Hotshot (21 page)

He goes stiff, his nostrils flaring, and I find myself being crushed against him.

“Don’t you ever say that again. Nothing about me makes sense anymore without you. It took me too long to realize that. You are the beautiful one in this situation. Everything about you is so pure, so genuine, so blinding. It’s hard to breathe sometimes when I think about a future without you.”

“Sasha’s not going to give up, Shaw. If she wants you, she’s going to take measures to be in your life.”

“I can’t stand her, Bizzy. I may not know exactly what happened all those years ago between you and her, but I swear, if I’d had a clue, I never would have given her the time of day. Shit, I would have made her life miserable for saying one crass word to you. You have to believe me. Only one other time in my life have I felt this helpless, and that’s when Nick was diagnosed.”

Silence hangs in the air, and I know he’s telling me the truth.

“I believe you. Still, I’m going to need some time to think.”

“Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow. Today, I need to sleep.”

He doesn’t let me go, even as I wiggle to free myself from his hold. His chest vibrates as he starts laughing.

“You must not have heard me. I’m not going anywhere, meaning not leaving, not letting you out of my sight.”

“You’re leaving so I can sleep, cry, scream, and try to wrap my head around the fact that my boyfriend is having a baby with my high school nemesis, who incidentally found a way to continue her adolescent torture and bullying throughout my college years. A campus of twenty-five thousand and I still had to endure the wrath of Sasha Crane.”

“That’s exactly why I’m staying. Sleep, cry, scream, anything you want, but you’ll do it with me.”

The weight of the last few days and now the last few minutes comes crashing down, and I stop struggling. Then I think about a future with Sasha Crane in my life, sharing a child with Shaw.

This is really going to piss her off.

“She’s not going to deal with us very well.”

“No, she’s not.”

“Let’s hope she’s let go of some of her aggressive tendencies. Maybe she’s matured?”

“Don’t count on it. She’s a spoiled bitch used to getting what she wants. This time, though, she’s not going to touch you.”

“Everything is going to change.”

He slides us down until I’m on my back and he’s hovering above me, one hand moving to caress my cheek. His eyes shine with so much love and torture at the same time, I feel my own start to pool with tears.

“Everything may change. This isn’t going to be easy, by any means. I’m a selfish bastard to ask you to stay, but I can’t live without you. The only way I can get though this is to have you by my side. So stick with me, Lizbeth, and trust me to protect you. I’ve said it already, but losing you isn’t an option.”

“I still need time, Shaw.”

“You can have your time with me glued to your side.”

I can’t stop the giggle that escapes, which turns into a full scale laughing fit. He cracks a small smile, but it looks pained, as if he’s waiting for me to turn hysterical. Instead, I twist into him, and remember why I’m in love with his possessive, protective, and bossy ass.

Even with my heart shattered and my future in absolute shambles, I let him hold me.

“Are you really okay?” Nicky takes my hand and leads me to the elevator, waving to the kids still screaming his name until the doors close us in.

“Stop asking me that.”

“I’ll stop asking when I’m convinced, which is not now. You still look a little pale to me.”

“Jeez, thanks. Way to boost my already fragile self-esteem.” I pinch the only centimeter of skin I can on his bulging bicep.

“OW!” he yelps. “That hurt!”

“Big baby. Didn’t you get plowed down by someone in Sunday’s game? Surely that man had more impact than my tiny, little pinch.” I joke with him, knowing he’s sensitive about being sacked.

“Not cool, Biz.”

“Serves you right for saying I look like shit.”

“That’s not what I said. I said you were pale, but truthfully, you can pull off the whole pale look, especially with unicorns jumping around on your scrubs.”

“Shut up.” I unlatch our joined hands and start slapping at him playfully. He overpowers me easily, pinning my arms behind my back, and tickles me until I beg for mercy.

That’s how we are when the doors open, and the people waiting for the elevator are faced with me squirming like a fish.

I straighten quickly, trying to regain my composure. But no one pays any attention to me when they recognize Nicky. He gets a few pats on the back and praises of ‘
good game’
as he hurries past, leading me toward the cafeteria.

“I’m sure word already got out that you are here. The kids’ parents were as excited as the children themselves.”

“Yes, but I want a few minutes alone with you, not signing autographs or discussing game strategy.”

We file in line, and he hangs over my shoulder, watching me make my salad. I almost throw a tomato in his face until I remember it’ll bring attention to us and he’s trying to lay low.

“Will you stop looming and go get us a water?” I semi-growl under my breath.

“You don’t want a Coke?”

“Shit no, just a water.”

He dips down to look at my face and makes a production of feeling my forehead and checking my cheeks. I jab him in the ribs, giving him a dirty look, until he goes to the drink cooler and meets me back in line. As always, he insists on paying then drags me to a booth in a corner.

“What the hell was that? You didn’t want a Coke?”

“Thank your fucking brother for that. He’s filled my fridge and my pantry with at least six cases of Coke. Every time we start talking about the situation, he hands me a cold one, thinking it will miraculously change things. Never thought I’d say this, but I’m not sure even the powers of Coke can make this better.”

“So talk to me, and don’t give me this ‘I’m fine’ bullshit. I know you, Bizzy. Nothing about this situation is fine.”

“What do you want me to say? I’m processing.”

“How exactly are you processing?”

