If You Only Knew (And Then Came Love Book 1) (16 page)

She moved across the room and picked up the half empty bottle, before placing it on his desk. “If you had half a pint and are still able to stand, I’d say you tend to drink more often than you’re letting on.”

“Did you suddenly become my keeper?” His words were slurred enough she could barely understand him.

She took a deep breath, not sure what to do. “Can I get you anything?”

He caught her hand, pulling her toward him.

The overwhelming smell of alcohol caught her off guard. Flashbacks of dealing with her alcoholic grandmother hit her and she wretched her hand away from him.

“A blow job might be nice.”

Liza slapped him across the face, hard, and ran up the steps. She heard him call her name, but she ignored him.

The house phone rang. She picked it up. “Hello?”

“Hey, Liza, it’s Drew. I can’t get through to Julian on his cell?”

“He’s in the lab, drunk. I’m going home. If he sobers up call me, so I can slap him again when he’s sober enough to remember it.”

“Ouch – what’d he say?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Liza stubbed her toe on the coffee table. “I’m leaving.”

“Can you wait for me? I’ll be there in five?”

“Fine.” She trudged out to the car to wait for Drew, hoping Julian was too drunk to make it upstairs. No way was she waiting in the house. Her phone chimed.

What the hell was that about
?

She tossed her phone in her bag, he didn’t deserve a response. Opening the door of her car, she flopped down. Her leg bounced and she wrung her hands together.

Drew pulled up and got out of his truck. “What’s he drinking?”

“Whiskey, why does it matter?”

“Shit.” Drew pounded his fist against his hand. “Can we go inside?”

“Go ahead. I’m outta here.” Liza slipped her feet in the car and reached for the door. .

Drew caught it before she could shut it. “Wait, we need to talk.”

There was something in his eyes. She let out a heavy breath, followed him into the house, and took a seat on the sofa.

Drew sat in the recliner next to the couch. “How much do you know about Julian’s issues?”

“I know he’s bipolar? If you’re going to try to explain Julian to me, I’m going to slap you, too. I’ve done extensive research and have dealt with people who have it on a regular basis.”

“Good. Anyway, I’ve been watching him the last couple days. When he starts drinking anything other than a beer, he’s entered what they call a mixed state. Where he’s depressed, but—”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. He’s also manic, which makes his anxiety super high. Drew, I’m aware what a mixed state is, I’ve been dealing with it and him in this state since Wednesday.” Liza blew out a breath. “However, this time he’s drunk. While I can excuse some things due to him being bipolar, I do tend to hold people responsible for what they say when they’re drunk.” She stood and picked up her purse.

“Will you stay, please?” Drew rested his hand on her arm. “He’s going to need you when he comes out of this.”

“You’re asking an awful lot.”

“I’d apologize for him, but I don’t think it would work right now.” Drew stood. “He and his ex-wives would be having a screaming match in the middle of the living room and they’d be throwing shit.”

“And you’re telling me this because?” Liza folded her arms over her chest. She’d already decided to stay, but it didn’t make her any happier about it.

“Because you love him.”

“And you know this how?” Liza put her hand on her hip.

“You wouldn’t still be standing here if you didn’t.” Drew chuckled.

He was just like Julian. She turned away from him.

“I’m not sure what he said to you, but—”

Liza was pissed, time to shock Drew. “He asked for a blow job.”

“What?” Drew’s bug-eyed expression amused her.

She relayed the story to him, her fists clenched at her sides. “And I slapped him, came upstairs, and that’s when you called.”

Drew pinched the bridge of his nose and she could tell he was trying not to laugh.

She was about to slap him. “Don’t!”

This time he did laugh. He held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t get it.” She let out a deep breath and a tear fell down her cheek. “My grandmother was an alcoholic. Every night, she’d drink like he is.” She gestured in the direction of the lab. “And Heaven forbid you stayed up with her. I don’t know how many times I didn’t go to bed in time only to have her rip me apart, because I wasn’t good enough. Drinking scares the crap out of me, Drew.”

“Does he know?”

“Of course not. And you’re not going to tell him either.”

“You need to tell him.” Drew laid a hand on her arm. “Why won’t you let me tell him?”

