IF I WERE YOUR WOMAN (9 page)

“What did you say?” Ashton roared.

Laney stopped and pushed the box to the side. “I said no. It’s a two letter word denoting refusal.”

“I demand—”

“Dr. Bryant,” Laney interjected. “I’m about to leave. Please close my door on your way out.”

A red mist swam before Ray’s eyes, and he shot to his feet. He’d never spoken to any woman in this arrogant, almost brutal tone. And he certainly wasn’t going to allow what’s-his-name to talk to Laney that way, not on his watch. He opened his mouth, but snapped it shut the moment his gaze settled on her. He stared into her eyes and saw the silent request that said, ‘Don’t front me, not here, not now.’ He certainly didn’t want to embarrass her or put her gig in jeopardy. Solace came from the angelic expression, which slowly crept over her face. He got it. She had this. With a slight tip of the head, he took a step back and walked out.

“Hold on, player. We need to talk.” Ray pushed away from the wall outside of Laney’s office the second Ashton exited. “You disrespected the lady back there.”

“Well, if the
lady
can dish it out, she should be able to take whatever comes here way.”

“Don’t go there with me,” Ray warned. “Just because she put your punk ass in check doesn’t give you the right to talk to her the way you did. I’m going to say this only once. Don’t
ever
talk to her that way, again.”

Ashton let his gaze roam over Ray’s tall frame from head to toe. “Are you threatening me?”

“You’ve got this twisted. I don’t believe in threats. I carry out promises. Go ahead and nut up if you want to. But if you do, you and me
will
step outside and handle business.” Ray winked. “And trust me, I’ll wax your ass.”

~ ~ ~

For the past hour, Ray sat alone in the sperm bank, staring at the sterile plastic cup on the table in front of him. He frowned. No amount of steamy videos and Playboy books helped his cause. Startled, he jerked his head up the moment he heard the soft knock at the door. Relief swept over him when Laney stuck her head through the crack.

“Is everything okay?”

“Hell no,” Ray shot back, embarrassed. “How do they expect a man to jack off in a little bitty cup anyway?”

“The process is called ejaculation.”

He didn’t care what the medical term was. This was too much and he felt a headache coming on strong. He blew out a hard breath and shook his head. “Red, I-I can’t do this.”

Laney eased through the door and closed it. She gave Ray a shrewd look. “You promised to do whatever it took to get well, remember?”

“Yeah, but this wasn’t on the list.”

“Think of it as one more step to beating cancer.”

Frustrated, Ray jammed his glasses on top of his head. “Jacking—”

“Ejaculating,” Laney corrected.

“All right…
ejaculating
. Satisfied?”

Laney smiled softly. “I’ll leave just as soon—”

“All right,” he muttered, “I’m on it.” Ray gave her a pointed look when she flashed a half-lazy grin at him. He knew she’d stand there until hell froze over, if he didn’t agree.

Laney went up on tiptoe and placed a soft kiss against his cheek. She turned and quietly shut the door behind her.

Ray stared at the closed door and tried to ignore the incredible ache in his groin. Desire shot through him like an electrical charge the moment Laney walked in. Every time she touched him was proof that he wanted her, cancer or not.

Truth be told, his battle with cancer wasn’t what he feared most. He was terrified he’d never be able to make love to her the way he wanted to. It wasn’t about sex, not with Laney. It was about a man’s need to make love to his woman and make certain she knew she was his. The uncertainty of his sexual ability had caused him to back away from her last night, which was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do in his entire life.

Without a doubt, Ray knew Laney had seeped deep into his heart. Now he was wide open to feelings he never thought possible. And what ate away at him was that he couldn’t act on those feelings, at least not now.

~ ~ ~

“Darling, I’m going with you today,” Laney announced over breakfast two days later.

Ray didn’t look up. Instead, he stared blankly at the toast on the plate in front of him. “A snowball will melt in the Antarctic before you do.”

“Why do you say that?”

He tossed a sharp look her way. “You can ask me that after what happened yesterday.”

“Oh that.” Laney dismissed the incident with a wave of the hand. Her feelings hadn’t changed one bit. She loved him before yesterday’s episode, so as far as she was concerned, what had happened didn’t matter. 

Ray couldn’t believe the causal way Laney disregarded what was the
most
embarrassing moment in his life. Yesterday, he began his first round of chemo. It was one thing to read about what to expect. It was another thing to live through it. He wasn’t sure which was worst, the disease or the treatment for the disease.

Ray decided to go with the four-round treatment because it was less toxic. Each treatment cycle consisted of five straight days of intravenous drugs followed by two weeks off before the cycle started all over, again. What he hadn’t counted on was the humiliation that hit him square in the face fifteen minutes into his session. When Laney came over to check on him, he got so sick, he vomited all over her shoes.

“Raphael, chemo affects patients in different ways. Some experience only a few of the side effects while others experience all of them.”

“Red, a man doesn’t want his woman to see him puck all over the place.”

“Raphael—”

“Ice it, Red!” Ray got up from the table and glared down at Laney. Yesterday stripped away the last shred of his masculinity. He silently admitted his macho side had overruled common sense, but it was all he had left. The finality in his tone was undeniable clear. “What I do with my life is off-limits to everyone, including you. I’ll get Brie to go with me today. Understand?”

