Igniting the Wild Sparks (68 page)

Not wanting
to feed into the rumor mill, I say, “She’s just not feeling well. Can I talk to Val?”

She laughs. “No such luck, either. She’s in a meeting and then she has court later.”

I sigh and lean against my car. “Will you tell Val to give me a call or email me, please?”

“Sure
, coach!” I hang up and jump in my car, speeding home before Simone gets back. She had to run to the college campus for some shit about the dorm. She was going with friends, so I took a chance she’d be gone awhile. If she sees I’m gone, she’ll call Ricky and he’ll put an APB out on my ass. I wouldn’t put it past him to do that, either.

As soon as I get
home, I sit down on the couch and try calling the one person I should  have after talking to Morgan. Rod. My calls keep going to voicemail, which worries me, so I try texting him and impatiently wait for a response. I hope he’s not ignoring me. He said he’d help me get Becks back. He has to convince her.

Fuck. What am I going to do without her? I don’t want to live, knowing she can’t forgive me.
Becks, I love you. I hope you can still love me.

My phone vibrates and I hurriedly look at the screen.

Where’s Hadley?

-----------------------------------------------

Wouldn’t you like to know?

-----------------------------------------------

What’s he doing? I’m fucking serious and he’s pulling this shit? I text back and the reply is quick.

-----------------------------------------------

Stop fucking with me! Is it TRUE?

-----------------------------------------------

Let her be happy. She can’t trust you.

You said you’d let her move on. She

has
. Now, leave us all alone.

---------------------------------------------
--

DID HADLEY MARRY SHANE?!

-----------------------------------------------

I fear the one answer that will conclusively fuck up my life forever. Getting up from the couch, I anxiously pace the floor, awaiting my fate. No. This can’t be true. Becks wouldn’t have married Shane. She didn’t even like him. She said she only wanted to marry me.

So why didn’t I? That’s the billion dollar question. Why in the fuck didn’t I marry my Becks?

Before I get an actual text, answering my question, I receive pictures from Rodwell. Pictures of Shane and Becks. He’s holding her in his arms and they’re dressed up. More come with them hugging, smiling, him holding her hand as she looks up at him, and then one with him kissing her. What? I frantically scroll through them, and then I get a response:

------------------------------------------

Yes. LET HER GO.

------------------------------------------

In a flash, I’m on the floor for the third time today, but this time, the life has been knocked out of me. My Becks is gone and I single-handedly gave her away. I may as well had wrapped her in a fucking bow for Shane and hand-delivered her to him.

I claw at the carpet, yowling for her
. I’m on all fours begging God to strike me dead this second, yet I deserve the punishment of living this Hell on Earth for what I did to Becks. I had prayed ceaselessly that she’d forgive me, but I can’t forgive myself. How will God ever forgive me? I cut Becks open, tore out her beating heart and crushed it as she watched from a front row seat. Repeatedly.

Sitting up, I
lean back against the coffee table, trying to catch my breath, but I’m suffocating. My chest is caving in on me along with my life. This is the place on the floor where we almost made love Easter night, until I opened my fucking mouth about birth control pills.

Kill me. Somebody please end my life. It’s not worth living anymore.

Not even noticing the front door opening, Simone is on her knees next to me.

“Finn, what?”
she agitatedly begs. I can’t answer her. I can only cower and pant for air as I cry. She shouts, “My, God! What happened? Did you go see Hadley when I was gone?”

I’m inconsolable. She grabs my shoulders and shakes me. “Finn!” My phone buzzes with more messages. Simone picks it up and her eyes go wide. She then looks at me and I
howl, “Becks!”

I just can’t.

Early Friday morning, I’m up. I didn’t sleep the night before, so I’ve been awake. Ricky and Simone stayed up with me most of the night, but he was tired from working all day and was the first to crash. He and Simone managed to get out of me the gist of what happened, but I wouldn’t talk beyond that.

As soon as it’s possible, I make phone calls. After confirming and negotiating, I get in my car and go to work early. Way early.
Stopping outside Hank’s office, I take a deep breath.

Closing the door, I say,
“Today’s my last day.”

Not expecting that, Hank booms, “What?”

“I have to quit. I’m sorry to do this at the last minute, but I can’t stay. I have to get out of here. Now.”

“You can’t just leave us in the lurch!”

“I wish I didn’t have to, but...” I clear my throat and swallow to get rid of the tightness. “It’s too painful being here.”

“Finn, you’ll get through this. You have a lot of people supporting you.”