“Well, for one, I’m prepared for the test to come back positive. Shaw’s done denying it. He’s ready to move forward.”

“This isn’t about Shaw. I don’t give a flying fuck right now about how my stupid ass brother is. This is about you.”

This is why Nick Bennett has been my rock for so long. His concern for me knows no bounds. Blood may be thicker than water, but to him, I am blood.

I push the salad around the plate, my appetite disappearing.

“I’m hurt and so, so scared,” I finally admit out loud.

“Hurt I can understand, but why are you scared? We’re not kids anymore, and Sasha Crane can’t do anything else to you.”

I give a sarcastic laugh. “If only you knew.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Time to spill, Bizzy. I’m serious here. Tell me what’s going through your head.”

I drop my fork and abandon eating, looking up into his concerned eyes.

“Don’t you think this is too weird? Like the universe has it out for me? I’ve always tried to see the bright side of things, but I can’t turn this around. I hated getting cancer. I was scared out of my mind, but it brought me you. It was tough getting into the Nursing Program, but it gave me the incentive to work and push harder. There, I met Claire. Every time I lose a patient, it affects me all the way to my bones, but I remember their sweet faces and try to make my next patient smile through the pain.

“This is too much. I can’t see the bright side. The chances of Shaw getting another woman pregnant were slim. But the chance it is Sasha Crane? That’s too eerie. And now I have to live with the fact she can give him what I may not be able to. A baby.”

Before I can say any more, Nicky is around the table and sliding in the booth next to me. His arms wrap around my shoulders, and I concentrate hard not to cry.

“Tell me more,” he whispers, kissing the top of my head.

“The chemo, the radiation, all of the drugs. There’s a chance it affected my ability to reproduce. That’s the reason I was in the doctor’s office last Friday. I went to talk about my options. Shaw wants kids. I wanted to give them to him. But now, even if it is possible, he’ll always have a child with another woman.” Air rushes out of my lungs at the confession.

“Son of a fucking bitch. Goddamnit, Bizzy, why didn’t you come talk to me? You’ve been dealing with this alone?”

“In case you forgot, since I got home two days ago, Shaw has been everywhere. He’s bossy and demanding and forcing me to talk to him. This is the one piece of me I’ve been internalizing. And besides, there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“But I get it. I’m the only fucking person that does. I know your fears. I have them, too.”

“You do?” I tilt my face to his.

“Yes, I was checked last year. It was a routine check-up, and when my doctor mentioned we could check my sperm, I went for it.”

“And?”

“Motility, mobility, and all that shit look good. Only time will tell, but he was encouraging.”

“That’s good.”

“The point is, you’re not alone. Especially now.”

I nod and lay my head back on his shoulder. “Thank you for telling me. It gives me hope.”

“Anytime, never thought you’d be interested in my sperm or I’d have mentioned it sooner.” His voice is laced with humor.

I pretend to gag and make a retching sound. “Now you’ve made it gross.”

He laughs, his chest shaking against my cheek.

“You know I love you, right?”

“I love you, too.”

“Well, good, because you ever hold something this big inside again, I’ll beat your ass.”

It’s my turn to giggle at another of our inside jokes. “Bring it on, ball boy… bring it on.”

We laugh together, and some of my tension eases. For the first time in almost a week, my heart is lighter.

Shaw

“Your brother’s on his way,” Gail buzzes in.

“Which one?”

“The famous one.”

“Out of curiosity, if Mathis is the smart one, and Nick’s the famous one… which am I?”

“You’re the hotshot.”

“Figures,” I grumble, shaking my head.

Nick comes around the corner and lifts Gail out of her chair in a bear hug. She’s so tiny in his arms, and I laugh watching her smacking him away. He puts her down and says a few words, making her blush.

Then he turns to face me, and all laughter stops.

His eyes land on mine with a narrow gaze, and his face transforms into a look only described as furious rage. Gone is the playful persona he gave Gail.

I know this look. This is personal. This is an anger that is hostile to the point of craze. It clicks.

This is about Bizzy.

I get up to meet him, ready for anything as he stalks into my office, barreling toward me. I barely register his fist before it connects with my jaw, and I’m slammed into the wall.

Fighter instinct kicks in and I shove him back, able to block his next punch. We’re the same height, but he’s got about twenty pounds of muscle on me and I feel it in his struggle as I maneuver his arm behind him and shuffle us around.

No words are exchanged as we hustle, causing glass, furniture, and pictures to fall and crush around us. Finally, I get the upper hand and propel him face first into the wall.

He shakes against me, fury radiating off his body.

I should have expected this. If we weren’t in my office, I’d let him go and unleash his anger. I deserve it.

“You going to fucking calm down?” I growl in his ear.

“Not a chance. I want to fuck you up, brother or not. You don’t have any idea of the damage you’ve done, do you? I trusted you.”

I let him go and stumble back, the pain in my chest searing hotter than the ache in my jaw where he clocked me.

My legs give out, and I drop to the sofa, my head in my hands. “What happened? Is she okay?”

He remains quiet; the only sound in the room is his panting. When I finally gather the courage to face him, he’s stone still, his arms crossed across his chest, staring at me with a mixture of hatred and disgust.

“She’s not okay, even though she’s doing a damn good job of faking it. Did you know about her anxiety of not having children?”