IF I WERE YOUR WOMAN (10 page)

A thick knot formed at the base of Ray’s throat. His heart squeezed so painfully, he almost grabbed his chest. He had to swallow hard before he spoke again. “I’m sorry about the way I went off on you the other day.  It took Brie jumping deep in my behind before I realize I was out of line.” He paused. “Red, I-I need you.”  

“That’s not what you told me the other day. You said you didn’t need or want me.”

Ray winced.  He’d never seen Laney cry, but the salty wetness shimmering in her eyes nearly killed him and forced the truth. “I lied. God in heaven, I lied.”

Ray’s control broke. He had to hold her, had to feel her in his arms, if only for a little while. He drew her wrists up and placed them around his neck and settled his head next to hers. “Red, I
need
you.”

Laney kissed him drowsily on the jaw. She had a fairly good idea of what was troubling Raphael, but she wanted him to trust her enough to admit it out loud and not feel she’d think of him any differently. “Now tell me what you’re really afraid of?”

“Red
…
” Ray began slowly. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Let me be the judge of that,” Laney whispered softly.

“No,” he muttered, his voice suddenly sounding strained.

“Don’t make be beg, Raphael,” she pleaded, knowing that’s exactly what she was doing.

Ray lifted his head. The expression in those slate blue eyes softened. “I-I want to make love to you, but I can’t.”

“Do you believe I think you’re less of a man because you can’t?”

She’d already figured it out. It wasn’t until Ray noticed the knowledge in her eyes that he fully understood his worries had been baseless. She’d zeroed in on his emotions, which had rolled inside of him from the moment he arrived at Olivia. For Laney, the physical aspect of their relationship didn’t matter right now.

Laney understood exactly what she was doing the day she left Olivia. She would never desert Raphael and had made sure he had a support system of family and friends around during his first round of chemo. However, he needed some space and she banked on the age-old adage that absence made the heart grow fonder. The fact he was at her doorstep made her appreciate even more the risk she’d taken. However, he needed to know one other thing. She held his head with both hands until their eyes met. “I love you,” she said fiercely. “Damnit, I love you.”

Those three words hit Ray like a thunderbolt. He barely had time to come to grips with what she’d just told him before he felt her hands move underneath his sweater and skim lightly over his stomach. His heart hammered wildly as she carefully flattened her hands long his ribs, molding his flesh beneath her palms. When a hand landed at the bulge pushing against the front of his pants, he shuddered.

“One day your bout with cancer will be over.” Laney stroked a fingertip along the length of his flaccid sex. “And until that day comes, there’s nothing for you to fear. I’m not going anywhere.”

Closing his eyes, Ray pulled her into his embrace, again. He knew he’d never experience this kind of overwhelming passion with any other woman.

Only with Laney.

~ ~ ~

“Guess this means we’re ready
…
”Ray settled into the leather recliner to begin his second round of chemo. Tension knotted in every muscle the moment the oncology nurse approached him with a tray of syringes.

“It’s okay, relax,” Laney instructed, noting Ray’s anxiety.

“Yeah, that’s easy for you to say. You aren’t the one getting stuck,” he countered.

Ray glanced down as the nurse cleansed the area in the crook of his arm.

With her index finger, Laney angled Ray’s face toward hers. “Don’t look at her; look at me.”

Ray obeyed, but winced at the slight sting from the thin pointed metal tip piercing his skin.   

Laney smiled. “The Eiffel Tower is nine hundred and eighty-four feet high.”

Ray’s eyes rounded with fascination and he rose to the challenge. “Sound travels four times faster in water than in air.”

“Do you know the three shapes of a cat’s eye?”

“You’re scraping the bottom of the barrel here, Red.”

Laney watched his lips twitch as if he were about to smile. “Are you giving up?”

“No, no, baby. You know better than that. I don’t give up. And I never give in. It simply isn’t my nature. Round, slant, and almond.”

