I Love My Side of the Story (2 page)

 
“Let’s
go inside.” I let go of their hands and walk in first with them following close
behind.

Behind me, Nicole says, “I think I’m going to quit
smoking.”

Jess scoffs. “My Aunt May always said that right
after a cigarette when the nicotine was still jammin’ through her system.”

I nod and add, “My dad used to do the same thing
and then every time he picked up a cigarette afterward, I felt disappointed. It
would have been better if he hadn’t said it? I don’t know. I guess he needed to
try.”

“We’ll see,” Nicole murmurs. “I’m going to see if
Marlena will give me a tour. Of the closet.”

“Ask her why she doesn’t own any color,” I throw
back. She chuckles and leaves Jess and I, just as we’re about to join the guys.

“Hey sexy,” David says to Jess as she snuggles up to
him and rests her head on his shoulder with a smile. He wraps an arm tightly
around her, his other hand holding a beer.

Josh reaches out his hand to me and I greet him
with a flirtatious “Hi,” a knowing look shared between us. My fingers entwine through
his and I take my place beside him, barely listening to David talk about
who-knows-what, as my heart swells with excitement of what’s to come.

The first time you tell someone you love them is
by far one of the best days in a relationship. Butterflies do pirouettes in your
stomach. Passionate, courageous optimism fills your mind. Everything expands to
make room for another person. The world looks less scary. Diseases are cured.
World hunger is abolished. At least for a little while.

A waiter walks around and David grabs another beer
and hands it to Josh, but I look at it and ask, “You’re not having another one,
are you honey?” He shrugs, hands it back to David and kisses me.

Good boy.

Two months later

When I’d left working for someone else to start my
own casting office, I’d leased this space – small and cozy – on a
dream and a prayer. Jessica and Nicole helped me paint it in a natural toned
palette that includes camel, beige, and white, with some moss green accents
throughout for a little color. I had wanted blue, and Jessica red, but Nicole
had swayed us with descriptions of how much more comfortable these colors would
be, and how they’d compliment everyone’s skin tones. We couldn’t argue with
either point, especially since she’s a painter and we were inclined to trust
her expertise… and bow down to her smooth determination.

They’d brought bag lunches from one of the many
delis in New York, so that we didn’t have to leave until it was done; no
distractions. Jess, always the fashionista, had showed up first dressed as “the
sexy painter,” with cut-off shorts, spaghetti-strapped white tank, red hair
held back with the adorable yet cliché bandana, and brick red laceless Converse
sneakers on her feet. She was dancing around until Nicole popped in, an
actual
painter, wearing authentically
paint-splotched overalls, a super cute black halter and her hair curly and
wild. One look and Jess had freaked out saying she looked
amazing
and we all had to have that ‘look.” They attacked Jessica’s
wardrobe with paint and when they were done with Jess, they ganged up on me. It
was a messy ton of fun. There are still places on the floor where evidence of
our paint party exists; where we didn’t see splotches until they were too dry
to clean. Frankly, I love these flaws more than the perfect walls around them;
monuments to the day The Big Chill soundtrack played over and over and three
best friends sang along, painting a new chapter into my life.

Today, looking at the computer screen with my
associate Annie, I purse my lips, unhappy with the image of Jake staring back
at me. We’ve been combing through literally thousands of actors submitted for
the tricky ‘best friend’ role in the new Spike Jonze movie I’m casting. This
film is the biggest gig I’ve ever booked because of its status. I am a huge fan
of Spike’s work. It is
crucial
I do a
great job. What happens with this film could either lift my career to guarantee
me working on more amazing films or it could dropkick me to limbo-mediocre-land
obscurity. I cannot fuck this up. I will get blamed on some level, and
definitely in the minds of other directors. It could take me years to clean up
my reputation. But I feel confident in my instincts and abilities. And I know
how to pray.

