If You Still Want Me (26 page)

Austin inhales deeply, his eyes flicking to the
rear-view again. I can see all the thoughts processing through his
head as he fills in the blanks around what he already knows. "That
why Saul almost dropped out?"

"Yeah," I reply flatly, recalling that crazy
semester we've all tried to forget. It was the same semester Ian
nearly leapt off the science building. "Their mom wrote him a
long-winded letter, calling him a liar about... you know." I still
can't say it without feeling the knives in my chest. "Moved her
sorry ass to San-An, leaving Sarah in a derelict trailer with a new
baby girl and a messed-up husband who couldn't find a job. Saul
thought it was his job to save Sarah, but she refused his help.
Even went so far as to call him a liar, too."

"God," Austin's knuckles go white again. "He
never told me that."

"She didn't mean it, but she didn't want him
giving up school, either, so she thought it'd be the push he needed
to leave her behind. It pushed him straight into a bottle of
whiskey, and he didn't come out of it for a month. He graduated,
barely, then Brandon shoved him into a treatment center."

"I-" Austin stops as Saul groans behind us. Saul
whispers something incoherent as one leg kicks out against the
seat. After a few seconds, he settles back down. It makes both us
chuckle quietly. "He's such a big kid," Austin says with a loving
smile.

"He is." Looking at Saul, sometimes I wonder if
a part of him got stuck way back in that moment right before his
childhood was stripped away from him forever; like part of his
spirit refuses to let that moment go or acknowledge that there was
a time that came after it. It makes me sad, but also a bit happy
that he can hang onto that childish innocence so strongly.

"That bastard should be in
jail," Austin mutters, and I look up to find tears threatening to
fall from his eyes. He can see it too - Saul's duality that teeters
between tainted innocence and a kindhearted, decimated soul who's
just one step away from falling back into a bottle. "You know what
happens to
fuckers like that in
jail?"

My hand grips his arm, thumb rubbing over a
tattoo. "I know. I agree, but... It's not our choice. Saul doesn't
want to go through it, or put Sarah through it. Brandon's dad
wanted to file charges, soon as he found out. It was a right mess.
Brandon wasn't supposed to tell; Saul clammed up and they didn't
speak to each other until a few months later when Brandon's dad
died."

"Heart attack, wasn't it?"

"Yeah. The tragedy brought those two boys back
together, but it took a while for the trust to rebuild. Brandon's
trustworthy, but he also has a strong belief in justice. He thought
he was doing the right thing for Saul, but it was just James all
over again..."

"James?"

Shit.
My addled brain
let that slip. "Long story." A very long, unfortunate story, that
isn't mine to tell.

I let Victoria avoid a full answer, guessing
it's not my business or maybe it's just not something she's
supposed to talk about. I assume she meant James Darcy, a club
member who goes by the name of Crow, and who also happens to be a
Johnson County deputy on the fast-track to sheriff. I know he and
Brandon have some sort of uneasy history. I'm not exactly fond of
the cocky prick, either.

A rustle behind us is followed by a loud yawn,
refocusing us away from our uneasy conversation. I'm glad Saul is
waking up, saving Victoria and I from having to keep digging into
topics that make me sick to my stomach. It's things I'm glad we can
talk about together, but those things also fill me with hate, anger
and a burning desire to visit San Antonio with a sawed-off shotgun
under my seat.

Saul's face appears between us, leaning over the
console as he blinks his eyes and tugs the headphones from his
ears. "Thought I smelled coffee. That breakfast?"

"It is," I hand him the apple juice. "Feel a bit
better?"

"Nope," he shrugs, snatches
the juice and doughnut holes without so much as a
'
thanks
' then settles back into his
seat. Popping a doughnut hole into his mouth, he takes out his
phone and glares at it. "Dangit. Stubborn girl."

"Maybe she's working the Sunday breakfast
shift?" Victoria offers.

"She could still take five damn seconds between
handin' out hotcakes ta' message me back," Saul's scowl
intensifies.

I'm trying to keep my eyes on the road, but his
attitude shift has me worried. He's forgetting his manners with me
and Victoria, slowly sinking into a dark place I don't want him to
go. I shouldn't be mad at Sarah, but part of me is. She called
Brandon knowing full well he'd call Saul.

