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«Not that I noticed. They barely acknowledged each other.

The captain only came to the house to see his brother and his

nieces and nephews.»

«Ah.» Robert focused on drinking his coffee and chewing

through his buttered roll. Perhaps David had merely been

experiencing relief. Any father who willingly involved his child in

a no-holds-barred fighting contest every summer couldn’t expect

to be loved or mourned.

A bell rang on the crowded board above the door and the

butler frowned. «That’s Mr. David now, and where are James and

John? Out delivering notes about the earl’s demise, that’s where.»

He sighed and put down the newspaper. «I suppose I’d better go

and see what he wants.»

«I’ll go, if you like, Mr. Austen.» Robert got to his feet and

tried to look nonchalant. «I’ve got nothing else to do and you are

needed to answer the front door.»

«Are you sure, Mr. Brown? It seems a trifle rude to ask for

your help, but it would be a kindness if you could aid me just this

once.»

«As I said, I might as well make myself useful. Which room is

he in?»

After listening to the butler’s directions, Robert set off for the

second floor, his heart beating a little faster, his breathing

uneven. He knocked on the door and obeyed the quiet command

to enter.

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Captain Gray sat by the window in his shirtsleeves, his back to

the door, his head in his hands.

«Get me another bottle of brandy.»

For a moment Robert just stood there and blinked. It was

almost as if he had blundered into the wrong bedroom and was

back at Lord Minshom’s.

«Sir?»

Captain Gray slowly looked up. «What the devil are you doing

here?»

«I’m just helping out, sir. The staff is very busy due to the

earl’s death.»

«So?»

«I came with Lady Minshom and offered to answer your

summons while the other footmen were engaged.»

Captain Gray stared at him. His blond hair hung over his face

in disarray and his clothes were crumpled. His sea blue eyes held

a depth of anguish Robert had never seen before.

«Are you all right, David?» The name slipped out impulsively.

«Can I at least get you some clean clothes and order you a bath?»

«I asked for brandy.»

Robert took a step closer. «It isn’t like you to drink at this

time in the morning, sir. Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer a nice

cup of tea?»

«Damn the tea and damn you.»

Robert spread his hands wide. «Damn me all you like, but at

least accept my condolences for your loss.»

David got unsteadily to his feet. «Your condolences? You

think I cared about that bastard? The man who let me be beaten

and fucked while he laughed with his cronies and bet against

me?»

Robert met David’s gaze and refused to look away. He

deserved the other man’s anger. He’d refused him so much; the

least he could do was stand firm and allow his lover to berate

him. «Yes, sir, my condolences, but they are for you, not for your

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father.» He bowed. «I’m obviously the last person you want to

see at this moment. I’ll send one of the footmen up to attend to

your needs as soon as he returns.»

«Don’t go.»

Robert didn’t exactly turn back, but he didn’t move forward

either. «What do you want, sir?»

«I want...» David shook his head.

Robert stared at David. «What?»

«I want you, but I can’t have you, can I, because you love that

bastard Minshom.»

«That’s not fair, sir. It’s not just Lord Minshom; it’s a whole

lot of other things: your class, your aristocratic family, your

profession.»

David started to laugh.

Robert’s hands curled into fists. «You think this is amusing,

sir? You think it’s easy for me to stand here and remind you of all

the reasons why you shouldn’t love me when inside I want to

damn them all to hell and just be with you?»

David stopped laughing and turned away. «I’m sorry, Robert,

I’m laughing at myself. You see, I found out last night why my

father hated me so much. I’m not his son after all; I’m the

product of an affair my mother had with a stable boy, so I’m not

quite so far above you after all, am I?»

Robert simply stared at David, his mind in chaos. What the

hell was going on? A knock at the door returned him to his

senses. An out-of-breath footman dressed in the Millhaven livery

bowed at them both.

«Good morning, Captain Gray, I’m sorry I’m late. I’ve come

to relieve Mr. Brown. Can I get you some breakfast and order

your bath?»

Robert took the coward’s way out and left as quickly as he

could. He was in no shape to deal with David’s dramatic

confession yet, because if it were true, and David was indeed a

lowborn bastard, Robert would no longer have any excuses left,

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no reason to protect his lover and no reason to stay with

Minshom—apart from the fact that he loved them both. And

where the hell did that leave him?

Minshom smiled as he entered the largest of the public salons

at Madame Helene’s. During the day there were far fewer clients

enjoying the lush, ornate surroundings and sexual opportunities

contained within Madame’s wondrous house, but there was still

enough going on to make a spinster have apoplexy. Major Wesley

sat close to the door, a glass of red wine clutched in his hand, his

gaze riveted on a man and a woman who were making love on

the couch right next to him.

«Are you enjoying yourself, Major?»

Major Wesley jumped so hard that wine splashed from his

glass onto the arm of the chair. His smile however was

unabashed. «I must say, things have changed quite a lot since I

lived in England.»

«For the better or for the worse?»

«Do you think me a prude, Minshom? I’ve lived in India for

ten years, a country that doesn’t have quite the same inhibitions

about sex. Not a lot shocks me anymore.»

Minshom sighed. «How disappointing.»

«Were you hoping I’d be too terrified to stay and meet with

you?

«Perhaps.»

Major Wesley got to his feet. «That is remarkably honest of

you.»

«I know, I can’t think what has come over me.» Minshom

gestured at the door. «I suspect you would like to speak to me

somewhere more private. Shall we go upstairs?»

He led the way up the stairs and into one of the bed chambers

and bent to light the fire that was already laid out in the grate.

