Ice Steam (Loving All Wrong #3) (31 page)

“Are you high or something?” Xena asked through a laugh. “Dial it down a bit.”

Narrowing my gaze, I studied Danni’s disheveled appearance. He looked like he’d been in the middle of steamy little romp. Nothing wrong with that. But it was his panicked expression and awkward bellowing of our names which had me drawing the conclusion that this romp was with someone we knew.

Secrets, secrets. Lies, lies. That’s all Los Angeles was about
.

With a mischievous grin, I thrust the Hermes bag to him and forced my way into the apartment. “Saw this and thought of you, so I bought it. For you, butt-poker.”

He cast a brief glance at the bag, then back to me. “That’s nice of you, Alina, but I—”

Xena barged in next. “Jesus, this place reeks of sex. Were you sucking your own dick or something?”

“Guys, really, now is not a good—”

“Can I use your bathroom?” I asked, after scanning the sleek apartment and finding the kind of mess that only hot, rough sex would make—rumpled sheets and clothes scattered across floor, including a pair of cherry-red Doc Martens that
definitely
weren’t Danni’s.

In a studio apartment, there were no other rooms for someone to hide except the bathroom.

I didn’t wait for Danni to respond, I made a beeline for the door on the right, while Xena poked around the kitchen area.

“Alina, no, don’t go in—”

I pushed open the door, and there, frenziedly dragging on his jeans, was Leo.

I knew it!

He froze, about to freak out, to start “explaining”. But I made a slow shake of my head to indicate he keep quiet, then I looked over my shoulder and gave Danni a ‘
shh
’ signal, while Xena rummaged through his refrigerator and bitched about his “tiny” place.

Letting out a relieved sigh, Danni nodded and I stepped into the bathroom with Leo, closing the door behind me.

He moved a step back in the small space, watching me warily.

Closing in on him, till my breasts were pressed against his taut chest, I reached down between us and slowly zipped up his jeans for him, then buttoned it, before asking in a breathy whisper, “Who’s A?”

Leo’s confusion at the question was veritable. “Huh?”

“Listen, the last thing you want right now is big-mouth Xena getting wind of this,” I told him. “Tell me who’s A, and your secret’s safe with me.”

As if making an oath in court, his hand went up. “I swear to God, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I studied him, searching for some hint he was lying. But he looked truly terrified, face red with embarrassment, and I actually felt sad for him. Sad that he couldn’t come out to the world because he was
so
afraid of what people would think of him.

“Danni told you he’s faking as Xena’s boyfriend?”

“No.” He seemed surprised at this revelation. “I thought he was bi.”

“Nope. Danni’s strictly dickly. And he’s lonely. Always getting screwed over by selfish assholes who don’t have the balls to own up to their sexuality. So treat him good. Say nothing, and I’ll say nothing.”

His eyes bugged. “You think I’d
say
something after…” He made a wild gesture with his hands to indicate the whole awkward run-in.

I laughed, because it was, indeed, laughable.

Leo’s shoulders visibly relaxed, and I turned to leave the room, pausing at the door for a minute to warn, “It goes without saying that if I find out you’re a part of this A shenanigan, I’m telling.”

Xena was still in the kitchen digging into a huge tub of Ben & Jerry’s chocolate ice-cream, as if she hadn’t eaten for months.

“There was a
huge
rodent in the bathroom. Let’s split this infested match box,” I called to her with mock disgust. “I don’t know how you can even eat here. This place reeks of cum and asshole.”

Mouth full of calories, Xena nodded in agreement, then skipped out the door, letting Danni know she was stealing his ice-cream.

“Thank you,” Danni mouthed as I headed out behind Xena.

“Call the exterminator,” I said. “’Cause that’s one big ass rodent problem you got on your hands.”

By the time we got to Beach Rock, Xena had devoured every last drop of the ice-cream, staring down into the empty tub as though she expected more to magically appear.

“Is this your first time eating ice-cream, or are you just going through a phase?” I asked her as we walked up the steps to the house.

She groaned. “I was trying that whole diet thing like you. Suffice it to say, it’s not working out so well for me. I feel hungry more than ever.
All
the time
.”

I cracked up.

“Don’t laugh,” she pouted, keying open the door. “Your waist is
so
tiny and your stomach is
so
flat and your arms and legs are
so
toned. I’m jealous! There, I said it!”

“Trust me, Xena, I diet and exercise not because I
care
how small my waist is,” I informed her, “but because my contract demands I do. Take it from me, it’s torture. But it takes discipline and control. And caving at the first glimpse of ice-cream is
not
control.”

“
Boo
!” she sang, dumping her shopping bags on the first piece of furniture she saw, then headed straight for the kitchen.

Laughing at her ravenous condition, I dumped my shopping bags, too, then mounted the stairs and navigated to Xavier’s room.

His door was closed, which was weird, because he
never
closed it unless I was there. As a matter of fact,
none
of the men in that house kept their doors closed.

I swiveled to the direction of Tex’s room to prove my point: his door was half-opened. I couldn’t see him, but I could hear him singing, “
She walks, she talks, like rock ‘n’ roll. Black eyes scream death, reflecting her soul. Run tall, don’t fall, her heart is Sheol
…”

Wherever he was in his room, he could
see
me. He was a sick, creepy dude.

I flipped my middle finger at his room, swiveling back around to open Xavier’s door.