This isn't the first time Rob's been a problem
and Sarah's used Brandon to get Saul involved. Chances are high
that Kyle also knows that Rob is back in town. Sometimes, I wish I
could understand what goes through that woman's mind.

She's a nice girl, really, but damn. I wish Saul
could live without the drama. She also knows Saul would do anything
for her, and I wonder if maybe she abuses that just a tad. Then
again, like Victoria said, we don't know her whole story.

A car horn blares behind us
before passing, startling me. "
Ai, fuck!
" Our SUV swerves a little before I can steady myself, and I
realize I've slowed down to fifteen-under.

"Stupid sumbitches," Saul grumbles with a glare
at the blue sports car as it passes then darts in front of us to
get around a tractor-trailer that's in the fast lane. The car is
filled with three people, suitcases and has a Texas A&M bumper
sticker. "Fuckin' Aggies," Saul adds.

Exhaling, I glance to Victoria. "Sorry."

Victoria's hand sets back on my arm. "Why not
pull into that rest stop up ahead so we can switch."

"You sure?"

"You need to get more sleep, sweetie," she coos,
and I melt.

God, I love this woman. "Thanks, darlin'."

Saul smacks his food behind us. "You not get no
sleep last night, cowboy?"

"A blond-headed mule kept kicking me in the
ribs."

"
Oh," he snorts.
"Sorry."

His apology is more snide than sincere, filling
me with even more worry. He's not being an asshole on purpose. It's
just a defense mechanism he has where he shuts everything off but
his anger, and then he lets that anger simmer until it finally
explodes all over something or someone.

A few miles later, I pull into
the rest stop and park, only realizing too late that I've parked
next to that damn car filled with college kids.
Shit.
"Saul-"

"Think I'll get out an' stretch a bit," Saul
says slowly, his eyes locked on the two guys standing next to the
car.

"Saul," Victoria's voice carries a warning, but
Saul's already out the door.

I exit in a hurry, coming around the front of
the car to find Saul cracking his neck and shaking out his arms.
It's the same stance he takes at the gym when he's about to lay a
punching bag out flat. Saul may look like a skinny basketball
player, but he's got a right hook on him that can knock you cold in
a heartbeat.

"Well, would'ya look at that, Mikey," one of the
young punks wearing an A&M track team hoodie says to the other,
beefier boy who looks more like he'd be tossing shot put stones
than leaping hurdles. "Could'a a swore we passed ourselves an old
grandma who couldn't see the speed limit signs."

Mikey
snorts, his chin
lifting towards me. "Nah, just some 'Spic who probably couldn't
read the signs 'cause they's in English."

"Sumbitch," Saul hauls back, but I'm already at
his front, standing in his way.

"They aren't worth it," I plant my hands on the
chest of his gray and orange U of T hoodie and give him a gentle
nudge back.

Saul refuses to back down. "Move it, amigo.
Someone needs ta' teach these Aggies some damn manners."

"Shit, he's a
Longhorn,"
Track-boy
laughs. "You
know what they say 'bout University of Texas?"

"Nothin' comes outta U.T. but steers and
queers!" Mikey hollers.

"I think we got ourselves a
couple of the later,"
Track-boy
laughs.

Saul pushes back against me. "I'm gonna break
your damn jaw then shove my cock down your throat!"

"Calm it," I whisper. "We don't need this right
now."

"C'mon,
Jos
é
, let your
friend go," Mikey urges, spurring Saul on as Victoria opens the
passenger door. "Oh, shit, a chick, and she looks like she means
business," he chuckles at the stern look on Victoria's
face.

"If she doesn't, I do." A new voice joins the
chaos as a brunette-haired girl in maroon track team sweats gets
between our two vehicles. "I swear to Christ! I leave you two
numbskulls alone for two fucking minutes, and you're startin' shit
with Longhorns?!"

Saul relaxes slightly, as
Victoria and I share a raised eyebrow before turning to the
newcomer. It's immediately clear, as the two boys turtle a bit
against their car, that this woman
owns
their asses. The girl glances to us then to Victoria's SUV
and huffs.

