How to Be a Rock Star's Ex-Girlfriend (10 page)

But I couldn’t get him to pick up his clothes. I made sure that he had his own laundry basket, and with the washer and dryer right in the apartment, I couldn’t see what the problem was. It wasn’t that difficult to toss your clothes in the designated area rather then on the floor. The first few times it happened, I asked Braden nicely to please pick up after himself. When that didn’t work, I tried sarcasm, and then nagging. Neither of those things helped either, so rather then obsess about it, I picked up the clothes and gave Braden other chores. I felt that if that was my biggest complaint with my new roommate, I could compromise and make it work.

My apartment was now home to Braden’s musical equipment, his collection of rock posters, and his one towel. That’s right, he only had one towel. How he survived without growing some kind of fungus on his body is beyond me. The first thing I did was wash it and then hide it in the back of the linen closet. Now he had a lot of clean, soft towels to choose from. I think it was a little bit of culture shock for him.

“Did you have that one lonely towel in college too?” I was appalled at the idea of using the same damp towel day after day. “There must be year’s worth of mold on this!”

Braden looked up from his boxes. “It’s not like I never washed it. I threw it in whenever I did laundry. Who needs more then one towel?” He honestly couldn’t see the problem with it.

“And we all know how often you do laundry. You’re crazy, you know. Everyone needs more then one towel. Are you serious? How many did Dylan have?”

“I don’t know, maybe two. Don’t worry, I promise to use more then one towel now, since I know how much it means to you.”

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing that Cara and her towels are now at Dylan’s. You’ll both be exposed to a world with clean laundry and dry towels.”

Although Braden would never admit that I was right about the towel thing, I knew that within a few weeks, he would be so used to a well stocked linen closet that he could never go back to his bachelor ways.

Cara and I finally had a chance to talk about our new roommates over lunch one day a few weeks later. It was wild to think that a few months ago we had been living together in single girl heaven and now I was in a committed relationship, sharing an apartment with a boy, and Cara had moved out.

“I think it’s totally cool, living with a guy!” Cara was gushing over her living arrangement. “No offense, I loved living with you, but now I barely have to share the bathroom. Plus, Dylan’s house is huge so it’s like I have my own space.”

“But isn’t it weird that you guys used to date?” I wondered if either of them got jealous of each other’s love life. Neither of them went very long without a date.

“Not really. It’s not as if we were in love or anything! We were only together for a month. And we were friends before that, so what’s the problem? Besides, that can be an added benefit, if you know what I mean!”

Of course I knew what she meant. In the past I had even enjoyed the ‘friends with benefits’ thing. Too bad it usually ended with someone wanting more. In my case, my friend Ryan had insisted that he was more then happy with our situation. We had met second semester, through my ex, Dane. When Dane and I broke up, Ryan and I stayed friends. He was really easy to talk to and was always around when I needed him. He even took my side in the break up. He thought I was amazing, even if I wasn’t Suzy Home-maker!

One night after a party, we were at his place watching crappy late night television, and he kissed me. Since I was single and a little tipsy, I went with it.

The next day I worried that our friendship was over, and that I had made a horrible mistake. Lucky for me, Ryan didn’t see it that way. He thought it was just a natural thing that happened, and we

could go on as normal. It was great. I had a great friend whose brain I could pick, if I needed a male perspective, and I had sex whenever I wanted.

Ryan called me one afternoon and invited me over for dinner. Thinking that this was just a dinner invite from one friend to another, I said yes and arrived after my last class. Instead of the typical hamburger helper or grilled cheese that I was expecting, Ryan had gone all out. There were flowers on the table and candles lit. He had even ordered food from my favorite restaurant. My surprise was obvious, and he quickly broke into nervous conversation to distract me.

When I finally had a chance to ask him what was going on, he admitted that he was trying to get me to see him in a new light. He even started crying and asking me why I couldn’t like him in that way. It was so pathetic, I felt sorry for him. But I wasn’t sorry enough to go out with him. I could never see him the way he wanted me to, and I had dated his best friend!