“Because he has enough to deal with.” She urged him toward the basement steps. “Go deal with him. I’m going upstairs.”

“Before you go, if you ever find whiskey in the house, dump it. He drinks it all at once.”

“Well, it was half gone when I was down there. He’s probably finished it off by now.” Liza headed up the steps.

*****

Julian tossed back the bottle and swallowed twice before slamming it on the table. She’d surprised the hell out of him when she slapped him. He deserved it. He’d sent her a couple texts since then, but she wasn’t answering. Probably hadn’t even read them. He kept checking, but nothing.

He heard the footsteps on the steps. “Babe, I know you’re mad, but—”

“Last time I checked, I wasn’t your babe.” Drew’s voice echoed as he appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

“Where the fuck did you come from?” He sneered.

“Well, I love you, too, brother.” Drew strode across the room grabbed the bottle, headed over to the sink, and dumped the rest. “You never could hold your whiskey.”

“Fuck you.” He leaned back in the chair and met Drew’s glare.

“Where’s the other bottle?” He stalked over and opened the bottom drawer of Julian’s desk.

“What the fuck, man?” Julian stood, his chest out, his fists clenched.

Drew shook his head. “We’re evenly matched when you’re sober, but you’re far from that.”

He opened the drawer opposite of the other and snatched the second bottle of whiskey. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Drew held up the bottle in front of him.

Julian closed his eyes. The one rational thought in his head told him he didn’t need any more whiskey. It didn’t stop the five hundred irrational thoughts telling him to punch his brother and take the bottle.

“You’re the reason I don’t drink often.” Drew moved over to the sink and dumped the second bottle. “You can thank me later.” He tried to chuckle but couldn’t pull it off.

Julian sunk into his chair. “I can’t do this to her anymore, Drew.”

“What?” Drew drug a chair over to his brother.

“This.” He pointed at himself. “To Liza.”

“The fact she’s still upstairs after what you said, should tell you how much she cares about you. It may have taken some convincing to make her stay, but she does care.”

“You can say it, Drew. I’m pretty sure she loves me.”

“I’ll agree with you there. But there’s one thing I’m even more sure about.”

“What?”

“You love her.”

“I don’t—”

“Bull shit. You’re both head over heels in love with each other. Even drunk you should know that.”

“I’m going to ruin her. I’m going to do the same thing to her I did to Whitney.” Julian reached for the bottle only to remember it wasn’t there.

“You didn’t do a damn thing to Whitney, she never loved you. She wanted your money and your pot. That’s it.”

“Well thank you, fucker, that makes me feel a helluva lot better.” Julian slammed his hand against the desk.

“Listen to me. You have a great woman upstairs who is perfect for you. Hell, she doesn’t put up with your shit,
and
she can deal with you when you’re in these moods. Let her help you.”

“I don’t know, Drew. I just don’t know. I want her to stay . She shouldn’t have to deal with my shit.”

“But you both have feelings for each other, doesn’t that count for anything?”

“And when I drive her to cheat on me?”

“She’s not Whitney and she’s not Lauren. Remember she’s her own person.” Drew placed his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Let me make some coffee and we’ll get you sobered up.”

Julian nodded. He didn’t know where this all was going, all he knew was he was scared.

*****

Liza was pacing the living room when Drew came upstairs. “How’s he doing?” She didn’t want to care, not after he’d been drinking, but she did. She loved him and that wasn’t going to change.

“He’s doing.” Drew shoved his hands in his pockets. He wouldn’t meet her eyes.

She sank down onto the couch. “He’s breaking up with me isn’t he?”

“He’s not—”

“Don’t lie, Drew, please, tell me what’s going on?”

“If you breathe a word of this to him, I’ll never tell you anything again.” Drew met her gaze this time.

Liza nodded. She wouldn’t break Drew’s confidence. “What?”

“He’s scared. Terrified he’s going to drive you into the arms of another man. He was in a deep depression when he met you and you brought him out of it. But then this mixed episode hit and he’s taking it pretty hard.”

“What does it mean for our relationship?”

Drew washed his hand over his mouth. “He could break up with you, he could not. My suggestion? When he makes it to bed tonight, hold him tighter than you ever held anyone one and make sure he knows you love him.”

