Husband Sit (Husband #1) (31 page)

Yet
even as I tried to bolster my anger at him, I remembered Angela’s thoughtful
gaze as I’d told her the story. She’d probably been thinking I was too rash,
pushing him away—probably remembering when I’d walked away from Doug that day,
having decided that the boredom of our relationship would drive me slowly mad
if I didn’t escape it. She’d wanted me to reconsider my decision, but I’d known
it was over, and I still had no regrets about that parting of the ways.

I
hoped like hell it would be the same with Finn. Only, when I’d left Doug I’d
felt relieved. This time I felt empty and numb. While I’d been focused on
Angela’s sadness, I’d been able to push my own emotions away. But as her mood
lifted, mine sank, until it was almost impossible to keep laughing and
bantering.

So
when my phone rang—which it never did—I jumped on it as a welcomed distraction.
I was sure it would be Finn, so I planned to block the call, but was Louella,
and I had no idea why she would be ringing me.

I
put the phone to my ear. “Missy Lou?”

This
prompted Ange to start a pantomime of
hush hush
fingers against her
lips, which required a reciprocal hand gesture from me of
I know, I won’t
tell her about the vasectomy
, all while trying to listen to what sounded
like an invitation.

“...
and
Marcus has invited Doug, who has agreed to come
.” There was a pause, but I
was so stunned by that revelation, I had no ready response. “
I can only
imagine he’s match-making, and I apologize for that,
” she went on. “
But
he wouldn’t be deterred. He insisted I ask you to come alone and stay for the
weekend. Fritha is coming with a guest, and of course I’ll invite Angela and
Daniel
.”

When
I got over my
what the fuck
reaction, I landed at,
what the hell is
she thinking?
“I’m not getting back with Doug. That’s ridiculous. I’m not
coming.”

Across
the table, Ange’s eyes widened at the mention of Doug’s name.

“
Jillian,
”
Missy Lou said, in her coolest Rose Bay voice. “
I don’t ask much of you, but
I’m asking this. Be nice to Doug at my home for two days. I want him here.
”

My
face went suddenly hot. Did she suspect that Marcus had a crush on Doug? Was
she trying to set them up? How could that work? Doug didn’t have a gay bone in
his body –that I knew of, anyway.

I
swallowed down my own misgivings. “I’ll only do it if he’s sleeping in a
separate room.” A part of me was standing outside my body, aghast that I’d say
such a thing. Two days with Doug? It would be awkward-times-ten.

“
Marcus
has already organized Doug into a room of his own
.”

Oh
my God, that was too convenient. “All right then.” There really was nothing
else for me to say.

I
ended the call and put the phone down. “She wants us all at her house for the
weekend. In a fortnight.”

“And
Doug?”

“I
know. Right?”

“What’s
the occasion?”

I
shook my head. I’d been too shocked to ask.

“Perhaps
she’s got a new kitchen to show off.”

It
wasn’t often that Ange let her inner bitch out, but there’d been rivalry
between the two of them since the time they’d both married, each trying to outdo
the other as the best wife. It was cruel irony that neither was happy in their
marriage, but I wasn’t about to tell Ange that. She’d always expected to have
children, which would have trumped finances in her view of family, but now that
wouldn’t happen. Which meant, Missy Lou was about to be the winner in Ange’s
eyes, and the planned weekend would only rub her nose in it.

“I’m
not going,” she sniffed, and took a sip of her latte.

I
could have let it go at that, but I knew Missy Lou needed moral support, and
Angel would too, whenever she decided what to do about her marriage. So I said,
“Donny will want to go. You know he loves hobnobbing with Marcus, talking about
business.”

She
glanced at me over her coffee and frowned.

“And
Doug thinks you’re sexy. It will do Donny good to see other men slobbering over
you.” Not that Doug was the slobbering type. But in the past, he and I had
discussed the fact that Ange was stunning, and wasted on a twit like Donny. So
I knew he found her attractive.

