How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (10 page)

Ask, “Can I change this situation?”

•
If you can, change it. (If the door squeaks, oil it!)

•
If you can’t, release it. (Give it to the Lord.)

Pray…

Lord,

You are sovereign over my life.

Because You know everything,

You know I feel a strong sense of
(
hurt, injustice, fear, or frustration
)
about
(
name the person or the situation
).

I release this situation into Your hands.

I thank You that You will use it
to further conform me to the character of Christ.

I trust You with my future and with me.

In Christ’s name I pray. Amen.

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul”

(P
SALM
143:8).

“
Anger
is one letter short of
danger.
” This saying is more than a catchy phrase; these words reflect a painful truth. When a tongue has not been
tamed, conversations can easily escalate out of control and people and relationships can be damaged.

•
Be willing to admit you are angry.

•
Be aware of when you feel anger.

•
Become aware of suppressing or repressing your anger because of fear.

•
Be willing to take responsibility for any inappropriate anger.

“He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy”

(P
ROVERBS
28:13).

•
How frequently do you feel angry? (Often? Sometimes? Never?)

•
How do you know when you are angry?

•
How do others know when you are angry?

•
How do you release your anger? Do you explode? Do you become teary-eyed? Do you joke or tease? Do you become sarcastic? Do you criticize? Do you become defensive?

“Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind”

(P
SALM
26:2).

•
Hurt:
Is the source of your anger hurt feelings from the words or actions of others?

•
Injustice:
Is the source of your anger an emotional response to the unjust actions of someone toward another person?

•
Fear:
Is the source of your anger a feeling of loss or fear?

•
Frustration:
Is the source of your anger frustration because something didn’t go as you planned?

“I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity”

(1 C
HRONICLES
29:17).

•
Are you expecting others to meet your standards?

— “She
should
take better care of her children.”

— “He
ought
to notice what I do for him.”

— “He
must
be here before 7:00 p.m.”

— “She had
better not
call during dinner!”

•
Are you guilty of distorted thinking?

—
Exaggerating
the situation

—
Assumin
g the worst

—
Labeling
one action based on other actions

—
Generalizin
g by saying, “you never” or “you always”

“A wicked man puts up a bold front, but an upright man gives thought to his ways”

(P
ROVERBS
21:29).

Anger is often used as a tactic to get inner needs met.

•
Do you use anger as a manipulative ploy to demand certain “musts” in an attempt to
feel loved?

•
Do you use explosive anger to get your way in an attempt to
feel significant?

•
Do you use controlling anger, insisting on certain conditions in order to
feel secure
?

•
Do you know only Christ can ultimately meet all your inner needs for
love, significance,
and
security?

“My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus”

(P
HILIPPIANS
4:19).

Instead of demanding that others meet your inner needs for
love, significance,
and
security,
learn to look to the Lord to meet your needs.

•
“Lord, though I would like to feel more
love
from others, I know You love me unconditionally.”

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness”

(J
EREMIAH
31:3).

•
“Lord, though I would like to feel more
significant
to those around me, I know I am significant in Your eyes.”

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the L
ORD
, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’”

(J
EREMIAH
29:11).

•
“Lord, though I wish I felt more
secure
in my relationships, I know I am secure in my relationship with You.”

“The L
ORD
is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

(P
SALM
118:6).

•
“Lord, though I wish others would be more responsive to my needs, I know You have promised to meet all my needs.”

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness”

(2 P
ETER
1:3).

Take the steps listed below as outlined in Philippians 2:2-8:

“Make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of
you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross!”

(P
HILIPPIANS
2:2-8).

•
Determine
whether your anger is really justified.

“A wicked man puts up a bold front, but an upright man gives thought to his ways”

(P
ROVERBS
21:29).

•
Decide
on the appropriate response.

“[There is] a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak”

(E
CCLESIASTES
3:7).

— How important is the issue?

— Would a good purpose be served if I mention it?

— Should I acknowledge my anger only to the Lord?

•
Depend
on the Holy Spirit for guidance.

“When he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come”

(J
OHN
16:13).

•
Develop
constructive dialogue when you confront.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone”

(C
OLOSSIANS
4:6).

—
Don’t
speak from a heart of unforgiveness.

Do
think before you speak.

—
Don’t
use phrases such as “How could you?” or “Why can’t you?”

Do
use personal statements such as “I feel…”

—
Don’t
bring up past grievances.

Do
stay focused on the present issue.

—
Don’t
assume that the other person is wrong.

Do
listen for feedback from another point of view.

—
Don’t
expect instant understanding.

Do
be patient and keep responding with gentleness.

“Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone”

(P
ROVERBS
25:15).

•
Demonstrate
the grace of God, by saying to yourself…