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broken sigh, she closed her eyes and focused on the rocking

motion of the carriage. She couldn’t do this anymore, hold out

hope for the unattainable. For the sake of her child, she had to

look to the future and forget Blaize had ever existed.

Minshom sat down at his desk and waited until he heard the

distant slam of the front door and the team of horses starting to

move off. He stared down at the letter in front of him and

methodically tore it into strips, his movements unsteady, his

fingers shaking. As if he would ever contact his bastard son, as if

he would ever burden the boy with the knowledge that his father

was a weak, useless, bloody fool.

He picked up the gloves Jane had left on his desk and caught

a hint of her familiar lavender scent. He’d managed it then.

He’d managed to destroy her faith in him and make her leave.

The shock of finding her in possession of his father’s diaries had

goaded him to lose his temper, something he’d avoided for years.

With a groan, he buried his face in the palm of the glove and

slowly inhaled. At one point he’d thought he would have to

resort to physically picking Jane up and throwing her in the

carriage.

At least she’d gone quietly. And it was quiet now, just as he’d

wanted. No one left to challenge his authority. No one left to feel

sorry for him. He swallowed hard. No one left to care whether

he lived or died.

236 /
Kate Pearce

He closed his eyes and pressed the glove to his lips. So why

did he feel that watching the light die in Jane’s eyes had

completely annihilated him as well?

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20

Jane hadn’t bothered to write and tell him that she had arrived

safely at Minshom Abbey or if she was pregnant. He only knew

the former because his carriage had arrived back five days ago

without incident. Minshom smiled thinly as one of his

companions made a lewd joke about one of the dancers.

His planned evening at the theater with some of his male

acquaintances had been passable. He’d even gone to the trouble

of visiting the actresses in the green room afterward and

pretended to seek a new mistress. But none of the women

appealed to him, and for some reason, his companions seemed

far too loud and vapid to amuse him either.

He could only hope that the rest of his night in the pleasure

house would interest him. With a less than cordial smile at

Christian Delornay, he bypassed the main salons and set off for

the delights of the third floor. He hadn’t had sex since Jane had

left him, and he was determined to set that right. She couldn’t be

allowed to destroy his sex life; he needed the release and he

refused to use Robert.

«Good evening, Lord Minshom.»

Minshom stared at the three men who had gathered around

him the moment he entered the room. He knew them all

intimately, had catered to their perversions with a skill and

expertise unrivaled by any other man.

«We’ve missed you, sir,» Shaw mumbled, his eyes cast down as

he knelt in front of Minshom.

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Kate Pearce

«And why is that?»

«Because we couldn’t find anyone else to punish us.»

Minshom picked up a riding crop that lay abandoned on the

chair beside him and tested it against his thigh. «No one at all?»

«No one as good as you, sir.»

Minshom remembered how Shaw looked the last time he’d

seen him, his mouth stuffed with Minshom’s cock, his arse being

attended to by Jane. His fingers tightened on the crop. God, he

wanted to hurt someone, to make them feel the pain he carried

inside him, to make them scream with it as he could not...

«My lord?»

Minshom put the crop back on the chair. «Not tonight,

gentlemen.»

«What?» Shaw looked devastated and tried to kiss Minshom’s

feet. «I’ll do whatever you say, my lord, I’ll do anything...»

Minshom turned on his heel and left the room, clattering

down the stairs until he reached the ground floor as if the

hounds of hell were after him. He forced himself to stop, heard

only his shallow, panicked breathing echoing in the narrow space.

What the hell was wrong with him? He’d wanted their pain, so

why the devil had he walked away? He blinked hard and focused

on the door in front of him. Perhaps he just needed more time to

get over his wife’s disruptive influence on his life. He’d stop

thinking about her eventually. He’d done it once and he’d do it

again.

He sank down onto the bottom step and cradled his head in

his hands. But last time he’d turned his rage and self-loathing

outward and tried to dominate every man he met. If he could no

longer bring himself to use others in this way, what was to

become of him? He wanted to go home to Jane, to shove his

cock deep inside her, to fuck her until he ran out of cum.

He raised his head and stared blindly at the closed door. What

was she doing now? She was probably lying in her bed at

Minshom Abbey, maybe crying herself to sleep over him. He

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swallowed hard, found himself smiling despite the pain. No, she

wouldn’t be crying. Jane was made of sterner stuff. She was

probably wishing him in hell.

He wrenched open the back door and headed toward the

stable yard to retrieve his horse. And perhaps she would have her

wish. For some reason, he felt like he was in hell right now.

Jane sighed and stared out over the patch worked fields

surrounding Minshom Abbey. It was very late but, used to town

hours, she’d found herself unable to sleep. She focused on the

full moon. Would Blaize be able to see it in London? Not that he

would bother to look up—his sights were probably set far lower

on some unfortunate woman or man he expected to slake his

lusts.

She rested her hot cheek against the old diamond-paned glass

and squinted at the now green-tinged moon. After her

horrendous journey home, she’d taken to her bed for three days

and allowed herself to weep. She’d also allowed herself to believe

that she really did carry a child. The past week hadn’t changed

her opinion, but she was no longer weeping. She was determined

to get on with her life and enjoy her friends again.

«Are you still awake, my lady?»

Jane turned to smile at her elderly maid, Becky, who had been

with her for all the years of her marriage and had been a nurse to

Blaize before he was sent away to school. «I am indeed.»

Becky made a tuning sound. «You should be in bed, my chick,

especially in your condition.»

Jane cast one last look back at her writing desk, where several

sheets of ruined paper littered the floor. «I was trying to write to

his lordship.»

