I Want to Hold Your Hand (25 page)

“Does your family know where you’re going?”

“My mother does. I told her to tell Hunter so he doesn’t send out the search-and-rescue team, but they won’t tell anyone else.”

“Not even your dad?”

“Well, my mom might tell him.”

“Which means everyone else will know, too,” Nolan said with a low laugh.

“Does that bother you?”

“Hell no. I don’t care. I’ve been around you Abbotts long enough by now to know how things work. I just hope . . .” He didn’t know how to say it without sounding like an insecure nitwit.

“What do you hope?”

“A couple of things, actually. For one, I hope no one in your life thinks I felt this way about you when Caleb was alive.”

“God, Nolan,” she said softly. “No one would ever think such a thing.”

“Sure they would. People can be mean and spiteful and say awful things that hurt innocent people like you. I’d never want to be the cause of that kind of pain for you. I knew you long before he did. What’s to stop someone from saying I was jealous of him and happy to have him out of the picture?”

“You were one of his closest friends. How could anyone think that?”

Nolan shrugged, hating that she sounded so undone by the possibility. “It’s something I’ve worried about.” After a protracted stretch of silence, he glanced over at her. “What’re you thinking?”

“That I’ve spent an awful lot of time considering how difficult it is for me to start dating again, but I haven’t given nearly as much thought to what it’s like to be you in this situation. I’m sorry you’ve worried about that. If anyone dares to breathe even a hint of that in your direction, they’ll see a very ugly side of me.”

“Is that right?” he said with a chuckle. “Easy, tiger.”

“I’m serious! That anyone would dare to say such an awful thing after everything we’ve both been through since Caleb died . . . The thought of it makes me furious.”

“You’re very cute when you’re pissed.”

“This is no time for jokes.”

“I’m not joking. You’re seriously sexy when you’re pissed. And when you’re not pissed, too. You’re sexy pretty much all the time.”

“Nolan!”

“What? I only speak the truth.”

“I want you to promise me if anyone ever says anything even remotely like that you’ll tell me. Do you promise?”

“I’d be a little afraid to tell you. I wouldn’t want to have to bail you out of jail.”

“I mean it. I’d want to know so I could set the person straight.”

“I’m the sort of guy who prefers to fight his own battles.”

“I’d want to know. Do you promise?”

“Fine. I promise. Jeez, I never knew you had this pushy aggressive side to you,” he said in a teasing tone. “It turns me on.”

“Shut up,” she said, laughing.

He brought their joined hands to his lap and placed her palm over his erection. “You think I’m joking?”

“Nolan . . .”

“Hmm?” He was having trouble keeping the truck on the road with the heat of her hand burning through his clothes.

“How much longer until we get there?”

“Not long.”

She sighed and dropped her head back against the seat but kept her hand right where he’d put it. “You said that was one thing. What are some of the other things you worry about?”

“I’m afraid to tell you after the way you reacted to that one.”

“Tell me anyway.”

Nolan stared out at the stretch of road that was marked by trees in full bloom and grass just beginning to turn green. “I worry sometimes that after him I’ll seem kind of boring to you.”

“What? That’s nuts. Why in the world would you think that?”

“He was so . . . multifaceted, I guess you would say. Complicated, complex, larger than life. I’m none of those things. I’m a pretty simple what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of guy. How do I begin to compete with the memory of a guy who was all those things and so much more?”

“You don’t have to compete with him, Nolan. I’d never want you to feel that way. He was what he was, and we all loved him, but he was far from perfect. At times I used to plead with him to sit down, shut up and just
be
. He usually lasted about five minutes, and then he was onto something else. He exhausted me. There were plenty of things about him I couldn’t stand at times.”

“Like what?” Nolan asked, truly amazed by the unprecedented view of the other side of what had seemed to him like a perfect marriage.

“The drinking was an issue. I hated how he couldn’t have just a few beers socially. It was always about getting plowed. When he was drunk he could be loud and obnoxious, which was often embarrassing to me. His language was awful, and it drove me crazy that he forgot sometimes to apply the filter when my parents and grandparents were around. We used to have big ugly fights about those things.”

“I had no idea you guys ever fought.”

“Oh my God! Are you kidding? We fought like tomcats.”

“You sure made it look good to the rest of us.”

“Most of the time, it was good. But it was far from perfect.”

“I’m truly stunned to hear that. It appeared blissful.”

“A lot of times it was, but no one knows what really goes on inside a marriage except the two people who are in it.”

“That’s true.”

“I loved him with everything I had, but I wasn’t blind to his faults, and he wasn’t blind to mine.”

“What faults do you possibly have?”

“You’ll just have to stick around to find out, won’t you?”

As much as it pained him to lose her touch down below, he raised their joined hands to his lips. “I’ll look forward to discovering every awful, terrible, sinister thing about you.”

Her laughter pleased and relaxed him. It felt good to be able to air out the bad stuff along with the good. He’d never been with anyone who was as easy to talk to as she was. He let their hands fall back to his lap, but rested them on his thigh because he couldn’t take any more of the sweet torture of her hand on his cock.

“Any other worries?” she asked, looking at him with genuine interest and concern reflected in her gaze.

“One more. It’s kind of a big one.”

“Okay. I can take it. Bring it on.”

“I can’t remember where I heard this, only that it stayed with me because of how it might apply to me—and you—if I ever got the chance to be with you. It might’ve been on TV or something, but the person said that most of the time after someone is divorced or widowed that the first relationship doesn’t work out. And I really want this to work out.”