She
seemed to consider that. “I could never get Danny to the club.”

“Exactly.
He needs to see that you’re desirable to other men. It will make him crazy.” I
had no idea whether that was true, but I could certainly ask Doug to give her
compliments. In the few conversations I’d had with Doug since I’d left, he’d
been civil, and I hadn’t been anything more than civil in return.
Friendly
might encourage him to think I wanted him back, so apart from sorting out joint
possessions, I’d avoided him completely. He had no reason to be cranky with me,
however, so maybe it wouldn’t be as terrible as I imagined.

“So,”
Ange said, “Doug mustn’t have a girlfriend yet.”

“Or
maybe he’s leaving her behind.”

“To
spend a weekend with you? What woman would allow that?”

“True.”
And no way would Doug lie about it. That just wasn’t in his nature.
Unlike
Finn
. “Yeah, I guess he’s single. But I’ll make it clear that I’m there
under duress.”

“No
need to be rude.”

“I
don’t want him to think there’s any way we’ll get back together.”

Her
frown deepened. “Doug is a very nice man. He’s not some desperado, hanging
around waiting to see if you’ll take him back.” I could see she wanted to say
Don’t
put tickets on yourself, he’s probably thinking he’s well rid of you
but
she managed to hold that in, and only added, “He’s probably, quite sensibly,
taking his time.”

Oh
yes, boring old Doug was nothing if not sensible. But instead of admitting
that, I childishly chanted, “Angie loves Doug. Angie loves Doug,” letting some
of my
why aren’t you on my side
peevishness into my voice.

I
was astonished to see her blush bright red and glance away.

“Shut
up,” she snapped, but it was too late.

I
pointed at her and shook my head. “Oh my God. You’ve got a crush on Doug.”

“Do
not.”

“Do
so.”

She
slapped at my hand. “You’re making a spectacle.”

“Angela
Marina Lata. How long has this been going on?”

“Nothing
is going on.”

“Ladies.”
Our waiter arrived and deposited my coffee and biscotti with a snap, then added
Ange’s glazed chocolate ice cream ball with a flourish. “Chocolate
tartufo
.”
He smiled into her eyes at close range. “Enjoy.”

Her
face was still flushed from our argument, and her dark eyes glittered, but she
controlled herself enough to say, “Thank you. That looks delicious.”

“
Angel...
”
he whispered, then gave her such an obvious come-hither glance, I couldn’t help
rolling my eyes.

He
straightened and left us to our dessert, and Angie ploughed into hers, as if it
would save her from speaking.

“So,
now that I know you like Doug,” I went on, “Why don’t you make babies with him?
It would teach Donny a lesson.”

Ange
stilled with the spoon almost at her lips, and stared at me with a mixture of
astonishment and what looked like thoughtful consideration.

I
decided to jump into the gap. “Donny’s gone behind your back,” I reminded her.

She
swallowed her mouthful and said, “Doug would never sleep with a married woman.”

True.
I had a second of thinking
unlike Finn
before I remembered that donating
sperm wasn’t the same as having sex. Then there was my own adulterous career—people
in glass houses, blah, blah.

“Nor,”
she went on, “would I consider it. If I’m going to sleep with another man, I’m
ending my marriage first.”

We
stared at each other over the table. It was the first time I’d
ever
heard her discuss the possibility of divorce, and I had only one response to
that, “I’m here for you, A. Whatever you want.”

She
frowned. “Do you mean that?”

I
grabbed both her hands. “Honey, you could sleep with that slobbering waiter and
I’d have your back. As far as you and Fritha and Missy Lou are concerned, I
might complain about how you guys treat me when I’m in a shitty mood, but I’d
never judge you for your choices.”

I
meant that one hundred percent.

Her
eyes softened. “Then why don’t you feel the same about Finn and his choices.”

I
stared back at her and my armor wobbled. It took me a second to get it back
under control. “I mustn’t love him,” I ended up saying. “It must be only lust.”