Casting the ‘best friend’ role, now that we’ve got
the lead secured is all a matter of chemistry combined with talent. It sucks so
badly when movies have leads who don’t gel and aren’t believable. I won’t let that
happen here. I’m looking for chemistry like Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman,
Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill, Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson. Turner and Hooch.
I’m being silly on that last one, but… seriously.

“I don’t think Jake’s right for the part. He plays
a really great ‘bad guy,’ which is fantastic for the switch when Ryan’s beaten
down, but I’m not so sure I can sell Jake as the ‘innocent guy’ Ryan is, up
until that point. He’s not innocent – at all. We used to… date.”

“You used to date Jake Lombardi?” Annie asks me,
her jaw meeting the desk.

“Pick your jaw up Annie. It’s not that
unbelievable!”

“I didn’t mean THAT. I meant – oh my God!!!
You’re so lucky!!!”

“Yeah well, like I was saying, Jake’s just got
that ‘bad boy’ thing going on. Like if he got you in an alley, screaming
wouldn’t help you...nor would you want to scream.”

Annie busts up. We both know I’m right. She’s been
my associate for over a year now and we’re like rice and beans. We just fit.
“What was it like?”

“Well, look at him. What you think it would be
like, it was like.” I grin and stand up straighter, looking out the window.
I’ve got on a grey skirt that hits my mid-thigh and a pink blouse I picked up
at H&M with Nicole the other day, when Jess and David had a museum-day.

“Amber! C’mon. Give me one detail.” Annie pouts.

Smiling shyly I turn to her. “Let me off the hook
on this one?”

“No. No way.”

“Oh, alright. It feels weird to talk about other
guys now that I’m with Josh, but what’s the harm?” I sit on the edge of the
desk in front of her eager face. “I met Jake at a seminar for actors – I
was on the panel, talking about the business. Afterward, he introduced himself
and it was like sparks went off when our hands touched for the handshake. He
gave me this look and I knew exactly what was about to happen. They say you
know in twenty seconds if you want to sleep with a guy. With Jake, it took
minus three. You laugh, but I am sooooo not joking. It was insane! We got out
of there. I suspended briefly my no-actors rule because I knew there was no way
we were going to date.”

“Why not?” she asks wide-eyed.

“Jake’s not the dating type. Jake’s the kind you
set free so that other women can enjoy him. Because Annie, if your heart gets
involved, it will be smashed.”

“Oh…”

“I did, however, spend thirteen out of fourteen
days in his bed!”

“Shut up!!”

“I did. It’s true. We had food sent over and all I
kept thinking was thank God I don’t have a pet, because I’m not going anywhere
and it would starve. He’s such an amazing lover. But as soon as I felt the
attachment thing start to happen inside of me like it does with us girls… and
heard him text someone while he thought I was asleep, I was like no no no. Out
of there. He’s good for the bed and bad for the head.” I roll my eyes back and
close them from the memory, biting my lip. “But oh so good for the bed!” I
grin, peeking out at her as she starts squealing.

“So jealous so jealous so jealous!!!”

I laugh and look at his picture on the computer
again, and sigh, “Yep, so when I say I don’t think he can play innocent…”

“But wouldn’t you like to see if he can?” she
asks.

Surveying his dark, brooding,
devil-may-care-more-than-me face, I have to admit that I don’t think he can
pull it off, but his career has been taking off and if he can, he just might be
perfect for the role, and have enough status to be a contender. But only if he
can show us his good-guy side. I shrug, “That would take some real acting on
his part. Let’s see if he can do it.”

“Yay!!! I get to meet Jake Lombardi! Wait. Is it
going to be okay to have him come in?” She looks worried.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the kind of chemistry you guys have…”

“Oh! No. It’ll be fine. I can handle it. He has no
pull on me anymore. Been there, done that. Boom. Immunity.”

