How to Fall in Love (9 page)

He studies my face. “You don’t understand what happened back then, and if you did, you wouldn’t question any of this.”

“I don’t understand because you wouldn’t tell me!” I screech. “You shut down, you pushed me out, you fell out of love with me and—”

“I never stopped loving you!” he roars. “God dammit, Ana, I never fucking stopped loving you.”

I stare at him, so much hurt flooding through my body. “You told me . . . you said it to my face,” I croak.

“I wanted you to hate me, I wanted you to fucking leave so I stopped . . .”

“Stop what?” I scream.

“So I stopped seeing you break right in front of my eyes, piece by fucking piece.”

I reach up and try to slap him, so angry. How dare he? How dare he make that choice for me? He made a conscious effort to push me away, to break my heart, and now he’s standing here telling me he did it for the better good? That he did it to protect me. That he still loves me. How fucking dare he?

“Don’t,” he hisses, jerking my fist to his chest and holding it there. “Don’t you hit me.”

“Or what?” I challenge. “What will you do, Max?”

“Ana, I’m warning you. Stop this.”

“Fuck you,” I scream. “Fuck you and everything you ever gave me. I wish I never laid eyes on you, Max. I wish I never fucking met you.”

My voice hitches on the last sentence and I drop my head.

“That’s not true,” he rasps. “You fucking know it’s not true.”

I don’t answer him.

He pushes me harder against the wall, his big body trapping mine in. I feel comfort, a strange protection I need so badly. I hate it. I don’t want to feel these things around him—I just want to stop loving him so I can move on with my life.

“I hate it,” he says, his voice low.

I look up at him. “You hate what?”

“The thought of his cock inside you. The thought of his lips on yours. The thought of his hands . . .”

“Don’t,” I whisper. “You gave that up.
You
. . . not me. You don’t get to be jealous about the idea of another man fucking me.”

He flinches, his entire body moving in one swift jerk. “Stop it.”

“Oh, you don’t like it?” I growl. “You don’t like the thought that another man is sliding his cock—”

“Enough!” he roars.

“No, fuck you,” I spit. “Fuck you, Max.”

He reaches over in a flash, curling his fist into my hair. “No fucking man touches what’s mine. Not now, not fucking ever.”

I open my mouth to protest but he slams his over mine. I’m shocked for a minute, and my entire body goes still. This does nothing to stop him. His mouth, his hot, hard mouth, moves over mine until I can’t help it. Desperation, hunger and a little alcohol take over and I kiss him back. I don’t do it softly; I shove my mouth angrily against his, wanting him to hurt, yet wanting to taste him at the same time.

He grunts, pushing his tongue into my mouth. I can taste a little blood, but I don’t care. I should care, but I don’t. I kiss him so hard, tangling my tongue with his, moaning and pressing my body against his. He’s my husband, God dammit; I deserve this. I need this. I want this. I can think of nothing else right now except jerking his jeans down, freeing his cock and letting him fuck me against this wall.

“Fuck me,” I gasp when he pulls his mouth from mine. “God dammit, fuck me, Max.”

He doesn’t even hesitate. He growls his approval and reaches down, hiking my dress up. He reaches for his jeans, jerks them down, and frees his cock. God, I’ve wanted this for so long. I’ve dreamed of it. I’ve always loved having Max inside me; there’s never been a time when it’s been boring, or dull. Every time he fucks me, he makes it count. Even in my pain, even in my heartbreak, every time I thought of him inside me, my body would heat with need.

“Hard,” I growl as he lifts my leg and puts it around his waist. He jerks my panties aside. “Make it hard.”

“Jesus,” he grunts, wrapping his hand around his cock and pressing it to my entrance.

He thrusts in without hesitation, driving his cock as deep as he can get it. I haven’t been with another man in five years, so there’s a pleasurable sting that radiates through my sex as he fills me. “You fucking lied,” he rasps, fingers pinching my ass as he pulls me closer. “No cock has been in here since mine.”

“I didn’t lie,” I pant. “You assumed.”

“Fuck,” he hisses as he slides out, and drives his cock home again. “Sweet as I fuckin’ remember.”

