I Love My Side of the Story (4 page)

Co-Habitation Day. Yay?

“Honey, do you really think that should go there?”
I’m pointing to a poster of
Taxi Driver
he’s
rested by the wall with plans that we’ll hang it. Right here. There is no way
that disturbing movie poster is going to be the first thing our guests see when
they come over. David would probably love it, but I don’t decorate for David. I
liked the movie, don’t get me wrong – it’s a classic and I get it –
but it doesn’t exactly spell
comfy home
.

“What do you mean?” He is covered in sweat and
frustration; his jeans still managing to look hot as fuck. I have a thing for
men’s legs, and the way they make jeans now, the way they hang and you can see
their leg’s outline through the slightly loose fabric, makes me very excited.

I wipe the back of my hand across my forehead to
scratch an itch without getting it dirty. “Well, it’s the first thing people
will see when they walk in.”

He wipes his brow, “Yeah?” mirroring me as we
stand toe to toe.

My baggy open-necked t-shirt falls of one of my
shoulders Flashdance-style as I put my hands on my hips, my head cocking to the
side so that my blonde ponytail hangs slightly. “Wouldn’t it be better in the
bedroom closet?” I smile, knowing that’s probably not going to fly.

“IN THE CLOSET?” He asks, aghast, shoving his
hands in his pockets and shaking his head.

 
“Yeah.
In the closet.”

“Wow. Okay. Fine, Amber.”

“You can appreciate it every time you start your
day.”

“Nice. Whatever – honey.” That last word he
emphasized in a way I do not like. He picks up the poster, staring at me for a
second to tell me he is not happy, and then storms past.

“You know Josh, whenever people say
whatever
, it sounds like they’re saying
fuck you, just so you know,” I call out as he walks to the bedroom with his
stupid piece-of-shit poster.

“Yeah?” he says from the bedroom.

I cross my arms and say loudly so he can hear me,
“And THAT tone just implied you’re fine with it sounding that way… and that I’m
right!”

“Why wouldn’t you be right? Why would this day be
different from any other?” he mumbles under his breath.

“I heard that!”

Josh stalks out of the room and passes me to grab
a box and disappear into the bathroom with it.

“That box is marked ‘kitchen,’” I tell him,
confused.

He pops his head out and demands, “I picked it up
and realized I have to take a dump. Is that okay with you?” He shuts the door
and to his credit, doesn’t slam it.

I walk and say through the closed door, “Oh, happy
day. I’m having so much fun! You???!!”

He doesn’t answer, which is upsetting. Ignoring me
is pretty much the worst thing you can do… it drives me insane. All of my
gravity leaves me and I float into rage-land. I head to the bedroom and look
back to the closed bathroom door, shake my head and against my better judgement,
slam the door. I have a temper. This sucks big donkey balls. Truth be told,
things have been tense ever since the night he came to my office. And then with
last night’s unexpected whammy, well I know I should say something about it,
but I’m waiting for him to.

I’m a Taurus. If I were a Capricorn, maybe I’d
cave faster.

The security buzzer beeps and it takes everything
in my power to stay put. I’m not getting it. I’m sure it’s the movers and he’s
the one moving in so he should get it. I even have to tuck my hands under my
butt as I sit on the bed and wait. I strain to listen but don’t hear him come
out of the bathroom. The buzzer sounds again. I bite my lip. Is he going to get
it? I’ll count to three and then I’ll get up and get it myself. One…. Two…
BUZZ.

“JOSH ARE YOU GOING TO GET THAT?”

The bathroom door opens and he irately mutters,
“Yeah, I got it. I thought you were going to get it. You’re the woman with all
the say!”

I jump up and run to the door, open it and look
out into the hallway, ready to yell, but there he is, holding the hugest
bouquet of lavender and pink flowers that I forgot I ordered as a welcome for
him. They’re gorgeous, the largest I’ve ever seen… outside of a funeral.

“Oh wow. Look at those! They’re beautiful!” When I
meet his eyes I see the graveness of my error.

He glares from me to the flowers and says,
“They’re great. Thanks.” He sets them down on the ground and walks right out
the door.

What the fuck.

That’s it. I’m caving. I chase him down the
stairs. “Josh! Josh, hang on.” He keeps walking. “JOSH!”

Not stopping he growls, “Amber, I’m really pissed
off right now and I just need to think.”

I stop and say weakly, “I love you.”

He freezes on a stair some ways below me. Four
long seconds pass before he turns around, surprised. “What?”

I touch the banister to steady myself, terrified,
and say it again, “I love you.”

Confusion and relief take turns as he admits, “I
love you, too, Amber.”

 
“Just
because we’re fighting, doesn’t mean I don’t love you, okay? I need you to know
that.” I reach my hand out.

He comes up the stairs and takes my tiny hand as a
tear forms in the corner of my eye. I don’t push it away or try to hide it, for
once. He roughly pulls me to him and kisses me. I wrap my arms around his neck
and kiss him back so hard.

Our mouths separate and he puts his forehead to
mine, standing a step below me on the staircase. “Wow. I can’t believe we’re
fighting like this on our first day together.”

“Me neither,” I squeak.

