How to Win Friends and Influence People (21 page)

sympathy with their idiosyncrasies.

For three years, he was impresario for Feodor Chaliapin -

one of the greatest bassos who ever thrilled the

ritzy boxholders at the Metropolitan, Yet Chaliapin was

a constant problem. He carried on like a spoiled child.

To put it in Mr. Hurok’s own inimitable phrase: “He

was a hell of a fellow in every way.”

For example, Chaliapin would call up Mr. Hurok

about noun of the day he was going to sing and say, “Sol,

I feel terrible. My throat is like raw hamburger. It is

impossible for me to sing tonight.” Did Mr. Hurok argue

with him? Oh, no. He knew that an entrepreneur

couldn’t handle artists that way. So he would rush over

to Chaliapin’s hotel, dripping with sympathy. “What a

pity, "  he would mourn. “What a pity! My poor fellow.

Of course, you cannot sing. I will cancel the engagement

at once. It will only cost you a couple of thousand dollars,

but that is nothing in comparison to your reputation."

Then Chaliapin would sigh and say, “Perhaps you had

better come over later in the day. Come at five and see

how I feel then.”

At five o’clock, Mr. Hurok would again rush to his

hotel, dripping with sympathy. Again he would insist on

canceling the engagement and again Chaliapin would

sigh and say, “Well, maybe you had better come to see

me later. I may be better then.”

At seven-thirty the great basso would consent to sing,

only with the understanding that Mr. Hurok would walk

out on the stage of the Metropolitan and announce that

Chaliapin had a very bad cold and was not in good voice.

Mr. Hurok would lie and say he would do it, for he

knew that was the only way to get the basso out on the

stage.

Dr. Arthur I. Gates said in his splendid book
Educational

Psychology:
“Sympathy the human species universally

craves. The child eagerly displays his injury; or

even inflicts a cut or bruise in order to reap abundant

sympathy. For the same purpose adults . . . show their

bruises, relate their accidents, illness, especially details

of surgical operations. ‘Self-pity’ for misfortunes real or

imaginary is in some measure, practically a universal

practice."

So, if you want to win people to your way of thinking,

put in practice . . .

PRINCIPLE 9

Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas

and desires.

AN APPEAL THAT EVERYBODY LIKES

I was reared on the edge of the Jesse James country out

in Missouri, and I visited the James farm at Kearney,

Missouri, where the son of Jesse James was then

living.

His wife told me stories of how Jesse robbed trains

and held up banks and then gave money to the neighboring

farmers to pay off their mortgages.

Jesse James probably regarded himself as an idealist

at heart, just as Dutch Schultz, "Two Gun” Crowley, Al

Capone and many other organized crime “godfathers”

did generations later. The fact is that all people you meet

have a high regard for themselves and like to be fine and

unselfish in their own estimation.

J. Pierpont Morgan observed, in one of his analytical

interludes, that a person usually has two reasons for

doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one.

The person himself will think of the real reason. You

don’t need to emphasize that. But all of us, being idealists

at heart, like to think of motives that sound good.

So, in order to change people, appeal to the nobler

motives.

Is that too idealistic to work in business? Let’s see.

Let’s take the case of Hamilton J. Farrell of the Farrell-Mitchell

Company of Glenolden, Pennsylvania. Mr. Farrell

had a disgruntled tenant who threatened to move.

The tenant’s lease still had four months to run; nevertheless,

he served notice that he was vacating immediately,

regardless of lease.

"These people had lived in my house all winter - the

most expensive part of the year,” Mr. Farrell said as he

told the story to the class, “and I knew it would be difficult

to rent the apartment again before fall. I could see

all that rent income going over the hill and believe me,

I saw red.

“Now, ordinarily, I would have waded into that tenant

and advised him to read his lease again. I would have

pointed out that if he moved, the full balance of his rent

would fall due at once - and that I could,
and would,

move to collect.

