Ignite (Explosive) (26 page)

I know
I’m beaming from ear to ear as I take my seat next to Sierra. I’ve barely buckled in before she launches into an attack of questions, wanting to know the what, where, and how of Jace’s and my activities. Knowing she won’t leave me alone for the duration of the plane ride, I give in and give her some details, trying not to sound like a gushing teenager.

“Five times?!” she exclaims.Quieting her, I look around, embarrassed, hoping no one heard her.

I shrug. “After the first time, we couldn’t seem to keep our hands off of each other. I think we were trying to make up for so much lost time as well as getting our fill since we won’t see each other for the next few months.”

Her eyes widen at my comment. “So you’re planning on seeing each other again?”

I nod as I tell her about Jace’s new assignment. She squeals with delight when I reveal that he’s only going to be a few hours away from us in Kentucky. Throwing her arm around me, she squeezes tight.

“Lexi! That’s amazing. Incredible. I am so happy for you!” she gushes.

“Calm down, Sierra. Who knows what will even happen? We’re going to use this time apart to get to know each other again, and then we’ll figure out whatever we are when he gets back and we can spend time together.”

She rolls her eyes at me. “Oh, come on. You guys don’t need to play the getting-to-know-you game. You seemed just as tight this weekend as you were back then. Looking at you two, no one would’ve ever guessed that it’d been so long since you were together.”

“You’re probably right, but with him being thousands of miles away, it doesn’t make sense to start a relationship that way. So we’re doing it this way, and I’m really okay with that,” I tell her.

“I guess that makes sense. You and Jace. Aren’t you glad I made you come?” she laughs, clapping her hands together.

“You’re a pain in my ass sometimes, but yes, I am extremely thankful that I came along for the reunion.”

She sighs and looks at me dreamily. “I wish you could see your face. You’re practically glowing! I haven’t seen you exhibit any emotion in the longest time. I knew this trip was going to be good for you.”

Nodding in agreement, I let the conversation trail off as Ava demands her mom’s attention so that she can help her turn on a movie on her Kindle. The thought of a four-year-old having a tablet of any kind is beyond me, but I guess it’s entertainment.

Turning away, I lean my head against the interior wall of the plane. I gaze out the window as the plane takes off. I replay the events over the weekend, starting from when I first reconnected with his gorgeous blue eyes at the bar. I’m drifting off to sleep as the last of the memories play and my eyes close when the image of him sending me one last sexy smile in the airport crosses my mind.

After three
and a half long, excruciating hours of Sierra grilling me about all the finer details of the last few days and Ava chattering nonstop about her new friend Uncle Jace, I’m finally pulling up into my garage, happy yet disappointed to be back home. The way those two went on about him, you’d think he was the second coming. Which, if I have to admit it, he kind of is—just not in the religious sense.

Putting the car in park, I shut it off and lean back against my seat. Closing my eyes, I can still picture him in the airport. Tan shorts with a green Army t-shirt that clung to his muscular body in the all the right spots. His buzzed haircut and the stubble that graced his skin from a three-day shaving protest. I can see the way his eyes sparkled, the color of the ocean sky on the sunniest of days, when he called out to me and the huge grin that spread across his face as I glanced at him one last time before boarding the plane. It’s an image I don’t think I’ll ever forget—not that I want to.

Out of nowhere, a single tear falls down my cheek, and I’m not sure which emotion brought it on. I wasn’t lying when I said that I felt happier than I have in recent months, but I’m equal parts nervous and terrified. Nervous that it was all a fluke. That it was one weekend between old friends who were feeling nostalgic. Terrified of the distance that separates us. Not because it’s too much to handle, but because of what it means. My leaving Florida meant coming back to Ohio, back to my regular nine-to-five job, running regimen with Brady, and my safe, normal, regular life.

Jace leaving meant something entirely different. He was going to a war zone, where he could be injured, or worse, killed at any moment. I shudder as I recall tracing the six names he has tattooed on his back. Each and every one of them signifies a loss of love greater than any family should ever have to go through, and it’s almost more than I can bear to think of one of his comrades one day having to memorialize his name the same way.

Pushing the thought out my brain, I exit the car and grab my luggage, making my way into the house. It’s silent, as Toby has been spending the weekend with Brady and Stephen. Leaving my stuff by the garage door, I head down the dark hallway and make my way to the front porch in order to retrieve my mail. Coming back inside, I flip the light on so I can go through the various envelopes. My eyes flick over to the wall where I’m greeted by Ty’s smiling face. I feel an instant stinging in my heart, and I’m quick to look away. The tears that used to instantly well up are nonexistent, so I make my way towards the wall to explore each photo.

