If I Fall (26 page)

Finally, he pulled back from me and leaned his forehead against mine. “I wasn't saying all that to get you to kiss me.”

“
Should I not have?”

He smiled. “No. I mean, yes. Yes, you should have.”

We kissed again and my stomach kept somersaulting. His lips, his hands, his skin—everything felt right. Not like in a make-me-forget kind of way, but in a just-right-for-me kind of way. I didn't hear the ocean or the birds or the people walking along the water.

It was just me and him and I wondered why I'd been so dumb for so long.

THIRTY SIX

“
Is tomorrow gonna be weird at school?” Case asked.

We were standing at my front door and he was holding both of my hands. We'd stayed at the beach a little longer, doing more talking than kissing, before he pulled me off the sand and told me it was time to go. I could've stayed there all night, but he was going to keep his word to Sara and have me home by my curfew.

“Maybe,” I said. “I don't know.”

He nodded. “Sorta figured.”

“I need to...” I said, searching for the words. “I'm going to need to talk to Aidan. And Jada. And, like, everyone.”

“
I know,” he said. “And, Meg? You don't owe me anything. I understand that things can get messy and that getting them untangled can get even messier. So there's no rush. I'll be here.”

How had I missed out on realizing who Case was for so long? I felt so stupid. It was like I was seeing him for the first time, really seeing him for who he was and how he felt about me.

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tight. Not the way Aidan would do, grinding his hips into mine, but a hug that felt warm. Safe. I wanted to stay there forever. “Thank you.”

He let go and reached for my hands one more time, squeezed them gently. Then he released them, smiled at me and headed off down the walk toward his truck.

Sara was sitting on the couch in the living room, reading a book, and she looked up when I came in. “Hi.”

I shut the door behind me. “Hi.”

She set the book in her lap. “Good night?”

I paused, then nodded. “Yeah. Really good night.”

She smiled. “Good.” She picked the book back up.

I waited for her to ask me more questions but she didn't.

“I'm not gonna get the third degree?” I finally asked.

She smiled, then shook her head. “No. No third degree.”

“Why not?”

“
Because it's none of my business,” she said simply.

I squinted at her. “What?”

“None of my business, Meg.”

“
I thought everything I did was your business.”

“
Well, it is, if you're doing the wrong things,” she said. “But I don't think you were doing the wrong things.”

“
Maybe I talked him into taking me to see Aidan,” I said, leaning against the wall, folding my arms across my chest. “And maybe he just waited on me so he could bring me home and we could fool you.”

She laughed and shook her head. “I don't think so. I don't think Case would do that.”

“I don't know. I can be pretty persuasive.”

“
Meg,” she said, raising her eyebrows at me. “Do you want me to think the worst of you all the time?”

My throat constricted a little. I didn't want anyone to think poorly of me, no matter how much I deserved it. “No.”

“So why are you reverse arguing with me?”

“
I don't know. Because I expected to come home and have you ask me a million questions,” I said. “I expected you to ask me where we went and what we did and a hundred other things.”

“
Do you need me to ask those things?”

I thought for a moment. “No, I guess not.”

“Then maybe just let me trust you,” she said, frowning. “Let me trust you again. I told you. My goal isn't to be your jail warden. It's to help you start making some better decisions. But if I just sit here and pepper you with questions any time we aren't together, you'll resent it and nothing good's gonna happen.” She smiled at me. “You're not a bad kid, Meg. You've been handed a bad hand and you made it a little worse. But it doesn't mean you can't fix it.”

She picked up her book again, studying the page like she was trying to figure out where she'd left off.

I crossed the room and leaned over and hugged her.

She seemed flustered. “What's that for?”

“No reason,” I said, squeezing her one quick time before standing back up. “No reason at all.”

Her cheeks flushed pink and she shook her head, but I thought I saw a small flicker of a smile.

I went back to my room and fell on to my bed. My mind was racing. I reached for my phone on the nightstand, then realized it wasn't there because Sara had it. I momentarily thought about walking back out and asking her for it, but then thought better of it. I didn't want to ruin the night and the truth was, I didn't really miss my phone. I wasn't sure what was going to be waiting for me on there. I didn't know if Aidan had called or texted. I was pretty sure he had, but maybe he hadn't. And I wasn't sure if I really cared.

My stomach knotted, thinking of what waited for me at school the next morning. I had no idea what I was going to walk into. Maybe it would be nothing. Maybe the confrontation with Sara had just turned Aidan off me completely. The thought didn't reduce me to tears. If anything, I felt a tiny sliver of relief. Not just because Case was interested in me. It wasn't like I needed another boyfriend lined up before I could let one go. No, it was because I was finally realizing that I didn't think I wanted to spend more time with Aidan. That writing on the wall? The writing everyone else had been able to read except me? It was suddenly crystal clear.

I didn't worry about what I might say or do when I saw Aidan the next day. I knew where I stood, where I was headed. But I just had a feeling that Case's words—about how untangling things could be messy—were going to hold true. And that's what worried me.

I spent the rest of the night, staring at the ceiling, dreading the morning.

THIRTY SEVEN

The night passed in fits and starts and I finally gave up on sleep around six in the morning. I pushed myself out of bed, took a shower, blew dry my hair, did my makeup and pulled on my favorite jeans, a Roxy T-shirt and sandals.

