faith. But even more, she couldn't imagine her sisters seeing her in a different way. They had her on a pedestal. She was ashamed. Ashamed of who she was and ashamed that she was ashamed of it. Faith did the only thing she could think to do. She slept with the first boy she could find, a geeky trumpet player on vacation with his rich parents. They did it on the beach, her first time, her first boy, her sacrifice, her salvation. Only this time, she saved
herself.

From the girl she didn't know how to be, from the names she didn't want to be called. When she found out she was pregnant, it was like angels had come down from the heavens to give her a do-over. Melanie Hayes was the first person she told.

But she didn't tell her sisters. Because that would mean telling them everything. Things she wasn't even ready to admit to herself. At the time she didn't want them to think of her that way, to have pictures in their head. Pictures like her kissing the girl on the beach. Her green eyes, her silky chestnut hair, her soft, insistent lips.

Lie, after lie, after lie. That year, Faith told a lot of lies. Mostly to herself. Not that she'd do anything differently if she had it to do over. Because she had Josh. And Brittany. Hopefully that would one day be enough for Stephen too. Hopefully he would forgive her. How terrifying the thought of being a lesbian was to her then. How freeing it was to admit it now. Thank God the world was starting to become a place where you didn't have to be ashamed of who you loved. It was time to tell Hope she never meant to abandon her. She never stopped loving her and Joy. And she was never going to spend another Christmas away from them again.

* * *

They took a few roads out of town and twenty minutes later pulled into a long drive. A gleaming silver food truck sat on the lawn with a F
OR
S
ALE
sign on it.

“A coffee truck,” Hope said.

“Right?” Faith said. “Isn't it perfect?”

“How did you find this?”

“I've been looking in the papers.”

Hope kept looking at the gleaming silver truck. “How much is it?”

“They're asking forty-five hundred dollars, but I think we can get them down.”

“Wow.”

“I know. But I think we owe this to Joy.” She reached in the backseat and brought up a book.
Coffee and Cream
was written across it. “Harrison showed this to me. It's Joy's.”

Hope took it and began to leaf through it. Page by page Joy had been writing down her plans and dreams for the coffee shop. Prices. Varieties of coffees with cool names. Pictures of décor she liked. Even a script for how she wanted her employees to interact with the customers. Hope felt tears come to her eyes.

“She's put a lot of thought into this.”

“More than we gave her credit for.” Faith and Hope locked eyes. “I'm so sorry I left you two,” Faith whispered.

“Don't,” Hope said. “You had to. For your baby.”

“It was more than that,” Faith said. “I was ashamed.”

“Ashamed? You?” Faith never had anything to be ashamed of. She was an “it” girl.

“Melanie Hayes saw me kissing a girl on the beach and she threatened to tell everyone I was a dyke. And worse. I slept with Stephen a few nights later. All because I didn't want you and Joy to find out and look at me differently.”

“Oh, Faith.” Hope could feel her heart breaking. “You were our world. That would have never changed. Never.”

“I know that now. I'm sorry I didn't know that then.”

Hope lunged forward and squeezed Faith until it hurt. “Let's buy that coffee truck for Joy,” she said when she finally let go.

Faith looked worried. “What if she takes it the wrong way?”

“How could she take an extravagant Christmas present the wrong way?”

“She could think we're saying that we don't believe she could make a go of a real shop.”

“Last she spoke about it she was into the truck idea. She wanted to stick around here.”

“It is true that a truck fits her personality better. If she gets tired of Leavenworth, all she has to do is drive away.”

Faith and Hope laughed. “I'm kind of jealous.”

“How so?”

“She's young. Starting a new business with her handsome boyfriend. Hitting the open road. Drinking coffee. Sounds like the smartest of all of us, doesn't it?”

“We'd need to buy her a sign.”

Faith gestured to the book. “We know what they want to call it.”

“True. And she could always change it, but wouldn't it just be complete with a sign?”

“And a wreath. And a giant red bow.”

“Oh God. We have to get it.”

“Let's take a few pictures, talk to the owner, and then approach Granny. See if she's willing to finance it.”

“I'm so excited,” Hope said. Giving was better than receiving. Their father had taught them that.

“Me too,” Faith said. She reached over and squeezed Hope's hand. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For forcing us to be together. We needed this.”

“We should do this every year.”

“Don't push it.”

“How are you doing? Have you heard from Charlie?”

Tears came into Faith's eyes as she shook her head. “I told her we needed to take a break from each other until after the holidays. Now my heart is aching. I can't imagine not talking to her on Christmas.”

“Have you tried calling her?”

Faith shook her head. “I'm the one who drew the line in the sand. It's too cruel to go back and forth.”

“I'm sure a call on Christmas won't hurt. And a little text wouldn't hurt now.”

“Are you sure?”

“If I learned anything, it's that we have to hold on to the people we love.”

“No matter how flawed,” Faith said, grabbing Hope with a grin.

“Just for that I'm ordering a cheeseburger for lunch,” Hope said.

“You know what?” Faith said. “We should all order a cheeseburger.”

Hope grinned. Faith was finally feeling the Christmas spirit.
Here comes Santa Claus.

* * *

“Where were you two?” Joy asked the minute they stepped into the restaurant.

“An elf's job is never done,” Faith said. “Have we ordered yet?”

“We were waiting for you,” Josh said.

“I'm getting a cheeseburger and fries,” Faith said, squeezing in between Brittany and Josh. “What about you two?”

“Yay!” Brittany said. “Yes!”

Josh nodded. A smile escaped his lips before he could catch it.

“What's happening here?” Joy said.

“Baby,” Harrison said, looping his arm over her shoulders. “Can I get a cheeseburger and fries too?”

“I'm going to have to sit at another table,” Joy said.

“We can live with that,” Faith said with a wink. “And after lunch, I'm going for a five-mile hike in the woods if anyone wants to join me.”

“Why don't you just walk back to the house from here?” Joy said.

“Ha-ha,” Faith said. “We should all go.”

“What about me?” Brittany said.

“I'll pull the sled myself,” Faith said.

“But I won't be able to burn off the calories,” Brittany said.

“You'll catch up when you're all better,” Faith said. “I'm sorry I've been so consumed with that.”

Josh grinned and stuck his index finger up. “Cheeseburger and fries all around!” he shouted. It was the happiest Hope had ever heard him.

“What's with the waitress in this joint?” Stephen said. They all laughed. “What?” he said. They laughed harder.

“She's horrible,” Yvette said with a shake of the head. “She's just horrible.”

* * *

“Brain injuries are a mysterious thing,” Dr. Kaplan said. “No two are like. We can't even be sure that your father is aware he even has a brain injury.” They learned that there were two types of TBI, mild and severe, and that their father had suffered the latter. Symptoms could include limited function of arms and legs, abnormal speech or language, loss of thinking ability, and emotional problems.