I Love My Side of the Story (3 page)

“You always have to work. Take a break,” he
objects, sliding his arms around me and pressing me against him in a hug. I hug
weakly back, hinting. I really want to make my point here, but he pulls out the
big guns and leans down to kiss my ear. I hate that he knows my weakness.

Seeing the open window, “Honey, seriously. All of
New York can see us right now.”

I feel the pressure of his hard-on in more ways
than one as he looks over, grabs the pull cord and closes the blinds shut,
kissing his way down my throat without missing a beat. “I’m a problem solver.
Never had sex in your office before…”

“That’s because it’s where I work,” I object, my
eyes closing, my body leaning in to him despite myself.

His fingers graze the soft flesh of my thighs. “Mmm,
I love it when you wear skirts.”

“I didn’t know you like that.” My mind is fighting
him, but my body isn’t. Feeling the breath heat my neck, the strength of his
shoulders as I wrap my arms around them, I relax and allow. I feel very
feminine to his masculine.

His fingers lightly trace circles onto my thighs
just underneath the hem of my skirt. “I don’t just like it, Amber. I love it.” His
voice is heavy and deep with arousal as he leaves my neck to look into my eyes and
show me he means it. “Just like I love you.” His gaze is open and uninhibited. I
smile and tell him I love him, too. He leans down and our lips connect, causing
waves of sensations flowing through our bodies. As we kiss something ignites
inside of us, the connection pure and filled with love and desire and the pride
of ownership, of commitment. Our tongues dance and reach for happiness as I
press my breasts against him, feel him wrap his arms around my ribs, pull me to
him so that I can barely breathe. Raising my hands high in the air for him to
pull my blouse off, only breaking our kiss for the time necessary for him to
pull it over my head. We come together again as he tosses it behind him. The
scent of him, the masculine erotic scent that always makes my legs wish they
were open whenever he’s around, hits me and I feel my nipples harden
immediately. They always give me away, and right now I want him to kiss them.

“Lick my breasts, Josh, please,” I whisper. He pulls
away from me in surprise.

“You’ve never said that to me before.”

I blink, slightly confused and wondering if I
should be ashamed.

“I haven’t? Okay… is that a problem?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I love it.” He
reaches around and with one twist unhooks my bra and unleashes my breasts. He
looks at them with admiration, “You shred me, Amber. Do you know how much?” I
shake my head a little as he takes one of them into his mouth. I push my pelvis
into his chest and purr at the slipperiness of his tongue on my pointed pink nipple
as he circles and licks the flesh around it. He takes it in his teeth and gives
it a little nibble, drawing out a sexy moan from deep inside me. I run my
fingers through his hair and arch my back to him, pressing against him harder.

“That feels so good, Josh.” My talking turns him
on even more and his mouth lunges and attacks my other breast, sending
goosebumps down my legs from the sweet, firm pressure of his mouth, his kisses,
his licks. Excited and encouraged, I moan into his ear, “I’m so wet Josh. Do
you want to feel it?”

“Oh man, you’re killing me, baby. Fuck yes, I want
to feel it,” he says, and looks up at me from where he kneels at my bosom.
“Tell me what to do, Amber.”

Wow, ummm… okay. I smile, sticking my tongue out
just a tad through my teeth as I order him, “Touch me…down there.” He smiles,
reaches his hand up my skirt and touches me through my panties. He gives me
light caresses and looks to me for more direction. I nod that I like what he’s
doing. “Tear my panties off. Get rid of them for me, baby. I want to feel
your fingers.”

“Do you?” he asks, his eyes heating up more.

“I do. So badly. Please touch me there.”

“Say it. Say
touch
my pussy
.”

I giggle and think
what a dirty boy I have for a boyfriend
. “Okay…touch my pussy, Josh.
Touch my super wet pussy and see how hot you make me when you look at me like
that, and when we talk dirty.”

“Oh God.” His eyes roll back in his head from
disbelief and desire. He yanks off my panties as I hold onto his shoulders, his
hand on my hip to hold me so I don’t fall from his roughness. His eyes slam up
to mine as he touches the opening between my legs; the slippery pink place he
knows is only for him. “You are soaking wet. So wet, you’re making me crazy.”

I nod and, braver now, tell him, “What are waiting
for? Touch my clit. Do those amazing little flicks you do that drive me crazy.”

“Like this?”

