If We Dare to Dream (5 page)

“Leave him. He’s fine,” his mother said cheerfully.

Placing her lit cigarette in the ashtray on the table, she slipped from her chair and came to her knees in front of him. He averted his gaze when her loosely tied robe opened revealingly. Unfortunately, by avoiding her nakedness, his eyes landed on the man who had just struck him. Seeing the man staring at his mother as though she were an ice cream cone that he wanted to eat made him angry all over again. Luckily his mother’s voice again reached his ears.

“I’m sorry that you got in the way, Andrew-babe. Adam was being fresh, and Keith had to reprimand him. He’ll wake up in a few minutes. Worthless kid causes so much trouble. Look at you now. Does it hurt?”

He shook his head bravely.

“All right then, my precious boy, go back in your room and play with the door shut while I play with Keith.”

Though only eight and a half and weighing in the 25% for his age group, Andrew nodded solemnly before hurrying to Adam’s side. He went down on his knees and picked up his brother. Though not yet two, Adam was heavy, and it took all of Andrew’s strength to carry him back to their room. As soon as the door closed behind them, Andrew placed Adam on his bed while his tears finally fell free. Though his cheek stung, he disregarded his own pain and stared at his brother, willing the toddler to open his eyes. Already Adam’s eye was swelling, and it appeared an angry red against his smooth, soft baby skin.

 Ignoring the soft sounds of pleasure and the low growl from the man who had struck him, Andrew cracked open his door and peeked, seeing only his mother’s back with the man’s arms around her hips as she straddled him. Knowing they would be too distracted with their game to notice him, he tiptoed down the hall to the bathroom where he found a clean washcloth hidden in the back of the cabinet under the sink behind half empty bottles of shampoo and an empty box of cotton swabs. He held it to the faucet and turned on the water at a slow drip, waiting for the cloth to become fully saturated. The soft sounds had grown more rapid and urgent. He knew he only had a few more seconds before they were done. Shutting off the water, he hurried back down the hall and closed the door behind him just as the man let out a ragged groan. The sound muffled the soft click of the latch behind Andrew’s panicked shove. He breathed a sigh of relief and leaned against the door for just a moment before hurrying back to Adam. The toddler still appeared asleep, though he stirred when Andrew placed the washcloth across his forehead and gently over his swelling eye.

Andrew was relieved when Adam finally opened his good eye. It took several heart stopping seconds of panic and fear before he was able to focus on Andrew.

“Dew?”

“I’m here,” Andrew said softly.

“Booboo,” Adam moaned, his good eye filling with tears.

“I know,” Andrew whispered. He reached out and stroked the dark fuzz on the top of Adam’s head. “I’m sorry I was too late, Adam, but I promise I won’t let him hurt you again. I’ll protect you.”

With a muffled cry, Andrew finally succeeded in tearing himself out of his dream. Chest heaving and covered in sweat, he ran his hands over his body to confirm that he was truly awake and not still caught in his nightmares. His resulting sigh did little to calm the pounding of his heart. If they were not so realistic, he knew he would be able to deal with them better.

Careful so as not to draw attention, Andrew sat up in bed and ran his hands over his face. Breathe, he reminded himself. Fight the anxiety, fight the panic and focus on your breathing. In and out. Now one and two and three and four. He went through the motions for several minutes, conjuring up the one image that always seemed to calm him.

Jamie.

Perhaps it was because she was the last friendly face he had seen, or maybe it was because he had felt so connected to her in that brief meeting, he was not sure. All he knew was that her face did more to ease the pain than any other. Her round, brown eyes dancing in the dim light and her full, pink lips spreading wide to reveal even white teeth slowly took the dream away. He went over the events of that evening again, remembering their conversation, almost every word, until he was able to lie back down.

Sending a silent thank you to the charming and lovely young woman from that evening, Andrew closed his eyes and then sent another, thanking her for not knowing what had happened to him. He needed her vision of him to be laughing, not looking at him with fear and disgust. The shame was nearly unbearable.

He wondered what she was doing at that moment, if she was laughing the way she had for him that night. He wondered if she was happy still.

Sighing at the cruel twist of fate that had him stuck with only his dreams, Andrew closed his eyes. It would be another long night, he thought dismally.

How much more could he take?

Chapter 2

Another two months passed before Jamie began to feel as though she was human again. Two months before she found a new routine and stopped thinking about Clay on a daily basis. Divorce was a difficult and trying time, and though she and Clay had not found the raging success they had dreamed of at that point in their relationship, splitting everything equally was a long and hard battle. However, all of that was past her now, and she was re-established back in her hometown with a new job. Her bills were paid, and she had a large enough cushion to purchase her own home. She had plans, though she listened to Ford when he warned her to hold off for rock bottom housing prices. It was coming, he advised. His own business had slowed tremendously, and seeing the stress on his face on the rare occasions she joined his family in the big house was enough to make her believe what he said.

Though the guest quarters were small, she was more content to stay as long as she could. Having her family so close did end up being helpful, and she had everything she needed right at her fingertips. Though Ford had refused, she insisted on paying him a small amount monthly to reimburse him for utilities. With holiday bills to pay and his business not doing so well, she hoped her little bit helped.

Christmas dinner had been the most relaxed meal she had enjoyed in ages. Her entire family was there, minus Clay, and they all enjoyed the casual repartee that had gone missing when her ex-husband was in the picture. Over the last few years, instead of laughing and enjoying their meals, all or most of her brothers had spent the time glaring across the table at Clay. He had never felt welcome with her family, and those family dinners over holidays had been a trial for all of them. Though Clay had tried his best to remain positive, Jamie knew that he resented their trips home and her to a certain extent for forcing him to go along.