Annie doesn’t seem convinced but excitedly marks
him down for an audition anyway. Looking at Annie typing I think, why can’t my
boyfriend have her kind of ambition? He’s so laid back and believes that it
will ‘just happen.’ Things don’t just happen. You have to work for them. Annie
knocked on my door and said she’d prove herself, which she has more than done.
Her work ethic is tremendous. She’s easy to be around, not that Josh isn’t. But
Annie thinks of problems before they come up and solves them. I rely on her
now. Josh isn’t a business-minded person. He’s an artist and they have a hard
time with more tactical things, sometimes. I don’t know. I don’t even know if
he has ambition when it comes to us.

Annie looks up and says, “All set. Have you thought
about having Josh audition?”

“My Josh?”

“Yeah. He seems like a total ‘Ryan.’”

“No way, Annie. The chances of him getting it are
slim to none and then he’d blame me if he didn’t. Can you imagine? No way.” I’m
shaking my head probably more than is necessary.

She nods, looks back at the computer. I stand up
off her desk; uncomfortable by both the positions I’m in. The door opens and
she and I both turn to see Josh walking in.

“Oh Josh, you scared me!” Annie gasps, laughing and
making my heart fall back to its rightful space. We weren’t expecting anyone
and while this is a safe building, you never know.

“Hey Annie, sorry. Hey you,” he says to me with a
sexy smile.

“Hey,” I walk to him and give him a peck on the
lips.

Annie stands, gathers her bag. “Hi! No biggie. I
scare easily. Okay then, heading home – see you at 8 a.m. Amber?”

“Sounds good. Thanks for being awesome.”

“Me? Look at you?”

As she passes him she throws me a look that she’s
thinking what I’m thinking; if he’d come in seconds earlier he would’ve heard
me talking about not calling him in to audition. I give her a slight nod and
she bounces out, mouthing the word,
phew
.

 
“See ya
Annie!” he calls, turns and closes the door behind her to lock it.

“Hey you. Surprise.”

“Yeah. Remember I have to work late tonight?” I
force a smile. I can’t help but admit that he looks very sexy as he oversteps
all of my personal boundaries. I mean, if he’s going to show up unannounced, wearing
those sexy dark jeans is the way to do it. Not to mention that green button-up
shirt that matches his eyes. I sneak a peek at how it’s pulled tightly across
his chest and sigh inwardly. I turn and walk back to my office and call back,
even though I know he’s right behind me, “Yeah, so how was your day? What
brings you over here tonight?” I sit behind my desk and pick up random papers
in an effort to show how busy I am. I wish I were more bravely confrontational
like Nicole. She would tell Josh
great to
see you, but not tonight.
I however am opting for the more passive-aggressive
route. “Wow…” I say quietly, like these papers are weighing on me.

Walking by and scoping out the bookshelves on my
south wall, Josh admires, “I love how you’ve got a biography of The Group
Theater, Sharon Bialy’s
How To Audition
on Camera
, and Michael Caine’s
On
Acting
… and next to them,
The Secret
Life of Bees
,
Tuesdays with Morrie
and
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
.”

I smile. Nice observation, one that few catch. “I
keep it mostly business, but some novels are sprinkled in for heart-supporting
eye-candy… for the longer nights.”
 

“Which there are a lot of...” he says, perking my
ears. He turns and smiles, though so I dismiss my instincts. “Thought you might
need to eat.”

Surprised I ask, “Oh did you bring me something to
eat?”

“I did.” He reaches down to his zipper with a
hilarious look on his face and starts to reveal what he hopes will be my
dinner.

“Josh!” I hold both my hands over my eyes,
laughing. I peek through my fingers. “No real food then?”

“Oh…uh…no. But we could go grab something…after?”
He looks a little embarrassed, but covers it as he squeezes around my huge oak desk
to get to me. He takes me by the hand to pull me up. Resistance is difficult.

“Josh, honey. You’re very hot and I love the way
you’re looking at me like you’re going to eat me alive, but I told you I have
to work.” I say as gently as I can, which unfortunately sounds like a whine. Not
at all attractive. I can’t help it! It’s like I’m talking to my dad all over
again saying
I don’t want to play softball.
I want to do ballet. I don’t care if I’m too short for it!
None of it sinks
in.