“Just like that.” He watches my face, loving my reactions
as his fingers stroke me slowly, then quickly, then slowly again, in the center
of my sexual core, so that I feel it in my toes, the tips of my fingers, the
top of my head – everywhere. Holding onto his shoulders, my legs spread
for him, his hand hidden beneath my skirt, I moan, bite my lip, smile and push
one of my naked nipples toward his lips again. “Why’d you stop licking?” He
shakes his head that he doesn’t know as his lips wrap around and suck. The
combo of hitting both bases feels so delicious. I feel my pulse pounding like I
have two heartbeats, one between my legs and the other behind my breasts, both
controlled by him.

I throw my head back, grab onto his head and pull
his mouth harder onto my tits. Abandoning myself, I throw my leg up on the
chair to open more to his masterful fingers. I’d crack wide open for him if I
could! I feel him moan against my tit and then surprisingly, I am lifted up by my
ass, as he pulls me up, so that I’m riding him like a frontwards piggyback. I
hook both legs around his neck and he groans and pushes my ass up in the air
where he buries his face in my pussy and makes me scream. Grabbing onto his
head, bent over him, I feel his tongue dart and lunge inside the slit of me,
teasing my clit and then penetrating me as deeply as it can reach.

I scream out again and this time say his name, “Oh
Josh!” as he alternates lapping and nibbling, teasing me. I beg him not to
stop, tell him I’m almost there.
Just a
little longer. Yes. Just like that. Just like that, please don’t stop!
I
scream out again knowing I’m about to cum any second as his tongue lunges
insides me over and over, sending me over the edge. I can’t even see the room
anymore, with every slamming punch of the pulsing orgasm he’s charging into me.
His mouth rips through my senses. I move against it, shamelessly, rubbing
myself against it, feeling the orgasm freely. My body jerks and I clasp harder
onto him, his fingers press deeper into the flesh of my ass to hold me up and
push my pussy harder against his open mouth. He nuzzles me with his lips,
applying enough pressure to ensure I don’t get over-stimulated, knowing that I
can’t take too much when it’s ripped through me this hard.

I murmur and collapse forward, “Wow… I mean,
really… wow oh wow,” holding onto his head weakly. He moves his arms to my
lower back and lowers me onto the chair, looking at me like the proudest man on
the planet. This man and I?
 
We
don’t just fuck. We fucking make love, and it is incredible. I close my eyes
and rest, not needing anything except maybe a juicy burger and some really salty
fries.

“I said…I think we should move in together.”

Wait. What? I peek at him through half-closed
lids. “Excuse me?”

“I think we should move in together. I don’t want
to live apart from you anymore.” He stands and walks to where there’s a picture
of my besties and me on the night Nicole had her first big exhibit. He picks it
up and sets it down again to look at me.

I sit up, feeling groggy. “Really?”

“Yeah. Really.” He sits on the edge of my desk. I
can see he’s feeling vulnerable, hence the walk around while I’m half-clothed
and delirious. So sweet. And so much for wondering if he had ambition in this
relationship.

I smile and when he smiles back, it turns mine
into a grin. “Okay.”

“Okay?!” His face is so happy.

“Okay!” I bounce out of my chair to give him a
kiss.

“I said I was here to surprise you,” he winks.

“That you did! Oh my gosh, really? This is so
exciting! Oh. You taste like me.”

He laughs. “So I taste like heaven, then. Where
are your clothes, Ms. Powerful?”

Playfully smacking him on the shoulder I kiss him
again as he takes my hand. “So when do you want to do this?” I ask.

“How’s your weekend looking?”

My face falls. “This weekend? I’ve got this big
project...”

“Ha. I’m kidding! I was thinking the start of the
new month, which gives us two weeks. Tell the landlords. Give at least a little
notice. Hire movers. I’ll handle hiring movers and stuff like that so you can
take care of your big project.” He kisses me.

We separate and I say excitedly. “Oooooh…I love
the idea of movers! I’ve never used movers before!”

He laughs at my enthusiasm. “Then movers you will
have. We’ll talk about it more over dinner. Sound good?”

I grin and nod, “So good!!”

“Oh, you didn’t tell me. What project are you
working on?”

“The new Spike Jonze film,” I answer with a grin,
forgetting who I’m talking to in all the excitement.

“Spike Jonze?
Adaptation
Spike Jonze?
Being John Malkovich
Spike Jonze?”

 
“Uh…
yeah. It’s my first feature with him.”

“Well, he doesn’t do TV, so of course it’s a
feature film,” he exclaims. From the awestruck look on his face, I realize I’m
in trouble.