«Whatever for?» Becky turned down the bed sheets and patted

the pillows.

«To tell him that I got home safely and that I truly believe I

am breeding.»

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Kate Pearce

Becky snorted. «That heathen should get himself on a horse

and come back here to find out the answer to them questions.

Don’t you be making it easy for the young scoundrel, now.»

Jane climbed into the massive bed, felt the feather quilts give

and settle around her. «Perhaps you are right. It might be good

for him to worry about me for a change.»

Becky kissed her forehead. «Indeed. And if I catch sight of

him before you do, after I’ve given him a clip around the ear, I’ll

tell him so myself.»

Jane had to smile. At least she was among people who loved

her. What did Blaize have? A group of friends who were afraid of

him and a complicated relationship with Robert, who wanted to

leave him. She was far better off where she was and so was her

child. Her stomach rolled uneasily and she shut her eyes.

Was he missing her or had he managed to ignore everything

they had done together and resume his old life? She knew he was

stubborn enough to try, but with her departure and the looming

rupture with Robert, would he be able to maintain his icy

composure? She bit down hard on her lip. Goodness, she hoped

not. She hoped he felt one tenth of the desolation she felt in her

soul.

Two weeks later

«My lord...»

«What?» Lord Minshom stumbled over the threshold of

Madame s Helene’s house and Robert held him steady. The

hall was free of other guests; only a lone footman watched warily

as Robert tried to prop his employer up against the nearest wall.

«Are you sure this is wise?»

Minshom shrugged. «I’m spending an evening at the pleasure

house in the company of my peers. What could be wiser than

that?» He lurched toward the staircase and grabbed the newel

post at the bottom.

Robert sighed. «Sir, you are already drunk and we’ve only just

arrived. What exactly are you intending to do with yourself?»

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«Exactly what I want.» Minshom scowled at Robert. «I don’t

remember asking for your opinion.»

«You didn’t, sir. I just decided to offer it anyway.»

«Why? Because you are concerned for me, because you love

me?» Minshom’s smile was bitter, and yet Robert could see the

pain in his eyes.

«All true, sir. Now are you sure that you don’t want to go

home?»

«Damn it, Robert. I’m not a child.» Minshom staggered

slightly and Robert had to grab his arm to stop him from falling

back down the stairs. «I’m perfectly capable of making my own

decisions.»

«Indeed, my lord.»

«Is everything all right, Mr. Brown?»

Robert looked up gratefully to see Madame Helene at the top

of the stairs, her expression concerned. Her gaze fell on Lord

Minshom and she frowned.

«My lord, are you unwell?»

«No, Madame, merely drunk.» Minshom attempted a bow,

which nearly knocked Robert over.

«Would you prefer us to leave, Madame?» Robert said. «I’m

sure if I had some help I could get his lordship sobered up and

back in his carriage.»

Madame nodded. «Why don’t you take Lord Minshom into

the small salon at the end of the hallway? I’ll send some coffee

and brandy up to you.»

Robert maneuvered Lord Minshom into the currently empty

salon and guided him into a chair by the fireside.

«Where’s the entertainment, Robert?»

Robert sighed. «I’m the entertainment, sir.»

Minshom stared at him for a long moment. «You didn’t find

Captain Gray, did you?»

«Not yet, my lord.»

242 /
Kate Pearce

«What a pair we are, eh, Robert?» Minshom’s laughter was

hollow. «Both deserted.»

«I don’t believe you were deserted, sir. By all accounts you

threw her ladyship out.»

«She still went though, didn’t she?»

Robert glared at his master as anger overrode his normal

caution. «What did you expect her to do when you treated her

like that?»

A muscle twitched in Minshom’s jaw. «I expected her to stay.»

«God damn you, sir, we’re not puppets created for your

amusement!»

«She lied to me.»

«Lady Minshom did?» Robert struggled to collect his thoughts.

«Are you sure?» «Oh, yes, I’m sure.»

A footman appeared at the doorway carrying a tray of brandy

and two coffeepots. Minshom scowled at him.

«What the devil are you doing here?»

«Compliments of Madame Helene, sir. She says that if you

don’t sober up, you will be escorted off the premises.»

Robert winced as Lord Minshom’s expression turned icy. «She

said what?»

Robert cleared his throat. «Thank you for the coffee. I’ll make

sure Lord Minshom drinks it.»

The footman took one look at Lord Minshom, dumped the

tray by the door, and left as quickly as he could. Robert poured

two cups of coffee and added a small dose of brandy to Lord

Minshom’s.

«Here you are, sir.»

Minshom glared at the cup as if he had been offered poison.

«I don’t want that pig swill.»

«It’s got brandy in it, sir.» Robert said. «At least give it a try.»

Grumbling, Lord Minshom held out his hand and took the

cup. He sniffed at the rising steam and then drank the whole

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thing. Robert immediately filled up the cup and gave it back to

him.

«Don’t you think you’d be better off at home, sir?»

Lord Minshom regarded him over the rim of his coffee cup.

«Why are you so eager to leave?» He shifted restlessly in his chair.

«There is nothing at home, nothing I want anyway.»

Robert regarded his employer. «Might that be because you

sent Lady Minshom packing?»

«Will you stop going on about that, Robert? Who made you

my conscience?»

«I believe you did, sir.» Robert picked up the coffee pot. «Will

you stay here until I get more coffee?»

«As I’m obviously incapable of climbing the stairs without

help, I expect I’ll still be here.»

Robert nodded and ran out of the room. He used the back

stairs to reach the basement kitchen and refilled the coffeepot.