If I Fall (19 page)

I bristled at her judging me. “He hangs out with you. And with Lauren.”

She chuckled, nodding. “Exactly.”

We stood there, an awkward silence hanging between us.

“
Look, I don't mean it like it's uncool or whatever,” she said. “I really don't. I'm just saying he's normally into...different girls.”

“
You mean like girls who don't get grounded and have to sneak out of the house?” I said.

She made a face. “Sorry. I wasn't trying to start anything. You really do seem nice.” She blinked at me a couple of times. “You just might want to be careful with Aidan, alright? That's all I mean. He's never really been boyfriend material and I'm not sure that's gonna change anytime soon.”

What was it with his friends and their way of not being able to say what they seemed to want to say to me? First Scotty, now her.

“
Are you trying to tell me something?” I asked. “Because if you are, I wish you would just say it.”

She spun the keys on her index finger, then caught them in her hand and squeezed them. “I'm just saying you seem nice, Meg. That's all. I'll see you later.”

I watched her walk the length of the lot and climb into an old Toyota sedan. The car sputtered to life and seemed to barely make it out of the lot before it surged a little toward the street, disappearing around the corner.

The lots were nearly empty now and the stream of people from the school had slowed to a trickle.

I checked my phone again.

Nothing.

TWENTY SIX

“OK, so I'm making a small addendum to our agreement for Friday
 night,” Sara said, pointing a forkful of lettuce at me.

“
We already made our deal,” I said, crunching on a crouton. “You can't take it back.”

She shoved the lettuce in her mouth, chewed and pointed the fork at me again. “I'm not taking it back. I'm adding on to it.”

I wanted to tell her that maybe I didn't need to go to Jada's after all. Aidan still hadn't called or texted since school had ended. The last time I'd talked to him was at lunch. So I had no idea what the hell was going on.

“
I talked to your dad today,” she said.

I didn't say anything.

“And he wants to see you,” she said. “I think it's a good thing. You need to try.”

“
I thought you were on my side.”

“
I am,” she said. “But this isn't like you've got some deadbeat dad who doesn't want to spend time with you. Your dad does want to spend time with you. And you need to spend time with him. And his wife.”

“
No, I don't.”

“
Yes, you do,” she said, jabbing the fork in the air in my direction. “He's your dad. She's his wife. You need to find a way to coexist.”

“
I'm doing just fine without him.”

She set the fork down on her plate and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Well, regardless of what you think, you're going to spend some time with him. Without breaking anything and without running off.”

I sighed, but didn't say anything. Talking to him on the phone was one thing. But spending time with him – and with
her
– was another.

“
So, the addendum to Friday is that you're going to go have dinner with him tomorrow night,” she said, standing from the table.

“
Tomorrow? No.”

She nodded. “Yep, tomorrow. And you're gonna deal and be a big girl, even if it drives you crazy.”

I looked down at my plate and suddenly felt ill. I pushed my chair back from the table. “Why do you care so much?”

She set her dish in the sink. “Because your mom is in a rough spot and I'll be totally honest with you, Meg. I'm not sure how she's gonna come out of all this.”

The words hit me like a bat to the stomach. It wasn't that I hadn't thought about that before, that maybe my mom wasn't going to be capable of being a parent. But hearing them said out loud by someone else somehow made them more real, more threatening.

Sara came back over to the table and sat down. She folded her hands on the table top. “I'm not trying to scare you, Meg. But I feel like I should be honest. Your mom...she's been dealing with this stuff for as long as I can remember. She's had good periods and she's had bad periods. But right now?” A grim expression settled on her face. “She's bottomed out. Badly. And I know I'm not telling you anything you probably haven't already figured out. But she's bottomed out.”

I shifted in the chair, uncomfortable, hearing words I didn't want to hear.

“
And the bottom line may be that she isn't going to be fit to be a parent for awhile,” Sara said. “Just because she gets through rehab doesn't mean she's going to be ready to come back here and be a competent parent.”

“
But that's why you're here,” I said quietly.

She nodded. “It is. For now. But let's be honest. Your dad wants a relationship with you. And up until the divorce, he was your dad every day.
Maybe not super dad out of a TV show, but still your dad. He can financially provide for you. He's in a position to be your parent if your mom can't be.”

“
I'd rather live with you.”

She smiled, but it was more sad than happy. “I know. And I'll stay as long as I'm needed. But I think your dad would like to have a role here. He's worried about you. And when push comes to shove, I'm just your aunt. He's your dad. He gets final say.”

My phone vibrated in my pocket, but I didn't reach for it. Her words were rolling over me like an ocean wave and I couldn't come up for air.

“
So,” Sara said, taking a deep breath. “You need to start spending some time with your dad and with Cheri. Not move in or anything like that. But you need to spend some time with them.”

I swallowed hard. “Does my dad know about this?”

She nodded. “He called me today. We talked for almost an hour. Believe it or not, Meg, he does miss you. And he's not looking to force the issue.” She paused. “He just wants to spend time with you and see if you guys can't figure some things out.”

“
You mean he wants me spend time with Cheri,” I said, my stomach rolling.

She hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah. He does. Because whether or not you agree or disagree or whatever, she's a part of his life now, too. She's not going away.”

“Until he ditches her like he did Mom,” I said.