“So do I, Nolan. I’m not with you or going away with you this weekend to check a post-widow box on my way to something better. You are something better. In the back of my mind, I always knew when I was ready, you were waiting and that was comforting. It’s not like no one asked me out in all this time. People did.”

“People. People like Myles Johansen?”

“How do you know about that?”

“I have my sources.”

“Did my dad tell you that? I’ll kill him. He’s such a gossip!”

“He only pointed out that a wise man is aware of any potential competition when he’s trying to win the heart of a certain woman. Since I was unaware of any potential competition, I believe he took some pleasure in illuminating me as to Myles’s interest.”

“I am going to kill him.”

“No, you’re not. He was looking out for you, and shockingly, I think he might’ve even been looking out for me, too. Which leads me to a confession . . .”

“What confession?”

“Apparently, he and your grandfather might’ve had something to do with the dead battery that brought me to your door that day.”

Her eyes went wide with surprise and fury. “Are you
kidding
me? They’re totally out of control!”

“It worked, didn’t it?”

“They actually
messed with the battery
in my car to get me to call you?”

“I believe it was much more calculated than that. They messed with your battery on a day when they knew you had somewhere to be and on a day when most of your family was elsewhere, thus I was the only choice.”

“That’s nothing short of diabolical.”

“I’ll repeat—it worked, didn’t it? Here you are. Here I am. Thanks to a little nudge from a couple of well-meaning old dudes.”

“Well-meaning,” she said with a snort. “If that’s what you want to call it.”

“I hate to side with the enemy, and I’d never disclose this to them under the threat of torture, but I do appreciate their . . . assistance, I guess we’ll call it. They gave us the nudge we needed, and they put me out of the misery I’d been in since the dance at the Grange.”

“Why were you in misery?”

“Because I’d kissed you and called you and you didn’t call me back, so I figured I’d already blown any chance I’d ever had with you. If that’s not misery, I don’t know what is.”

“I’m sorry I put you through that. I wanted to call you. I wanted to so badly.”

“Then they did us a favor giving you a reason to call me, and for that you should probably cut them a break.”

“I’ll take that under consideration.”

“Personally, I’d like to send them a thank-you note. Wish I’d thought of messing with your car sooner.”

“You never would’ve done that!”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures, and after one taste of you, I was feeling pretty damned desperate.”

“Just so you know, I spent an inordinate amount of time reliving that kiss and trying to figure out why I’d pulled away from you when that was the last thing I wanted to do.”

“Why do you think you did that?”

“Because it was the first time since . . . everything. I’m sort of hoping that doesn’t happen again.” He heard her swallow hard. “This weekend.”

“If it does, it does. You’re under no pressure here, Hannah. None at all. Let’s just relax and enjoy being together. Anything else is a bonus, all right?”

“Thank you for understanding that I’m a little nervous.”

“Please don’t be.”

They arrived at the rustic country inn a short time later and pulled into the parking lot. Situated on twenty acres of rolling farmland in the foothills of the Green Mountains, the Candlewick Inn had come highly recommended by various websites as a premium romantic spot in Northern Vermont. Hearing that she was nervous, Nolan was glad he’d thought of the first item on their agenda.

Upon check-in, the innkeeper herself showed them to a spacious room with a country theme. Blond wood floors and navy blue accents took some of the focus off the king-sized bed that occupied the far corner of the room. It included a fireplace and a Jacuzzi tub. He’d requested both.

“I hope this meets with your satisfaction, Mr. Roberts,” the friendly innkeeper said.

“It’s perfect. Thank you.”

She handed him a slip of paper. “Confirmation of your spa appointment in thirty minutes.”

“Great, thanks.”

“Enjoy your stay, and please feel free to let us know if we can do anything to make you more comfortable.”

When they were alone, Hannah turned to him. “We have a
spa
appointment?”

“Yes, we do.”

“
You
are going to a spa?”

“Apparently so.”

“And what are you having done? I’m picturing you strapped to the waxing table, screaming your head off.”

“As appealing as that sounds—and as intrigued as I am by how you might know what it’s like to be strapped to a waxing table—that’s not what we’re doing.”

“What are we doing?”

“A couple’s massage.”

Her eyes lit up with unmistakable pleasure. “Really? We are?”

He loved seeing her so happy, especially when she hadn’t yet told him why she’d been crying before he picked her up. “Yes, we are.”

“Have you ever had a massage before?”

“I can’t say that I have.”

Her delicate laughter made him smile. “This ought to be interesting.”

“I remembered how much you enjoy your spa days with the girls, so I figured I couldn’t miss with some spa time.”

She shed her coat, tossed it over a chair and came to him, sliding her hands up his chest to rest on his shoulders. “Thank you for arranging this, Nolan. It’s such a relief to be away from everything and everyone. Except for you, of course.”

“You’ve had a tough week,” he said, noticing when her smile dimmed and desperately wanting to know why. “Some R and R is just what you need.” He hugged her and breathed in the fragrant scent of her hair. “We should get to the spa.”

“You sound almost enthusiastic.”

“I do? That wasn’t intentional.”

She smiled and let her hand slide down his arm to take his hand. “Don’t knock it until you try it.”

He wouldn’t knock it, and he would try anything that made her smile so brightly.

CHAPTER 18

Home in Vermont for the funeral of Caleb’s grandmother. We were shocked to learn that she left her big, beautiful house to Caleb because he was the only one who ever loved it as much as she did. We’re so sad to lose her but thrilled with her gift. The house has always been special to both of us, and we’re looking forward to “someday” when we’ll live there after Caleb retires. Since he’s determined to be a general, someday is a long time from now! But it’s nice to know we have a place to call home amid all the moving around.