“You know a lot about him…” I say, lamely.

“Who doesn’t? His films are ground breaking. The
guy is a phenomenal talent. Wow, Amber. I can’t believe he hired you.”

My hackles rise. “Why wouldn’t he hire me? I work
really hard, Josh. And I’m good at what I do.”

He reaches out and pulls me in. “Baby, no no no…I
didn’t mean anything by it. I just meant it’s an incredible opportunity,” he
says and gets thoughtful. I can see his mind working. Oh Josh… please don’t ask
me to call you in for this. Please. “How far are you into casting?” Shit.

Do I tell him we just started? The devil on my
shoulder screams,
never combine work with
a new relationship
! “Far. Just have a couple women’s parts to do left.” Oh
my God. Did I just lie like that? Am I a liar?

His face falls and my heart breaks at his
expression. “Oh.”

I say, “Yeah…” feeling so awful.

He shrugs, nods, steps away from me and walks
through the office to the front door.

I follow him, anxiety building in my chest. “Are
you leaving?”

He turns, surprised. “Yeah. We’re going to
celebrate. This is a big day. My baby and I are moving in together.” He smiles,
failing to hide his disappointment.

“Oh.” My head is spinning with guilt. I blink at
him. He smiles at me in such a way that I realize I’m topless. I look down and
cover my breasts. “I should put some clothes on.”

He grins, jogs over, grabs me and says, “Nah. I
like you like this.” He swings me around once and kisses me before setting me
down. If a girl can be an asshole, then I am one.

“Woo. Dizzy. Just give me a minute, baby.” He lets
go of me, shoves his hands in his pockets. I turn to get my things, back in my
office. Struggling to reach for my blouse on the high shelf it landed on, I see
it’s touching the book
The Liars Club
by
Mary Carr. The title appears to expand and vibrate, mocking me. I jump back
down and as I put on my blouse and right my entire wardrobe, the shame deepens
because the devil chimes in again telling me to suggest we celebrate another
time, so I can work.
You were supposed to
work late, remember?
The devil – let’s call her The Feminist
Revolution – is so loud that I have to say, “No!” out loud to shut her
up.

“What?” Josh calls over.

“What? Oh. Nothing!” I shut down the computer,
turn off the lights. Amber Monroe Casting will just have to open early
tomorrow. I’ll come in around dawn. Tonight is his.

“I’m ready!” I quicken my walk, reaching for my
purse. “Ready?”

“You look adorable.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“Where do you want to eat?”

“Um, You pick. Doesn’t matter…” I force the
corners of my mouth up more. He holds the door open for me and then moves over
so I can lock up.

“Doesn’t matter, huh?”

“Nope.” It’s true. It doesn’t matter where we eat.
My appetite left with the arrival of my lie.

The Night Before The Move-In

“Why couldn’t she make it?” I ask Jessica while
David gives the bartender a credit card so we can go to our table.

“She said she didn’t want to be a fifth wheel,”
Jess grabs her clutch purse, frowns and throws me a sideways glance.

“That’s ridiculous. She knows all of us –
and we all love her. What the fuck?” Nicole can get moody sometimes. “Artists.
I swear…”

“Amber, you haven’t been single for as long as she
has. It’s not easy. Right before Josh, you had Don, and before him…” A guy
bumps into me. Jessica calls after him, “Hey! Watch it! Lady with a baby!”

I hit her and she starts laughing, but Josh twists
around and has genuine fear in his eyes. “She’s kidding. I’m not…” His
shoulders relax and David smirks as he signs the tab, leaving the normal hefty
tip.

Jess and I turn and follow the hostess who’s been
waiting impatiently – it’s a busy restaurant – and to Jess I
whisper, “Did he have to be so freaked out by the idea?”

“He was freaked out by the alcohol,” she corrects
me.

“Oh, right.” I take a sip of it. “Why do I always
go to the negative?”

“You don’t. You’re just…”

“Careful.”

“Exactly.”

“And you’re full of shit.”

Jessica laughs hard and nods, “Right?”

“Totes.”

She and I sit across from each other at the table,
our guys beside us, as the hostess hands us each a menu. She places the wine
list in the middle and says the waiter will be right with us. As soon as she
leaves, Josh announces, to my surprise, “Dinner is on me, by the way.”

“Yeah? Why is that?” David asks.

“Booked a national commercial.” Josh answers
proudly and they high five across the table as Jess claps.