Impressed, Laney held his gaze. She’d learned early on that not everyone enjoyed her love for trivia. And now that she was older, men were either intimidated by her intelligence or insulted by her lazy wit.

This time it happened. Ray’s lips quivered and a half grin emerged. “Don’t give up on this fight, Raphael,” she whispered fiercely. “You’re going to beat this cancer, do you understand me?”

Ray nodded, feeling a bit woozy from the drugs. “I hear you, Red,” he slurred. “I hear you.”

Despite his initial protest, Ray lifted up a silent prayer that she was there. He wouldn’t have made it this far if she hadn’t been. His eyes drifted shut and he crowded everything out of his mind except her. Nothing else mattered. After Laney returned to Olivia, he went into fight mode. He armed himself with his gear—a green camouflage bandana and a stuffed teddy bear with the words “I Beat Caner” stitched across his chest, which Laney referred to as his combat uniform. He’d even shaved his head.

In the last few days, Laney had exerted far more power over him than anyone in his life. He sat motionless as something deep and primal pulled at him. Just being in the same room with her made his heart beat a little stronger and energized him to get through the next round of chemo. God, where would he be if he hadn’t come to Olivia?

The link to his sanity, his beacon of light to fight the disease that now racked his body with everything he had was Laney. His concentration should be on the life-saving drugs flowing through his veins, but it wasn’t. Each day he wanted her more than he had the day before. It was amazing how much she’d infused herself into his life without really trying. He even recognized the delicate, baby fresh scent of her skin, which immediately identified her whenever she walked into a room.  

Ray wanted to be fully awake, but the drugs pumping into his body had the upper hand. He shifted restlessly, tugging the IV needle in his arm. “Red,” he said, in a groggy tone, slowly opening his eyes.

“I’m right here, darling.”

That’s all he needed. With a smile on his face, Ray relaxed and settled back in his chair, determined to not only fight, but win the war against cancer.

~ ~ ~

“Hey, now. You lookin’ good.” T. J. Benford stood and walked around his desk the moment Ray walked into his office door. He pulled him into a brotherly embrace, then let his gaze roam over his frame. “Told you you’d make it through chemo, didn’t I?”

Ray smiled. “Listen, I’ve only made it through two rounds. Plus, I’m ten pounds lighter. I’ve still got two more to go.” 

Ray took a seat and explained how he ended up in Memphis and who he was staying with. “T. J., I don’t want you to think Red is
…
you know. She don’t roll like that.”

T. J. chuckled. “Listen brother, next to my wife, Laney would be the one woman I’d want at my side at a time like this. And her family? Man, those folks are good people, so you got the best helping you out.”

Ray sat and leaned forward, clasping his hands between his legs. “I know we talked a little about chemo, but you never told me it would be like this.”

T. J. chuckled lightly. “The first two rounds smoked your butt, huh? Tell the truth.”

Ray chuckled back. “Like a slab of ribs on a hot grill.”

“Trust me, you’ll make it. And one day, you’ll pig out on those ribs. I want you to remember to listen to your body. When you’re tired, chill. When you feel like doing something, do it.” T. J. paused. “Wanna know what helped me?”

“What?”

“During my two week break, I focused on projects that were near and dear to my heart.”

“You know,” Ray began slowly, trying to find the right words to describe the dream Les Croisés had envisioned for a while. “A few years back, me and the band came up with a project that’s kind of artistic, but involves kids. We did some soul searching and realized the recording, being on the road weeks on end was getting a little old.” Stopping, he looked T. J. square in the eyes and continued with conviction. “The concept is a music academy that would give young artists a chance to cultivate their musical talents and learn a little about the corporate world at the same time.”

This was the first time Ray had discussed the plan with anyone save Les Croisés. Watching the spark of interest in T. J.’s eyes, a broad smile surfaced. “Well, what do you think? Talk to me.”

“Man, I’m trying to figure out a way to get first dibs on the deal without coming off too greedy.” T. J. rubbed his chin. “If you’re interested, got a few young men I’ve been trying to mentor who just might be a perfect fit for what Les Croisés wants to set-up.” He laughed. “Well, whatcha think?”