I forced down a slice of toast and half a glass of orange juice. Sara grabbed her to-go tumbler of coffee and we drove to school in silence. The sky was overcast, the marine layer almost to Clairemont and the air was heavy with moisture.

“You OK?” she asked, as we pulled up to the drop-off area at school.

“
Fine.”

“
You're quiet.”

“
Just tired.”

She studied me for a moment as I pulled my backpack off the floor. “Alright. Meet you here after school?”

“Yep,” I said, pushing the door open.

“
It'll be OK, Meg,” she said as I got out. “It'll all work itself out.”

I shut the door and leaned in the open window. “I hope so.”

“It will,” she said. “I promise.”

I gave her a quick wave and headed off toward my locker.

I was loading my books in when a pair of hands on my hips made me jump.

“
Hey, good girl,” Aidan whispered in my ear. “You're alive.”

I pulled out the book and notebook I needed for English. “Yeah.”

“Tried calling you last night,” he said. “And texting you. You shut me out.”

I shut the locker door. “I told you. I don't have my phone anymore.”

“Your bitch aunt take it?”

I turned around to face him. “Yeah. Remember? I told you that. And she's not a bitch.”

“You know what I mean,” he said, pulling me closer to him. “Hey, I thought maybe we could bail at lunch and head to my place for a little bit. I can call the office, get us passes. We can hang out at my house for the afternoon, then get back here before the end of school.”

The week before, I would've said yes without even thinking about it. I would have said yes to anything he suggested.

But now?

“
I can't,” I said.

He frowned. “Why not?”

“I'm already behind in my classes,” I said quickly. “And Sara's watching me like a hawk. I just don't want to screw up.”

He leaned into my ear, his lips brushing against my skin. “I was hoping we could screw another way.”

Again, a week earlier, I probably would've thought his words were cute, sexy, attractive. But all I could think about now was getting away from him.

“
I'm sorry,” I said. “But I can't.”

His hands fell away from my hips and he studied me. “What the hell is going on?”

“Nothing,” I said.

The bell rang and bodies scurried past us. He didn't make any move to leave.

“Why are you being all weird?” he asked.

“
I'm not,” I said. “It was just a long weekend and I'm tired. That's all.”

He nodded slowly, still staring at me. “Alright. I'll see you at lunch, then.” He leaned down and before I could turn away, kissed me.

And it was nothing like kissing Case. Nothing. It was stale and cold and empty.

But I said, “OK,” because I wasn't sure what else to say.

I walked to my class by myself and it seemed like every set of eyes were on me. And I wasn't sure why.

Until second period.

“So how pissed are you?” Shannon Howard asked as I took my seat in Biology.

I didn't know her that well and I was confused. “What?”

“How pissed are you?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“
About what?” I asked.

An arm slapped her on the shoulder and she whipped around in her seat, surprised. Tawnya Baker was leaning forward, big-eyed, whispering into her ear, glancing at me as she whispered.

Shannon turned back to me, red-faced and uncomfortable. “Sorry. Never mind.”

“
About what?” I repeated, looking first at her and then at Tawnya.

Tawnya shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. “Oh, nothing. Mistaken identity. She got you confused with someone else.”

“Yeah,” Shannon said, fumbling through her notebook, unable to bring her eyes up to me.

“
Bullshit,” I said. “What are you talking about?”

Tawnya looked down at her book and Shannon continued to fumble.

I clearly wasn't going to get anything from either of them. They were locking down. I just wasn't sure what they were locking down about.

Thirty minutes into class, when we'd been assigned some reading on our own, I heard them whispering again. I resisted the urge to turn my head because I didn't want them to know I was listening.

“...I didn't know...”

“
...he did...”

“
...drunk...”

“
...Meg wasn't...”

“
...ass...”

I tried to focus on my book, tried to look like I was reading, but I could only grasp small snippets about what they were saying. I was fairly certain it was about me. I was pretty sure I wasn't being paranoid.

So maybe I hadn't been paranoid about all of the eyes on me, either.

And when lunch rolled around, I knew I wasn't being paranoid.

Every single person watched as I crossed the weed patch. Conversations stopped, then started again in hushed voices. It was a surreal feeling, like there was a spotlight on me, highlighting my every move.

Only I had no idea why.

I'd agonized all morning over how to handle lunch. I knew that not sitting with Aidan would cause a scene and he'd probably freak the hell out. But the thought of sitting with him while Case watched made me queasy. I didn't like that idea at all. He'd promised me, though, that he'd understand and I decided to trust those words. Because I thought a scene with Aidan might be even worse.

Turned out that I didn't need to worry about it because Aidan was nowhere to be found. He wasn't there, nor any of his crew.

A sense of relief washed over me as I saw their normal spot vacant. Even as the eyes stayed on me, it was a relief to know that I wasn't going to have to deal with him in front of Case.

I stood there awkwardly for a moment. It felt like forever since I'd sat anywhere but with Aidan. The entire area looked foreign without him and his friends. I felt like a complete stranger at my school, unsure of where to go, or who to sit with. And, based on the way people were watching me, I wasn't sure I would have anyone to sit with.

Then Case held up his hand and waved me over. Inviting me. Welcoming me.

I didn't think twice. I hustled over to where he and Jada sat.

“Logan and Carter are in journalism,” he said as I sat down next to him. His leg pressed against my thigh, lightly, and I felt my pulse quicken. “We've got extra room today.”