Now Clay was gone, most likely celebrating the holidays with his family in California. A twinge of nostalgia gripped her briefly for she remembered Clay’s mother and step-father affectionately. They were good people, even if their son had gotten caught up in situations that had ruined their marriage. She had to remind herself that although she enjoyed them that part of her life was now over. She had not spoken to Clay since they had met in court to sign the divorce papers, and she preferred it that way. Actually, she needed it that way for now.

Strolling into the kitchen with the last of the dirty dishes perched precariously between his hands, Ian placed them on the counter where Ford’s wife Isabel and Jamie labored away at cleaning and wrapping the leftovers. As he set them down, he let out a loud belch and smiled appreciatively at them both.

“Really, Ian?” Jamie snapped. “That was gross.”

“No, that was awesome,” he responded with a satisfied smile.

“Ian, if you cannot behave in my kitchen - get out,” Isabel grumbled.

“Ouch ladies, you wound me.” He grimaced at Jamie and their sister-in-law. “That was a sign of contentment and compliments to the chef. A good meal always produces a good burp.”

“Muffled under one’s hand,” Isabel advised.

“With a resulting ‘excuse me’,” Jamie added.

“Wow ladies, I know where I’m not wanted,” Ian whined.

“That’s right. Go join Ford and Ana in the game room. They’re just setting up a new game of pool now.”

“A new table for Christmas? Love it.”

With as much nonchalance as he had entered the kitchen with, he sauntered off, leaving Jamie to finish loading the dishwasher. Once it was full, she turned the cycle on and leaned against the counter, glancing around with satisfaction. “Well, we did it.”

“Yes we did, Jaimita. Now go relax with everyone else. I’ll be out soon.”

What Jamie wanted to do at that moment was sit back and put her feet up. After everyone had opened their presents, she and Isabel had spent the entire morning in the kitchen preparing the meal for the twelve of them. A long but glorious day and she was ready to relax with a nice glass of wine. Reaching for the last of the red, she poured what remained into her and Isabel’s glasses.

She held hers out. “To a successful Christmas celebration.”

“I’ll second that.”

Their glasses clinked and both women took a sip. “I guess I’ll go see what Grady and Hayden are up to.”

“I think they’re watching television,” Isabel said over her shoulder.

Jamie grasped her wine glass and slipped from the room, wandering through the spacious interior that sported the wear and tear of a large Christmas celebration. Though not her home, she felt safe and welcome within these walls. Without her family’s support, she was not sure she would have made it through the last months with her sanity still intact.

With Clay calling her nightly and begging her to come home when she first moved out, Jamie had been alone and scared. The fear that she was making a huge mistake and running when she needed to stay had haunted her every night in that small hotel room a few blocks off the strip. She had almost given in and gone back to him three weeks later when Clay showed up at her hotel room high on ecstasy. She had thought that she could nurture him back to her, but then she watched him come down and sink into a depression she never would have imagined possible. The anxiety that gripped him shortly afterwards had him sobbing and threatening her until she finally broke down and called Ian out of fear. All four of her brothers arrived by morning. So even though she felt as though she had lost much, she still had the loyalty and love of her family. For that she felt supremely blessed.

She found Hayden with her two nephews, David and Kyle, hanging out in the media room. At ten, Ford and Grady’s sons thought that Hayden was the best uncle, though Ian’s police officer status came in a close second. The boys were often trailing after her fun-loving brother, and he was corrupting them every chance he got. Tonight it was with true crime shows.

“I don’t think Torie or Isabel would approve of you showing them these modern day murders,” Jamie said as she plopped down on the recliner next to Grady’s son, Kyle. Reaching out to tousle his hair, she made a stern face at her brother.

“But this is about the girl who was killed in the Valley, Jamie,” David said excitedly.

Jamie went still. “What?”

“Yeah, right when you moved away. Some girl went out partying and was killed when she got home. They did a documentary on the case. Something like, ‘war hero gone nuts’.”

Jamie straightened in her chair, the cold grip of fear like a vice around her heart. She began to rise to leave the room, but suddenly the girl’s face was filling the screen. She froze. Marissa had been right. It was the girl who had made the scene that night. Guilt joined shame and embarrassment, and she sank back into her seat weakly.

 Was there anything she could have done to prevent that murder? She was, after all, one of the last people to see the girl alive. She took a deep and shaky breath as the photo faded and the ads began.

“Jamie, what’s wrong?”

Hearing the concern in Kyle’s voice, Hayden sat forward and closed the legs of his recliner with a snap. “Hey Jame, are you okay? You’re white as a ghost.”

Jamie tried to smile. “Of course I’m fine.”

He frowned in answer. “What happened? Did Ford snap at you again?”

“Oh gosh, no. I was in the kitchen with Isabel.”

“Then what’s going on?”

She decided that she must have looked bad, because the concern on Hayden’s face did not waver. “I wasn’t expecting to see this on the television.”

“This? You mean the girl who died?” He shook his head in confusion.

“Yes.”

“But you weren’t here when it happened.”

“Actually I was… I was there that night,” she said softly.

She watched as the atmosphere in the room changed. In a reaction so similar to hers, Hayden’s face drained of color while her nephews stared in shocked silence. Like twin gaping fish, their mouths fell open as their ten-year-old imaginations ran wild. Suddenly she felt very exposed.

Hayden reached out and tugged on David’s arm. “Scoot over to my seat, Squirt. I want to sit next to Jamie.”

“But I want to hear this,” he complained.

Hayden gave him a threatening stare, and David sighed dramatically. However, he did come to his feet and they swapped spots.