Hunter - Big Girls & Bad Boys (7 page)

“So, you didn’t know?” Penny asked me.

“We met at a party and it never came up,” I said instead of explaining the way things really happened. Christmas breakfast wasn’t the time and place to explain the details of our first meeting, if there was such a time and place.

“How did two boring people like us have such interesting kids?” Nate asked, tongue in cheek.

“Boring? Ha!” Indigo said. I looked around the table wondering what that meant.

“Go ahead, Indi,” Penny said to her daughter and then turned to me. “She loves doing this,” Penny told me.

“So, mom and dad come off as all normal and boring but they aren’t,” Indigo began but her mom piped in.

“This is where she exaggerates,” Penny told me. I looked at Hunter and found him and his father watching the proceedings, apparently enjoying the back and forth. I looked back at Indigo.

“I don’t exaggerate. You’re swingers,” she said. I glanced at Penny and Nate and then Hunter, somewhat shocked.

“We’re not swingers. We go to strip clubs occasionally and we had a threesome once,” Penny said defensively but not in anger or shame.

“Actually we had many threesomes but only with one other woman,” Nate corrected.

“Right. We’re probably scaring poor Mel,” Penny said. Hunter laughed.

“I doubt it,” he said. I stared at him, wondering why he said that and then looked back at Penny.

“You’re not scaring me. I...I think that’s cool. That you can be so open about it,” I said and I meant it. I couldn’t imagine my parents discussing such things with me or even with each other for that matter.

“See, Mel doesn’t think we’re weirdos,” Penny told her daughter. It was all in good fun and no one was upset. I was getting the sense that there was a dynamic that most people would find odd. Nate and Penny, the seemingly normal couple, were actually quite adventurous while their daughter, the young, hot lesbian that everyone would likely assume had a wild sex life, was actually a little uptight. I found it amusing.

“I don’t think you’re weirdos. But you’re not the boring old couple you play at,” Indigo said. I caught the amused expression on Sandy’s face. She was used to this it seemed. She smiled at me.

“This is all normal. I thought when Indigo came out and introduced me to the family, they would freak. Far from it,” Sandy told me. I glanced at Hunter and he nodded.

“Yeah, after mom admitted she was bi and that the woman we called Aunt Sylvia was their lover for three years when we were kids, Indigo admitting she was into girls wasn’t that big of a deal,” he explained. Sylvia? He couldn’t mean...

“From the shelter? That Sylvia?” I wondered aloud and immediately wondered if I’d gone too far. I hadn’t.

“That’s the one,” Nate said. Penny shook her head and blushed. This was almost surreal but despite all the sordid revelations, I sensed nothing but love and acceptance. Still, it seemed unusual. Maybe it was uncommon for a family to be so open and honest, not to mention supportive of one another. Maybe Hunter’s family was the way it was supposed to be even if it wasn’t all that common in my experience. But I wasn’t closed-minded or shy.

“My compliments, Penny. You have good taste in women,” I remarked brazenly. Her eyes went wide and she blushed even deeper.

“Stop it! Look, we’ve already corrupted the poor girl. We’ve turned her into one of us,” she said and smiled at me as she shook her head. Hunter and Nate laughed together. Soon, we were all laughing. The rest of the day went much the same. It was explained to me after we ate that the family decided to forego gifts after Hunter and Indigo became adults. Instead of opening gifts, we gathered around the tree as Penny and Nate opened special bottles of wine and scotch they’d been saving for the occasion.

Nate poured the scotch for Hunter and himself. Penny poured the Cabernet for the rest of us as Indigo passed the glasses around. We drank and talked, Penny sitting on the arm of Nate’s chair, Indigo laying between Sandy’s legs on the love seat and Hunter sat with his arm around me on the sofa. The tree sparkled and the fire warmed the room.

I couldn’t imagine a more perfect Christmas scene and I felt comfortable here with Hunter’s family. They weren’t what I expected but honestly, they were what I would have hoped for. Later, we watched the Warriors play the Knicks on TV. I wasn’t a big sports fan but it was fun anyway. Indigo wasn’t big on basketball either and we ended up in the kitchen together readying some snacks.

“How did you meet Hunter?” She asked.

“At a party back in September,” I told her.

“I wondered if it was when he was home on liberty over Labor day,” she said.

“I guess...we hit it off...until I began spouting off about the wars. He showed me his tattoo, we argued and he left me alone. We haven’t seen each other since,” I explained.

“So, how did you end up together again?” she wondered.

“I was working at the shelter yesterday and he was there. We had a little confrontation outside the shelter but ended up...well, we ended up back at my dorm room,” I said. Indigo smiled knowingly.

“My brother, the smooth operator,” she remarked as we prepared the snacks.

“Yeah, he is that,” I agreed.

“I’m surprised he didn’t tell you about me,” Indigo said.

“He only mentioned you we’re a vegan,” I told her. She laughed.

“Of course, he did. I’m not vegan. It’s a joke,” she told me.

“I don’t get it,” I admitted. I did notice she was eating eggs and had bacon on her plate at breakfast.

“It’s his code word for lesbian. It’s not as coarse as vagitarian,” she said and rolled her eyes.

“Oh,” was all I said.

“He thinks he’s funny. Stupid jarhead,” she said with affection. I laughed. “What?” Indigo asked me.

“That’s what I call him. Stupid jarhead,” I told her. Indigo held up her hand and I high fived her as we both laughed at Hunter’s expense. As if on cue, Hunter came into the kitchen.

“What are you two up to?” he asked suspiciously.

“I was just talking to your sister about becoming a vegan,” I told him. Hunter narrowed his eyes and glared at me.

“I wish,” he said and grinned.