"Dammit, Trevor, these are the people you nearly
ran off the road because you couldn't hold your piss. They aint
exactly college kids, either, idiot. You owe them an apology."

"But Misty-"

"Not buts, mister, or I'll tell mom you need to
retake that driving course."

"Ah, hell,"
Track-boy
, er, Trevor mutters to the sky
before looking at us. "Sorry."

"
For?
" Misty pushes, one hand
on her hip. Victoria cracks a smirk. Yeah, I like this girl,
too.

"Oh,
come
on
-
"
Trevor
starts then seems to think twice. Giving in to his sister, he looks
at us. "I'm sorry I nearly drove you off the road, but man, you
were going like,
twenty
under, and
I had to piss!"

I nod, wanting to have the conflict ended. The
three of us aren't a bunch of college kids. We have words that work
better than fists. "I was distracted and slowed down without
realizing it. Sorry for that."

Misty smiles at me, giving me a long head-to-toe
glance then crosses her arms and eyes the other boy. "Don't you
have something to say, Mike?"

"I wasn't driving," he shrugs
then swallows when her eyes narrow. "Oh, crap. You
heard
...? Misty, I didn't mean... I'm not
racist!"

"No, but you're a damn ass-hat sometimes," she
counters.

"You'll never get a date now, man," Trevor
snickers.

"Asshole," Mike hisses with a punch to Trevor's
shoulder. Misty clears her throat, Mike freezes then turns back to
me. "Sorry for saying that stupid, ignorant shit. Sometimes, I got
no control over my mouth."

"That's what
she
said," Trevor laughs harder while rubbing his
shoulder.

"That doesn't even make sense," Mike
grumbles.

"Freshmen..." Misty groans with her eyes rolled
upwards as Mike's shoulders slump.

It's obvious the younger kid has a big-time
crush on his buddy's older sister. "Hey, no problem, Mike, but
thanks for the apology."

Mike's lip ticks into a half-smile as he
nods.

Misty exhales and looks to Victoria. "We
good?"

Victoria's smirk blossoms into a grin. "Very.
Have a safe trip."

"Thanks," Misty returns the smile. "You, too."
She turns back to the boys. "Okay, losers, back in the car, and
give me the damn keys, Trev."

"Yes, ma'am," Trev sighs, tossing her the keys
then getting into the back as Mike races around to claim
shotgun.

Once they reverse out of the lot and pull away,
I feel Saul slowly collapse against my hands. "Sumbitches," he
mutters, but it sounds more exhausted than angry.

"C'mon," I nod towards the bathrooms and he
follows with clumsy steps.

The boy is fighting
everything
right now. His anger. Our
affections. Those college kids. His anxiety about Sarah. One wrong
word, and I think he may snap.

When we get back to the SUV, Victoria's already
in the driver's seat and she motions for Saul and I to both get in
the back. I nod in understanding and ease onto the seat followed by
Saul. He leans on me as I wrap my arms around him, his tense
shoulders slumping.

"I'm sorry 'bout that," he sighs as we get back
on the highway. "I done acted a fool."

"You did," Victoria agrees. "We're adults, and
adults don't pick fights with college kids."

Saul's posture stiffens in my arms. "Yes,
ma'am."

"I know you're upset right
now, sweetie," her voice softens and he relaxes again.
"
You'll feel better once we get
home."

Saul huffs. "I aint got no home."

"You can share my room at Brandon's," I offer.
"Or, I'm sure Victoria..." My eyes raise up to meet her glance in
the rear-view mirror.

"We'll figure it out, sweetie. I've been
thinking about selling my flat in the city, anyway. Dallas is
getting too noisy for my tastes, or maybe I'm just getting
old."

"I'm damn near thirty," Saul grouses, digging
his bad mood in deeper as he tries to hold off any other feelings
that might make him uncomfortable. "I should have a permanent place
ta' hang my hat."

"You should," I agree, then kiss his cheek. "I
was thinking maybe we could find some land and build something for
the three of us. Maybe have Joey and Alex give us a hand with the
design?"