He starts fucking me hard against the wall, so hard the bare skin on my back slides over the bricks until I can feel the painful frication as my skin begins to peel off. I don’t care. I clutch Max, digging my fingernails into his arms, feeling his bulging muscles. I kiss him, soft and hard, deep and gentle, gasping his name as he pounds into me.

It takes me less than five minutes to come, and when I do it’s explosive. I drop my head into his shoulder and cry his name, muffling it against his sweat-dampened shirt. He hisses, grunts and his fingers press into my hip so hard I know it’ll bruise. He starts thrusting harder and harder, our skin slapping, our bodies tangled in the best way, and then he lets out a long, quick breath mixed with a moan and his body goes still. I can feel every exquisite pulse as he comes inside me, milking his cock until there’s nothing left.

He releases me and I drop my leg, letting him slide from my depths. Warm heat runs down my leg, but I do nothing to stop it. I just pull my panties back in place and look up into the deadly black eyes of the man I love so fucking much it hurts. I want to go home with him, tuck myself into his big body like I used to, and feel the comfort he brings, but I can’t. The eyes staring down at me—they belong to a deadly fighter that I don’t know.

I feel as if I just fucked a stranger, and yet, I feel a familiarity that doesn’t come with random one-night stands. I’m so confused, my heart the most.

“I need,” I say, my voice trembling. “I should go.”

Max straightens himself up, and I just pull down my dress when Rainer comes outside followed by Pippa. Max makes a pissed off sound in his throat and pushes off the wall, stepping back. Pippa and Rainer both look at me, then at Max, and I see Pippa’s face flush. Yeah, I guess it was that obvious what we just did.

“What the fuck do you want?” Max grunts, running his fingers through his hair. “Round two?”

Rainer says nothing, but instead turns to me. His face is messed up like Max’s, except he has two black eyes instead of a split lip. He’s also got a deep-looking cut on his cheek. “You need a ride home?”

“I’ll take her,” Max grunts.

Say what?

No.

If Max knows where I live, then I’ll never be able to make the right choices for Immy. She needs to enter this slowly, not with him showing up demanding to see her.

“No,” I say, stepping towards Rainer. “I’ll go with him.”

Max glares at me, and it’s Pippa who steps forward, smiling shyly at him. “I’ll take her to save all argument, okay?”

“Thought you didn’t fucking know her well?” Max grunts at Pippa.

She crosses her arms. “I know her better now.”

I know Max helped Pippa a few months back, when she got into some trouble with an enemy of Tyke’s MC. When she put two and two together, and figured out who he was, they had a conversation about me, and Pippa claimed she knew me but not well. She didn’t want to give too much away.

“Whatever,” Max grunts, his eyes flicking to me. “Give me your number.”

“No,” I say, stepping closer to Rainer.

His eyes flash. “You don’t get to hide now, Anabelle. You give me your number or I’ll go and sit at your mother’s house until she gives it to me.”

Fucking big jerk.

I lift my phone out of my purse and he pulls one from his jeans pocket. I rattle off my number and he punches it in, then he sends a text my way. I save his number and then turn to Pippa. “Can we go?”

“Of course.”

“I want to see her, Ana,” Max calls as I start walking away.

I freeze and turn, staring at him. “That’s not your call to make, it’s mine and I honestly don’t know how to take all of this right now. You need to let me think about the best way to do this, for her.”

He crosses his arms. “I’ll see her.”

Jesus.

I turn and disappear with Pippa, but the entire drive home, all I can smell is my husband on me.

And I miss it. So much.

~*~*~*~

W
e get home around midnight. So far, Pippa hasn’t asked me a thing about what happened with Max, though I’m sure she can figure it out. She said Rainer is fine, and assured me that everything would be well. I thank her as soon as we get in, and go straight to my bedroom. I text Tina and ask how Immy is going; she tells me she’s sound asleep and happy. Thank God.

I have a brief shower and then get into my PJs. I crawl into bed and stare up at the ceiling for a good long time, thinking about the night. Feeling Max inside me again was like experiencing him for the first time. I remember that so well—we were in the back of his truck when he took my virginity, lying on a blanket under the stars. It was perfect, and exactly how it should have been.

Tonight was rough, and hot, and I would do it all over again just to feel him that close, to breathe him in, to feel his body up against mine. At the thought, my body heats once more, and I find myself struggling to think about anything else. A tingle starts between my legs and it’s taking all my strength not to reach down and massage it out. I close my eyes, trying to distract myself, when my phone rings.