Needless to say, we stopped being friends. How can you go back to just friends after all of that? We tried to hang out once or twice, but I couldn’t look him in the face, and he couldn’t settle for my friendship anymore. But there were still times when I missed having him around to talk to. I could only hope that the same thing didn’t happen between Cara and Dylan.

“You know what I’m going to say about that. Just be careful that doesn’t backfire on you. Remember what happened with Ryan.” I didn’t want to sound preachy, but I felt the need to be the voice of reason.

“I remember. And I really don’t think I need to worry. Everyone could tell that Ryan was half in love with you even when you were dating Dane. It was bound to happen.”

“What? I didn’t know that! Why wouldn’t you have told me if you thought he was in love with me?” I was really shocked over this new information. I had never imagined that Ryan was feeling that way. I couldn’t believe that none of my friends had mentioned that it may not be a good idea to sleep with him.

“I guess we thought you knew. Would you have done things differently if you had known? You were having a great time with him.” Cara was right. I had enjoyed my time with Ryan, and I probably wouldn’t have listened to anyone if they would have said I should stop. You always think that you know best, even though your friends have a better perspective of the situation.

“That’s true. I guess I can’t give you too much crap, huh?”

“I know you’re just making sure I’m okay. So, how’s it like living with Braden?”

“Besides the fact that he only owns one towel and thinks that’s fine?” Cara raised her eyebrows at that. “It’s really great. It’s a little strange living with a guy after living with you and Sophie, but like you said, more bathroom time.”

“This is like your most serious relationship, right? How do you feel about that?” Cara had just touched on the one topic I wasn’t comfortable talking about yet.

“I’m not sure; I’m trying not to think about it. Whatever happens happens. I don’t want to say anything and jinx what we have. You know?”

“Yeah, I know. I think you guys are too cute. I’m glad the cohabiting is going well. I’d feel bad if I moved out and you ended up with a shitty roommate!”

“Somehow I doubt that living with Braden could ever be called shitty, so don’t worry! I’m just happy it worked for both of us.” I looked over at the clock on the wall of the food court. “I guess it’s time to go back to work. See you later, call me tonight.”

What I had told Cara was true; I was trying not to think about my relationship with Braden. I wasn’t quite ready to admit how much I loved him, or how much I wanted this to work. I was so used to being in casual, fun, easy relationships, that I was afraid of what I would do when things started to get hard. Would I lose it?

Would I turn into one of those girls that I hated the clingy, psychos who wouldn’t let go? I hoped not. I hadn’t really even told him that I loved him. I was pretty sure he knew, but neither of us had come right out and said it.

I thought about how great things had been going, how I would come home from work and there would be a little note waiting for me on the fridge.
“I’m at Dylan’s. Don’t miss me too much! Love, Braden.”
Or when he had a bath waiting for me when I got home from work one day, with candles burning and the book I was reading laid out next to it. He knew all the small ways to make me melt.

On the day that marked the three month anniversary of our first date, Braden surprised me with a beautiful date. When I got home from work there was a gorgeous purple dress lying on my bed, along with a killer pair of matching heeled sandals. After getting dresses I followed the instructions on the note that had been attached, and went outside. Braden was waiting for me at the front of the building with a huge bouquet of flowers. We went back to the first restaurant that he’d taken me to and had a very romantic dinner. It was even better then the time we went there before. And at the end of the meal, as we were sitting there, just enjoying each other, Braden leaned across the table and told me the one thing I had been dying to hear, “I love you, Ava.”

Of course after all that I told him I loved him too. I had been thinking about those three words a lot, wondering if I should say them, wondering if he would. It was a first for me, a huge step. Somehow along the way, I had turned into one of those bright eyed optimists, someone that thought love made the world go ‘round! I had a feeling that nothing could stop us, we could handle anything! No one had ever been in love quite like we were! It was silly, but I couldn’t stop myself, I was in serious trouble! I think it was called Love Denial!

CHAPTER 10
 

After the perfect beginning to our relationship there really wasn’t anywhere to go but down. I hadn’t wanted to think about the bad things or consider that things might not always stay the way they were. The honeymoon stage was over and I was sad to see it go.

