Hotshot (23 page)

A part of me feels guilty because he’s so worried about me, when it’s me who should be worried about him.

I reach for my wine and drain the glass in one gulp, his eyes growing wide. There is no warning; I start talking.

“We’ll start with the early years. You know Sasha made my life hell the minute her dipshit ex-boyfriend asked me to homecoming when I was a freshman and she was a junior. Regardless of my answer, she got a huge stick up her ass and decided I was worth her time to torture. I missed a lot of school with my treatments, but she didn’t forget. When I went back to school, bald, bruised, and swollen from steroids, she loved it. I was the roly-poly.

“When we returned to school after summer break, I hoped she was over it. No such luck. By this time, I was in remission, and my body was recovering. I had hair, almost to my shoulders, and the weight had shifted. Now, I was curvy. Hormones hit and I had boobs, legs, and curves that brought a lot of attention. The first thing that happened was an ‘accident’ in Pottery Class. I found myself with a huge chunk of clay in my hair that wouldn’t come out. I had to cut my hair into a boy cut to remove it all. I was devastated, but no one would actually admit she threw it at me, saying it flew out of her hands while sculpting a vase. Even the teacher seemed to believe her.”

I wave at the waiter, pointing to my empty glass, and he bustles over to refill my wine. I swallow a large mouthful and continue.

“The rest of the year was filled with much of the same stupid shit that never landed her in trouble. I tried to talk to her once, make amends, which was dumb because it gave her ammunition. Most of the time, I ignored it because Nicky started going everywhere with me—even to the girl’s bathroom, watching the door when I was inside.

After the cancer, when Nicky finally made the Varsity team, he asked me to walk with him for the pep rally. It was homecoming once again, so I was excited. My mom bought me a white dress, and I changed into it before our last class, hoping it would be pretty for the pictures. My parents were there, your parents, and even Mathis was home from college. I was ecstatic. But I let my guard down, and the instant I sat at my desk, I knew my mistake. Red goo squirted everywhere, effectively covering me in splatter and leaving a huge red stain on my ass, legs, and back. My dress was ruined, and I was escorted to the office, unable to attend the pep rally. Nicky had to walk with a cheerleader. I think you were in first year law and couldn’t come.”

“I was,” he confirms, acid dripping from his words.

I swallow the rest of my wine and motion for more, needing the liquid courage.

“That time, she was caught. Someone saw her take a bag of pig’s blood from the AP Science lab that was used for platelet microscopy. She covered me in fucking pig’s blood. At this point, my parents got involved. Things seemed to calm down because she was threatened with expulsion. Of course, she denied everything. So she laid low for months. But once senior grades were posted, she got her piece of revenge.

“I was scheduled to take the Advanced Placement and Dual Enrollment exams, which would put me in the classes to help me start gaining college credits. My parents and I needed that help with my college expenses. Nicky was convinced he’d stay in Florida, but even if he didn’t, I would still be able to use the credits toward almost any school. The day of the exam, the proctor gave everyone their tests and we started. Not even thirty minutes later, he got a call and demanded we all put our pencils down. He came straight to me and asked me to follow him to the office. As we walked out, the principal came in. An hour later, my parents and I sat in a meeting as he explained there was a detailed cheat sheet under my desk. I was never allowed in the program.”

“Fuck,” he spits out, draining his own glass.

“The next two years, she wasn’t around, but I was always fighting the stigma of the cheater. The only guys who ever asked me out were the ones who heard I was easy from Sasha or her crowd of friends. She left me with the reputation of a cheater and a whore.”

Against my better judgment, I finish my third glass of wine and feel it burning in my empty stomach. But I push on, wanting him to know.

“Freshman year of college, I was blackballed from every sorority by the third round. By this time, Nicky was on the warpath. He had enough. He was the football superstar, the campus hotshot, the most sought after guy for all the girls. He made me go out with him and the other players, watching over me with the eye of a big brother. I finally gained some confidence and started acting like a college freshman. The first time I got drunk, I puked for days, but instead of wanting to die, I wanted to keep going. Finally, I felt normal.”

“We’re leaving, NOW!” Shaw motions to the waiter.

In a whirlwind, bags are brought with our food packaged inside, the tab is paid, and I’m being yanked out of my chair to the exit. Shaw doesn’t let go of me, holding me so close I feel the raging anger brewing. He gives the driver instructions to my house in a clipped tone, and I finally find my voice, ready to purge everything.

“I wore a red bikini at Nicky’s signing party.”

“Biz, I remember that bikini. It’s etched in my mind.”

“You know why? Because there were people taking pictures and I wanted her to know I looked okay in red.”

“Fucking fuck… fuck… fuck.”

I keep going. “One time in college, she came into the restaurant I worked. When she saw me, she got this evil glare in her eye. The next thing I know, she’s screaming at me, saying I ruined her order on purpose and demanding I be fired. I was mortified. My manager didn’t listen to her, but the damage was still there.

“Then I busted my ass to get into nursing school. She went on to law school. I haven’t seen her since.”

“Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…” he repeats over and over until the driver pulls up to my apartment and turns to face us.

“Mr. Bennett, do you need me to wait for you?”

“No, I’ll be staying the night. And you’re off duty tomorrow, too. Fully paid. By the way, help yourself to these meals. They were never touched.”