Sara held up her hands. “Hold up. Your dad did not ditch your mom. You know that.”

I didn't say anything.

“
Look, your mom is my sister and I love her.” She closed her eyes. “But she had issues, Meg.
Has
issues. And your dad tried—for a really long time. He's not at fault here. He might not have been the best husband in the world but he wasn't the one to walk away from their marriage. Your mother did. Years ago. She just didn't take the final step like he did.”

I didn't want to hear it. It was far easier to picture Cheri as the marriage wrecker than the truth.

“And he's found someone, someone who he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Cheri isn't going anywhere. So, yes. He wants you to at the very least get to know her. But, ultimately, I think he just misses you and wants time with you.”

The phone vibrated again in my pocket. “What if I don't want to go?”

“Then Friday is out,” she said matter-of-factly. “And you'll probably have to see your dad at some point this weekend anyway.”

I threw my head back and sighed. “This sucks.”

“Yes, it actually does,” Sara said, nodding. “It really does. And I'm sorry. But it is what it is.”

I pushed myself up from the table, my strength sapped from the conversation. “Fine. Whatever.”

“He'll pick you up tomorrow at five,” Sara said. “Bring you back later on.” She paused. “And Meg?”

“
Hmm?”

“
Thank you,” she said, smiling. “I really do know this sucks right now. So thank you.”

I nodded and headed off to my room, ready to collapse on my bed. I shut the door behind me and dove onto the bed, burying my head in the pillows. I would've stayed like that for a long time, except my phone was still buzzing in my pocket. I rolled over on my back and pulled it out.

A missed call. And three texts. From Aidan.

Call me.

Where are you?

You're pissed.

I squeezed the phone in my hand, both pissed that I was finally hearing from him and glad that I was finally hearing from him. I wanted to be mad at him, but the fact was that I was more happy to hear from him.

I hit redial and he picked up after one ring.

“You're pissed,” he said.

“
Should I be?”

“
No,” he said. “I mean, yeah, probably. Physics sucked and Scotty and I checked the surf report and the waves were cranking. We bailed. And I totally forgot about meeting you after school. My bad completely. I'm so sorry.”

He sounded sincere, but I was still irritated. “And you just now got home?”

“No,” he explained. “I left my phone in Scotty's car and I had to go back and get it. I called you as soon as I got it and got in my car. And I cut the session short because I was out on the water when I realized I was an idiot.”

“
You are an idiot,” I said.

“
I know, Meg. I'm sorry. I'll sell my surfboard so it doesn't happen again.”

I smiled, despite not wanting to. “Whatever.”

“And my car. I'll sell that, too, so I can't leave school.”

“
Stop.”

“
But then I won't be able to pick you up or come get you. I'll have to take the bus and...”

“
Stop!” I said, laughing. “Enough. Just apologize.”

“
I'm sorry,” he said and I could tell he was smiling, too. “I really am. I'm an idiot.”

“
Yeah, you are,” I said, but he'd taken the edge off of my irritation.

“
You got home alright?”

“
Yeah.”

“
I'm sorry, Meg,” he said. “I miss you.”

“
Me too.”

“
Any chance you can get out tonight?”

“
Zero,” I answered, falling back into my pillows.

“
Well, let's plan on tomorrow then.”

I sighed. “I can't. I'm going to my dad's.”

“Oh,” he said. “I didn't know.”

“
Neither did I,” I said and explained to him the conversation with Sara over dinner.

“
Wow,” he said. “Bummer. Well, OK.”

“
I'm sorry,” I said. “I didn't know that was going to happen. She totally caught me off-guard. And if I want to go on Friday, I don't think I have a choice.”

“
Right, right,” he said. “It's cool. Nothing you can do.”

“
I'm sorry,” I said again. “But we'll have Friday, right?”

“
For sure,” he said.

We talked for a few more minutes, working out the details for Friday. He was going to pick me up outside Jada's at 5:45, then get me back before midnight. I'd missed seeing him that afternoon, but there was some consolation in knowing I'd get a few hours with him on Friday.

If I made it through the night with my dad.

TWENTY SEVEN

“
How was school?” my dad asked as we drove to his house.

“
Fine,” I said. “The same as usual.”

He'd picked me up at five on the dot and I'd tried my best to prepare myself for his arrival, trying to fake some enthusiasm for the visit. But as soon as I'd gotten in his car, I could feel my resolve fading. I was having a hard time feeling anything other than apathy.

“Your grades are OK?” he asked.

“
Good enough,” I said.

“
I know we haven't talked much about this, but have you thought at all about college?” he asked as we exited the freeway. “It's probably about time we start talking about that.”

“
I don't know,” I said because I really hadn't given it a single thought.

“
You know I'll pay for it, right?” he said, glancing at me. “Assuming you keep your grades up. You won't have to work or worry about money.”

I knew how much importance he placed on college. He was the first one in his family to have graduated from college and he was proud of that. My mom hadn't gone, but she backed up his belief that college wasn't a choice—it was a foregone conclusion that I'd go. But we'd never talked about where or what I'd study or any of that stuff.

“I know,” I said.

“
Maybe we could poke around a little,” he said, turning in to the parking lot and pulling in to his numbered space. “Next time you come over. We can get online and see what's out there.”