If You Only Knew (And Then Came Love Book 1) (17 page)

Liza circled around to see who was speaking. She recognized Ava. Why couldn’t it be Audrey or Terra? At least she knew them. She glared at Julian. “You had to make this a spectacle, didn’t you?”

“Because I invited everyone out here.” Julian threw his arms open wide.

Ava strode toward her, ignoring the guys. She put her hand up as she stalked past Julian and smacked his head. “Go in the house, you’ve done enough already.”

525“Ava Steele.” She held her hand out to Liza. “Let’s blow this joint and I’ll tell you Vitalli secrets.”

“Not sure I’m interested.” Liza sniffed. She tried to keep the tears at bay.

“Well, I’ll at least give you a ride home. Come on, I’ve been in need of a friend before.” She looped her arm around Liza’s and the two walked toward the red convertible.

“Are you dating one of the guys?” Liza climbed into the car.

“No, I’m a friend of the family.” Ava backed out of the driveway. She hit the accelerator once she was on the road and barked the tires.

Liza clutched the ‘oh shit handle’ above the door. “Are you crazy?”

“A little.” Ava grinned. “Julian’s an assbag.”

“No, he isn’t. I understand he needs time and his disorder makes it hard to trust people, but I—” She paused.

“Ohmygod, you
are
in love with him.” Ava held her stomach with one hand as she chortled. “Come on, everyone can see. But it doesn’t mean you have to make excuses for him. And his disorder doesn’t give him the right to treat people like shit.”

“He didn’t—”

“Bull shit, breaking up with you the way he did—”

“But if—”

Ava peered over at Liza, then hit the brakes hard, and slid the car into Julian’s drive.

“Remind me never to get in the car with you again.” Liza scrambled out of the car.

Ava threw her head back and cackled. She climbed out, barefoot, and stood in front of the door of Liza’s car. “I like you.”  

“I spent my entire childhood making excuses for other people. And for the last year, I’ve found myself making excuses for my ex-husband.” Ava touched Liza’s shoulder. “Don’t give him power he doesn’t have. The problem with men these days is they still think it’s a man’s world. If you’re in love with him, then you be in control.”

“ How?” Liza shook her head. Who was this crazy woman?

“By letting him remember what he’s lost.” Ava grinned. “I love Julian, he can be a great guy—”

“Then why aren’t you with him!” Liza shouted.

“Not in that way.” Ava cringed. “Eww . . . he’s like a brother to me.”

“There’s nothing?”

“Drew, maybe, but Julian . . . no.” Ava grinned. “Anyway, he’s a great guy, but he has his moments of douchbaggery.”

Liza chuckled. “I don’t want it to be over.”

“Give him time, but don’t let him off the hook easy, either.” Ava moved out of the way of Liza’s car door. “You should get out of here before he comes back.” She hurried to her car and then handed her a card. “My cell’s on the back, give me a call sometime. I’m moving home by end of the month.”

“Huh?”

“I’m in the process of relocating from Los Angeles.” Ava headed to her car. “And don’t worry — he’ll be begging for forgiveness in no time, Liza.” She opened her car door and winked. “They always come back.” She chuckled and snorted before she climbed in her car, leaving Liza alone.

*****

April 11
th
 

Liza was never so happy to have a day off. She woke up Wednesday morning feeling like she was going to throw up. She rolled over and fell asleep until her phone rang around noon.

It was Kate. Could she have picked a worse day to call? “Yes?”

“You sound horrible.” Kate said. “Are you okay?”

“I think I caught the flu. I feel like I’m going to puke.”

“I need you to come make phone calls today. They want Will to take over the Batterers Intervention Program responsibilities today.”

Liza threw off the covers and forced her way to the bathroom. “I can’t promise I’ll be able to stay the whole time, but I can try.” She caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror. Her skin was pale, the skin under her eyes dark.

“I’ll see you in what about an hour?”