“However, instead of flying off the handle and making

a scene, I decided to try other tactics. So I started like

this: ‘Mr. Doe,’ I said, ‘I have listened to your story,

and I still don’t believe you intend to move. Years in

the renting business have taught me something about

human nature, and I sized you up in the first place as

being a man of your word. In fact, I’m so sure of it that

I’m willing to take a gamble.

" ‘Now, here’s my proposition. Lav your decision on

the table for a few days and think it over. If you come

back to me between now and the first of the month,

when your rent is due, and tell me you still intend to

move, I give you my word I will accept your decision as

final. I will privilege you to move and admit to myself

I’ve been wrong in my judgment. But I still believe

you’re a man of your word and will live up to your contract.

For after all, we are either men or monkeys - and

the choice usually lies with ourselves!’

“Well, when the new month came around, this gentleman

came to see me and paid his rent in person. He and

his wife had talked it over, he said - and decided to stay.

They had concluded that the only honorable thing to do

was to live up to their lease.”

When the late Lord Northcliffe found a newspaper

using a picture of him which he didn’t want published,

he wrote the editor a letter. But did he say, “Please do

not publish that picture of me any more;
I
don’t like it”?

No, he appealed to a nobler motive. He appealed to the

respect and love that all of us have for motherhood. He

wrote, “Please do not publish that picture of me any

more. My mother doesn’t like it.”

When John D. Rockefeller, Jr., wished to stop newspaper

photographers from snapping pictures of his children,

he too appealed to the nobler motives. He didn’t,

say: “I don’t want their pictures published.” No, he appealed

to the desire, deep in all of us, to refrain from

harming children. He said: “You know how it is, boys.

You’ve got children yourselves, some of you. And you

know it’s not good for youngsters to get too much publicity.”

When Cyrus H. K. Curtis, the poor boy from Maine,

was starting on his meteoric career, which was destined

to make him millions as owner of
The Saturday Evening

Post
and the
Ladies’ Home Journal
, he couldn’t afford to

pay his contributors the prices that other magazines

paid. He couldn’t afford to hire first-class authors to

write for money alone. So he appealed to their nobler

motives. For example, he persuaded even Louisa May

Alcott, the immortal author of
Little Women
, to write for

him when she was at the flood tide of her fame; and he

did it by offering to send a check for a hundred dollars,

not to her, but to her favorite charity.

Right here the skeptic may say: “Oh, that stuff is all

right for Northcliffe and Rockefeller or a sentimental

novelist. But, I’d like to see you make it work with the

tough babies I have to collect bills from!”

You may be right. Nothing will work in all cases - and

nothing will work with all people. If you are satisfied

with the results you are now getting, why change? If you

are not satisfied, why not experiment?

At any rate, I think you will enjoy reading this

true story told by James L. Thomas, a former student of

mine:

Six customers of a certain automobile company refused

to pay their bills for servicing. None of the customers

protested the entire bill, but each claimed that some

one charge was wrong. In each case, the customer had

signed for the work done, so the company knew it was

right - and said so. That was the first mistake.

Here are the steps the men in the credit department

took to collect these overdue bills. Do you suppose they

succeeded?

1. They called on each customer and told him

bluntly that they had come to collect a bill that was

long past due.

2. They made it very plain that the company was

absolutely and unconditionally right; therefore he,

the customer, was absolutely and unconditionally

wrong.

3. They intimated that they, the company, knew

more about automobiles than he could ever hope to

know. So what was the argument about?

4. Result: They argued.

Did any of these methods reconcile the customer and

settle the account? You
can answer that one yourself.

At this stage of affairs, the credit manager was about to

open fire with a battery of legal talent, when fortunately

the matter came to the attention of the general manager.

The manager investigated these defaulting clients and

discovered that they all had the reputation of paying

their bills promptly, Something was wrong here - something

was drastically wrong about the method of collection.

So he called in James L. Thomas and told him to

collect these “uncollectible” accounts.

Here, in his words, are the steps Mr. Thrrmas took:

1. My visit to each customer was likewise to collect a bill

long past due - a bill that we knew was absolutely right.

But I didn’t say a word about that. I explained I had called

to find out what it was the company had done, or failed to

do.

