If You Still Want Me (23 page)

"My boy
still
collects rocks?" Daddy slaps his knee in a
chest-shaking chuckle.

I butt in, remembering Joey's fascination with
rocks and fossils. "I used to take him to the park, and he'd spend
the whole time with his eyes on the ground, looking for dinosaur
bones."

"Tori..." Now Joey's groaning
at me as I bat my eyes innocently. Payback's a bitch, and we
all
owe Joey a point or two.

Alex sucks back his own
laughter with eyes up to Joey. "Admit it.
This
is the real reason you were afraid for me to meet
your folks."

With a heavy, smiling sigh, Joey slumps down
into the chair next to him. "Maybe."

The conversation only intensifies with more
embarrassing stories relayed over Joey's muttered protests as
Austin, Saul and Jerry load up the table with more Tex-Mex than a
San Antonio wedding. Alex eats with Tessa in his lap, getting her
to try the food and not seeming to care when more food ends up on
his shirt than in Tessa's mouth. When she slaps a
refried-bean-covered hand to Alex's cheek, he laughs as Jerry comes
to the rescue.

"My princess Tessa is still working on her
manners." Jerry whisks the girl to the bathroom.

"I believe I've been honored by her majesty,"
Alex retorts, turning red as Joey wipes the cheek clean.

Daddy pats his belly, leaning back in his chair
with a satisfied grin. "My compliments, Austin. Best Tex-Mex I've
had in a real long time."

"Thank you, sir," Austin's fighting a blush. "I
had good help."

"Don't be shy, cowboy," Saul teases. "You did
most of the cookin'."

Tabitha continues to be shockingly cordial. "I'd
like the recipe for the enchiladas, if that's okay?"

"I'd love to share it," Austin smiles across the
table as Jerry returns with a clean Tessa. "It's actually my Nana's
recipe, with a few alterations by my sister, Annabelle. Annabelle
likes things a little less spicy, while Nana believes it's not
right if it doesn't burn your tongue a little."

"Do they live in Dallas?" Ruth asks.

"Just south of the city," Austin replies.

"And your parents?" Jerry asks innocently, but
Austin visibly stiffens, replacing Jerry's smile with a concerned
frown.

"They live in Mexico. We don't... talk
much."

"Sorry to hear that,
son
," Daddy emphasizes that last word so
strongly, all eyes turn to him.

Austin's jaw twitches as his gray eyes mist.
"Thank you, sir, and for sharing your family with me."

"Maybe we can make this
our
new
New Year's tradition,"
Daddy suggests with glances around the table. He's trying to make
this feel even more normal - that what we're doing as a family
isn't weird or wrong just because our family isn't made up of
what's considered the standard pieces. I am so
proud
to call this man my father.

"I think that's an excellent
idea," Tabitha continues to blow my mind. "Although, I plan on
giving Michael a stern talking to. He knows family dinners
are
not
to be missed under any
circumstance. Also, do you boys think you can make the time to come
back home from up yonder in the snow?"

That last question is aimed at Joey, who
squirms, while Alex meet's Tabitha's stern look head on. My respect
for the man grows. "Yes, ma'am. Although, the decision to move
north hasn't been finalized yet."

Uh-oh.
I can tell right
away that this is an unwelcome revelation for Joseph. I don't
understand why he's so hell-bent on moving up north and getting
away from all of us.

Joey's eyes narrow a bit as he
leans back from Alex. "It
hasn't
?
But, you were accepted to your Uncle's company with an
internship."

"Yes, and that's still an option, but we have a
whole semester to decide where we go after graduation. Another
opportunity has come up that I'd like to discuss. Maybe after
dinner?"

I can see Alex isn't as boyish as he lets on,
and Joey is left blinking at the man for a moment before exhaling.
"Alright. We'll talk about it some more after dinner."

"We'll get dessert started," Austin interjects
into the silence that follows, standing from the table with Saul
following. "Saul and I are going to fry up some sopapillas and
churros."