“Yeah.” It sucked working was better than lying around the apartment feeling sorry for herself. She sank onto the bed and pressed her hand to her chest. She swore her heart would implode. She never felt this way about someone before. She shivered and then stood up to get dressed. She dropped to the bed as an overwhelming wave of nausea came over her.

She covered her mouth with her hand as her stomach heaved and she ran to the bathroom.

*****

Liza walked in the back door of the office. Her hand rested against her stomach. She shuffled into Teresa’s office.

“Are you feeling all right?” Teresa was the intake coordinator. They shared an office together before they hired Liza for the case manager position.

“I think I’m coming down with the flu.”

“Ew.” Teresa stepped away, hands up. “Try not to give it to me will you?”

“I’ll try not to.” Liza forced a smile.

Teresa handed her a stack of papers from her desk. “Here’s the list of calls. I think Will is next door.”

“Is Kate around?” Liza clutched at her stomach as he rolled again. This was going to be a long day.

“I’m not sure.” Teresa gave her a reassuring smile.

“Liza, nice to see you could come in.” Trina smiled as she came out of her office. “Will is over here if you want to talk him through the process of setting up their intake.”

Liza nodded. “I’ll get on these.” She swallowed hard and walked into the office.

*****

Liza raced to the bathroom as Kate came into the office about three hours into the training session. She splashed water on her face. She ran to the stall to throw up again.

Kate met her as she entered the meeting room. “Why don’t you go home?”

“I will, once I get Will trained.” Liza swayed and Teresa rushed to catch her.  

“I can finish training him, Liza.” Teresa helped her into a nearby chair. “You need to go home and rest.”

Liza peered at Kate.

“Go home, Liza. Teresa’s right. Can you call someone to come take you home?”

“I’ll be all right.”

“Do you want me to call, Julian?” Kate rested her hand on Liza’s shoulder.

Liza shook her head. “No, I’m fine.” She stood.

“I hope you feel better tomorrow, because it would take two or three people to make up your caseload for tomorrow.” Kate chuckled.

“I hope my morning visit cancels. I don’t think I can handle being there early.” Liza clutched her purse closer.

Kate looked over at Liza. “Why don’t you rest? I’ll cover your morning visit.”

Liza’s mouth dropped open and she had to snap it shut. “Thank you.”

Kate shrugged. “You’ve been taking over a lot of extra responsibilities and you’ll make up the two hours.”

“Thanks, again.” Liza nodded then headed out the door.

Liza’s phone rang three times on the way home. All from Julian. She answered the fourth call as she dropped her things on the coffee table. “What?”

“I’m not even sure how she got my number, but your boss called me and asked me to check on you. She said you almost passed out at work today?” His tone was laced with concern.

Liza bit her lip to keep from swearing. Who knew, Kate had a heart? “I’m fine.”

“Isn’t today your day off?”

“Do you care?” Liza tossed her purse on the table. A tampon rolled onto the table. She should be starting soon. Standing she headed to her bedroom to check her calendar.

“Why did you almost pass out?”

She sat on the bed and flipped through her book. “I’ve got the flu, big deal.” Sliding her finger down the page she found her mark. The book dropped to the floor. She was late. She picked up the book and counted again. She dropped onto the bed.

“Liza, are you still there?”

“Yeah.” Oh God, how would she tell him?

“I miss you. Can I come by tonight?”

“No. I can’t talk to you right now.” Her stomach rolled and she tried to keep from losing it.

“I’ll check on you later.”

“I won’t hold my breath.” Liza clicked off the phone before he could respond. It was still in her hand when it chimed with a text message.

I’m sorry
.

She sighed.
Sometimes, I’m sorry, just isn’t enough.

I can’t get you off my mind. But I understand why you may be hesitant. Call you Sunday.

Liza flipped her phone’s volume off. She couldn’t deal with him anymore tonight. Picking up her calendar, she counted the days for a third time. Thirty-five days since her last period. Her cycles were so regular she could set a clock by them. Every twenty-eight days on the nose.