Sighing, I roll to my side and lift it off the bedside table, seeing Max’s number flashing on the screen. He’s calling me after what happened tonight? Why? I made it pretty clear I don’t want to talk to him. Still, I pick it up and roll to my back, answering. “I think we’ve said all that needs to be said.”

“Can’t stop thinking about your cunt wrapped around my dick.”

Well then, that isn’t what I expected. I lie in silent shock for a minute, not sure how to respond.

“I’m already hard for you again, Blue Belle.”

“Max,” I finally say, my voice giving me away. It’s thick and needy. “Why are you calling and telling me that?”

“Because I fucking need you.”

“What we just did was a—”

“Don’t you say the word mistake. Nothing we have done is a mistake.”

I snort. “Then you’re sadly mistaken.”

“Then you’re telling me you aren’t laying in your bed right now, pussy aching at the thought of what went down tonight?”

At his words, my pussy, the little betrayer, clenches.

“Max,” I rasp, because really, what am I going to say?

“I can’t stop thinking about it. I want nothing more right now than to taste you.”

I shiver. I remember what it was like to have Max’s mouth between my legs. It was an amazing feeling.

“Please stop,” I whisper.

“Tell me where you are?”

I blink. “Pardon me?”

“Tell me where you are. I need inside you again, fucking now.”

He’s kidding, right?

My heart flutters because a huge part of me wants to say yes, and another part wants to say no. The problem is, I struggle to say no when it comes to Max.

“I can’t . . . you can’t . . .”

“Where are you, Blue Belle?”

“Max, you can’t just . . .”

“Where. Are. You.”

Oh God.

“I need to put my dick in you. I need to taste your cunt. I need to feel you again. Fuck, I can’t get enough.”

Max knows how to turn it on when he wants something. He’s always been able to drop the dirty words and get my body eager and ready at the drop of a hat. I love his dirty mouth as much as I love him. Especially when he whispers it in my ear while he’s fucking me . . .

“Anabelle,” he growls, snapping me out of it. “Tell me where you are, or I’ll find you myself.”

“We both know you can’t do that.”

“Can’t I?” he challenges.

I swallow.

“If you don’t want my body anywhere near yours again after this night, I’ll respect that. I won’t give up trying to see my daughter, but I’ll respect you. But right now, I need to come and show you how fucking badly I’ve missed you. Now you either make that easy, or hard. Which is it going to be?”

His words both hurt and relieve me. I want him, but I want what’s best for my daughter more. If he promises to leave me alone and remove the pressure, then I might just be able to figure out something that works for all of us. But right now, Immy is safely tucked away sleeping at another house, and I’m here . . . desperate, body hot, wanting my husband.

I breathe the address into the phone before I can think twice about it.

He hangs up before anything more can be spoken.

Shit.

What did I just sign myself up for?

CHAPTER NINE

THEN – MAX – COLLEGE

Where the hell is she?

Belle and I are meant to be going to the yearly college charity ball together, but she’s not here yet. Demi protested in big ways when she assumed I would still take her. Of course that shit wasn’t going to happen. It’s like suddenly it hit her, that I’m really not coming back. She stormed out of the cafeteria screeching about revenge. Instead, I asked Belle. God, her face lit up like the Fourth of July.

Now she’s not here.

Maybe she’s nervous? She didn’t want me to pick her up; instead she wanted to meet me at the entrance. It was her thing, so I didn’t argue even though I didn’t like it. I should have picked her up. Everyone has gone inside, but she’s still not here. I can hear the soft music coming out of the door. Something isn’t right, Belle isn’t the kind to stand someone up. Fuck, things have been amazing between us. She wouldn’t do this.

I pull out the phone from my tuxedo jacket and glance down at it. Nothing.
Fuck
. I stare around once more then I decide to check inside. Maybe she came from a different direction and is already in there? I punch out a message to her, and then I enter the massive hall. People are dancing, eating, chatting and laughing. It’s kind of like the prom all over again. I scan the room, and catch Reese with Emily.

I wave to him, and he gives me a confused look. It’s like he’s asking where Belle is. Yeah, I know she’s not here.