“Stupid jarhead,” I said in unison with Indigo. We laughed and left Hunter standing there as we grabbed the snack trays and took them to the living room. The rest of the day was much the same. We laughed and joked, talked and told stories. We just enjoyed the company of family and I felt like I fit in, or rather, Hunter’s family made me feel like I fit in.

I could almost imagine it was all real and this was my life. It wasn’t, however. I liked Hunter a lot but I barely knew him. I went to school in Berkeley and he was stationed in southern California. It was probably just a fling for him and honestly, he was probably just a fling for me. We came from different worlds that were at odds with one another.

We might have been closer in our views than I thought at first blush but that didn’t mean the differences between us were insubstantial. What would my friends say? What would Hunter’s buddies say? How could it ever work between a Marine and an anti-war activist? It probably couldn’t.

I mostly listened as Christmas day passed. Listened and pondered my situation. I envied Hunter his family. I wish my own family was this close and accepting. I enjoyed the day but it was bittersweet. I knew that as much as I wanted something like this for myself, my time with Hunter and his family couldn’t last. I was surprised to find I was hesitant to go back to my own life and leave the fantasy behind but I knew I would. I had no choice.

At nearly six that evening after a truly pleasant day, I said my goodbyes and thanked Hunter’s family for their hospitality. We all pretended this would happen again at some point but I knew somehow it wouldn’t. I’d go back to school and Hunter would head back to southern California. We’d try to stay in touch, we might even meet up if he was visiting, but we would drift apart. That was the way of things, I had decided.

“What’s the matter?” he asked me as we headed back to my dorm.

“Nothing,” I lied.

“You’re quiet,” he observed.

“I’m just tired. I want to be alone with you,” I said. I wanted more, much more, with Hunter. As the idea that this was temporary sank in I discovered I wanted it to be permanent. Or maybe it was the other way around. Maybe as I considered the possibility that Hunter and I might be going somewhere together, I found excuses not to.

“I told my mom I wouldn’t be home,” he told me.

“You don’t have to stay if you’d rather be with your family,” I said but I didn’t mean it. I wanted as much time with Hunter as I could get. Unfortunately, I was already pulling away from him.

“I’d rather be with you,” he told me and after a pause, he said what I knew he had to at some point. “I go back the day after tomorrow,” he said.

“I knew it would be soon,” I admitted.

“We can make the most of it,” he told me.

“We can,” I agreed. And make the most of it we did. Hunter and I made love that night and again the next morning. The world wasn’t fully geared up after the holiday but enough of it was up and running. We drove into the city, San Francisco, for lunch and to see the sights. I loved San Francisco but I didn’t go often. I was a poor college student, after all.

It was a perfect day. I imagined at times that Hunter and I were really dating but those pleasant thoughts were usually shattered by the reality, as I saw it anyway, that we could never be a real couple. There was too much to overcome. It wasn’t meant to be.

We parted that evening. Hunter had packing to do and an early flight to San Diego. He dropped me at my dorm before heading home.

“I wish I didn’t have to go,” he told me.

“You need to go back to your life,” I said. I had been disengaging on some level all day. I think Hunter sensed it and reacted as he recognized the intent in my statement.

“This doesn’t have to be the end,” he told me.

“But it will be,” I said. Hunter frowned.

“We hooked up again. Even after I was such a jerk and you were so mouthy,” he told me. I laughed despite myself. Why did it have to be so easy to like Hunter?

“Mouthy? Really? Look, you have your life and I have mine. You’re a Marine and I’m...we might have some things in common but there is a big rift between us. I like you but let’s be real. This was a nice fling. Maybe in another life but not in this one,” I said. Hunter pulled back from me, a slight shift in body language but it was there.

“Sounds like you’re breaking up with me,” he said.

“I didn’t know we were going out,” I said. Hunter was visibly hurt by that. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’ve just been thinking and we can’t be together. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be,” I explained.

“Well, why can’t we. I’m in the military. Long distance relationships are a part of my life,” he told me.

“That’s not all of it and you know it. We’re just different people with different outlooks. There are too many hurdles,” I replied.

“Sounds pretty absolute,” he said. Why was this so hard? Why couldn’t he see what I saw so I didn’t have to do this?

“Look, I just don’t want to get hurt. It was nice, no it was fantastic. But we need to face facts. We’re two ships and we’re passing in the night,” I said.

“That’s not how I see it. I see it as we found one another...twice. I’m willing to fight for you,” Hunter told me. Inside, I was fighting too. Part of me was screaming to stop being so obtuse. I couldn’t bring myself to heed those urgings though. I had decided, quite arbitrarily, that Hunter and I couldn’t work. It was fear, plain and simple.

Fear of getting hurt was part of it but there was more. I was afraid of what others might think. I was afraid of being judged. My life was built around protesting and resisting what Hunter had embraced. I was making a choice to continue on the path of my life, to reject Hunter and how he made me feel. I promised myself it was for the better and that I cherished my activism over my own happiness.

“I’m sorry, Hunter. Let’s just say goodbye. I’ll always cherish the memories,” I said. He just stood there, staring past me blankly. I stood on my toes and kissed him. He let me do it but the kiss was cold and lifeless. Sadness overwhelmed me but I stuffed it down inside, sure I was doing what had to be done...for both of us. I’d hurt Hunter but I was saving him from more pain later down the road.

“Okay, Mel. It’s been real,” Hunter said and left me alone. Just like that night back in September when he left me sitting at the Japanese steakhouse. But this time I wasn’t angry. I was confused, sad and conflicted. I chose to pretend otherwise. I watched as Hunter drove out of my life. I went inside to my empty dorm room, undressed and climbed into bed. I’d never felt as alone as I did laying there without Hunter.