She had to know. Standing, she ran into the other room, grabbed her purse and keys, and headed out into the night.

Chapter Ten

April 14
th

Julian sat in the den Saturday evening. Drew had arrived an hour before and they had been hanging out ever since. He stared down at his phone in his hand. He wanted to call Liza. He wanted to see her.

Drew handed Julian a cigar. “Check this out. I picked it up at the new cigar shop.”

Julian rolled it between his fingers and then handed it to Drew. “It’ll make me want a cigarette.”

Drew shrugged and tucked it in his shirt pocket. “Tell me the real reason you broke up with Liza.”

“Did you come here to hang out or question me about her? Because if it’s the latter you can leave.”

“Oh come on, Julian, you broke up with her a week ago and we haven’t seen you since then. You have feelings for her.”

Julian shrugged, took a drag off a joint, and placed it in the ashtray. “I miss her. But it doesn’t mean I have real feelings for her.” Drew knew him better.

“You’re full of shit.” Drew shook his head. “Come on, man, grow a pair, call her and apologize.”

“I already did.” He kept his voice low, not wanting Drew to hear him.

A smile crept across Drew’s face, telling Julian he heard him. “You already did what?”

“Apologized.” Julian let his head hit the back of the couch. God, he missed her.

“She didn’t take it well then?”

Julian glowered at Drew, steepled his fingers, and leaned forward. “I told her I was sorry, she said it wasn’t good enough. I told her I couldn’t get her off my mind and she didn’t respond.”

“You’re lucky she even answered the phone.” Drew shook his head.

“It took me four times to get through. It was the strangest thing, her boss called me out of the blue and asked me to check on her. She said something about her almost passing out at work.”

“Is she okay?” Drew frowned. “Did she tell you what was going on?”

“Said she was sick and if I wanted to talk to her to call her on Sunday. I told her I would and she told me she wouldn’t hold her breath and hung up on me.”

“Ouch, sounds like she’s having a pretty rough time.” Drew shook his head. “If you were smart, you’d beg for her forgiveness and marry her.”

“No thanks, I don’t need is a third ex-wife.”

“Why do you assume the worst?” Drew flipped his hands over. “Did you ever think maybe she’d be the right one?”

“No one stays.” Julian let out a heavy breath of air. “Nothing lasts forever.”

“Mom and Dad? Uncle Tim and Aunt Laura? Did you think about them? Hell, we’ve got three siblings who are happily married.” Drew scoffed.

“It’s not the same for us.” Julian meet his brother’s gaze. “We’re not the same as any of our other siblings. We weren’t raised the same way. Living with Ester fucked me up too much to believe there’s a happily ever after in my lifetime. Shit doesn’t work out for us.”

“Why not?” Drew shook his head. “Come on man, yeah it’s true – we didn’t have the greatest childhood, but it doesn’t mean things can’t go right for us. I refuse to believe that.”

“Come on, Drew . . .”

“No, you come on.” Drew jabbed his finger in Julian’s direction. “You had a wonderful girl who was perfect for you and you leave her. Not because of anything other than the fact you’re scared.”

“I am not scared.”

“Right.” Drew rolled his eyes. “Then tell me why you broke up with her?”

Julian massaged his neck. “The same thing I told you before I broke up with her. I’m going to ruin her. Drive her away – I’ve done it more times than I care to remember.”

Drew snorted. “What did I tell you? You’re scared. Nothing other than pure fear.”

“I don’t know if scared is the right word.” Julian stood and began to pace the floor.

“Bullshit”

Drew was right, of course. He was scared.

“You’re scared of losing the best woman who ever happened your way. And what did you do? Push her away. Smooth move ex-lax.”

“Drop it.” 