He nods at Shaw and gives me a professional smile as Shaw kicks the door open and lifts me out. I fight against him, insisting I can walk as he lets us into my apartment, kicking the door closed.

He handles me like a ragdoll, twirling us to lock the door then stalking to my bedroom, falling on top of me with all his weight.

“I can’t hear anymore.”

“Thought you wanted to know?”

“There’s only so much I can take without flying off the rails. My patience and tolerance with her is already thin, but now, I want to find a way to punish her for every single horrible thing she has done. If I could go back in time, knowing all this, she’d regret the day she decided to fuck with you. I’d make her life a living hell for even breathing in your presence. My gut is twisted with so much disgust in myself.”

“Oh,” is all I can rasp out with his entire body covering mine.

“Lizbeth Hastings, look at me,” he demands, and I shudder at the fire in his eyes.

“After tonight, we leave those demons at the door. She’s not taking any more precious moments from your life. I’m here now, and as old-fashioned as it sounds, I’m going to protect you.”

“She’s having your child, Shaw. The fact alone kills me inside.”

He lays his forehead to mine, and his chest vibrates in anger. One hand comes to my cheek as he takes a few deep breaths.

“I’m at a loss about this. I don’t know how to process it all. I want to make her pay for every tear you’ve shed, every doubt you’ve had, and every bad memory she caused. Hearing your words tonight has fueled a rage in me I’ve never felt before. Knowing that I’m asking you to endure this with me is the most selfish thing I’ve ever done.

“But I’m a son of a bitch, and I’m asking. Stand by me. Don’t let my idiot lapse of judgment cause me to lose you, because I can honestly say, I don’t know if I can survive without you anymore. You are my everything.”

“Shaw—” My head is buzzing from the wine, and I really am struggling to catch my breath with his weight bearing down on me.

He shifts a little, giving me some comfort, but his arms squeeze tighter.

“Tell me what to do here. Do you want me to relinquish all rights?”

Never in all our talks, or even with the shock in knowing he was having a baby with another woman, have I even considered he’d give up the baby. His words are filled with so much agony and insecurity.

He doesn’t mean them; it’s written all over his face. I feel like a selfish bitch for even making him say them out loud.

“Shaw, that has never crossed my mind. You are not that kind of man. You are a man of honor and integrity. What would that say about me? No, baby, I don’t want you to relinquish anything. If you did, I’d leave you without turning back because you’d be a terrible person.”

His eyes search mine, relief washing over his face. “I’ll fight forever, ‘til my last dying breath, to prove to you how special you are to me. No one is ever going to take you away, especially not her. I love you with all my heart.”

“I know you do.” I close my eyes and let his words settle over me. “And I love you, too.”

“What can I do to show you? How can I bring you above this, make you see our future is still ours?”

A familiar need starts to coil inside, reminding me that Shaw not only owns my heart, but also my body. The emotional connection has never faltered, but the physical one has suffered.

“Make love to me, now. Prove to me that you still belong to me.” My foot skates up his leg and around his thigh, drawing him into me.

His eyes grow wide, lust glowing in them.

“Take her out of my mind. I need to have all of you, Shaw, know you’ll be mine. You can’t change what happened in the past, but I’m too far gone to lose you.”

“How many times do I have to tell you? You’re never losing me,” he rumbles, lowering his mouth to mine.

I clear my mind and let him make love to me, knowing we both need to feel this closeness.

“If you walk into Maria’s house with that look on your face, she and Seth are going to know right away something’s wrong.” I reach over and pry one of Shaw’s hands off the steering wheel and lace his fingers in mine.

“Something is wrong,” he snaps at me then squeezes my hand in an apologetic gesture. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Thank you for coming with me. It means a lot.”

“Hey.” I slide forward and catch his eye. “I’m here for you, meaning the good and the bad.”

“You’re the only ray of light in my life right now.”

We ride the next few miles in silence, my mind trying to come up with something to say. Even after last night, all our heartfelt words of love, and hours of reconnecting with our bodies, I woke up this morning with Shaw hovering over me. His eyes held the same desperate look from the last week, pleading with me to stay with him.

When he stops the car in front of his parents’ house, I remove my seatbelt and crawl into his lap, cupping his face in my hands.

“I’ll be your ray of light. I’ll help you through this. There’s going to be some rough patches, but we’ll get through them.”

I lean in to kiss him gently, running my lips along his and slipping my tongue in with the faintest of touches. He grabs my ass, trying to wedge me deeper, but I back away, shaking my head. “Let’s get through lunch, then this afternoon, we’ll go to the beach. Try to let all of this go for a few hours and do nothing.”

He nods and opens his door, stepping out with me still in his arms. I struggle to get down, but he doesn’t let go, taking us up the walkway and straight into his parents’ house.

“Let me go!” I smack harder and freeze when I hear the sound of Maria giggling behind me.

“Shaw, Bizzy.” Seth doesn’t hide his own amusement.

Shaw’s hands loosen enough for me to slide down his body, but he holds me close.

“Hi.” I give a small wave, heat creeping up my cheeks.

“Come here!” Maria holds her arms out for a hug. She squeezes me tight then turns us, leaving the men to follow us to their living room. I move to sit down next to Shaw, but she tugs me down to her on the sofa, forcing Shaw to sit across the room.