 “I
don’t believe that.” She squeezed my hands. “It’s because he’s a man and your
father broke you when he left. But Finn might be the right man to mend—”

“No.”
I shook my head, and couldn’t help pulling my hands back. “If anyone was going
to fix that it would have been Doug. He never put a foot wrong. I trusted him
completely.”

“Then
why didn’t you marry him when he asked you to?”

“I
didn’t love him either.”

“You
love Finn.” She sounded so sure, I had a flicker of wondering what she knew
that I didn’t. “I know you, Jinx. I’ve never seen you like this about a man. I
remember that phone call before you slept with him. You were crazy about him,
in every possible way.”

Something
inside me shifted and I had to say, “Alright, I was.” There was no denying my
gush of relief when I’d decided to have sex with him. I’d been thrilled, not
just at the idea of orgasms, but because I wanted him to be happy, and I knew
that sleeping with him would make him happy. “But now that feeling is gone.”

“It’s
just buried.”

“Beneath
a whole swamp of slime that I don’t want uncovered.” My armor was wobbling
again, but I shored that up with a memory of Louella and her ‘high functioning’
alcoholism. It didn’t matter what I felt about Finn. It wasn’t
going to
work between us. If I tried, I’d just be miserable, even if I never met this
Lizzie—
slut—
or her baby. “Can’t we just let Finn fade into memory and
concentrate on everyone else’s problems?”

“Who
else has problems?” She put down her spoon and I realized I’d just put my foot
in it. Clearly, neither Fritha nor Missy Lou had confided in her. And damn
Fritha, she’d told me she was going to share that wookie story and laugh about
it. Another reason to be cranky with her, on top of all the
sharing
with
Finn.

“You,”
I said quickly. “You’re everyone else.” I dunked a slice of biscotti and
glanced around, winking at a random guy at a nearby table. “He’s cute. I wonder
if he’s got a girlfriend.”

Her
phone rang then, and I was saved from further interrogation as she rolled her
eyes and settled into what I knew would be a long conversation with her mother.
She mouthed
Sorry
but I waved that away and stood to pay the bill. When
that was sorted and we’d escaped the restaurant—before her doe-eyed waiter
reappeared—I drove us back to her place along Parramatta Road, while her mother
filled her in on every detail of what the neighbors had been doing in Dakaroo.

It
was funny to hear Ange’s responses, and to realize that our schoolmates were
living the same lives as their parents, working in the same shops and farms,
their children going to the same schools as we all had, and seemingly happily.
For some reason the four of us had been determined to escape the small country
town we’d grown up in, as if we’d been born into a pond that was too small to
hold us. But now that none of us were actually living in bliss, I wondered who
was better off. In the past, we’d scoffed at our schoolmates’ insular lives,
but did they have a satisfaction I hadn’t been able to see?

Unfortunately,
there was no going back, so I did my best to go forward. That night I was
polite to Danny—not
Donny—
when he arrived home from work, and begged off
after-dinner television by feigning tiredness. A quick shower later, I
retreated to Ange’s sari-draped guest room with its elephant head Ganesha shrine.
First I rang Brittany and caught her message bank again, so I left a
Goddamn
well phone me!
message, then I rang the hotel she was staying in and left a
message to be passed on to her.

Maybe
her phone was
broken or lost. I doubted it. When she didn’t want to be lectured, she simply
refused to answer calls, but considering I was currently paying her bills, I
thought I deserved the courtesy of a
Hello, I’m fine
response. Anyway,
there wasn’t much more I could do. So I pulled out my laptop and downloaded
emails, looking for future work. It was a fortnight until the weekend at Missy
Lou’s and I needed to get something to fill that slot in Sydney, so I didn’t
have to travel far.

Having
said that, I’d been receiving emails from the Surfers Paradise, and I liked the
idea of going back there, now that Finn didn’t live there anymore. Not that I’d
bump into him here. Sydney was huge. But I knew from past experience that
physical distance helped me gain emotional distance.