2. I made it clear that, until I had heard the customer’s

story, I had no opinion to offer. I told him the company

made no claims to being infallible.

3. I told him I was interested only in his car, and that he

knew more about his car than anyone else in the world; that

he was the authority on the subject.

4. I let him talk, and I listened to him with all the interest

and sympathy that he wanted - and had expected.

5. Finally, when the customer was in a reasonable mood,

I put the whole thing up to his sense of fair play. I appealed

to the nobler motives. “First,” I said, "I want you to know

I also feel this matter has been badly mishandled. You’ve

been inconvenienced and annoyed and irritated by one of

our representatives. That should never have happened. I’m

sorry and, as a representative of the company, I apologize.

As I sat here and listened to your side of the story, I could

not help being impressed by your fairness and patience.

And now, because you are fair - minded and patient, I am

going to ask you to do something for me. It’s something that

you can do better than anyone else, something you know

more about than anyone else. Here is your bill; I know it is

safe for me to ask you to adjust it, just as you would do if

you were the president of my company. I am going to leave

it all up to you. Whatever you say goes.”

Did he adjust the bill? He certainly did, and got quite a

kick out of it, The bills ranged from $150 to $400 - but did

the customer give himself the best of it? Yes, one of them

did! One of them refused to pay a penny of the disputed

charge; but the other five all gave the company the best of

it! And here’s the cream of the whole thing: we delivered

new cars to all six of these customers within the next two

years!

“Experience has taught me,” says Mr. Thomas, "that

when no information can be secured about the customer,

the only sound basis on which to proceed is to assume

that he or she is sincere, honest, truthful and willing and

anxious to pay the charges, once convinced they are correct.

To put it differently and perhaps mare clearly, people

are honest and want to discharge their obligations.

The exceptions to that rule are comparatively few, and I

am convinced that the individuals who are inclined to

chisel will in most cases react favorably if you make

them feel that you consider them honest, upright and fair."

PRINCIPLE 10

Appeal to the nobler motives.

THE MOVIES DO IT. TV DOES IT.

WHY DON’T YOU DO IT?

Many years ago, the Philadelphia
Evening Bulletin was

being maligned by a dangerous whispering campaign. A

malicious rumor was being circulated. Advertisers were

being told that the newspaper was no longer attractive

to readers because it carried too much advertising and

too little news. Immediate action was necessary. The

gossip had to be squelched.

But how?

This is the way it was done.

The
Bulletin
clipped from its regular edition all reading

matter of all kinds on one average day, classified it,

and published it as a book. The book was called
One

Day.
It contained 307 pages - as many as a hard-covered

book; yet the
Bulletin
had printed all this news and feature

material on one day and sold it, not for several dollars,

but for a few cents.

The printing of that book dramatized the fact that the

Bulletin
carried an enormous amount of interesting

reading matter. It conveyed the facts more vividly, more

interestingly, more impressively, than pages of figures

and mere talk could have done.

This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth

isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting,

dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do

it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you

want attention.

Experts in window display know the power of dramazation.

For example, the manufacturers of a new rat

poison gave dealers a window display that included two

live rats. The week the rats were shown, sales zoomed

to five times their normal rate.

Television commercials abound with examples of the

use of dramatic techniques in selling products. Sit down

one evening in front of your television set and analyze

what the advertisers do in each of their presentations.

You will note how an antacid medicine changes the

color of the acid in a test tube while its competitor

doesn’t, how one brand of soap or detergent gets a greasy

shirt clean when the other brand leaves it gray. You’ll

see a car maneuver around a series of turns and curves

- far better than just being told about it. Happy faces

will show contentment with a variety of products. All of

these dramatize for the viewer the advantages offered by

whatever is being sold - and they do get people to buy

them.

You can dramatize your ideas in business or in any

other aspect of your life. It’s easy. Jim Yeamans, who

sells for the NCR company (National Cash Register) in

Richmond, Virginia, told how he made a sale by dramatic

demonstration.