“Should I say the words?”

“No. They may drive him away sooner.”

Liza let out a deep breath. “I guess there’s nothing I can do then.”

“He may not leave you, Liza. He may take it for what it is and move on. He has feelings for you.”

“I wish he’d tell me.”

Drew’s phone chimed. He checked his phone. “I need to go down with him. Are you going to be okay?”

Liza shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You want me to tell Julian anything.”

“Tell him to come to bed when he sobers up.”

“Will do. Good night, Liza.”

*****

Liza tossed and turned. Maybe it was best if she left, but she didn’t want to. Her chest constricted. Her eyes crept open when she felt the bed move beside her. She rolled over to when Julian crawled into bed. She should tell him it was over.

 “I’d tell you I’m sorry, but I doubt it would mean much right now.”

The sadness in his voice brought a tear to her eye. No, no matter what happened, she loved him too much to leave him. “It means a lot.”

He scooted over next to her and wrapped his arms around her. He pressed his lips against her hair and gave her a kiss. She swore she heard ‘I love you’ come out of his mouth. “What?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Julian?” Every fiber in her being was screaming at her to tell Julian she loved him, but she couldn’t.

Instead, she snuggled closer to him. Her arms tight around him.

He hugged her close and hung on as if today was his last day.

They fell asleep holding onto each, as if tonight was the last night they had together.  

Chapter Nine

April 8
th

Julian’s eyes flicked open. He checked the time. Three in the morning. “Damn.”

He slid from Liza’s arms and out of bed, careful not to wake her. He pulled it his robe over his shoulders, made it to the door then stopped in the doorway and to look at her.

She shivered then tucked her hand under her cheek, her red hair splayed over the pillow.

Turning away was hard. He had to leave. There was no other way. If he ended up in bed with her, he’d be leading her on. She’d hate him before the day was out.

Julian’s breath caught in his throat as he walked down the stairs. Grasping the banister with one hand, he clutched at his chest. The pressure was intense. He dropped to the steps where he sat trying to control his breathing. What was wrong with him?

He stood and continued down the stairs. Julian stopped at the bathroom, before heading down to the lab. He wasn’t good enough for her. If he wasn’t careful, he’d drive her away like he did everyone else. Ending it was the only way he knew to let her down easy. His chest clenched again. Was he having a heart attack?

Sitting down at one of the lab tables, he looked around the room. Nothing interested him. He didn’t want to work, he didn’t even want to smoke. He made his way over

to his computer desk and dropped into his chair. The bottle of whiskey he hid in the cabinet upstairs called his name . . . he wanted a drink. Hell, he needed a drink, but instead, he flipped on his monitor. He needed to distract himself or else he’d end up with a bottle in his hand. Showing up at his parent’s house drunk wouldn’t be his smartest move.

*****

Liza shifted from foot to foot as she and Julian went inside Jackie and Everett’s house.

Julian moved away from her, heading toward the back door.

So nice of him to abandon her with his whole family.

Audrey motioned her over to where she sat with Terra.

“What was that about?” Audrey patted the seat on the couch next to her.

“I think it’s over.” Liza sunk onto the couch next to Audrey.

“What? Why?” Audrey pulled the oversized white sweater closer around her.

“Long story short. He was drunk, we fought, then Drew came over.” Liza clenched her purse in her lap. “Drew talked to him and then came to me. He tried to make it sound better, but I think it’s over.”

“Do you want it to be?” Terra said.

Even in jeans, Terra could make Liza feel frumpy. The black blazer she wore, made the outfit professional, even in a casual setting.

“Of course not, I love him.” She moved her heart necklace across her chain and then dropped her hand. Since Julian had pointed it out, she’d tried to stop doing it.

The front door opened and Terra’s eyes grew wide.  “Ava!” She squealed and ran across the room.

“What just happened?” Liza turned around to see a striking young woman with a dark bob hair cut. “Oh she’s pretty.”

“That’s Ava Steele, she’s Ethan’s little sister.” Audrey waved at Ava who smiled and waved back. “She’s a bit of a wild child.”

When Ava and Terra turned Liza saw the four inch black spiked heels she was wearing. “I don’t think I could wear those shoes on a regular basis.”