Ray offered a broad smile. “Bring them on.”

~ ~ ~

The next day, Alex Robinson arrived at Olivia. He rang the doorbell and as he waited for someone to answer, turned his back to the door.  

Nicki peeped through the sliver of space when she cracked the door open. “Can I help you?”

“Name’s Alex Robinson. I’m here to see to see Ray Baptiste.”

Nicki cast a suspicious glance along Alex’s 6’6” frame. “State you business.”

“W-what?” Alex asked in a baffled tone.

“State your business.”

Alex patience had exceeded its limit. “Who are you?”

Nicki attempted to close the door.

Alex quickly jammed his foot through narrow space before the door closed. “Look, I’m not trying to cause any trouble. I just want to see Ray. That’s all.”

Nicki nodded stiffly. “Wait right there.”

When Nicki returned, Alex jumped back, his eyes bulged and jaw slacked. He didn’t fear the sleek, six-foot fox who’d greeted him. What had him petrified was the double barrel shotgun she had aimed at his head.

Alex reached for his Glock, but before he got it out the shoulder holster, a single shot rang out. He ducked. When he straightened, he shouted, “Lady, are you
crazy
?”  

Nicki pumped the shotgun, again. “Mister, if you want to live to take your next breath, you better talk.” She took dead aim at Alex’s head. “Now state your business.”

The bullet had whizzed by so fast, Alex touched a finger to his ear to be sure it was still in one piece.
“Listen—”

“Nicki,” Ray called out from behind. “He’s cool. Let him in.”

Nicki turned around to face Ray “Do you know him?”

Ray nodded. “He’s my brother.” He walked up to Alex, pulling him into a brotherly embrace. His family along with Alex had agreed to alternate turns so one of them was in Memphis with him during week he had chemo. “How was your flight,
mon frère
?”

“Good,” Alex said, exchanging a fist pound with Ray. He cut Nicki a sideways glance. “And you,” he growled. “You almost blew my ear off!”

“Well, you should’ve said you were kin when I ask you the first time,” Nick shot back.

“What?” Alex cried out, flabbergasted. “You were the one who answered the door, waving a shotgun around like Calamity Jane.”

Ray inched his way between the feuding duo and pivoted to Alex. “
Mon frère
, this is Red’s first cousin, Nicki Johnson.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Nicki muttered dryly under her breath. “Raphael, I’ll be upstairs if you need me for anything.” 

Alex waited until he and Ray were alone. “Stop what you’re doing right now,” Alex ordered. “We need to pack your things and get you the hell out of here.”

Ray chuckled and headed off to the kitchen. He went to the sink and washed his hands. “I can’t do that right now,
mon frère
. I’m making Red’s lunch. She’ll be ready to eat when she wakes up from her nap.”

“Ray, there’s a woman running loose in this place with a shotgun, for God’s sake,” Alex cried out anxiously.

“Best damn security I’ve ever had. You might want to consider putting Nicki on my security detail.” Ray winked. “And her father, Big Eddie, can handle a gun better than she can.”

“Ray,” Alex sh
rieked
. “I’m serious.”

Ray dismissed the fearfulness in Alex’s voice and placed several strips of grilled chicken on top of the Caesar salad he’d prepared for Laney. “You hungry?”

“No. I stopped and grabbed a bite on my way over here.” Alex paused. “Did you say Laney’s taking a nap?”

Ray nodded.

Alex swung his arm up to peek at his watch. “It’s only two in the afternoon.”

“Yeah, I know. Red gets up at the crack of dawn to go jogging.” Ray pushed the salad bowl off to the side. “Heads up. I think I’m going to put my crib back home on the market.”

Alex dropped his mouth open. When he finally found his voice, he stammered, “C-come again.”

Ray took a dishtowel and wiped it along the space in front of Alex. “Close your mouth,
mon frère
. I can’t have you drooling all over Red’s countertop now.”