I shouldn’t have. Maybe I should have knocked. Or called. Or stayed out shopping a little bit longer. Or went food hunting in the kitchen with Xena. Or went into Tex’s room instead and sang along with him. Anything,
anything at all
, but opening that goddamn door.

With just the turn of a knob, the creak of hinges, the ground beneath me turned to sinking sand, and I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper, going under.

“Shit!”

That was from Xavier.

Xavier, my “official boyfriend”, was standing at the side of his bed in nothing but a towel around his waist, looking down at a very naked, very voluptuous brunette who had a blindfold eye-mask hanging around her neck instead of her eyes, and her fingers plunged deep inside herself as she writhed on his bed.

Suddenly, he was leaping over the bed, over the brunette, to get to me. His mouth was moving, he was speaking, but I heard nothing at all but the loud, echoing beat of my heart, thumping, thumping, thumping.

He was in front of me now, and those hands, those hands I loved
so much,
gripped my shoulders and shook. Shook. Shook me right out of the shock.

“….is the truth, Chino.” My sense of hearing was returning, slowly. “…ease…
please
tell me…believe me.”

My head turned from one side to the next, peering down at his hands gripping my shoulders. Then I looked up at him. He was wet. His hair, eyelashes and glowing, olive skin was wet. Steel-gray eyes panicked, anxious.

Beautiful. So damn beautiful, this man. I
loved
that beauty. Was obsessed with it. I loved
him
. I was
in
love with him. I wondered if he knew. Wondered if he knew I’d fallen in love with him.

“Did you know?” I whispered. “Did you know I was falling in love with you?”

“Chi—”

“Did you know that every kiss, every touch, every smile from you chipped off a piece of the ice around my heart? Did you know your heat, your steam, is what’s been keeping the cold box I live in warm enough to make space for
you
?”

As the shock wore off, rage settled in, and I pushed at his chest, but he didn’t even budge. “Did you know I
chose
you
?!” I chucked him again, and he pitied my efforts by taking a step back. “Did you?!”
Push
. “Did you know, asshole?!”
Push
. “Did. You.
Know
?!”

When my wrists began hurting from trying to move a man who was as immovable as a tree trunk, I spun to leave the room and found Mark and Xena standing in the doorway, not surprised by the scene, but rather disappointed.

“Oh shit, man,” muttered Mark. “Your ass is grass.”

“Chino—” Xavier began, chasing after me.

Whirling on him, I jabbed a finger to his chest. “Don’t you
dare
follow me, you disgusting piece of shit!” I gestured to the naked brunette on the bed, who seemed whet from all the trouble she’s caused. Bet it made her feel important. “You’re free to carry on being a rock star
, Xavier Xander
.”

Burrowing past Mark and Xena, I braked up when my eyes landed on Tex, who was leaning on his doorjamb, with a cigarette burning between his fingers as he serenely sang, “
She walks, she talks, like rock ‘n’ roll. Black eyes scream death, reflecting her soul. Run tall, don’t fall, her heart is Sheol
…”

I marched up to him, plucked the cigarette from his fingers, tipped up so my lips were inches away from his, and hissed, “You’ve got your wish now,
A
.”

He was expressionless, showing no signs of confusion, surprise, or knowledge. He just blinked lazily, opened his mouth, and began singing again.

Exasperated, I flicked the lit cigarette over his shoulder so it landed on his bed, and then I turned and stormed out, wishing the sheets would catch fire and burn Beach Rock
down
.

It wasn’t until I was in the back of Mel’s Range that my cellphone buzzed with a text message:

A triangle or a square?

Wrong! It’s a sphere,

Round & round the story goes,

Who’s playing who?

No one seems to know.

You thought this was your game,

Thought it was all about you,

Smile for the camera, Bitch,

The game is playing YOU.

-A

I
didn’t remember the ride home. I didn’t remember riding the elevator up to my apartment, running a bath and slinking into the tub.

Finding out Xavier was screwing around on me wasn’t what had me in such a stupor. He was a rock star, that’s the kind of thing to expect when you decide to date a rock star, especially one who was, pre-me, notorious for being the slut of the band. If you didn’t know how to forgive a man for messing up, then you had no business dating a rocker. They don’t just change overnight. It takes them a while to get it right. And if you wanted to be the girl who holds them down in the end, then you needed to understand the life, hold on, and hold out.

So, no, it
wasn’t
his cheating that had me shaken up. It was the chilling realization that someone, other than Davian Hamilton, had the power to cause me so much pain.

If someone had asked me, five minutes before I turned that doorknob, how I would feel if I discovered Xavier was cheating me, I would’ve shrugged and said,“It is what it is.” Because I couldn’t have imagined, or even believed, how painfully loud my heart would crack at the sight of a naked woman in his bed.

I was devastated. Ruined. In pain. I was hurting in places I never knew I could hurt.

I hadn’t realized it, hadn’t wanted to admit it until I walked into that room, that I’d unwittingly fallen in love with Xavier Xander.

That evening down in the cave, I’d chosen him over Davian and hadn’t even realized it until my mouth, of its own volition, blurted it out to Xavier.

All this time I thought I was playing a game, when in fact, the game, my own game, was playing
me—
as pointed out by -A.

The din of the penthouse receiver echoed throughout the apartment, jolting me from my thoughts. Sinking lower into the bathtub, I ignored it.