“Terra and Ava are always wearing them. Give me a pair of flats any day over a four inch heel.” Audrey laughed.

Liza dropped her gaze to her lap and folded her hands.

Audrey touched her shoulder. “Jackie always told me, Vitalli men are easy to fall in love with, but hard to forget.”

Liza scoffed. “Then what am I supposed to do if he calls it off?”

“Give him time. You never know what he’s thinking.”

“I hope I’m wrong.”  

*****

Julian went out to the back porch. He sat with his head in his hands trying to get a grip on his rapid heartbeat. The door opened and he sensed his twin’s presence. “Hey, Drew.”

“What’s going on?” Drew dropped down beside him and clapped him on the arm.

“Back off, man.” Julian bowed his head and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Fuck you, I was asking you how you were. Which is a perfect reason to bite my head off.”

“Sorry, I’m fine.” Julian glared at his brother.

“Yeah . . . fine as a frog hair, I can see that.” Drew cocked his head to the side. “Things didn’t go well with Liza after I left?”

“Leave me alone.” Julian stood, his fists clenched at his sides. Heat rising through his body.

”Sit down, man.” Drew shook his head. “You need to get your anger under control.”

Julian slammed his fist into the door, behind Drew’s head.

Drew didn’t flinch. “Feel better?”

Julian sneered at Drew, but sank into the chair. The rage he’d felt seconds ago, gone, replaced by the pain in his chest which, permeated all morning. He pressed a clenched fist into his chest and rocked.

“So this is it, then . . . you’re going to go through with it.” Drew looked down at the floor. “You’re breaking up with her.”  

“I’m not breaking up with her, per se.” He swallowed hard and pressed his lips together.

“Telling her you need space, right? Let me guess the ‘L’ word came into play?” Drew blew out a breath.

“Hell no. I’m going to ruin her Drew. It’s not going to work out.” The constriction intensified.

“She’s perfect for you. It’s only been a few weeks, but we can see the change in you already. You’ve been more relaxed whenever you’re with her. And when you’re not you’re spending time with her you’ve been in the lab, doing actual work. It’s like you’re heading into a positive direction, but now you’re throwing yourself into a panic attack by trying to control the outcome.”

“I’m not trying to control anything.”

“Because recognizing how much she means to you scares the crap out of you. She’s not Lauren, she’s not Whitney. She loves you for you . . . not your money, not your name, nothing but you.” Drew jabbed his finger into Julian’s chest. “And if you’re smart, you’ll hang on to her.”

“I’ve never been accused of being smart.” Julian shrugged.

“Bullshit. She’s stayed at your house for almost two weeks, right?” When Julian nodded, Drew continued. “And you’re sleeping with her?”

“The sex is fantastic, but she’s a little clingy.” He sighed.

“Clingy? Liza? Are you sure we’re talking about the same girl?” Drew thumped him in the head. “Come on, I remember being at your house when you called and told her to bring clothes to stay with you. She’s doing what you asked her to do. You’d be a damn fool if you do break it off.”

“I don’t know if I’m going to tell her yet. I may wait until tomorrow.”

“Sometime after you have sex with her again?”

“I wasn’t saying—”

“But you’re not denying it either,” Drew interrupted. “You’re using her. You have issues and are worried about things, but all the same you’re using her. She has feelings for you.”

Julian rounded on him and yelled, “I’m not using her.”

Drew held up his hands. “The hell you’re not. The only thing you’re going to do by ending this is to break both your hearts.”

“We haven’t talked about love yet, we’ve known each other for two weeks,” Julian told him.

“You’re being—” Drew stopped speaking when the door opened and their father came through.

“Liza’s out there talking to Audrey. She’s looking a little rough. Are you two fighting?” Everett’s gaze fell on Julian.

“Having a bit of a rough time.” His breath caught again and he gasped.

Everett’s eyebrows drew together and he moved over to Julian. “Are you having chest pains?”

“It’s anxiety, it’ll pass.”

“When was the last time you took your pills?” Everett sat on the other side of Julian.

“Yesterday morning, I think.” He’d looked at his pills this morning. Picked up the container to take them and then set them down and went to work.

“Why don’t I go get Liza? You two can go home if you need too.”

