How to Bake a Perfect Life (46 page)

“You’re doing good. Maybe when they let you out, you could come to Colorado. It’s beautiful there.”

“Yeah? You like it, huh? All those rich bitches taking care of you, I guess you would. They sure must be feeding you, because I can see with the naked eye that you’ve gained weight.”

Katie flushes. “I’m growing. I need to eat.”

Lacey narrows her eyes. “My mama was as big as a cow. Long as you remember that, you’ll be fine.”

Katie realizes she should have gone to the bathroom inside the treatment center. It’s been a long, long time, and she suddenly has to pee really bad. “Is there a bathroom in this park?”

“Yeah, baby. It’s right over there, that white building.”

“Is it safe?”

“Of course. And even if it wasn’t, I’m right here. You’ll be in my sight the whole time. Don’t sit down.”

Katie smiles. “No way.” She slides the pack off her shoulders. “I’ll be back.”

Lacey taps the ash off her cigarette. “I’ll be waiting.”

Inside, it isn’t as bad as it could be, just a normal park kind of bathroom. There are even paper towels, and Katie uses them to cover anything she has to touch, then comes out and washes her hands. Her face in the grimy, spotted mirror looks bad—circles under her eyes and her mouth all sad.

It suddenly hits her that this is how she used to look all the time.

Why in the world would she want to go back to this?

Splashing cold water on her face, she thinks about Ramona and how worried she must be. She thinks about her bedroom and her flowers and
pain au chocolat
, with all the layers of pastry,
crisp and buttery, falling to pieces on her plate.
I want to go back
.

She’ll be in major, major trouble.

But it won’t be as bad as this. Taking a deep breath, she dries her hands and face and decides to endure the hour with her mother, then she’ll ask the desk clerk to call Ramona.

When she steps back outside, the sun is in her eyes and she doesn’t understand what she’s seeing right away.

Her mother is gone.

And so is the backpack with her clothes and all the money.

Ramona

  W
e get to El Paso at about six p.m. Jonah drove the last three hours, so I slept, and I’m anxious but not exhausted when we arrive. “What first?” he asks.

Sofia emailed directions to the rehab facility, and we head there first. My heart stops when I see a cop car in front and two officers interviewing people in the main room as we go in.

“Excuse me,” I say to the woman behind the counter. “I’m looking for Lacey Wilson.”

“You and everybody else.” She jerks a thumb toward the cops. “She left on a pass with her daughter at about two, and we haven’t seen her since.”

“Her daughter was with her?”

A nod.

“Do you know where they went, where they might have—”

“Lady, if I did, the cops wouldn’t be here now, and my job is in serious trouble thanks to that crackhead, so if you don’t mind, I’m going to shut you off now, all right?”

Jonah leans in and uses his magic voice. “Where do people usually go when they get visitors?”

“Across the street, to a park by the river.”

We start there, and when we find nothing, we head to the Petroskys’ house. There is no one home.

“Why didn’t I ever buy her a cell phone?” I say without expecting an answer. I know the reason is that I didn’t think I could afford it, but I’d planned to see that she had one for the fall when she started school.

Jonah stands with me, not speaking. Merlin is hanging his head out the window, whining, and I let him out of the car to do his business. We wait there for a long five minutes, and I finally admit, “I have no idea what to do next.”

“Maybe we should have something to eat, find a room for the night, and brainstorm.”

I feel sick to my stomach. “Where could she be? Why would she go with her mom anywhere?”

Jonah just shakes his head. Then he says, “Her mom’s an addict, right? So why would she run unless she wanted to use?”

“Ah, right.”

“Do you know where Katie was living before she came to you?”

“No.” Merlin leans on my leg, and I remember that Katie said she found him near the railroad tracks. “In a house by the tracks somewhere. I got the impression it was sort of homeless territory.”

“We could drive around, see if we can find something like that if you want to.”

Merlin climbs into the backseat. Maybe he’ll help us. “Yeah. If we don’t find any leads by nine, we’ll eat and go to bed.”

“Deal.”

But we don’t find anything. Exhausted, we head for a Village Inn, and my cell phone buzzes with a text from an unfamiliar number.

Help. I’m at a coffee shop in El Paso. So, so, so sorry about everything. Can you help me? Katie.

I text back:

Address?

She gives it to me.

STAY RIGHT THERE!

I ask the waitress for directions, and she sends us barely two miles down the road. When we pull up in front, Merlin goes insane barking and flinging his body around the backseat, and I have a hard time even getting him on his leash. When he leaps out, I see Katie, too: She’s looking forlorn, in a booth with a glass of water and nothing else, staring out the window into the darkness.

The moment she sees us, she’s on her feet and running, out the door before we reach it. She launches herself into my arms, full body weight, and I catch her close to me, hugging her, and both of us are crying. “I’m so stupid, Ramona. I’m so sorry. My mother stole everything from me, all my clothes—my new clothes!—and the money I took.”

Merlin is wiggling, whining, and shoving himself between our shins, but still Katie clings to me.

I hold her as tightly as I can, so enormously relieved that my legs are shaking. “It doesn’t matter. I’m so glad you’re safe. So glad.” I kiss her curly hair and breathe in the slightly sweaty teenager smell of her neck. Love sloshes through me like the ocean, changing me forever and ever, giving me yet another hostage to fortune. “Let’s go.”

“Can we eat? I am so, so, so hungry.”

“Of course.” I look at Jonah over her head, and he nods.

Katie, Merlin, and I take one room and Jonah takes the room next door. Katie calls Sofia from my phone and talks to Lily, too, then we all crash like the dead.