“I’m sorry, Amber.”

“No it’s me!! I’m the one who’s sorry!”

“Can I put the poster up in the hallway?”

“No.”

He laughs and gives me a gentle kiss. One of my
neighbors – young hipster guy with a fedora, skinny jeans, a scarf and
aviator sunglasses – walks up and excuses himself as he passes. Neither
Josh nor I, move. I think we’re both afraid the fight will break out again if
we let go of each other. “Amber?”

“Yeah?” Our foreheads are still touching and it
feels nice. You can’t yell when you’re this close.

“I’m just mad about the film and finding out that
you…” he trails off. We both know.

“I’m so sorry.” I don’t know what else to say. Can
I explain to him in a way he can understand? “It’s just I… I didn’t…” I search
for the words but he finds them first.

“It’s your job. Work is work. You’ve worked really
hard to get where you are and if I didn’t get the part, I’m sure you thought it
would come between us.”

I’m so relieved! “I did. That’s exactly what I was
thinking.”

“There will be other projects for me. This is a
big one and you want to make sure you bring in ‘names’ and people with more
credits on their resume. It’s okay.”

 
“Oh
Josh. I’m sorry. You’re a wonderful actor. It’s just that we’re so new and it
scares me where it could go, you know, if it went bad? Like… this.”

“Yeah. This sucked really bad. I hate fighting.”

“I hate it, too.”

He pulls back and searches my eyes. “Don’t lie to
me again.”

“I promise. Never again.”

He nods again and closes his eyes, bringing his
forehead again to rest on mine. I shut my eyes, too. “I don’t want to stop
hugging you,” I whisper.

He pauses and kisses me. I answer the kiss more
passionately, but he pulls away, gives my hand a small squeeze and walks past
me, upstairs. Ouch. Maybe he needs time to process his feelings? I follow him,
not speaking as I look at his back, wondering if he can really let it go.

Later with most of his things still in boxes, we
go to bed. It’s our first night together in what is now
our
apartment, but we don’t make love. As he brushes his teeth
after me, I change into a cute little blue tank and short shorts combo that I
think is sexy, but as soon as we climb in, he rolls over. When I hear his
breathing change to how it sounds when he’s sleeping, I can’t help but feel
like he’s faking. After about a half hour, when I hear him really fall asleep,
I know I was right. Dammit.

We had decided my place was bigger and nicer, and
chose here for our home, over his place. But as we lie here in
my
bed, I wonder if uprooting him didn’t
make him feel smaller. My place, my things, and it will take some time for him
to feel like it’s his. Especially with us sticking his belongings wherever we
can.
Finding room
. That’s not a fun
feeling for him, I’m sure. How can it be?

All of a sudden, I remember.

I crawl out of bed, quietly go into the closet and
get out the Taxi Driver poster. With it, I tiptoe out into the hallway, get
some double stick tape from a drawer in my kitchen. Since the poster isn’t
framed, this will work fine. In front of the door, where he’d leaned it earlier
this evening, I pull down a picture of a flower I bought years ago and hang his
poster in its stead. My flower photo will look good in the bathroom. Actually
it will look better there. Standing back, I take a look at what I’ve done and
bite my lip, thinking of course his poster should go here. Make room for your
mate, Amber. I mean, really. I can be a huge jerk sometimes. The last couple
weeks have been eye opening for me. I always thought myself above doing bad
things. Who knew?

When I crawl back into bed, I scoot up to Josh,
spoon my body with his and slide my arm around him. Still sleeping, he curves
to fit me better and his arm moves and covers mine, his hand pulls mine closer
to his body, out of instinct. I breathe in the smell of him and sigh. We’ll get
through this. I fall fast asleep to a night full of sweet dreams.

The Next Morning

When I wake up, Josh isn’t in bed. It takes me a
minute before I realize yes, we did just move in and he should be here. All the
time, now, in fact. As fear hits me that he has moved out and left me while I
slept. Why didn’t I set my alarm? Or a booby-trap at the door to wake me if he
tried to leave? I can make this right! I’m not a horrible person!!!

My voice trembles as I call out, “Josh?!”

“Yeah?” He pokes his head in through the door, his
hair bed-head messy. “I’m making a bagel. You hungry? You want one?”

Relief rushes through me and I nod, a big smile
spreading fast. “Yes, please.”

He grins. “Cream cheese?”

“Sounds perfect.” I bounce out of bed. “I’m just
going to brush my teeth.”

“Cool,” he disappears again and I follow him out
the door and head left into the bathroom.

In the mirror I pull my fingers through my long
blonde hair to tame it. I widen my blue eyes in an attempt to see if there are
any sleepies stuck to the corners. All good. Reaching down without looking, I
pick up my toothbrush from the cup on the ceramic tile counter. I open the
drawer for the Tom’s of Maine toothpaste but looking down, I see I’ve
accidentally grabbed Josh’s toothbrush. I put Josh’s back in the cup to sit
with mine. Our toothbrushes resting together look so cute! I grab my toothbrush
and call out to my new live-in boyfriend, “How’d you sleep, baby?”

He calls back from the kitchen, “Great! You?”

