Husband Sit (Husband #1) (34 page)

I
didn’t notice straightaway that Finn was hanging back.
Of course
. He’d
never met Ange. I walked over and it seemed the most normal thing in the world
to take his arm and lead him back to her, but he slipped his hand into mine and
when I wanted to let it go, he wouldn’t. I swallowed down discomfort and said,
“Angela, this is Finn.
Fritha’s friend
.” I tried to shake free, but it
was only when Ange put her hand out to shake his that I could pry him off.

She
smiled her gorgeous, open smile. “I’ve heard so many wonderful things about
you, Finn, I feel as if I know you already. You’ve made our girl very happy.”

He
glanced at me in surprise, and I would have kicked her under the table if we’d
been sitting at one.

“I
hope to continue that,” he said sincerely, and shook her hand a few times more
before he let it go. “I believe I owe you thanks for a certain phone call.”

Ange
dimpled and gave me her
I like him
smile of approval.

Just
to complicate matters, Doug, who was hanging around Ange, said, “So you and
Fritha
are
a couple,” shooting me an
I told you so
glance.

I
gave Ange a death-stare but there was nothing I could do to stop Finn turning
to Doug, “Actually, it’s Jill and I who’ve been an item for a month now. I came
with Fritha because she and I are doing business.”

Doug’s
mouth fell open and he looked from one to the other of us in puzzlement.

I
looked around for a drink.

Missy
Lou came to the rescue with another Pimm’s. “I didn’t know that, Finn,” she
said. “I’ve put you in a bedroom with Fritha.” She was glancing between Finn
and myself, and I had a moment of wondering if I could pretend it was Finn who’d
financed the shop. That way I wouldn’t have to explain where I got the money.

While
I was downing my drink, Finn came over all smooth and said, “I’m sorry for the
confusion, Louella. But I’m definitely sleeping with Jill.”

I
tried not to choke on my Pimm’s, and couldn’t bring myself to look at Doug.

Unfortunately,
there was no getting away from his soft reproach. “Nice of you to rub my nose
in your new relationship, Jinx. That’s not exactly the closure I was looking
for.” He glared at Finn for good measure and strode off to the bar, presumably
to get drunk.

Louella
didn’t do tension, so she excused herself with a lame, “I’ll see to the
appetizers.”

Ange
touched Finn’s arm. “I’m glad I met you. You pair are clearly crazy for each
other, but I’m worried about Doug. If you’ll excuse me?”

I
wanted to keep her there, or go with her, but Finn grabbed my hand and pulled
me around to face him. When we were alone he said, “I’m sorry about that. It
was impossibly rude. But you can’t imagine how insanely jealous it’s making me,
seeing you here, presumably
with
Doug.”

I
couldn’t let him think that. “I’m not with Doug. Our hosts are matchmaking, so
you did the right thing. They have to understand I’m not getting back with
him.”

“Are
you sure?”

I
could hear soft conversations behind me, but looking up into Finn’s beautiful
tortured eyes, it suddenly felt as if the rest of the world was very far away.

He
shook his head. “You told me you never wanted to see him again, but you were
standing close to him, and he winked at you. I swear I’ve never been violent,
but I seriously could have punched his lights out.”

“Wow.”
I couldn’t help smiling.

“It’s
not funny. I thought I’d burst an artery. I’ve got it bad.”

I
nodded. “You do.”

His
frown deepened. “And you don’t?”

I
swallowed, wondering if I was going to lie to him when he was laying his heart
out on a platter in front of me. But no. I couldn’t pick up the knife.

“I’ve
got it bad,” I admitted. “See that hedge?” I pointed behind him and he turned
to squint into the gloom.

“Yes.”

“Since
the moment you walked in the door, I’ve wanted to take you behind it.”

He
turned back slowly and that sexy smile I loved so much broke through. “You
wicked girl.”

“Missy
Lou wouldn’t approve of grass stains on her golden gown but I’m willing to risk
it.”