"Hallelujah!" Ruth praises the ceiling before
turning to me. "You got yourself two keepers, sis."

Amen
to
that.

Light laughter flows into the silent kitchen
from the dining room as I rest my palms on the counter with a deep
inhale. Saul's arms wrap around my waist from behind, giving me a
moment of fear at getting caught or causing some sort of offense to
Victoria's family, but the moment quickly melts away as Mr. Harris'
words leave me feeling at ease. The man called me son. Again.

My heart is starting to believe it.

"You alright, amigo?"

My hands find Saul's and interlace our fingers.
"I think so. A bit shocked, I guess."

"Shocked?"

"Yeah," I twist around in his arms to face him,
glancing towards the dining room. "About how well this is
going."

"Oh," his voice lowers. "You mean Tabitha? Jerry
said he and Elijah had a talk with her. She's not completely
onboard, but she's tryin' ta' do what's right for the family.
Unlike Michael... But, he was raised different. Real
conservative."

"And that's what I'm worried about. Ruth's here,
but I can tell she's upset and embarrassed by her husband not
coming. I don't want to start a rift in their family."

"Our family," he corrects with a stern look he
doesn't get very often. "Michael has every right to his opinion. He
also has every right to sit alone at home eatin' a frozen dinner
along with his foot if he feels so inclined as ta' turn down family
time an' a home-cooked meal."

"I suppose," but it doesn't help my gut settle.
I step out of his embrace to grab the dough for the sopapillas
that's been cut into triangles, and I flick the stove on to heat
the oil. "Can you grab the churro batter from the fridge?"

"I can," he says as he pivots
towards the fridge, but I can tell he's not ready to drop our
conversation. "
If
you tell me what
else is eatin' you."

Dammit.
"It's
nothing."

"Liar," he nips the back of my neck, making me
shiver, then sets down the batter-filled bowl onto the counter. "No
more secrets, remember."

I know he's right, but I take
a minute to gather the thoughts in my head as I begin spooning the
batter into a pastry bag. "The man called me
son
, Saul. He called me son, but I haven't
been honest with him, or any of them."

"Honest 'bout what?"

"That Victoria's involved with a man like me...
A man who's been in a gang and went to prison for it."

"That won't matter-"

"You don't know that," I snap back, then exhale
the worry-filled anger. "I'm sorry. I just... I'm having trouble
accepting... all this acceptance."

Does that even make any kinda sense? I don't
really know. I've known Victoria's family for less than two days,
and I'm already attached to them. "It feels wrong to keep it from
them, especially Elijah."

"Keep what from me, son?"

My heart stops before sinking to the bottom of
my chest as Elijah's voice joins our conversation. Unhitching my
lungs, I take in a breath and turn to face the only man in ten
years who's called me son without spitting at me. The concern in
his eyes threatens my courage, but Saul's hand slipping into mine
gives it back.

"There's something I'd like to discuss with
everyone."

"Alright," Elijah nods, walking over to the
counter where a convenience-store sack holds the pipe tobacco he'd
been after. "Why don't we discuss it over dessert, whenever y'all
are ready."

"Good idea," Saul says. "Best not keep Ruthy
waiting, or she's likely ta' come tan our hides for some
churros."

Elijah chuckles at that, but the worry in his
eyes remains. "True. I'll leave you to it, then."

After he leaves, I feel my soul collapsing.
Luckily, Saul is right there to keep me up and offer a steady hand
with dessert so I don't burn my shaking hands off. The churros
don't turn out as straight as I'd like, but Saul assures me they
taste fine and are worth the burnt tongue he just earned by not
waiting for them to cool.

His optimistic attitude is appreciated, but I'm
still nervous enough to vomit. When he sits down where I was
sitting previously so I can sit between him and Victoria, my nerves
lessen. Little gestures like this, and the smile Victoria gives me
as I sit, remind me I've got two wonderful people backing me up. It
gives me strength I was lacking, courage to open myself to others
again, and an even greater appreciation for all that I have in my
life.