I throw my arms around him “Oh my God. That’s so
great!” and he kisses me, his chest all puffed up and rightly so. Eleven to
seventeen hundred actors are submitted per role for a commercial. To book one
is an achievement!

He says to everyone, but mostly to me, “Perfect
timing, huh? It’s like I got a gift from the gods for moving in with my girl,”
which makes me so proud and happy. Jess grins at us.

“Well done, man. On you then! I’m starving,” David
says. “I want to order soon, if that’s okay with you guys.”

“Me too, so hungry,” Jess says, dutifully opening
and scanning the menu to hurry her choice.

Some random gorgeous woman – of which there
are many in Manhattan – saunters by and I see what Jess doesn’t; David
watching the tall brunette’s ass for longer than is polite. My eyes twitch, but
I let it go. He looks at me and smiles like it’s nothing. It’s probably
nothing. Guys look. I know this. I just hate it. The thing is… Josh doesn’t look.
It’s like he became blind to other women after we met. I feel completely and
totally secure with his loyalty towards me. David? Well, David has given me
eye-twitches on more than one occasion. But I’m probably being overly
protective of my girl.

Looking at the menus, we take turns commenting.
“The prawns look amazing.” “Interesting that they use garbanzo beans.” “Who
came up with the word ‘garbanzo?’” and “Should we order a bottle of red or
white to go with the meal?” “Sure, white.” “Crab cakes appetizer?” “Yes!” “So
good.”

Decisions made and menus closed, David reverts the
subject back to our exciting news, “I can’t believe you guys aren’t home
packing tonight.”

“Nah.” Josh says, “We hired movers.”

“Yeah,” I add, “We’ll be
un
packing.”

“Unpacking is the funnest part!” Jess smiles.

David nods, “It is. We had a lot of fun with
unpacking.” Jess giggles and it’s clear what kind of fun they had.

“We’re going to have more fun than you guys had,”
Josh challenges.

“I doubt that you could,” David retorts and Jess kisses
his cheek.

“Amber!”

Smiling, we all look up to see Jake Lombardi
standing above us, looking at me. My smile vanishes just like that. He spots
Josh and says, “Josh! Holy crap! Hey buddy. How’s it hanging?”

Jake knows Josh? And Jake is
here
? I say nothing as
my
Josh half-stands to shake my ex-lover’s hand, and sits back down. Josh answers,
less than jovially, “Hanging to the left, man. Hanging to the left. Long time.
How the hell are ya?” He doesn’t like the way Jake just looked at me, and he
takes my hand possessively. I throw a look to Jess, who knows
exactly
who Jake is.

 
“I’m
great, man, great. And wow, Amber. You look amazing,” Jake stud-smirks,
mentally undressing me in front of everyone.

Beads of fear-sweat form between my breasts as I
choke out, “Thanks.” Josh’s eyes cloud over. Jess and I stare at each other,
helpless. Although she knows about my super hot affair with Jake, she doesn’t
know I had him audition for my film a couple weeks ago, and that he did well,
and is called back to see the director and producers this coming Monday. She
also doesn’t know I lied to Josh about the auditions. Nicole doesn’t, either.
I’ve been sitting with my guilt haunting me all on my own. I’m terrified
they’ll hate me.

David sticks out his hand, “David. Saw you in the
play,
Menace
. Good stuff.”

They shake hands. “Yeah? Thanks man. Jake.”
 

My mind sends him telepathic orders:
Leave, Jake. Please leave.

But he doesn’t hear me. “So you and Amber, huh?”
The egomaniac asks, crossing his arms and looming above us, cocky as fuck.

Josh’s hand tightens around mine ‘til it hurts.
“Yep. You still studying at Stella Adler?”

“Naw. Been working too much. Just learning on set
now.” We all feel the implication of this statement. He’s working. He’s making
a living acting.

David’s stomach surprisingly saves the day, or I
think maybe Jess kicked him under the table from his jolt. “Well, we’ll catch
up with you later. We’re starving so…”

Jakes looks around us and cooler than cool, nods
and says, “Right. Right. Well, have at it, then. You all have a good night.
Nice to meet you.” He turns to leave and by some miracle he didn’t mention the
audition! I’m in the clear. I reach for my glass of wine, exchanging a look
with Jess. As I’m about to take a sip, Jake turns and calls loudly, “Oh, Amber!
See you at the call back! Spike Jonze. Incredible. Can’t wait!” He gives a
fist-pump and turns away.