His
gaze darkened and he lowered his voice to an intimate rumble. “Or we could wait
until tonight. If Louella doesn’t put us in a room together I’m kidnapping you
to a hotel.”

“Feisty.”

“Desperate,”
he corrected straight-faced.

“So
maybe we shouldn’t stay here. If I’m noisy—”

“You
will be. Trust me.” The way he was looking at me made me melty and hot-shivery
at the same time. His fingertips brushed mine and I felt the tingle of it right
down to my toes. If this was foreplay, I wasn’t going to last ten minutes
before I jumped him, let alone the hours Missy Lou would want us to socialize.

Unfortunately,
we couldn’t excuse ourselves without everyone else knowing what we were doing.
And thinking ahead, I could well imagine that the last thing Doug would want to
hear was me howling from the other side of the house, but I kept that concern
to myself. I definitely didn’t want Finn getting any more jealous than he
already was. I’d never have picked him as a ‘punch your lights out’ kind of
guy, but I’d never expected wanting to pull another girl’s hair out before I
heard about Lizzie and the baby.

And
that
thought woke me up from my sexual daze into reality. I stood back
and shook my head. “What am I thinking?” I looked away, predictably for
alcohol.

Finn
grabbed both my hands. “What
are
you thinking?”

“Lizzie.
Baby. All the good reasons I walked away from you in the first place.”

Fuck.
Get your head together Jill. You had good reasons to bail. Nothing’s changed.

He
nodded. “I want to talk about that.”

“You’ve
had right of reply.” I tried to pull away as Fritha materialized at my side.
Not exactly the person I wanted to rescue me.

“Is
she being a fuckwit?” Her tiara was sideways and sliding out of her
tumbled-down hair.

“Pot
kettle,” I snapped at her. “And what were you thinking, bringing Finn?”

Infuriating
creature that she was, she only smiled blithely. “I was thinking about you
having great sex. Isn’t that on your bucket list?”

“Lower
your voice.” I glanced to the bar where Doug was tossing back something in a shot
glass.

Finn
pulled me closer. “Are you worried about what your boyfriend will think?”

I
should have said
Yes
, but instead I glared up into his face. “He’s
Louella’s guest and Marcus’s friend. If he walks out, she’ll never forgive me.”

That
appeared to remind Finn of his status as a guest and he loosened his hold. “I’m
sorry. Maybe I should leave.”

I
opened my mouth to say
Great plan
but Fritha said, “If you do, I’ll tell
Angel and Missy Lou how you two met. I’m sure they’d appreciate knowing how
you’ve been earning a living.”

My
mouth fell open and I blinked at her several times before I said, “If it wasn’t
for that, you wouldn’t have a shop. Jesus! Where is your loyalty?”

She
leant in close and lowered her voice, “Don’t lay that shit on me,” with such an
un-Fritha-like sneer, I couldn’t help flinching. “You’ve had two decent men
that you’ve completely thrown away—”

“With
good reason,” I hissed, rallying.

But
she shook her head savagely, loosening the last of her curls to slide down her
back. “I’m sick of you blaming other men for your father’s mistakes. Hate
him
.
Sure. He was a prick. But stop pushing keepers away. There aren’t that many of
them out there,” she added bitterly.

Missy
Lou slid in between us and said sweetly to Fritha, “Making a scene already?”

Finn
shook his head. “It’s my fault, Louella—”

But
Missy Lou’s smile only hardened. “Two women fighting over you is hardly your
fault, Finn.” She turned to face Fritha. “Finn’s made it clear who he’s chosen,
and who is only his
friend
. I think it’s time we left the two lovebirds
alone, don’t you?”

Fritha
gave me a glare for good measure, and let herself be led away, saying, “It was
her fault,” to which Missy Lou only
tisked
.

In
their wake, there was silence until Finn said, “So I take it you didn’t tell
Angela or Louella about husband sitting.”

“No.”
I couldn’t look at him.

