Ice Steam (Loving All Wrong #3) (33 page)

“Jess came on the scene and she was caring, understanding, patient with me. She pried me away from the alcohol and nursed me back to sanity, helped me regain focus. Somewhere along the way, I fell for her. But I
never
forgot you, Alina. And Jess knows—she knows she’s sharing my heart with someone else. She understands. She just doesn’t know that someone else is you.”

As of today, she does
.

I bit my lip at the word ‘sharing’ to hide the trembling, to wrestle down the tears. Only Davian could make me so vulnerable, weak, desperate. Only Davian could hurt me with just one word.
Sharing
.

The last hour of revelation didn’t mean or change a thing. He was still keeping Jess. He only wanted me to
know
the truth, to
know
he was still in love with me, to
know
he has never, and will never, forget me. But he wasn’t
choosing
me.

“Davi…” I whispered.

His face twisted in anguish and regret. “Don’t ask me to do it, Ally. At least, not now.”

I couldn’t hold them back any longer. The tears came, and so did the pain. “But you’re the reason I came here. You’re my heart.”

“She loves me, too,” he said, so quietly it would’ve been swept away by the wind if time wasn’t so still between us.

“I love you more!” I cried in his face. “I loved you
first
!”

Releasing me and removing his leg from around mine, he rubbed his hands over his face. “You, of all people, know the kind of man I am, Ally. You know I actually give a shit about people’s feelings. You know I’m not the kind of guy who’s going to selfishly rip some girl’s heart out just because…”

I waited for him to finish, but he just sat there with his face in his hands. “Just because what?”

Removing his hands from his face, he cocked his head to me. “Just because the real deal shows up.”

“So you’d rather spend the rest of your life married to her while being in love with me?” I asked, scooting to the edge of the sofa, closer to him. “Davi, selfishness
is
necessary sometimes in order to get your happy ending. Sacrificing your own happiness for someone else’s never, ever works out in the end. If you’ve never had to disappoint a few people and break a few hearts to get your true love, then that love is bullshit. Love, any type of love that comes easily is mediocre.
True
love doesn’t. True love is hard work. You chased me for a whole year before I finally gave in.”

I reached for his hands, and he let me take them. “The greatest loves are usually the messiest ones. Don’t be afraid to get messy when it comes to going after what you know is
real
.”

Silence.

He sat there, for minutes. Long, torturous minutes. Saying nothing.

This was Davian Hamilton. To the world he was a loaded, famous rock star. Some would look at him and think he was the archetype of all stars: drinking, swearing, screwing every piece of ass that crossed his path then treating them like shit the next morning.

But the real Davian was a hopeless romantic, sensitive towards other’s feelings, who loved with raw passion.

Knowing this, knowing him, I knew no matter what I said or did, I would never get him to break Jessica’s heart.

Letting go of his hands, I wiped away my stupid tears. “I get it. This visit isn’t about love. It’s about closure.” I stood and rubbed my palms down my robe. “None of it, since I came here, has been about you still loving me. It has been about you feeling guilty, trying to find some way to make amends.”

My nose was stuffy, and my eyes still burned, but I wouldn’t clear my nose, and I wouldn’t let the tears fall, because that would just make me appear weaker, even more pathetic in front of him. “It’s okay, Davi. I understand. I hold nothing against you, alright? You don’t have to feel guilty anymore. Go, marry Jess with a clear conscience. You have my sincerest blessings.”

Eyes on mine, Davian slowly stood. He prowled toward me with
that
look, the same molesting look from earlier.

I backed up from him until the back of my calves hit the coffee table.

Seizing my right hand, he pressed it to his crotch for me to feel the hard, throbbing bulge there. “What does this feel like, Ally?”

I didn’t respond, and he thrust forward into my hand. “Tell me, what does it
feel
like?”

I kept my mouth shut.

With his other hand, he grabbed a fistful of my hair. “Does this feel like I want
closure
?”

“No.”

“Then what?” He tugged my hair back, baring my neck to him, and I tried rubbing my thighs together as a gush of arousal soaked my bare folds beneath the robe. “
What
does it feel like?”

“Like you want to bend me over every surface in this place.”

“That’s right, baby.” His grip in my hair loosened. “I want to bury myself deep inside you and
never
leave.”

I squeezed.

He moved.

And before I knew what was happening, he had me flat on the coffee table, my robe ripped open.

“
Ohgod
,” I moaned out loud when his mouth closed around my nipple, his bulge grounding against my mound.

Hot, wet, and starved for his dick, I raised my hips and rubbed myself against him, the sensation in my clit heightening from the friction.

His kisses traveled up until his mouth found mine with a feral growl, drinking all the air out of my lungs.

Reaching down between us, he undid his jeans and took his thick dick out in a tight fist, harshly pumping himself. “You on birth control?”

“No,” I lied, not wanting to take any chances. I’d promptly went on The Pill after that first scare with Xavier. “Put on a—”

“Good,” he hissed out and drove deep into me.

“Ahhh!”

My scream didn’t faze him, as he reared back and slammed into me even harder.

“Davian!” I cried out at the slice of pain.

He took no pity on me, but instead palmed both my breasts and held tight to them like bike handlebars as he began driving into me hard and wild, as though he’d been thinking about this for a while and wanted to ram me as hard as he could, to hear me scream, to be sure it was happening for real.

“I haven’t forgiven you, Ally,” he gritted out. “I’m still mad. Still pissed.”

“I’m sorry,” I whimpered.

His slams became more punishing. “You shouldn’t have done it.”
Slam. Slam.
“You should have fought for us.”
Slam. Slam. Slam.
“You shouldn’t have killed our ba…” His voice broke off on a hitch, as though it were too hard for him to finish the sentence.