I glance around the room, shaking my head. “Thanks, but I can’t.”

“Where are you going?”

“Our affiliate in Baltimore.”

“You’re just going to leave us with your show?”

“Give it to Drake or Tony.”

“People love
you
!” Not all people.

I
wind my arms over my chest and morosely state, “They love them, too.”

“They don’t have the fan following you do!”

“It’ll take some time. People won’t even remember me after a while.” Apparently, I’m already forgotten by some.

“Don’t do this! Take some time off and get your head together!”

“No. I’ve made up my mind. I’m really sorry for doing this to you.” I apologetically frown, feeling bad I’m fucking up his news team and giving him a major headache.

He sits back and sighs, while I again look away from his scrutiny.
“Did you get your own segment up there, too?”

I nod at the wall before wearily glancing at him.
“Yeah.”

His expression turns to concern. “You and Hadley aren’t going to work things out?”

I feel the fucking tears kicking off as I say, “No. She got married. I can’t be in Richmond.” I grit my teeth and look at a poster on his wall to fight another fucking breakdown.

“Married? Who? She was with
you
for so long!”

I shake my head, but answer, “Yeah, I can’t talk about this anymore.”

Hank nods, probably not wishing for a repeat performance of my crying like a girl. “I’m so sorry about that.” He tries a last-ditch attempt to keep me. “We’re your family here, Finn! We’ll help you in any way we can!”
Yeah, I went that damn route
. “I wish you would stay! We’ll give you your own office and a better parking space!”

“Thanks, but no.”

“A raise? I’ll check the numbers. I’ll see what we can do.”

I
again shake my head. “No. That’s not the reason I’m leaving. Anyway, I have to go up there to look at an apartment tonight. I start Wednesday, so I have to get going.”

I
need to move on, too.

If I can.

“Aren’t you taking any furniture?” Simone asks, Sunday afternoon as I finish packing the last boxes.

“Nope. Furnished apartment. You can have most of my shit anyway.”

“Can Ricky fit most of it in his truck?”

“
Uh-huh.”

She hesitates before quietly asking,
“Are you sure you have to go?”

“Ye
p.” I shove the rest of my bathroom into a box and reach for the roll of tape.

“You may never even run into her here!”

I give her a sharp look and warn, “Don’t, Simone.”

“
You’re giving up? You can’t just run away!”

I slam the roll down.
“Damn it, I’m not! I’m starting over! Just like she did!”

She
flings her hands up. “How will you move on? You’ll always love Hadley!”

I tape the box and
coldly say, “I don’t feel anything anymore.” I don’t
want
to feel anything anymore.

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Finnigan!”
Swiftly looking up, I glare at her before I toss the box by the front door. She’s getting on my fucking nerves.

I gruffly stride past her and she shouts after me,
“So, you’re just letting her go?” I try to ignore her as I walk down the hall to my bedroom. I can’t even look at the bed, so I get my packing done in there in no time. Regrettably, my sister followed me.

“Finn!”

I turn around and snap, “I kind of have to! Now, leave me the fuck alone!”

“Do you honestly think she’s happy, not even two weeks after you cheated on her?” I go to my closet and she’s clings to me like cheap perfume. “Make her understand it was a mistake and that you’ll make it up to her for the rest of your
damn life! Get down on your knee and
beg
her to marry you!”

I throw clothes into a box and walk over to my dresser to dig out more. “
I did that! She’s fucking married now, Simone! It’s too late!”

She’s in my face,
halting my packing progress. She’s unstoppable. “So what
,
Finnigan! She was yours first and always will be. This sudden marriage can’t be as profound as what she had with you
not
married!”

Shoving
her hands out of the way, I slam the drawer shut and bark, “She didn’t want me anymore! She already gave me chances and I royally fucked them up! So, you don’t know shit!”

“
Hadley loves
you
!”

“
Loved
. Past tense. I lost her! She’s gone!” I shout back, recoiling from my own words.

She’s really gone.

“So, you’re just going to sit back and not doing anything for your Becks?”

Scooping a hand through my hair, I glance at her and cantankerously ask, “Sit back?”  I
step closer to her and seethe, “She ran off and got
married
!”

“
Go see her and straighten it out!”

“And say what, Sims? ‘Could you get a divorce so you can marry me instead?’ That’s a tad hypocritical of me, don’t you think?”

“You’re worried about
that
now?”

“Didn’t I say to leave me the fuck alone?”

“Hell, if I will! You think I’m here for my health? I’m here to knock some fucking sense into that concrete skull of yours!”