I just hope I'm not about to mess up this new
family I've been blessed with.

Alex and Jerry return, full of grins and
laughter between them, after having put Tessa and Jonah down for a
nap. Tabitha has Tori tucked up against one shoulder while Ruth
offers me a smile and a compliment as she, too, burns her tongue on
a churro. Joseph chuckles while holding the plate of sopapillas out
of Alex's reach, filling the room with Elijah's laughter.

I'd forgotten what this can be like - big family
get-togethers. Well-intended jibes and jokes. Sharing and talking.
Simply being happy to be around each other. It's all become so
foreign to my world, but I'd like for it to become a new
normal.

I'd like to come back next
year for New Year's. I'd like to invite them all up to visit us and
meet Nana and Annabelle. I'd like to go back and shake that stupid
teenager who thought joining
Los Lost Boys
was a good idea.

But I can't go back. Going back would mean never
meeting Saul and Victoria, too. I'd go through Hell again for them,
so maybe everything does happen for a reason.

The sweet vanilla scent of pipe tobacco
refocuses my attention to Elijah, and I find his questioning but
patient gaze watching me. I nod subtly. He raises his hand, and in
a succession wave around the table, everyone goes quiet and looks
at him, waiting for the head of the table to speak.

Exhaling gray smoke, Elijah speaks, and I think
the whole world stops to listen. "Now that we've had this most
wonderful meal, for which I am ever so grateful, there are some
things that we, as a family, need to discuss. First, let us count
our blessings.

"We have been blessed tonight by Tabitha
returning healthy to us with a new, precious baby girl. We have
been blessed by meeting Alex, who patiently puts up with my son and
fills his heart with love. We have been blessed by having Saul with
us again, the sweet boy who has been part of our family for as long
as I can remember, and we are blessed to have Austin join our
family and share with us this great meal. Truly, this family is
blessed in so many ways."

"Amen," Ruth whispers,
confirming the way Elijah's voice resounds through the room as if
it were a church, his conviction conveying more meaning than the
face of each word. A quiet echo of
amen
passes through the lips of those around the table, my own
lips following suit without thinking.

I'm not religious, not for a long time, but I
think if this man had been my father, I would have gone to his
church simply to hear him speak. Maybe, I still can.

"Amen," Elijah nods. "Now, Austin has something
to say, and I ask that we all give him our ears and listen with
open hearts."

"Thank you," I start as Saul
takes my hand and Victoria tilts her head at me. "And thank you for
sharing this meal with me and making me feel so...
welcomed
. I've heard plenty of stories
about your family from Saul, but they didn't do it justice. I
mean..."

What do I mean? I'm floundering for the right
words to express emotions I've locked away tight for so long. All
the things I'd wanted to say are getting mixed up as they fight to
come out first.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know
I'm still a stranger to you, but you've made me feel like family.
That's why I think I need to be honest, so you know who you're
trusting with your sister, and with your daughter."

"You don't have to," Victoria starts as she
catches on to where I'm going.

"But I do," I take her hand and kiss the
knuckles. "I can't change where I've been or what I've done,
Victoria, and your family deserves to know who I am."

With a slow nod, she kisses my hand in return
then presses it to her cheek. The warmth makes me smile. Saul's arm
draped around my shoulders gives me certainty that this is the
right path, no matter where it leads.

"Up until two days ago, I was on a two year
probation after doing two years in jail." A weight lifts off one
shoulder, but I'm not done. Tabitha gasps slightly, but holds her
tongue as Elijah continues to look at me with calm concern.

"I was in jail because I made the stupid
decision to join a gang, then that gang made the stupid decision to
steal a car. Brandon's car."

Joey's the first to speak as
Elijah's eyes narrow ever so slightly. "Brandon... Brandon
Peters
?"

"Yes," I lower my eyes, filled with shame.

Joey's in shock. It's clear everyone at the
table knows Brandon, and they probably respect him the same as I
do. "I thought you were living with him?" Joey asks, and I try to
answer, but my throat is dry.