And that’s when he really took it out on me.

I was gasping for breath, I was crying, I was begging for him to slow down. He didn’t care.

I held on to the sides of the coffee table and withstood his pounding, his punishment, his anger, his resentment.

Until he growled my name out loud, and with rough hands and no grace, flipped me over, drew up my hips, lifting me onto my hands and knees, and pushed into me again.

“You, Ally…” he ground out, his pumps fast, manic. “You’re…the only…one.”

I mewled at his words, coiling tight, then shook and shattered, unable to recognize the sounds leaving my own mouth, unable to stop from collapsing to the table even as Davian tried to keep me up.

My knees were weak, could no longer hold me up, so he came down with me, never once pausing his relentless pounding.

“Alina?” he whispered, dropping his mouth to my shoulder and sinking his teeth into my flesh. “Baby?”

“Davi?”

“What I feel for you…”
Slam.
“…is unending…”
Slam
. “…undying…”
Slam
. “Infini—ahhhgh shit!”

His orgasm took him by surprise, and he stiffened behind me, cock pulsating, a cluster of incomprehensible words leaving him.

“I love you,” he wheezed out as he went lax on top of me, breathing hard.

I didn’t return the sentiment. There was no point. It would change nothing. He already knew my heart was his. Why waste words on a moment that meant nothing? Why bother when, the moment he left here, he would go straight into his fiancée’s bed and whisper the same goddamn words to her?

We laid there in silence for long, long time, until he got up, taking me with him, and began stripping off his clothes.

“What are you doing?”

“I
need
to make love to you…before I go.”

I frowned. “We just—”

“Fought,” he finished, kicking off his boxers. He bent and picked me up in his arms. “Got rid of the pent-up resentment. Now let’s make love for real. Slow and long, like we used to. Where’s the bedroom?”

Sighing, I dropped my head to his shoulder and gave him directions.

He took me to the bedroom, gently laid me down on the bed, located the surround system, selected my “Baby-Making Music” playlist, and then made slow, sweet, passionate love to me.

And much like that first night he took my virginity, I cried throughout the whole thing I was so in love with the guy.

We cuddled for hours under the sheets afterward, reminiscing on old times and whispering sweet nothings until my eyelids grew heavy.

“Can you stay the night?” I asked him.

He discharged an apologetic groan. “I can stay until you fall asleep.”

“Well, in that case,” I mumbled through a wide yawn, “can you go fetch me a Redbull?”

I
woke up cuddling my pillow, sunlight blasting through the floor-to-ceiling windows.

The sheets smelled of Davian Hamilton and hot sex. I inhaled deep, savoring the scent.

Noticing a note on the nightstand, I reluctantly slid from beneath the sheets and picked it up.

I wish, every day, that things were different.

Love you forever.

∞

My smile was sad. I had hoped he would have stayed, hoped that when I woke up he would be out in the kitchen preparing breakfast.

But wishes were for kids, right?

Using the penthouse receiver, I called Mel and told her to pick up a new cellphone for me at the nearest dealer. After a long shower, I blended up a green smoothie for breakfast, went out on the balcony, stretched out on a lounge chair, and listened to my Ice Steam playlist until Mel returned with the phone.

I switched the new SIM card with my old one. And as soon as it was on, the notifications flooded in, over a hundred missed calls from various Ninety Miles Villa residents.

There was also a text message from cousin Chad.

Cousin
:
You know how I feel about defiance, don’t you?

The apartment was really bugged? And here I was thinking Davian was just being paranoid.
Arrrgh!

Drawing my knees up to my chest, I took a few calming breaths in and out.

Me:
He did nothing wrong. I *deserved* 2 know d truth.

Cousin:
I tested his strength. His endurance. His so-called love for you. If he had chosen you over his father, I would have done nothing. I would have let them both go free. Choosing you would have proved I can trust him with you. But he didn’t. You are worth 12billion. Anything dire can happen down the road, should people get wind of this fact. I won’t be around forever to protect you. You deserve someone who will protect you, who will
always
choose you. No matter what.

Me
:
What r u gonna do 2 him?

Chad
:
You love him, so maybe nothing. As for Senior Hamilton…

And that was it, no apologies. Not even an ounce of compassion or humanity. Just cold and to the point, as it always was with him. Commands and expectations of compliance.

I sometimes wished I wasn’t so afraid of him so I could tell him to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. But that would be like trying to chew iron.

Mom used to be afraid of him. Dad used to be afraid of him. Hell, even his own father used to be afraid of him. My parents loved him to bits, but with a certain wariness and vigilance, as though they were expecting him to suddenly morph into some kind of wild, vicious creature and eat them alive.

The only two people I’ve ever seen him tolerate were Saskia and JK. Whenever they dissed him, he would just have this barely-there smile on his face. JK was his best friend, so that was understandable, and Saskia was JK’s wife, so she had dissing privileges as much as JK.

But I was too much of a wuss to cross the line with him. He scared me.

Knifing up from the lounge chair, I ran to the bathroom, turned on the shower and dialed JK.

As soon as he picked up, I rushed out, “Take Jacob over to Dave’s and let him stay there until next week.”

“What? No. You know on Sundays I take Jacob with me to—”

“JK, shut up! Just shut the hell up! You should be glad I’m even talking to you right now!”

“What’re you—”

“Davi told me what you
didn’t
, asshole! You watched me deteriorate for months and you said
nothing
!”

“What makes you thi—”

“I don’t wanna hear it right now, alright? I don’t know when, but Chad is gonna pay Dave a visit, and only God knows what he’s gonna do to the poor old man. If Jacob is there with him it might make a difference, might make him rethink. Dave is my son’s grandfather.
Family
. So just…just do as I ask.
Please
.”