Naturally, I awaken long before anyone else. Leashing Merlin, I walk for a couple of miles in the cool morning air, mulling things over. The long, quiet drive had given me plenty of time to think, and I’ve come to some decisions about the bakery, and Katie, and my life.

I can’t continue to live so precariously, with the bakery so close to the edge. I’m exhausted, and it isn’t fair to my employees or my customers to teeter on the brink of disaster all the damned time. I don’t want to lose it, but I am also really tired of working so many hours with no time for a life. I need balance, which I haven’t had since starting to build the bakery.

It’s time to make a decision. If I sell the business to the Gallagher Group, I’ll lose some autonomy, but I’ll gain some freedom and peace of mind. It might ease things with my family, as well.

I also have been thinking of Katie’s presence as a temporary thing, but she’s with us now for good. Me, or Sofia and Oscar and the new baby, or whatever arrangement we make. Sofia will need me, that much is clear—she’ll need all of us.
Oscar
will need all of us—his wife and his children, his mother-in-law and all the rest of my clan, annoying as they can be.

And Katie needs us all, too. My mistake has been in thinking that she could heal from all her wounds if I simply fed her well and helped her find some hobbies and loved her. In time, all those things will help, but she also needs some therapy, some professional help, to allow her to express whatever she’s feeling, to work through the shit that’s been piled on her poor young head.

Finally, I think about Jonah. As I walk along the road, just the thought of him makes my throat hurt. I am in love. I don’t know what to do with that.

I’ve had three cups of coffee in the attached restaurant before the other two awaken. They come into the restaurant looking
sleepy and tousled. Jonah’s eyes are a little swollen, and he has a slight cowlick in the back of his hair. His jaw is bristly, and he rubs it apologetically. “I didn’t bring a razor.”

“Looks sexy. Very 1985.”

His eyes crinkle at the corners. “A very good year.”

The waitress brings water and menus. Jonah asks for hot tea. “And will you do me a favor and make sure the water is very hot?”

Katie asks, “Can I have coffee?”

I shrug. “Sure.” Then, “Tomorrow is my birthday,” I announce. “And I was wondering, Jonah, if you have a couple of days to spare.”

“Yes!” He takes my hand. The hope in his face makes me feel slightly ashamed of myself for making him suffer when he’s been so … steadfast.

Yes. Steadfast.

“Wish I’d known sooner,” he says.

“When is yours?”

“November twenty-ninth.”

“Katie?”

“February second.”

“Good.” I take a sip of coffee and lean forward. “I believe in birthdays. I think they’re important, and I like celebrating my own just as much as everybody else’s. So what I was thinking is that I want to drive to San Antonio.”

They both look at me blankly for a minute. “It’s about a twelve-hour drive,” Jonah says.

“Like today?” Katie asks.

“Yes. And yes. I’d like to see Sofia and Oscar, and I think you, Katie, need to see your dad. It’ll be good for both of you.”

She looks down. Her mouth gives away her fear. I reach out and take her hand. “Look at me, honey.”

There’s a sheen over her pale-green eyes when she does.

“When I was young,” I say, “I never liked babies. They seemed really boring and loud and I didn’t get why everybody thought they were so cute.”

She looks perplexed. “Yeah?”

“To be honest, I still don’t get terribly excited about most babies. But when Sofia was born and they put her in my arms, she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I couldn’t believe how much love there was inside me, how big my heart got.” I pause. “That man who used to frighten you was just a random man. When you see your father, you will see your father.”

The glycerin swell of tears spills over. “What if I don’t?”

I consider for a moment. “You can decide then what you want to do, how to proceed.”

She nods. I let her go. “It’s nonnegotiable, anyway. You’re going with me.”

A scowl wrinkles her forehead. “You’re bossy.”

“Yes, I am, because I am your guardian and I’ve been tiptoeing too much. Things are going to change a little. You are going to have to make restitution, and you will have to do some things when we get home if you want to live with me—”

“Like what?”

“We’ll talk about that later. I do want you to know that you don’t have to lug around a big bag of guilt over all this. I know you’re upset. I know you’re hurting, and that is going to take some time to get better, all right?”

She bows her head. “Thank you.”

“In the meantime, I want to go to San Antonio. We’ll have a real live road trip. Eat at greasy diners and listen to bad radio and whatever else goes along with that.”

“Candy,” Jonah says. “You have to have some candy in the car. Pixy Stix and sour cherries.”

“Oh, yeah,” Katie chimes in. “And those teeny chocolate balls. What are they called?”

“Sixlets,” Jonah says, and holds up his hand for a high five.

“Dude,” she says, “you do it like this.” She punches forward, and he meets it.

“So we’re in?”

“I am,” Jonah says.

“I am,” Katie echoes.

“Let’s do it, then!”

Sofia’s Journal

I am so tired of this heat and this eternal backache, I could scream. I want to go home and eat something I cooked, sitting at my table on a chair, not on a bench with twenty other people. I want to take a bath and read. I want to have this baby. When I walk in the hallway, I feel like some big ship sailing over the ocean. All I am now is pregnant, an oven with a giant bun risen to bursting. I’m not a woman or a friend or a granddaughter or a wife. I feel like I’m swimming through something thick and clear that muffles everything. I can hear people talking to me, but nothing much reaches me. Not that they know. I can fake it. My grandmother has been wonderful, picking up the things I can’t figure out anymore, bullying orderlies to take care of Oscar first, bringing magazines and sandwiches and fruit. She’s such a general
.