“Last week I called on a neighborhood grocer and saw

that the cash registers he was using at his checkout

counters were very old-fashioned. I approached the

owner and told him: ‘You are literally throwing away

pennies every time a customer goes through your line.’

With that I threw a handful of pennies on the floor.

He quickly became more attentive. The mere words

should have been of interest to him, but the sound of

Pennies hitting the floor really stopped him. I was able

to get an order from him to replace all of his old

machines.”

It works in home life as well. When the old-time lover

Proposed to his sweetheart, did he just use words of

love? No! He went down on his knees. That really

showed he meant what he said. We don’t propose on our

knees any more, but many suitors still set up a romantic

atmosphere before they pop the question.

Dramatizing what you want works with children as

well. Joe B. Fant, Jr., of Birmingham, Alabama, was having

difficulty getting his five-year-old boy and three-year-

old daughter to pick up their toys, so he invented a

“train.” Joey was the engineer (Captain Casey Jones) on

his tricycle. Janet’s wagon was attached, and in the evening

she loaded all the “coal” on the caboose (her

wagon) and then jumped in while her brother drove her

around the room. In this way the room was cleaned up

- without lectures, arguments or threats.

Mary Catherine Wolf of Mishawaka, Indiana, was having

some problems at work and decided that she had to

discuss them with the boss. On Monday morning she

requested an appointment with him but was told he was

very busy and she should arrange with his secretary for

an appointment later in the week. The secretary indicated

that his schedule was very tight, but she would try

to fit her in.

Ms. Wolf described what happened:

"I did not get a reply from her all week long. Whenever

I questioned her, she would give me a reason why

the boss could not see me. Friday morning came and I

had heard nothing definite. I really wanted to see him

and discuss my problems before the weekend, so I asked

myself how I could get him to see me.

“What I finally did was this. I wrote him a formal letter.

I indicated in the letter that I fully understood how

extremely busy he was all week, but it was important

that I speak with him. I enclosed a form letter and a self-

addressed envelope and asked him to please fill it out or

ask his secretary to do it and return it to me. The form

letter read as follows:

Ms. Wolf - I will be able to see you on __________ a t

__________A.M/P.M. I will give you _____minutes of

my time.

"I put this letter in his in-basket at 11 A.M. At 2 P.M. I

checked my mailbox. There was my self-addressed envelope.

He had answered my form letter himself and

indicated he could see me that afternoon and could give

me ten minutes of his time. I met with him, and we

talked for over an hour and resolved my problems.

“If I had not dramatized to him the fact that I really

wanted to see him, I would probably be still waiting for

an appointment.”

James B. Boynton had to present a lengthy market report.

His firm had just finished an exhaustive study for a

leading brand of cold cream. Data were needed immediately

about the competition in this market; the prospective

customer was one of the biggest - and most

formidable - men in the advertising business.

And his first approach failed almost before he began.

“The first time I went in,” Mr. Boynton explains, "I

found myself sidetracked into a futile discussion of the

methods used in the investigation. He argued and I argued.

He told me I was wrong, and I tried to prove that

I was right.

"I finally won my point, to my own satisfaction - but

my time was up, the interview was over, and I still

hadn’t produced results.

"The second time, I didn’t bother with tabulations of

figures and data, I went to see this man, I dramatized my

facts I.

“As I entered his office, he was busy on the phone.

While he finished his conversation, I opened a suitcase

and dumped thirty-two jars of cold cream on top of his

desk - all products he knew - all competitors of his

cream.

“On each jar, I had a tag itemizing the results of the

trade investigation, And each tag told its story briefly,

dramatically.

“What happened?

“There was no longer an argument. Here was something

new, something different. He picked up first one

and then another of the jars of cold cream and read the

information on the tag. A friendly conversation developed.

He asked additional questions. He was intensely

interested. He had originally given me only ten minutes

to present my facts, but ten minutes passed, twenty minutes,

forty minutes, and at the end of an hour we were

still talking.

“I was presenting the same facts this time that I had

presented previously. But this time I was using dramatization,

showmanship - and what a difference it made.”