“Because
you’re ashamed of it?”

“Yes.”

He
touched my arm and I didn’t pull away. “That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you
about Lizzie’s baby,” he said softy. “I was ashamed. I mean, I know I did the
right thing for her, for them...”

He
sounded so conflicted I had to look up at him, and I couldn’t help aching for
the anguish in his eyes.

“I
want them to be happy. But I knew it would sound bad. It would look bad. When I
told you.”

“You
told Katinka straight away,” I waited until he met my eyes. “Was that to punish
her?”

He
shook his head. “I was just sick of lies, and I knew things were over between
us. Part of me was hoping it would make her leave me, so I wouldn’t have to be
the one to break us up. Does that make me a coward?”

“Maybe.”
But in his defense, he’d invested so much of his life in Katinka, it would have
been hard to admit it was all a mistake. At least with Doug I hadn’t felt
duped, just bored.

“Jill.”
He took my hands and I looked up into his suddenly serious eyes. “There’s
something I need to say to you. Something I want you to know.”

I
was frightened of what he was about to say but I knew I couldn’t stop him, so I
nodded, wishing I was already drunk.

“You
are the love of my life.”

I
wanted to shake my head then, to make him stop, but some part of me needed to
honor his declaration. So I swallowed down misgivings and said, “I can see
that.” It was shining in his beautiful eyes.

“If
you throw me out and I never see you again, I want you to know I’ll never stop
thinking about you, never stop regretting that I fucked this up before we even
met. Do you understand?”

I
nodded, and the sting behind my eyes told me he wouldn’t be the only one
nursing regret.

“There’s
a child in my future. I’ll be its uncle,” he met my gaze unflinchingly. “If I’d
had nothing to do with its conception, I’d still be its uncle.” 

I
nodded again. That made sense. I’d always planned to be
Aunty Jill
to
Ange’s kids.

“I
can’t change that,” he said softly. “I can’t change the past, no matter how
much I love you.”

“Nor
can I,” I whispered, wishing I’d met him before Sieu had asked him to
impregnate her partner. I could have said,
Don’t do it
. Or maybe we
would have had our own children by then, and I would have been okay with it.
Although I still couldn’t get past the fear that Lizzie would break up with
Sieu and want Finn to be a proper daddy to their child, or children if they had
more together. How could I stand in the way of that?

“Is
Lizzie…” I shook my head, determined not to tell him I was worried he’d leave
me for Lizzie, because of course he’d
say
that he never would. Still, I
had to know, “Is Lizzie gay or bi?”

“Bi,”
he said and nodded. “She’s had boyfriends before.”

I
nodded back. Then I shrugged helplessly because there was nothing I could do
.
Nothing.

“Jill?”
He squeezed my hands. “I just want the chance to love you for more than half an
hour at a time. And I’m not talking about sex,” he hurried to add. “Well, not
only sex. I’m talking about love, about swimming together and reading books and
arguing about cricket, and even drinking Fritha’s god-awful banshee tea.”

I
tried to smile, to pretend that it wasn’t all over for me. “There’s such a
thing as banshee tea?”

He
shook his head in what looked like disgust. “It’s pink.”

“Of
course.” I glanced over at Frith and saw her take a drink out of Doug’s hand
and waggle a finger in front of his nose. Marcus and Ange were on the edge of
the terrace in an animated discussion about something and Missy Lou was absent,
probably in the kitchen.

I
looked back at Finn and saw him frowning at me earnestly. “Jill?”

“Finn?”
I said, because I knew what he was asking.

“I
want you to trust me.”

Okay,
a hard thing.

His
frown deepened. “Can you start to?” he asked. “Just enough to date me?”

Much
as I loved him, the whole thing was pointless so I shook my head. I needed to
be honest and put him out of his misery. “It won’t work. I always think the
worst of you.” Both Fritha and Ange had noticed that. “I don’t know how to change
that. It’s like I expect you to let me down, and I’m just waiting for it to
happen.”