“You’ve had two ex-wives. You’re going to let those two monogamously challenged bitches ruin the best thing that ever happened to you.” Headlights from a car pulling into the driveway shone through the window. Drew stood to check what was happening.

“You have feelings for her, right?”

Julian paced the floor. “Of course I have feelings for her.” Julian stopped and dropped his arms to the side. What was this twenty questions? “I wouldn’t be this torn up about not being around her if I didn’t have feelings for her.”

“How the hell does dumping her help you?” Drew thrust his thumb toward the window. “She’s in the driveway. Maybe you should make your apology count this time.”

“She is?” Julian headed over to the window. Liza opened the car door and got out. She stood there for a moment before heading toward the house.

Drew caught Julian’s arm. “You’re not going to be an ass again are you?”

“No.” Julian shrugged off his brother’s hand as they moved toward the door. “I think I’ll tell her I’d like to see her again, but I’m not ready for anything too permanent.”

“I guess it could be worse.” Drew patted Julian on the back as he headed for the kitchen. .

Julian opened the door as she headed toward her car. He leaned on the door frame and watched her walk. She looked sexy as hell. Black knee length dress, matching mid-calf boots, and a jean jacket. “You come all this way and don’t even bother knocking?”

Liza turned around. The lights illuminated her figure in his driveway.

“I saw you had company. I figured I’d wait to see if you called me tomorrow.”

“It’s Drew.” He gestured to his brother’s truck. “Come on inside. It’s cold and you have to be exhausted from work. We’ll order take out and we can talk.”

“No, thanks.” Her gaze fell to her feet.

Julian joined her. “Please? I’ve missed you.” He reached for her, but she ducked away. He motioned to the house. “I apologized the last time we talked, but I want you to know, I was wrong for the way I handled the break up.”

“Good to know,” Liza said, a tinge of suspicion in her voice.

He guided her into the den and motioned to the couch. When she sat down, he took the seat next to her and tried to give her a kiss on the cheek.

She moved away from him and peered at her hands.

“I . . . it doesn’t mean anything, but I’m sorry. I’m thinking things went a little fast for me. Maybe if we slowed things down, made it more casual, it may be easier to deal with.”

“Casual?” Liza narrowed her eyes. “And what exactly is casual to you?”

Julian shrugged. “We can date and stuff, but nothing tying us —”

“I see. And by ‘stuff’ you’re talking about sex, right?” Liza glared at him.

“Well.” He was making shit worse by the minute. Why did he have to say stupid shit? He loved the woman and couldn’t even come out and say it. “Maybe I’m coming at this wrong. You came over here for a reason. What did you want to talk to me about?”

“Julian, I’m—“ Her voice cracked when she spoke. A tear fell down her cheek. He watched her open her purse and stare at it, as if it held everything she needed to tell him.  

“You’re what?”

“Oh God . . . I can’t . . . I don’t know how to say it . . .” Her voice was barely above a whisper. She pulled a plastic bag from her purse.

He couldn’t see what it was, because of the way she held it.

Julian lifted her chin and met her eyes. “Why are you crying?”

Liza met and held his gaze. “I’m pregnant.” She dropped the package into his lap and turned away, unable to meet his eyes.

“You’re what?” Julian and Drew both said in unison.

Julian and Liza looked toward the doorway to see Drew standing there.

Julian removed the pregnancy test to stare down at it. Two pink lines. Two fucking pink lines. This never happened to him before. He’d been convinced for years he couldn’t have kids. Drew cleared his throat.

Julian glared at his brother. He should have made Drew leave when she arrived. “Are you sure it’s mine?” He couldn’t help but question it.

Liza stood and slapped him across the face. “Of course, it’s yours, asshole.” She stormed out of the room.

Julian blinked and jerked his head back.

Drew chuckled.

Julian scowled at him, his fists clenched at his sides. His brother needed to keep his nose out of it.

He stared down at the pregnancy test and let out a deep breath. “Fuck me.” He stood and raced to the door. “Liza.” She was already out the door.