I freeze, the glass to my lips. I don’t drink. I
don’t breathe. I feel Josh’s hand go lax, holding mine like a dead fish. An
asshole-liar-girlfriend-jerkhead dead fish.

Jess frowns at me, trying to understand why the
air just got putrid. She thinks so well of me that it never occurs to her the
gravity of my misdeed, never even enters her mind. David sees and understands
something is amiss and rushes to rescues us. “I don’t know about you guys but,
that guy’s a dick. Hey Josh, here’s to your commercial, man. National! That’s
amazing news.”

Josh’s response is stilted as he says thanks. I
bring my glass to theirs, for the group-clink, but Josh downs his Bookers
bourbon on the rocks in a single gulp. He puts it down with a loud exhale and a
thunk that makes us all exchange glances. The waiter arrives serendipitously
and asks, “Ready to order?”

 
“YES!”
Jess, David and I all answer, so loudly that he jumps.

__________________

We managed to get through dinner but when it’s
over and Josh and I say goodbye to our friends, we watch them get into a cab,
smiling and waving, and Josh turns to me before they’ve even driven off. But he
doesn’t look me in the eyes. “I’m tired. Think I’m going to sleep at my place
tonight.”

“Oh. Okay. Yeah, if that’s what you want.”

He runs his fingers through his hair and looks
down at the sidewalks as he says, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“I hope so,” I say, wishing he’d look up, but not
having the guts to ask for anything. “Oh.” Reaching into my bag, I pull out a
shiny set of unused keys. “I had these made for you today.”

“Great.” He slides them into his pocket. “Sleep
well, Amber.”

“Okay. You too.” He walks away to the corner and hails
a cab. Why did one have to come so soon? Maybe I would have worked up the nerve
to explain. As the taillights fade down the street, I pull out my phone and
call Nicole.

“Hey honey. How was dinner?” she asks, smiling on
the other end.

“Bad. You have a minute?”

“Sure. I’m just working on a piece, so I’m alone.
What’s up?”

“We ran into Jake Lombardi.”

“Jake two-weeks-in-bed Jake?”

“That’s the one.” I move to the side so a couple
holding hands can pass me. They look so happy. I should be them right now. If I
wasn’t a dick.

“So? What happened?” she asks.

“Jake made it clear we weren’t
just
acquaintances by the way he looked
at me.” The sidewalk needs a good cleaning. Look at all the gum stuck to it…

“He didn’t! That cocky son of a bitch.”

“Which is why he’s so good in bed,” I admit,
ruefully.

“Which is why that’s
all
he’s good for. Honey, Josh is your man. He loves you. You’re
moving in together. So he saw you’re wanted by a hot guy? A little jealousy is
good for a man’s get up and go, if you know what I mean. You have nothing to
worry about,” she assures me. I’m not sold. I want so badly to tell her what I
did. The other layer to this is crucial…

“Nicole?” I ask, silent tears that I will not
speak of, fall down my cheeks.

“Yeah, Amb? What is it?” I hear Florence and The
Machine,
Shake It Out
playing in the
background. It’s not so easy, Flo.

“I…um…I’m scared.” It’s the truth. It’s just not
all of it.

“I would be, too! It’s a scary thing. I hear ya.
You know me; I haven’t been in a relationship for three years so I’d be fucking
terrified. I’d be running around screaming ‘this isn’t happening! Make it
stop!’”

Her delivery makes me laugh, like she meant it to.
I suck up my shame. I got myself into this; I can put my big-girl-pants on, and
get myself out. “Thanks Nico.”

“Anytime, baby. I’m here for you.”

I quietly wipe my nose with my jacket sleeve and
take a deep breath. “Love you.” She doesn’t know I was crying. They never do.
I’m the strong one. I have to be.

“And you know I love you.” I can hear her smiling
through the phone, can see compassion on her face as if she was right in front
of me.

“Okay I can do this.”

“Yes you can.”

“Night.”

“’Night. Call me later, if you need to. I’ll be up
late.”

“Okay.”

We hang up and I look up at the sky, the bit of it
I can see through the tops of the skyscrapers. There is only blackness. The
stars are obscured by the man-made lights of our growing metropolis. I send a
little prayer up to them anyway, asking for strength, and for a way out of this
for me and Josh. I look down as a cab pulls up and lets someone out to go to
the restaurant. I jog over to it, wait for them to pay, and get in. No subway
tonight. I just want to go home.