The first one is of us the day we met. Kara took it when we weren’t paying attention. I have a scowl on my face, but you can see the laughter in my eyes as I take in the stupid grin that made him so damn attractive. I can’t help but smile at the memory, and for once, I can think of him and see his picture without breaking down.

Continuing down the hallway, I take in the photos from holidays, our engagement party, and finally, our wedding. I stop in front of our wedding portrait and trace his face in the photo. We both looked so young but so in love. My smile is wider than I’ve ever seen it in any picture, and he’s looking down at me with such adoration.

Over the past year, I’ve had nothing but my grief to hold on to. I clung to the memory of Ty, never letting anyone else in. But after this weekend with Jace, I look at these pictures and a sense of finality washes over me. Like I’m finally admitting that Ty is gone for good, and the possibility of someone new taking ahold of my heart seeps in. It’s relieving yet heartbreaking at the same time, and I can’t help the sob that escapes me as I sink to the floor, pulling the picture off of the wall and bringing it down with me. I clutch it close to my chest as the sobs wrack through me, my chest convulsing with such force that I’m finding it hard to breath. Emotions swirl within me like an endless whirlpool with nowhere to go, causing them all to collide with each other until forced to the surface. 

I have no idea how long I spend on the floor gripping Ty’s photo close to my heart, but I’m finally able to pull myself together and catch my breath as I wipe my tear-stained cheeks. As I hear a knock on my front door, I feel my cell phone vibrate in my pocket, indicating a text has come through. Standing up, I place the picture on the wall and I pull my phone out of my pocket as I simultaneously make my way towards the door.

Jace McAllister 4:17 P.M.:
I know it’s only been a few hours, but I can’t get you off of my mind. These are going to be the longest ten weeks of my life. I hope you made it home safely.

Tears threaten to form again, but this time they’re for a different reason. He’s right. These are going to be ten terribly difficult weeks to get through. I’m wiping my eyes as I open the front door, and Brady’s immediately pulling me to him, stroking my hair.

“What’s wrong, honey? You just got home. Why the hell are you crying?” he asks me.

Shaking my head, I step out of his arms so we can both enter the house. He picks up Toby’s carrier off the porch and brings him inside. Releasing him, Toby’s quick to run to me as I take a seat on the couch. Cuddling in my lap, I stroke his soft fur as Brady joins me.

He looks at me with pitying eyes until I show him my cell phone. I want to laugh when his eyes widen at the message, and then he grins at me.

“So I take it you had a good weekend?” I nod, and he claps his hands together. “Oh, it’s story time, but first we need celebratory drinks.”

He hops up and heads towards the kitchen, so I take the time to respond to Jace.

Ten weeks…Ugh, don’t remind me. Four hours has already been long enough. I’m going into hibernation. Wake me up when you’re here. I know how good you are with wake-up calls. ;)

Grinning, I hit send just as Brady re-enters the room with a bottle of wine and two glasses. I quirk my brow up at him, seeing as it’s not even 5:00 pm yet.

“I know you, which means that I know I need to get your lips loose so you’ll spill all the juicy details. Why were you grinning like a lovesick fool when I just walked in?”

I hand over my phone again, watching his eyes widen at my message.

“You vixen! Okay, that’s it. Spill it. And even though we talked a couple of times, I want you to start from the beginning. Give me all the dirty details, and don’t you dare skip out on this wake-up call goodness.”

I take a sip of my wine as I launch into a Cliff Notes version of the past few days. He sits there, unusually silent, as I describe my drunken antics, the emotional balcony conversation, and the way we slept in the same bed for two nights without doing anything. It isn’t until I get to the dugout part that he gets excited. He wants to know every single detail, and I just wink at him, letting him know that some things are best kept between two people. Sighing, he lets me continue the story. He listens intently as I vaguely describe our first time, and I can’t help but feel like a schoolgirl as the stupidest grin comes to my face when I think about Jace being inside me for the first time in so long.

“Sweet Jesus, you’re a goner,” Brady says, interrupting my thoughts.

I ignore him as I finish telling him about the weekend, all the way down to the last thing Jace said to me in the airport.