“She’s got you pegged on the asshole part,” Drew said.

“Fuck you.” Julian raced past the open door.

Liza was already to her car, when Julian caught up to her, her head rested against the steering wheel. “You’re going to tell me you’re pregnant and then leave?”

“What do you expect me to do?” Her head came up while she clenched the wheel. She refused to look at him. “First, you tell me you miss me, but don’t want any kind of permanent relationship. Then, when I tell you I’m pregnant, you question my faithfulness.” Liza attempted to close the car door. “Don’t worry, I’ll deal with it by myself. Consider yourself off the hook.”

Julian caught the door before she shut it.

She slammed his fingers in the door and he cursed. She opened the car door. “Sorry.”

He shook his hand. “Come on. We’ll figure out something. I can pay support and for your doctor’s visits. Let’s go in the house and hash things out.”

“Hash things out? Pay support. Doctor’s visits?” Liza pursed her lips. “Yeah . . that’s why I told you I was pregnant. For money. Get outta my way.” She reached for the door again. “I don’t want or need your help. If you’re not interested in the baby, I’ll deal with it myself.”

This time when she went to close her door, Julian moved out of the way.

“Liza.”

She ignored him and backed down the driveway.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. He dialed her number, but it went straight to voicemail. “We need to talk.” He clicked the phone off and headed to the house.

Drew stood in the doorway, his arms folded across his chest. “How is it possible for a person to be that big of an asshole?”

“She refused to talk to me.” Julian moved past his brother and slunk into the library.

“The woman tells you she’s pregnant and first you ask if it’s yours, then you offer her money?” Drew followed him “You didn’t bother to tell her you care about her. You didn’t even acknowledge you may care about
your
child. No, instead you throw money at her.”

Julian spun around advancing on Drew. “I told her there was a chance.”

“Oh yippee – a real chance, you make it sound like a consolation prize. I’m sure friends with benefits was what she expected to hear when she came here tonight.” Drew shook his head. He made a little curtsey, smiled, and put his finger up to his chin. “Honey, I’m pregnant with your child, but yes, friends with benefits would be a fine state of our relationship.”

“I told her that before I knew she was pregnant.”

“But you didn’t bother to change the statement after she told you.” Drew clapped a hand on his shoulder. “I know you care about her. At least enough to tell her you’re going to be there for her and the baby.”

“Hell, I don’t know what I feel for her. I barely know her.” Julian lied. He loved her. He sunk onto the couch and rested his head on his hands.

“That’s bullshit. You told me not two minutes before she arrived you had feelings for her. As far as you not knowing her, that’s a crock.”

“Back off, Drew.” Julian glared at his brother. “I’ll figure this out on my own.”

“I overheard a conversation between Mom and Dad awhile back. I’ve never told you because I wasn’t sure how you would take it, but now, I think it may be best to tell you.”

*****

March 25
th

Drew walked into the kitchen hearing voices. He passed Julian on the way. He paused at the door as he heard his father’s voice.

“He seems different,” Everett said.

Drew could only assume they were talking about Julian.

“He’s in love,” his mother said.

Drew smiled.

“Yeah, but how long will it last? He’s going to fight it. It won’t be pretty when he figures it out.” Drew peeked around the corner to see his father shove his hands through his hair.

“It won’t be.” Jackie put her arm around her husband’s waist. “And she’ll have a hell of a time keeping him, but I think she’s strong enough to get through it.”

“He’s going to torture that poor girl.” Everett chuckled and shook his head.

“No,” Jackie said. “He’s going to marry that girl.”

“And may God have mercy on her soul,” Everett stated.

*****.

“And now you see where I get my asshole side.” Julian pursed his lips and clenched his fists. “Why the fuck would you tell me that?”

“You don’t get it, do you?”

“What my own parents think I’m a fucking screw up? Yeah – I get it – loud and clear.”