Major Wesley settled into one of the wing chairs beside the fire

and Minshom took the other one.

«So what can I do for you, Major?»

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«I hardly know where to start.» Major Wesley sighed and

rested his clasped hands on his knees. «I’ve imagined having this

conversation with you so many times and yet I’m still sure that

I’ll get it wrong.»

«Perhaps the best way is to just start talking. You’ve always

been good at that.»

«I have, haven’t I?» Major Wesley smiled. «My father often

said I could charm the birds from the trees, usually before he

beat me for some misdemeanor, of course.» He shifted slightly in

his seat. «He died last year, did you know?»

«I heard of it. I wondered if you would come back.»

«I haven’t been in England for ten years and that was quite

deliberate.» Major Wesley’s slight smile disappeared. «I couldn’t

bear to look at him.»

«I know the feeling all too well.»

«Of course you do. I believe we all felt betrayed by our

fathers, didn’t we?»

Minshom shrugged and waited for Wesley to continue, his

senses alert, his suspicions aroused. The other man drew in a

deep breath and slowly let it out.

«And I betrayed you as well, didn’t I?»

«I don’t know what you mean.»

«I suspect that means you prefer not to think about it.»

«About what?»

«That first summer when you were inducted into The Little

Gentleman’s Club. I was the first boy to beat you in a fight. The

first one to fuck you.»

Despite the thousand warning bells sounding in his head,

Minshom kept his expression neutral and his posture relaxed.

«So?»

Wesley held his gaze. «We were friends and yet I still did that

to you. I didn’t have the guts to stand up and refuse.»

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«None of us refused. Our fathers made sure of that.»

Minshom licked his lips, tasted his youthful terror, his blood, his

total capitulation and humiliation.

«You refused longer than most. In truth, I admired you for it.»

«I was a fool.»

«No, I was. I destroyed our friendship.»

Minshom forced himself to smile. «And is that why you

wished to meet with me, to rehash our past?»

«As I said, I wanted to apologize.»

«For something that meant so little?» Minshom laughed,

although even to his ears he sounded strained. «I got my own

back. By the fourth summer I could beat you all.»

«I know.»

«Why do you say that as if you feel sorry for me?»

«Because I set you on that path. I betrayed your trust and you

retaliated by forcing yourself to become something you hated.»

«A winner? I think you are mistaken.» Minshom got up and

walked across the room until he reached the well-draped window.

He pretended to adjust the curtains to let in some light. «I

enjoyed beating you. I especially enjoyed fucking you as well.»

«I don’t believe you.»

«Believe what you like. If you came here feeling guilty for

destroying my life, then you have nothing to worry about.»

«But I did destroy it. If I hadn’t...»

Minshom cut him off. «You weren’t the first man to rape me,

Wesley. My father decided that, as I objected so strenuously to

being enrolled in his own personal fight school, I should

understand what I was up against.»

«God... Blaize.»

Minshom turned sharply around and saw the horror in

Wesley’s gaze. «Don’t look at me like that. In truth, I was glad

that my father prepared me for the worst. Having a full-grown

man fuck you is far worse than any boy.»

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«I’m sure it is.» Wesley looked shaken. «But I still want to

apologize to you. My conscience has never been easy where you

are concerned.»

«What do you want me to do? Forgive you, even though I

have explained that I scarcely hold you accountable for the man I

have become?»

«Your forgiveness would be a start.» Wesley looked even more

uncomfortable. «I’d also like to make amends in a more basic

way.»

«What exactly do you have in mind?» It took all Minshom’s

courage to walk back to the fire and sit down again as if nothing

was wrong.

«One of the reasons I remained in India, despite my parent’s

pleading to sell my commission and return, is because I’ve

realized I am not the sort of man who should marry.»

Minshom raised an eyebrow. «What sort of man are you

then?»

«The sort of man who prefers other men.» «Ah.»

«And I would like to make love to you.»

«To me?» Minshom smiled. «I don’t ‘make love’ to men. I

fuck them. They don’t fuck me.»

«I can understand that. But perhaps if you let me...»

«You think you could perform some sort of magical cure?

Make me welcome another man into my body?» Minshom

realized he was shaking and wondered if the other man could tell.

«Make me beg for it?» He flinched as Wesley reached across and

patted his knee. «Don’t touch me.»

«I’m sorry.» Distress filled the other man’s voice. «God, I’m so

sorry.»

Minshom managed to get to his feet. «There is nothing to be

sorry about. It was a pleasure to see you again and I wish you

even’ success in your life. Good afternoon.»

He managed to make it through the door into the hall and ran

for the servants’ stairs. Safely behind the thick door he slowed to

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Kate Pearce

a walk, stopped and stared at the naked brick wall in front of

him.

It hurt to breathe, hurt to think. Why the hell had he agreed to

such a stupid meeting? It only raked up the past, and what was

the good of that? He was who he was. He didn’t blame anyone.

He raised his fist and smashed it into the unforgiving brick until

his knuckles bled.

Major Lord Thomas Wesley could go to the devil.

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15

«Good morning, my lord.»

Minshom didn’t bother to answer as Jane slid into the seat

opposite him and served herself some coffee.

«I said, good morning. Are you feeling quite well?»

He scowled at her over the rim of his raised cup. «I’m fine,

thank you.»

«You don’t look it. You look like you’ve been out all night and

have forgotten to change.» She reached across the table and tried

to take his hand. «And what did you do to your knuckles?»

«What business is it of yours?» Christ, this was all he needed,

yet another person questioning him, expecting things of him,