“Ha, Liza. Funny you should mention her, Dad,” Drew said.

Julian shot him a glare and Everett raked his hand through his hair. “You’re not breaking up with her are you?” He rubbed his forehead.

“No, I’m telling her I need a little time.”

“You’re an idiot, boy. You’re not going to find another one like her.” Everett walked away, muttering to himself.

“Dad’s right.” Drew took the seat vacated by their father.

“I don’t care, if I’m not ready for a serious relationship then don’t you think it is better if I tell her now?”

“Tell me what?” Liza came out onto porch and closed the door behind her. “I was hoping we could talk.”

Julian stood and headed for the door. “Can’t I have time to myself?” He opened the door and stalked into the yard. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and kicked the grass. What the fuck was he doing? He knew there was nothing wrong with his relationship, but he couldn’t get over what his ex-wives had done to him. Why.

“Julian.” Liza called from the porch.

He let out a deep breath and headed to the house.

She stood on the steps. “What’s going on?”

“Bad day.” He leaned against the house.

“You were gone when I got up this morning. You’ve barely said two words to me and now you disappear then yell at me.” Liza held her hands out palm up. “What now?”

The tightening in his chest returned as he met her eyes. “When we get to my place, I think we need to talk.”

Liza dropped to the steps and peered at her hands. “Why can’t you tell me you’re breaking up with me now?”

“I’m not breaking up with you. I think we need space.” Julian’s breaths came in rapid succession.

Liza stared at him, her head cocked to one side, her eyebrow raised. “What did I do wrong
this
time?”

He closed his eyes long enough to get control over his heart rate and then met Liza’s gaze again. “I’m having issues and I think we need a break.”

“A break?” Liza bit her lip and averted her gaze. “How long?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is there even a chance for us?” She stood.

“I need time to figure things out, Liza. I’ve had two ex-wives, there’s not going to be a third one.”

“Was that a proposal? Because if it was, it sucked and the answer is no.” Liza folded her arms across her chest. “I want honesty, Julian. What’s going on? Is this going somewhere or are you handing me a line of bullshit.”

“I don’t know if it’s going anywhere.” He shrugged and then shoved his hands in his pocket.

“If all you want to give me are excuses fine, but I thought we were serious.” Liza held her hands out to the side. “But of course, I’m wrong again. My friends were right.”

She turned away from him, but then spun around and advanced on him. “First you tell me about your stupid two-date rule and then you decide you want to try. When you figure out I matter to you, what do you do? You run. Which is it, Julian?”

Julian moved his attention to his feet. He opened his mouth, but then snapped it closed.

Liza pivoted on her heels, and yanked the door open. “And to think I fell in love with you.” She slammed the door behind her.

Julian cringed. He sank to the ground as the constriction got tighter to the point he thought his chest would implode. What had he done?

*****

Liza strode through the house, her head held high. No way she’d let his family know how much he’d hurt her. No reason for anyone to know his callous attitude had left her heart in shreds. Nope, she’d fall apart in private. She yanked open the main door and slammed it behind her.  

She came to a halt as she reached the first car. Great, now was a great time to remember she didn’t have her car. She pulled out her phone to call a taxi. No way would she go ask someone for a ride.

She dialed 411. “Bryton—” Her phone was ripped out of her hands. She whirled around and put her hands on her hips, glaring at Julian.

“You don’t need to call anyone, I’ll take you to your car.” Julian held her phone to her.

“Excuse me?” Liza snatched her phone from him. “Even if we were dating, it doesn’t give you a right to make my decisions for me.” She stalked down the driveway. One way or another she was leaving and it wasn’t going to be with him.

“Liza, wait.” Julian captured her hand.

“No.” She shoved him away. “Don’t touch me.” Liza continued down the drive and wiped at a stray tear. “There’s nothing left to say.”

“What if—”

She spun around.

He put on the brakes just short of running into her.

She jabbed her finger into his chest. “What if nothing. You had your chance. Now, I’m not sure there is one.”

Julian opened his mouth to say something.

Liza continued toward the end of the driveway.

“Hey.” Drew jogged up beside her. “Let me drive you to your car.”

“Nope, I’ll call a cab.”

“Get in the house, both of you.” A woman’s voice rang down the drive.