“Great!” Dare I hope we’re all good?

He shows up in the door. “Amber?” I make a funny
noise since my mouth is filled with goo. He leans on the door jam and grins at
me. “Thank you for the poster.” I grin back, white froth everywhere. He laughs
at me and says, “Hurry up. I’ve got to show you something.” Of course this
makes me hurry and run out.

In the area we’ve sectioned off for dining, he’s
prepared breakfast for us. “Oh my gosh!” I say as I stand and take it all in!
Our little round dining table is covered with bagels, sliced apples, grapes,
cream cheese, and glasses filled with orange juice.

“I thought we’d eat, then go grab some coffee and
head to Central Park.”

“That sounds like a perfect Saturday.” He tickles
me and I giggle and kiss him. “This looks amazing. Thank you!”

“Anything for my girl. You’re looking pretty hot
in those shorts. Can they be any smaller?” He smacks me on the ass; his green
eyes alight with amusement.

I yelp and sitting down to grab a cream
cheese-covered bagel, I take a big bite. So yummy. “I have to get a coffee
machine or something. Buying coffee out all the time is costing a fortune.”

“Meh. It’s a nice way to start the day. Around
people, you know.” He shrugs, shoving the last chunk of bagel in his mouth.
“I’m gonna make another one. You want one?” He says, mouth full and gets up.

“No, thanks. One’s fine for me. I’m tiny.”

“Yeah, you are. Tiny and tight.”

“Josh!” I throw an apple slice at him playfully.
He catches it easily through the ‘window’ that divides our living room and
kitchen. As he puts the new bagel in the toaster, I look around and see he’s
stuck my flower arrangement on the floor next to the TV, kind of tucked away.
Odd. I don’t say anything, though. I’m not stupid.

My phone rings from where it’s plugged into the
kitchen wall. Josh looks down at it and says, “Wow. So wild.” His voice is a
combination of many feelings as he finishes, “Amber - Spike Jonze is calling.”

I toss the remainder of my bagel on the plate and
jump up to answer it, thinking what shitty timing.

“He’s calling on a Saturday. Huh.” I smile
reassuringly to Josh and he just nods, raises his eyebrows and leans his hip
against the counter, watching me unplug the phone to answer, “Spike? Hi! Sorry,
my phone was in the other room. Uh huh… Oh. Really? Oh, that’s too bad… Yeah…
Okay. Of course. Please let me know as soon as it’s back on again.” I shake my
head to Josh. He frowns, waiting. “Okay, thanks. Have a great weekend. Oh, I’d
love that. Okay, bye.” I look at the phone, processing what just happened, and
see a text from Jess has come through. It reads: So, how’s the cohabitation
going? ;)

“What’s up?” Josh asks. The bagel pops up in the
toaster, ignored.

“The film’s funding fell through. Casting is stopped
until new investors come on board. Auditions have been cancelled.” I bite my
lip and look at my phone like the answers are in it. “As has my job.”

“Well, that doesn’t mean you’re out for casting
for the film when it starts up again?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. You never know what will
happen with these things. Maybe the new investors will have a casting director
they always use, blah blah blah. You never know.”

“Oh baby. Amber. I’m sorry. That sucks.” He walks
to me and gives me a hug.

“It’s okay,” I say, despite the fact that it’s
not. “It’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to.”

“It will,” he nods. I shrug again in an effort to
shake it off.

“Yeah. I go with the flow, you know. That’s how I
roll.” I joke.

“It is, huh? That’s how you roll?” He mocks me in
a cute teasing way.

“That’s how I roll,” I repeat, and stick my tongue
out at him.

“Give me that,” he says and comes after my tongue
with his own, kissing me and lifting me off my feet to carry me out of the
kitchen with my legs dangling. I throw my arms around his neck and hang on,
kissing him back as he carries me into the bedroom.

Lowering me onto the bed, he peels off my shorts
and when I raise my arms, my tank top comes off, too. His shorts vanish quickly
too, and he is on me, the weight of him comforting me. I can’t help but feel
he’s relieved the film is gone. No more Jake, no more strain between us. When
my mouth touches Josh’s, I close my eyes and force away the thought that I have
to look for work again. As he pins my arms, our fingers intertwine and spread
out from our bodies, he slides the full size and strength of his hardness into
me. With the deep penetration of love that I feel from him, I throw away my
concerns and return his feverish kisses. When the heaviness of his body presses
into of me, locks me onto the bed, bare skin to bare skin as we move together.
When he slides, pushes, and rocks in and out of me, pausing to suspend and
prolong our pleasure, I feel that we belong here, joined like this, forever. We
moan together and he catches my mouth in his for a fiery kiss, again and again.
I feel him get harder, fully engorged and ready to blow, to splash inside me,
so I close my eyes and grip his hands tighter. I am bound to him, by him. I
arch my back and head, enjoying the pulsing inside me. The jerking of his
orgasm doubles then triples my pleasure and I follow with waves of climax that
almost hurt they’re so good. He releases my hands, kisses my eyelids, my neck,
my earlobe. I wrap my arms around him and hold on tight. As we lie together,
gasping for breath, there is nothing… but Josh and me.