Laney didn’t flinch at Raphael’s outburst. She knew frustration ate at him. It was a bitter reality for him to accept that his life had changed. The last thing he needed was for her to push him to do something he wasn’t ready for. As a physician, she understood cancer from a clinical perspective. However, living with the disease was something entirely different. If she could get him to channel his anger for the disease into the strength to fight it, the battle would almost be won.

At least someone from his immediate family was with him. Although she knew Raphael would prefer to go through chemo alone, she was happy Raphael’s oldest sister, Gabriella, who mostly answered to Brie, had flown out from Oakland to be with him. She conceded to his request with a nod.

Ray whirled around before he reached the entranceway of the kitchen. “And while I’m gone, go out and find yourself a real man.”

Usually, Laney’s temper was a languid as her stroll, but Raphael’s last comment riled her to the core. “I’ve got a real man.”

He released a cynical chuckle. “Wrong! You’ve got a freak.”

Laney was on her feet in an instant. “Freak?” she uttered through tight lips as she stalked toward him. “You think you’re a freak? You see this?” she ground out, holding up her deformed right hand. “Do you think because I was born with a deformity that for one second I considered myself a freak? And do you think I’ll ever allow anyone to call you a freak or even allow you to call yourself a freak? Well, do you?”

“Just forget—” Ray started, but Laney was already gone. He stared, stunned. He’d never seen her move that fast. In fact, he’d never seen her angry about anything. Girlfriend wasn’t playing, either. Laney never bluffed, never threatened anyone unless she was prepared to follow through to the bitter end. If the situation weren’t dire, he’d laugh. However, it was the look in those green eyes that kept him from doing so. He dared not crack as much as a smile.

Laney returned a few moments later with her purse and keys in hand. She placed them in the middle of the table, then faced him. Green eyes locked with slate blue. “Your session starts in less than two hours and I’m going with you.”

“Now look here, Red—”

“We have an hour and a half drive ahead of us.” Laney moved in closer until they stood toe to toe and thrust her chin up, her eyes daring him to continue the protest. “We’ll leave in five.”

Ray hadn’t meant to snap at her, but frustration boiled inside him until he felt he’d explode. “I’ll leave in five
…
with
Brie
.”

“Raphael—”

“I don’t want you and I sure as hell don’t need you.” Ray whirled on his heels and stormed out the kitchen.

Laney knew Raphael was concerned not only with the fact he had cancer, but with the physical aspect of their relationship. He hadn’t come right out and told her, but when he said what he said, she knew.

Sex was an important part of any relationship, but that wasn’t what she wanted from him now. Cancer was his battle, but loving him through cancer was her war. She swept her purse and keys off the table and headed toward the hallway.

And with each step she took, she planned her campaign to win both.

~ ~ ~

“When the hell is Red coming back home?” Ray posed the question to his sister Brie two weeks later. Since the day he’d yelled at Laney and didn’t allow her to occupy him to his chemo treatment, she’d been MIA. Although Brie and Laney’s family had been with him during his first round of chemo, he’d missed Laney’s presence and thought he’d lose his mind.

“Well, what did you expect her to do?”

Stunned, Ray stared at Brie with his mouth wide open. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Listen,
petit frère
, I wanted to wait until you’d gotten through chemo before I told you this.”

“Told me what?”

“I overheard the way you went off on Laney. If it had been me, I’d have kicked your butt outta of my house, cancer or no cancer.”

Ray walked up to Brie and ran a weary hand over his head. “C’mon, sis. Do you know where Red is? Have you talked to her?”

Brie stared for a long time at the intense plea in her brother’s eyes. “Affirmative on both counts.”

“Talk to me.”

“Knowing Laney the way I do, she’s no doubt giving you time to get rid of that selfish streak you’ve had all your life.”

Ray frowned. He’d been so consumed with his own misery he hadn’t thought of Laney’s feelings. A quick stab of regret pierced his heart. “Brie, I was only trying to protect Red. That’s it and that’s all.”

“Protect,” Brie sh
rieked
. “By whose definition? Laney’s had to make as many adjustments in her life as you have, Ray. Plus, she’s made a lot of sacrifices on your behalf. She and her entire family have stepped up and made you feel as welcome as if you’d live here your entire life. Now I want you to think about how you’ve repaid them for the kindness they’ve shown.”

Taken aback, Ray looked at his sister. “I hadn’t thought about the situation that way.”

Brie bobbed her head. “Figured you hadn’t.”   

T
he cold night air made Ray shiver as he stood outside Laney’s condominium in mid-town Memphis. After Brie’s scolding, she’d finally shared with him where Laney was.

During the hour and a half drive, he’d thought long and hard about what his sister had shared with him. If he’d been physically able, he would’ve kicked himself for being so insensitive.

Laney was the most caring woman he’d ever known. Not only had she opened her home, she’d rallied her family to be a support system for him. From the day he first laid eyes on her, Laney had ignited a fire inside of him. Since his diagnosis, she’d been understanding and supportive, and when he needed it the most, unselfish.

“Red
…
” Ray whispered when the door opened. He stared into the depths of green eyes, which were calm as she looked at him. “Come back to Olivia with me.”

Laney inhaled a shaky breath. She looked up at him and noticed an expression she’d never seen before. Nervousness. Her gaze locked with his, and she wondered what he was thinking. “Give me one good reason why I should?”