“Alexa, I’ve never seen your face light up like this. I know you’ve been grieving less over the last few months, and you’ve become more sociable, but it’s like you’ve been rejuvenated. You’ve seemed happier lately, but this is a completely new look for you. When you smiled, which wasn’t all that often, it never quite reached your eyes. But now? I don’t think the smile has left your face since you started talking about your weekend, and it’s not just your lips. Yours eyes are sparkling. And it could just be the nice tan you got, but your skin is practically glowing. You’re different than the girl I had drinks with last week.”

My cheeks flush, knowing he’s right, and I can finally admit it to myself.

“I am happy, Brady. I didn’t know what to expect when I came home. I kind of had an episode after I looked over all of the pictures down the hallway. When I came to our wedding photo, I lost it.”

He takes my hand in his, giving me a tender smile as I continue.

“There I was, crying on the floor with the picture tucked into my chest. But the weird thing? It wasn’t the normal grieving crying. There was no guilt. Grief, maybe a little bit, but I think it was more of a release. I realize that I haven’t been living. I’ve only been existing, and I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want to be able to be happy. I want to be able to love. And I think I finally, deep down in my soul, know that Ty would want that for me, too.”

“Hallelujah! How many times have I told you that?” Brady asks.

I give him a small smile, knowing that he’s been beating that dead horse for a while now. “I know you’ve said it to be before, but I never believed you. I think it was something I needed to figure out on my own. And this weekend showed me that I could be happy, I could feel something for someone else without having a cloud of doubt and guilt hang over me.”

Brady leans in and wraps his arms around me. I return the hug, glad that I have him in my life.

“Oh, sweetheart, you deserve the best, and I’m glad you finally realize that.”

Tears begin to fall again and he’s quick to wipe them away. “No more tears tonight. Now come on, I know you have more to tell, so get to talking.”

I laugh as I continue to give him small details about the weekend, keeping the most intimate ones to myself.

Sitting in
the terminal in Germany, I hear my name being called. I turn around to see Knox walking towards me. I get up and we do the whole side-hug, backslap thing. He took his R&R when I did, but I didn’t think we’d be heading back on the same plane.

“How was your trip back home, man?” I ask him, knowing he planned to go back to Tennessee where he was born and raised.

He sighs, running his fingers through hair that is borderline against regulations. That’s Knox, though. He’s the rebel of the group. At six foot two, Knox is a pretty muscular guy. His thick blond hair has gotten him in trouble more than once, but on a deployment it’s easier to get away with, and Knox Wellington will do whatever he can to push the limits. I know he’ll shave it as soon as we get back, but not a moment sooner.

“
It was the same as every other trip. My parents barely spoke two words to me, so I ended up staying with either my brother or an old hook-up for most of the weekend.”

I look at him questioningly before asking, “Oh, getting back with an old flame?”

He looks at me in horror as if that’d be the worst thing in the world. “Hell no, man. Just a good old-fashioned American hook-up. After all, I was getting ready to return to war.”

I crack up, not surprised as Knox was even less interested in a relationship than I was. Well, before this weekend anyway.

“Please tell me you did not use that line to get laid.”

He grins and I know that he did just that. He’s been using that line for the past ten years, and it will never cease to amaze me at how many times it’s actually worked for him.

“Actually, I didn’t have to. She was more than ready to do her civic duty,” he says, holding up his hand for a fist bump. Not wanting to leave the guy hanging, I connect with his fist, although I shake my head at his comment.

“How about you, Mac?” he asks, using the name that was given to me in Boot Camp and just stuck. “How was the reunion? Score with any old classmates?” I shake my head, and he looks at me with utter disappointment. “Dude, you’ve been in the desert for months and you didn’t get laid when you had the chance?”

“I may have spent some time with someone I care about, but like hell if you’re getting the details,” I grin, knowing I sound like a pussy.

He looks at me, confused. “You were there for three days. How in the hell could you care about someone?”

Before I can say anything, his eyes narrow as the light bulb clicks on in his head. “Dude, you didn’t. Not her.”

I nod, knowing he’s going to give me shit about it, but I don’t care.

“Dammit, Jace, I had to carry your drunk ass out of a bar in downtown Germany because you were heartbroken over that girl. I thought you were over it. Why? Why the fuck would you let her back in again? She’s going to ruin you. That’s what they all do.”

I shake my head, because he has no idea about the complexity of our relationship. I wonder what’s made him so jaded when it comes to women and relationships, but Knox is not one to talk about his past.

“You don’t understand, and I can’t possibly explain it. There were things that both of us were unaware of, and honestly, it was all a huge misunderstanding.”