I wasn’t quite sure when things started to deteriorate. It wasn’t one single thing that made me question our relationship; it was a slow shift in priorities, a change in attitude. Suddenly, it wasn’t as important for Braden to come home right after band practice. There was always time to have a beer with the guys, even if I was at home wondering where he was. I felt like an old crabby married lady, nagging on him all the time. ‘Where will you be? Will you be home late? Where are you practicing tonight?’ I’m sure that Braden hated every minute of my badgering, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.

It wasn’t a matter of not trusting him. I trusted Braden. It was more that I didn’t feel important anymore. At the start of our relationship, I was his number one priority. He called to make sure I knew where he was, even if he was only a few minutes late. He brought home food when I worked a long shift, and left me notes telling me he loved me, along with the location and phone number of where the band was practicing.

One of the reasons that I had always felt so connected with Braden was all the little things we did together. We loved going on drives, late at night, stopping for coffee somewhere along the way. We never really went anywhere, just drove around talking about all kinds of things, including our life together. When you share as much of yourself as we did, you end up feeling as if no one could ever know you as well as that person does.

We hadn’t had a chance to do anything together lately, let alone drive around for no reason at all. By the time Braden came home from practice, I was usually sleeping or faking it, so he wouldn’t see how upset I was.

I thought about my conversation with Cara, only six months ago. Everything seemed to be perfect then. I was living out my dream, playing house with a great guy, working at a job that I loved, and hanging out with my two best girlfriends. What could be better? I thought about the case of Love Denial that I had come down with. I was so sure that we were the ultimate lovers, right up there with Romeo and Juliet, Cinderella and Prince Charming, and Jennifer Gray and Patrick Swayze!

I had always imagined that when I fell in love, the man I gave my heart to would place me ahead of everything else. That was how I treated Braden, and I assumed that he’d do the same. But then again, you know what they say about assuming.

Now I was dealing with the idea that it wasn’t exactly the way I had hoped. I came about fourth on Braden’s list. There was his music, which I had come to find, would always be number one. Then there were his friends, most of who were in his band, that he always wanted to hang out with. After that came partying, and who wants to come after that?

I had tried to bring up the topic with Braden, but I was afraid of his reaction. After all, his parents had been so unsupportive. I didn’t want him to feel that disapproval from me. I loved his music and wanted him to succeed; I just didn’t want our relationship to fail because of it.

What I hated most was Braden’s jealousy. I never noticed it until his attention started moving away from me. We went a week or so

without spending much time together, and then he popped into the store to see me. I was busy with a male customer who was being pretty friendly. I didn’t think anything of it, since there were times when men were flirty with me a work. I normally ignore it or pass it off as an occupational hazard. Braden interrupted us in the middle of a sale, pulling me away, saying it was important. All he wanted to do was prove that he was with me. I was totally humiliated. I asked Braden if we could talk later, but by the time I got home, I just wanted to let it go. It didn’t seem like it was worth the trouble it would cause to get into it.

In the end, I chalked it up to his reaction to the tension between us. I knew that all the questions I had about us were causing me to get all crazy and antsy. Why couldn’t Braden be feeling the same? I wasn’t going to bring it up just in case.

A few weeks later, I came home from work one night, ready to put my feet up and spend some time with Braden. I had worked a ten hour shift after a part time employee had called in, and all I wanted was someone to vent to. When I had spoken to Braden earlier, it sounded like he would be home most of the night. But the apartment was dark when I walked in, a sure sign that he had changed his plans.

I changed into some comfy pajama pants and a tank top, made some soup, and settled down on the couch to wait for him. Once again, he hadn’t bothered to leave me a note, so I had no idea where he had gone or when he’d be back. I knew that if I tried hard enough, I could find him. I could call around to all his friends; I could hit the bars looking for him. But that was just a little over the top. I guess I wouldn’t make too big of a deal about it. It was just one night. I didn’t need to know what he was doing at all times. Who cared if his plans had changed? I wasn’t his mother. He was an adult; he was fully capable of taking care of himself. Maybe he hadn’t planned to be gone so long.